Should I join now or wait?
 

Hiii, I am a Freshman at U. Memphis. My parents didn't want me to attend here as their alma mater is U. Tenn but I am not ready to go hours away because we live in Collierville. I'm the only daughter so I understand why my mom wants me to wait and join her sorority but I don't see it being easy or useful Junior year. I might transfer after Freshman year but I am just not sure about living away from home! U. Tenn definitely has larger chapters but I know I will be bored at U. Memphis not joining anything. I would love to be part of my moms but most of my friends join ADPi so I would love to be their sister also. I could affiliate at U. Tenn also when I transfer and still be a part of a sorority! There is really pros and cons on both sides so I am torn. If anyone has gone through this and can share their stories please do! So ladies, my question is should I join now with my friends or hold out for my mom?

QFP
How about you try recruitment and see for yourself where you fit in? Stop trying to fit the mold of your Mom or your friend's organizations. You might like in one of their oganizations, you may not and find a home somewhere else.

Same with the college, if you like it at Memphis stay there. Don't go somewhere or do something JUST because your parents told you too (they are great for advice tho, and what they think should be kept in mind) but ultimately its your decision.

Sorry if i came across as snappy/harsh in my post. thats def. not what i wanted to convey.

I didn't read it as the OP saying she is an ADPi legacy, just that it's what most of her friends joined. Does your mom's sorority have a chapter at Memphis? Why are you going to Memphis if you are planning on transferring?

This is a tough one. I don't know what I would do. Recruitment as a sophomore is going to be tough at Tennessee. However, there's no guarantee that you'll be able to transfer and join the chapter at Tennessee if you join one of the chapters at Memphis that also has a chapter at Tennessee, and no guarantee that you'll like the chapter at Tennessee.

Bottom line, you have nothing to lose by going through recruitment at Memphis and then making your decisions from there.

I would edit my signature if I were you. Looks a little presumptuous.

remmie, only you will be able to determine that. your best bet would be to go thru rush at the university of memphis, learn about the sororities there, meet the members in each chapter and see if you feel a connection with any of them.

as far as transferring to a different school, you may really like memphis and decide not to transfer. if you wait to rush, you will have lost a year of sisterhood. on the other hand, should you join a chapter at memphis and then transfer to tennessee, you may not like the tennessee chapter and decide not to affiliate, they might not think you fit in with them or you may fall in love with a group at memphis that is not at tennessee. all sorts of things can happen.

even though you have friends in a chapter at memphis, you may not click with the other members, and you may not be offered a bid. even though you are a legacy, you may not receive a bid to your mom's sorority, should you wait to rush at tennessee. it's a lot to think about.

just be prepared with recs. and references to all the chapters at u of memphis, give them all a chance and see what happens. good luck!

Some things to think about.
 

Will you be living on campus or will you be commuting from home? I was in a similar situation when I went to college. I thought I was going to transfer after my Freshman year. Guess what, I went through recruitment joined a sorority and had so much fun I never looked back. One of the great things about going away to school far from home is that you don't have friends influencing your decisions. It would be so much fun to be a part of a group of girls that you already know, but think how much fun it would be to be a part of a group that knows nothing about you and you know nothing about them? It would be a whole new chapter in your Book of Life. My advice to you would be to go through recruitment to see if there is a match. I understand that your Mom would love for you to be a sister, but there is no guarantee that you'll even like her group or that they will like you. On top of that if recruitment is competitive at U of T it might be very difficult to navigate the recruitment waters as an upper class man. Good luck to you.

And hold back on some of the personal information. By naming her hometown, I'm betting it wouldn't be too hard for anyone at U Memphi to figure out who she is -- no need to tell the chapters there you might transfer.

Am I missing something? Those are song lyrics aren't they?

The <> <> <> pattern looks an awful lot like ADPi's symbol.

I had this issue too. I went to a school planning on staying there all four years and then ended up not liking it and transferring back to the university near home. Anyway, I went through recuritment at the first school and didn't really feel like I fit in at the chapters there (there weren't many to choose from) and already had feelings about possibly transferring, so I decided to drop out of recruitment. The next year, I transferred to a bigger school with a very competitive rush (with a ton more houses to choose from) and LOVED recuritment. I could see myself fitting in in several houses, and ended up accepting a bid at the end of the week. My suggestion would be to go through rush and see if you feel connected/like you could fit in at any of the houses at memphis. Put it this way, there are going to be girls you can be friends with in ANY house, so if you really love a chapter at memphis and they offer a bid, why not take it. Don't worry about what your mom is or what your friends are...YOU'RE the one rushing and potentially pledging a sorority in which you will be a member for life, so do this for yourself and do what will make you happy. Go through and see how you feel about it, if its not right and you end up transferring...try it again. :)

I don't think it has anything to do with that, as she started it ><><>< It just looks like a bunch of cross-stitches to me.

If you wait to rush till you're a junior at UT, you will most likely be screwed. It was a lot different back in your mom's day and that's why she is giving you the horribly bad advice to wait.

I agree with everyone who said go through rush at UM and see how things work out. It sounds to me like you're being pushed into transferring to UT by your parents. We have this up here too - kids are going to schools they like are pushed by their parents to transfer to Penn State for their last two years so they can have that Penn State degree and alumni networking. Never mind the kids are enjoying themselves where they are, get to Penn State which is ginormous and everyone's already made friends, and are miserable.

Actually that's what I thought too but I was explaining why someone said she might want to change her siggy. On the grand scheme of GC things a design in one's signature is pretty low on the perp totem pole.

I agree with 33girl about the rushing as a junior...transferring as a sophomore you might get a bid, but it's still harder than going as a freshman thats for sure (unless UT has an upperclassmen quota in place or the sororities don't care about class year)

33girl, I don't think my mom's advise is bad she is just wanting her only daughter to be like her. I honestly think joining is easier now because so many girls go to college and even in the late 70s women wanting to show what they could do. I know recommendation letters are still a must at Tennessee but girls try to focus on each other more than what my mom had to go through especially with the WWII widow house mother. I am sure about a quota for upperclass women just a usual quota of around 50.

Wow, I just wrote a response to each of you and somehow it didn't post. To all it is a song and I didn't realise it resembled a marquise cut. My mother's sorority is 1 of 4 not at U. Mem's campus and similar to your friends my parents would prefer the U. Tenn degree for job oppertunites and such. BeeBee23, I love you and your outlook on everything! I personally want to be an ADPi but I do get my mom wanting her only daughter to be like her. I can't remember the rest of what I wrote but thank you all!

What? No, no, no, I don't mean about joining a sorority or going to UT, but about waiting until your junior year. This is bad advice, I don't care if it's coming out of your mom's mouth. Joining is harder now (at least for an upperclassman) BECAUSE so many girls go to college. I don't understand your last sentence at all or what the house mother has to do with anything.

I know letters from alumna women are still a must and if I went to U. Tenn right now I would have ever I dotted and T crossed but joining now with so many girls means focusing on the girls more and not how well you are pre-connected to that sorority. When my mom went through it was few and far between with girls that had parents that would pay for extra curricular activities or girls that would work and balance school so it was more of a tradition that relied on the letters and how many girls you are related to that were part of it. (Don't get me wrong it is still very traditional but I think things are changing). You should hear my mom's stories, they would have a bunch of widows live in the houses so they had something to do. No staying out past 10 and rarely wearing jeans and the list goes on and on about fashion assessories the 1940's woman wore.

And your post relates to what I said how??? Other than basically reaffirming the fact that recs don't guarantee you a bid at all?

Sorry, but your mom wanting you to be like her =/= good advice. Good advice is advice that puts you and what you want out of your college experience first, even if it isn't what your mom would have chosen.

Like others have said, recruitment/ sorority life is very different from when our mothers were in college. I am not sure that I agree with you about it being easier to join now. I think that how easy it is to get a bid somewhere is very campus specific. Some places it is still very difficult to get a bid. Also, you and your mother need to keep in mind that your legacy status is not a golden ticket into her chapter. Legacies get cut every year at SEC schools, and unless there is a separate upperclassmen quota, you will be at a disadvantage unless you have some major connections in-house. I would go through at Memphis while you are a freshman. If you don't find what you are looking for, then wait for UT, but I wouldn't pass up what could be a good thing at Memphis for a long shot at UT. Good luck.

I left out recs aren't required according to the pamplet sent in the mail but I have a few. I don't know how many girls take it seriously and turn them in.

are you girls sisters? im confused...haha

anyway, if your mom had not been in a sorority what would you do?

BeeBee23, lol now I am confused. I have brothers but as far as I know I am the only daughter. If my mom hadn't been in one this would be any easy choice. I would fully plan on going to ADPi to be with friends my age and some older. There isn't much to do in school besides go to class and I was very involved in highschool so I don't want that to end.

Question for VioletPretty, have you heard anything about Sigma Kappa here? I know several girls and just want to hear what you think the difference between this chapter and yours might be and do you consider yourself northern, southern, or midatlantic?

hahah sorry, I think I looked at the wrong post and thought you had a different username.

well, getting into ADPi is not a guarantee. So, you could always go through recruitment and see what happens. Did you say if your mom's GLO had a chapter at Memphis? Again, they could cut you and then the choice is not yours. Plus, if you're considering transferring, do you feel like you could potentially fit in at ADPi at UTenn or any other chapter for that matter. (btw, I don't recommend pledging a sorority just because you like the chapter at UTenn...)

This would be an example of things you would be better served not to ask. Go through recruitment if you want to get to know the girls.

True life: ADPi could cut you.

Then what?

My advice, do what YOU want...rush, don't rush, whatever but don't choose your potential sorority experience/college because of your parents and friends.

Why am I getting a volleyball vibe?

I just wanted to know because it isn't like Maryland is part of a different planet but people act like their is a big difference between states. Atleast in Tennessee the general impressions of a group is equal all over. I don't think it is easy anywhere you go especially if you have fewer chapters. They won't care if you have a 4.0 if they don't like you! I just think things are easier than when my mom went through it, less restrictions. Sydney, your name reminds me of a show, anyways, anyone can not get in but from what I read on here EVERYONE has a preference starting out and why would I not consider going where most of my friends go? Did atleast one person on this site get into the sorority they wanted? You just make it so negative sounding like every girl is below the sorority and she is lucky to be invited to it. Can I ask how open to every group you were and not just the least bit partial to one?

It rambles like a volleyball.

It's from Alias.

Also, don't get on here asking about chapter reputations. The response will NEVER be pretty.

And of course everyone has their idea of what they want going through but we just want you to know that having that kind of "I can get whatever chapter I want" attitude is more than likely to bite you in the ass.

Remmie- I was probably like most 18 year old girls when I went through recruitment. I knew no one who was in a sorority except for a cousin and none of my close friends from HS were going through "rush" at the time. I listened to tent talk and looked at the houses and decided I wanted to be an Alpha Phi (based on glowing tent talk and in my opinion they had prettiest house on the row.) *sigh* to be young and dumb:) They dropped me going into round 3. The weird thing was I was the type of kid that went oh well and moved on. In the end I preffed 2 Chapters Chi Omega and Alpha Chi Omega. I liked both groups equally well and my rush buddy was putting Chi O first and I chose Alpha Chi Omega because they had a sorority house that the Chapter lived in and Chi O had a house that housed just 8 women at time. In the beginning I was very partial to a group that dropped me- then I think I had a pretty open mind about what happened next. In the end, I did get in the sorority I wanted.

I think why you hear the words of caution so much is that a lot of girls go through recruitment only wanting to be an x, y or z. They can not see themselves fitting in any other group. With the number of women going through recruitment and the way the RF's work it is not like it used to be to get a bid. The drops are so significant after the first round that the first round of recruitment really becomes a first impression game- just my opinion.

To answer your question about why you wouldn't want to consider where your friends are? I'm not sure that is what folks are saying. I just think they are saying to look at other groups too. Have a well rounded recruitment experience. I don't think people are saying that a PNM is lucky to be invited to join. In my opinion, a lot of PNM's go through recruitment with an attitude of entitlement. I'm not sure if it is a generational thing, but when the PNM's don't get what they want they quit recruitment. They wont give the groups a chance that do invite them back because "they think the group is below them". They then post on here their boo hoo stories. The PNM's that I really feel for are the ones who totally participate and maximize their parties and then don't get placed in a group OR get dropped from every group and it is not for a bad reputation or grades. If you read this forum you'll find many of these stories and that my friend is the business of recruitment that I really hate.

Good luck to you. Let us know how it all works out.

I got my first choice sorority and had preference invitiations to 4 others.

And yeah, it's normal to be partial to this or that group, but in a competitive rush (which Tennessee is and I don't think Memphis is any picnic either) it behooves you to keep it quiet. If you run around yelling OMG ADPI!!! it just gives other groups, who need to cut a certain number of women, a reason to cut you. And then what happens if you haven't made a sufficient impression on ADPi for them to keep you? You're screwed, that's what.

As for the Sigma Kappa chapter...I heard





























that their colors are maroon and lavender.

This happens so much!!! Remmie, the posters on here know what they're talking about. You may have heard one thing or another from your mom or friends about recruitment but this is like the EXPERT site for recruitment advice...listen to it!

uh huh, me too; now I have something to read/watch while waiting at the doctor's office this morning... (but don't have popcorn or a soda, not allowed in this setting).

Remmie, you should read my recruitment story. I went through rush as a sophomore at an SEC school...I knew well from the start that I may have heavy cuts. I went into recruitment especially interested in 2 sororities (but open to others) because those were the only 2 I knew people in. Needless to say, one cut me after round 1 and the other cut me after round 2. Thank God because I wouldn't have fit into either as well as I do my chapter now. So just because youre interested in ADPi...doesnt actually mean it will be the best fit for you, or that you won't get cut. Or, it could be the best fit for you and end up with a bid...it all just depends.

I wasn't asking for reputations, I would know more about them than you would. I do live here and can easily check out a members facebook to see what the girls do and ask anyone I know about their opinion of the girls. I just was wondering what a girl in Maryland might think is different between people there and here. I took some of your comments as negative but I know you don't know me or any of the girls around here so you have no basis to see if I fit the image or anything. You are just saying to be cautious about expectations. I am have some tact, I do live in Tennessee after all, so I know not to go around saying I loved the ADPi theme at the KAT events. I am confident in myself and that I can find a connection to a great group of sisters. Thanks again!

Because we all are. And she's doing that slightly creepy stalkery thing that's not quite blatant but is more than a normal PMM would
Go through recruitment and find out. It doesn't matter what someone from another area thinks of a chapter in your area any more than it matters what you think of hers chapter.

Also you may is have some tact but you do not has grammar.