Picky dinner guests (kids)
 

When we invite my sister's family over to eat, there's always a battle of some sort. Two of my sisters kids (8 & 10) are very picky eaters.

Whether it's a five-course Turkey dinner, or a cookout with burgers, dogs and chicken, they will ask me for chicken nuggets. And the nuggets have to be the ones that are shaped like dinosaurs. If not, they throw them away.

I always have a variety of dishes to suit everyone. I even ask what each person will want before they show up, to make sure that we cook enough of each type of food. My food is not overly flavored, though I have a variety of dressings and spices should someone want bbq or teryaki on their chicken, or mesquite on their steak. Basically, everyone (else) enjoys my food.

If the kids does choose hot dogs, they say "yuck" when it goes on their plate, because they will only eat dogs from the ballpark, and won't eat hot dogs with "lines on them" (from the grill). Same with burgers. Once on their plate, they announce that they will only eat McDonalds burgers. And whatever they do put on their plate, 75% goes in the trash, claiming that they are stuffed but ready to move onto dessert. So even if I do get those dinosaur nuggets, out of the 8 bucks for the pack of 25, maybe 6 pieces re eaten.

I used to indulge them when they were younger, but it's at the point where I think the kids should eat what I cook.

My sister regularly makes remarks like "we'll get McD's on the way home, kids, or will say "we should have stopped on the way so that the kids will have something they will eat. Mind you, the six year old will eat anything put in front of her - steak, chicken, salad, broccoli, fruit, vegetables.

Other friends of mine with picky nieces and nephews refuse to indulge and make 5 different meals. What do you all think? Yes, the two older kids pull this at home as well. When I was growing up, you ate what was put on your plate.

Any ideas on how to handle this? I don't want to be inhospitable, but it makes for some drama, and I hate having drama. And lastly, I always have a lot of leftovers that we end up not being able to eat.

I blame your sister. The kids sound spoiled beyond their preference for food.

I'm a picky eater and my family and friends cook to accomodate picky eaters and people with food allergies. However, there's an understanding that if you're too picky you need to take your ass to a restaurant or cook it yourself/purchase the food that they cook for you. And I'm not an ungrateful GUEST who would complain or say "ewww" over something that someone cooked.

Yeah it sounds like the mother is the main root of the problem since she excuses the behavior. If you and her both gave them a choice of eating what is served or nothing they would.

Ages 8 and 10? That's a little old to be THAT damn picky.

"When I was growing up, you ate what was put on your plate. "

^^^^THIS!!!

You know what in my mom and grandmom's house, there was no being picky...it was eat it and don't argue.

If you did,there was a pop to the mouth or worse.

I don't have that problem with my nephews and niece.

My house is the same way.

Want to avoid drama, they need to stay home or bring their food. Otherwise go back that that statement above.

I got money that says that's not the only issue dear sister has with her kids.

Yes and yes. Obviously your sister knows how picky they are. If they can only eat dinosaur chicken nuggets (Seriously? At ages 8 and 10!?!?!?! :eek: I mean, ok, if it's a 4 or 5 year old, but come on!), she should bring the damn nuggets or buy them something they will eat. It would be different if they had food allergies or your sister's family is vegetarian (always easy to have options/adapt meals to be friendly to both), but she is excusing their behavior. It is not your job to cater to ridiculous whims.

Though, if they do like hot dogs but don't like "lines", would they eat them if they were boiled or microwaved? That way you don't have to buy anything extra and it's not much extra work.

This to me is the real issue. Yes, kids that age (and older) can be picky eaters, and sometimes that pickiness can be exasperating. I know it first hand. And I think you have done what any thoughtful host or hostess does -- trying to know their preferences beforehand and have something they'll like.

The problem is not that they're picky eaters; it's that they're rude and your sister is letting them be rude.

If they don't like it, they can not eat and be hungry. If sister is so inclined, she can provide for them to eat something else before or after. But she should never allow a "yuck," an "I'm not eating this" or "I only eat McDonalds' burgers." Not acceptable.

I know younger kids sometimes have a instinctive need to say "yuck." I worked out a signal with mine. If they really needed to let me know how yucky they thought the food at someone else's house was, they could scratch an ear. I'd know what they meant. But under no cirumstances could they verbalize that feeling or indicate it with facial expressions.

Fixed that for you.:p

I accomodate for allergies and vegetarians and that is it. I also make sure I have whole milk in the house too, so that parents don't need to bring beverages with them. I have one brother who likes to serve his son particular foods, so he brings that with him and serves it at dinner, but that child is 2.

I think you have gone way above and beyond. Don't feel guilty about just serving what you planned. Unless their Mom is going to pay the $8 for the nuggets, I would stop and not feel guilty at all-but that's just me.

You really shouldn't let her attempts at guilt-tripping get to you.

You win. LOL.

Co-Sign all of the above.

I was a picky eater as a kid, and I promise that it was not an issue of just wanting my way. To this day there are a wide range of food items that I just find unpleasant despite the fact that I truly do continue to "try them" for the sake of making life easier. However, I was taught very young to never be rude to my hosts and my parents would either feed me prior to an event, bring along snacks, or just tell me to eat what I could.

The issue is that your sister has not trained her old-enough-to-know better children how to be polite in a setting where there may be food that they don't enjoy. Also, at this age, needing chicken nuggets in a certain shape or hot dogs without lines does NOT constitute pickiness... it constitutes brattiness. There is a huge difference.

Do the parents allow the children to eat dessert after that type of behavior and so little intake of the actual meal? Yikes.

Anyway, you are by no means obliged to indulge these children anymore. A pre-schooler is one thing, but these are more than old enough now.

ree-Xi, do you think that your sister allows her children to be rude to you simply because you're family? I know several people who think there's an obvious divide between what's appropriate for family and what's appropriate for non-family; unfortunately, the divide results in the family always getting dumped on. Personally, I think it's sad to treat non-family better than family, but hey, it seems to work for some people. I suspect your sister is one of those people. If I were in your shoes, I'd have a heart-to-heart with Sissy.

I sporfled.

Wait...how come you can throw that around all willy nilly, but no one else can? I thought that could only be used when y'all get 234 carat diamonds???

That makes me feel some kinda way...

My first win/best post ever/WAL on GC!

LOL

I can't keep up with all these rules.

I may be a Loser at Chat :o

Thank you, everyone. My sister does let them have the dessert if the kids don't eat the "real" food. She does also cater to their pickiness at home. My hubby and I often wonder what those kids eat when they are at non-family homes, which they do often, as they are in the "we have six parties every weekend" type. I love them, but it makes me feel like crap when I lay a spread out and even if the kids had chosen what they wanted prior, more than half of it gets throw away.

As for having a heart-to-heart, it doesn't matter. She gives me the speech that her children are "take it or leave it", and that when she entertains, she always makes sure that everyone's preferences are taken into consideration.

Thanks again. At least I am not crazy; I really thought I was being insensitive thinking this way. They might be coming over this weekend...I'll let you know what happens if they do!!

Having lived through three stair step kids like your sister has, your drama over this is probably miniscule over at her house. Plus, the kids probably think of Aunt Ree just like mom or they probably wouldn't act like they do over at your house.

Unless its a holiday or something, as the aunt that the kids love to want to go to her house for fun, dinasaur nuggets, and dessert, I don't see where you have much of a problem here. Or, get with your sister and buy a bunch of McDs burgers or happy meals for the next dinner and suprise them.

Plus, just so you know, if they want to be little league kids, they know to only eat ballpark hotdogs. :)

And we wonder why so many kids feel entitled these days? Who's in charge, the parents or the kids?

I make one meal for the entire family. Our kids have to try a few bites. If they don't like it, fine, but they don't get a special dinner in lieu of what I make. I expect the same of them when we go to visit family or friends for meals.

I'll tell you what I hope happens. I hope that as soon as one of them says "yuck" or otherwise complains, you'll smile and say "I'm sorry you don't like it, especially since it's what you asked for, but we don't complain about the food in this house. I'm sure your mom and dad have taught you better manners than that."

:D

I hear you, but the OP has already voiced her frustration on them only eating a few bites. That may work for you, but a lot of families want their kids to eat what is put on the plate.

As to little league and entitlement to play, moms just have to learn the hard way.

If it were me, I'd stop inviting my sister and the kids over.

But I'm a heartless bitch.

It's hardly an unreasonable goal to want them to eat what is put on their plate while learning to eat all kinds of food, specifically what the rest of the family is eating.

Believe me, having a kid with Asperger's I understand where you're coming from. There are some foods (many actually, including hot dogs with lines) that he's picky about because the textures and tastes are just plain off-putting to him. But I don't think we do him any favors by not serving him what we're having. We try to make sure there's always something that he'll like on the plate, but otherwise as a general rule, "this is what we're having tonight. Make the best of it without complaining." If he leaves too much food on his plate, well, that hungry feeling he has later will teach him to eat what's put in front of him.

And I still say there is no excuse for these kid's rudeness, which is the major problem. Mom and dad are doing them no favors letting them get away with that.

Fixed it for you. :D

Rules of eating at my house are simple.

1. This is what we are having.

1a. If you don't like it don't come.

2. If you are not here on time when food is served and it's gone when you get here...so sad too bad.

I really thought I posted in this thread. Was there another like it recently? Maybe I forgot to hit the Post Quick Reply button or something.

My mom used to force feed us stuff we hated. We would have to eat as many bites as we were old. I learned to cut liver into the tiniest bites possible. I had to eat 10 lima beans when I was 10 years old. I gagged on them and it was awful. Therefore, I swore I would never do that to my kids. While I didn't make a whole separate meal, I would do things like.. if I knew one didn't like the main course but loves mac n cheese, I would have mac n cheese as a side with that meal.

That said, my son was a very very picky eater. I honestly thought he was a lazy eater because he only wanted things with loose ground beef (like tacos, sloppy joes, spaghetti sauce) or processed chicken nuggets. He wouldn't eat steak, roast beef, real chicken, turkey, pork chops, pork roast, anything with melted mozzarella, etc. He would always tell me that it choked him. I told him "You have to CHEW it". He loved meatloaf (but would mash it into tiny bits) and soft stuff, like spaghetti. The only sandwiches he would eat was peanut butter and jelly (and my daughter has a peanut allergy so that was a real chore to make without getting peanut stuff on anything else!).

Fast forward to age 10. The dentist referred both kids to orthodontics. At the initial eval, the orthodontist is showing me my son's x-rays and bite pictures. She points out that his teeth don't touch and says "I don't know how he chews to eat". Lightbulb goes on.. he CAN'T chew those foods he won't eat. That's why they choke him! So, about 18 months later, still in braces, the boy says "Something weird is going on with my teeth." And I ask him what's going on? Do they hurt? "No.. they hit each other when I close my mouth."

I busted out laughing.. "Honey, they are SUPPOSED to. They're finally in alignment."

The boy now loves pork chops, steak, roast, chicken.. and even pizza. All the things he couldn't eat before. He wasn't being picky or lazy, he physically could not chew them. Poor kid.

ETA: MysticCat posted while I was writing this. Have you done any desensitization with him with food textures? Sometimes if you can identify which textures are a problem, you can work up to them little by little and build his tolerance.

The rule in my house was you had to eat one bite of everything without making a face. If you made a face or complained, you had to eat a second bite. After that one bite, you could leave the rest on the plate.

My mother finally gave up on olives, beets and tomato aspic for me. Those were impossible. But I love liver. :D

We have, and he is getting better. The things that are proving the hardest are what he would call "slimey" (this includes mac and cheese) and "mixed" foods, like casseroles.

My mother never gave up on any of it. She insisted that if I kept eating things I would eventually like them. I am a VERY picky eater and now have severe restrictions due to Crohn's on top of that pickiness.

I don't blame him on the casseroles. I can't stand different food groups to be mixed together.. it's my OCD quirk. I have lots of strange food "rules" for myself. It makes me squeamish to eat two different color m&m's at the same time. Yes, I know they taste the same and I wouldn't know if I didn't see them, but it makes me really anxious to do it..lol. But for him, it's simply a matter of too many different tactile stimuli hitting the mouth at once as well as different flavors all at the same time. It's so overstimulating to the CNS. I kind of miss my old career sometimes.

Dee, I can't believe that dentists didn't notice your son's bite problems before going to the orthodontist! Mine always checks my bite.

Thanks, I hate you.:) Still, it's the weekend and I don't see a problem getting three happy meals to squelch a drama episode, easy as pie.

These aren't my kids; they are my sisters. Two of the three of them (the older two, 8 and 10), are beyond picky and wasteful. I was asking for advice on how to deal with them, because even when I ask them ahead of time what they want, and I prepare 2-3 different main dishes and lots of sides, they complain, toss their food (I've found it in my couch cushions), or mangle and leave it so that we have to throw it away.

Thanks for the advice!!

Personally, then I feel the kids are getting "rewarded" for being difficult. Sure, it may make it easier for the mom and ree, but the kids aren't learning manners.

In your couch cushions? Ugh.

I will say that, although I tried to make sure my son had some things he would eat at each meal, when we were going somewhere, I often gave him a sandwich ahead of time, knowing that he wouldn't eat most of what was being served. He knew better than to say anything rude, even to his aunts or grandparents!

When I was growing up, my mother NEVER cooked anything different or special for me. When I was small, if she was making a spicy curry, she'd pull out a portion for me before adding the hot spices. But that was it. If my mother decided to make dhal, I didn't get Kraft dinner or chicken nuggets, I got dhal. If we visited family or friends for dinner, I ate what was served, or else.

ree-xi, if I were you, I'd stop inviting your sister and the kids over for dinner. She has overindulged and spoiled them, and now they're brats - and you should not have to suffer for it.

You're most welcome. :D

We've done the sandwich thing AGDee described. And I can see the Happy Meal thing as an ocassional thing -- I've done it. But there's a right way and a wrong way to do it. And the Happy Meals should be an exception, not the rule. The way to squelch the drama is to teach the kids that the drama will not be tolerated; dancing around them because it's easier doesn't help anyone.

I think ree's problem is they tell her what they want and then don't eat and complain about it. As I've said, I don't think the real issue is that they're picky eaters. The issue is their parents are allowing them to be rude and inconsiderate. That's a real disservice to those kids -- and to their future friends and significant others.

Yeah, not mention...Ree-Xi, if you have anyone you live with they can't be happy when your sister comes to visit.

Food in the couch cushions? Wow. That is so wrong. It sounds harsh, but I agree with those that say stop inviting them. Your furniture should not have food in it.