How not to write a personal ad...
 

I know I'm not the only one perusing online dating sites and I come across so many awful profiles. I thought it could be funny to post some of the worst ones here! This is the one that gave me this idea:

Just looking around.And Please, no more Drama. Just want to see whats available. I will write if I can. Im not sure about this.They want me to write more, but Im not sure what to write. I dont even know if I can write enough to get a profile.I am newly divorced and just checking things out. I have been out of the buiness for quite some time. I see you.This whole dating thing sucks. I think Im going to become a hermit lol


Doesn't he sound like a fun guy?? I'm just dying to meet him! :rolleyes:

The "newly divorced" would raise a red flag for me. Sorry Dee, but he doesn't sound so good.

My friends suggested I do this some time ago. But I have no idea what to put in it?

LOL at "I will write if I can."

lol at "I see you." I guess he's an Avatar fan?

Well, he obviously has no writing or language skills. That's for starters.

If a girl wrote that ad, would YOU date HER? Seriously???

You missed my facetiousness kiddo! I'm posting the awful ones here!

I gathered that from the title of the thread, lol. I had thought about starting a thread like this after I saw a doozy....If I find it again, I'll post it.

ETA: Found it, it wasn't his profile, it was a msg he sent me. I've bolded the entertaining parts:

wow,,,u sound a lil bit different from others,,,honestly more serious and focused than most other ladies,,,,i do stopby here just read and laugh by wat a lot of ppl here both male n female writes but strangely u made a huge impression on me and dats i took a 2nd look and read ur profile again,,,,wow,i tink ur unique,,,be proud of it girl,,,,never think serious minded ppl can be here as i see here like fun place to see different ideas expressed in profiles,,,,think am impressed well,i will like to kno u more,,,u kno wat,,,just call me,basically after 8pm as i get off 730pm,,,i do a 12hr shit,,,so call me from 8pm-9pm and am available,,i dnt mind giving u my nos as i think u sound maturedly but u hv my mandate to call me ok,,,, till i hear from u back ok,,,,virginboy (***)***-****

12 hr shit? sounds painful.

"till i hear from u back ok," - is he Yoda?

And he is mandating you to call him back? LOL

All the other stuff aside, WHAT'S WITH ALL THE COMMAS?? If you can't tell between a period and a comma, the problem is much more serious than we thought. :p

Hilarious. When I hit that part of the message I started choking on my drink and laughing. I was not expecting that one.

lmao that post is just a mess..

PB, not everyone is like you. You're the only person I know who sends e-mails and PMs like that to make people laugh.:p

Bumping... I'm sure this is a joke but I just got a message from
preppyjockstud23: heyy sexy mama

I replied: Show some respect, I'm old enough to be your mother.

preppyjockstud23: lol sorry you are one of the most beautiful women i have ever seen in my life.... Id love to take you out sometime and show you a good time. Im josh.

Me: I'm not a Cougar, I stick to men my own age.

preppyjockstud23: lol awww i promis you would love some young fresh BIG COCK

lol AGDee... cougars are the in thing right now! But who in their right mind would call themselves "preppyjockstud?" Pffft!

lol.. I know, just the name made me go "wtf?"

I also just got a message from pymuncher1. That nickname has to be a loser too!

lol... be lucky you haven't met THIS guy!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhofSilF05k

this one is better, with pictures
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c06pi...ayer_embedded#!

LOL.. they played that on the morning radio show that I listen to and had a field day with it.

I had an actual friend like that. I was newly single and was kind of talking and flirting with him online when he laid out that he basically was thinking marriage ASAP and several more kids (he has one daughter with an ex and is an excellent father even though he has no custody atm).

I just kind of boggled. I mean, I was still trying to figure out if I had any feelings for him - no go in the end - but it was WAY to soon to bring that up.

I guess in a personal ad at least he's laying it out in advance.

some of those pics were creeeepy lol

The link failed for me, but I almost spit my coffee at the title of #2 - "Dimitri the stud".

BWAH. That sounds like Dan Aykroyd doing one of his old sketches on SNL.

Younger dudes are great if you want these things:

1) A bajillion texts (often at 2 in the morning) with no actual follow up or real conversation
2) Comments like "I want to have sex right now!"
3) Failure to perform certain acts which as far as I'm concerned are standard.

Been there. Done that. Not doing it any more. I mean, I remember what 20 year old guys were like when I was 20 years old, and it's definitely not the same. It's not better.

They're better pre-trained? (I agree)

No, I'm saying 20 year old guys when I was 20 had their shit together a little more. And not just from the perspective of 20 year old me, but thinking about it at the age I am now.

But yeah, I'm not a frickin' schoolteacher. Go away and come back when you know what you're doing.

You'd be surprised. It happens.

First off, I didn't nail him, ugh.

And yes, he was a dipshit. That's why I had deleted his number by the time I got that text.

I got a booty call text from a number I didn't recognize at 2 AM on like Thursday of last week. It said something like "Hey baby, when are you coming over." LOL! I recognized the area code, but it definitely wasn't meant for me! Awkward!!

*bump*
This one was too good NOT to share... at least this guy is honest about what he wants! (and NO, I will not be responding to his message).

I'm going to be up front. I've been around this POF circuit and pretty much have you women figured out. You give us men the same litany of criteria in every one of your profiles. And most mention that you’re not into games and you don’t want any players. Fair enough, until we find out you are the biggest players out there! I’m not judging! Just trying to even the "playing" field (pun intended).

Here’s YOUR typical story and the reverse applies to us men for the most part (except I'll admit, we're really usually most the blame):

You were married to a lying, cheating prick who wouldn’t have sex with you after you bore his (add the number here) children. The only person/people he had sex with all those years was your best friend, sister, mother (yes! I’ve heard that one too), women he met on-line (this one’s a biggy, probably POF, JUST LIKE THE MARRIED GUY(S) YOU’RE BANGING - perhaps unwittingly - perhaps not) or the guys he’s picked up at the gay bar. Now you're divorced and in need of some action! You want to sample the goods! THAT IS FAIR PLAY!!!!! Don't be embarrassed or feel guilty! It's your turn for god's sake! But at the same time, you still have the perfect image of who you want to end up with after you've had your fill of fun.

The guy you really want, in the end, is the one who owns the palatial lake home, nice cars, has his own business, looks like an Adonis, etc. But you can’t have him! He’s busy with you’re best friend or sister (or he’s already married to your mom - now THAT’s sick!). But if you do get him! Or someone like him, congratulations! But in the meantime, you need a guy like me who is adept in the ways of love-making who will rock your world while you’re still looking for Mr. Right.

I don’t have material things to offer you. And if I did, I'd be with your best friend. But I can certainly make up for some of that lost time you missed out on in the bedroom while you were with that miserable no-penis douchebag. You should really take advantage of this situation (hey, I wish that name wasn’t taken already, perhaps I can be the Middle-aged Michigan Situation) while you can. Because once you find the man with all that material shit, you’re going to find much of it is in his colostomy bag! And that’s a REAL turn off.

Keep it hot!

The Middle-aged Michigan Situation

Dear lord! :eek:

Hahaha holy crap!

:eek:

I met my husband online 11 years ago (married nearly 8), but while I was doing the thing, I got some whoppers. And yes, the booty calls were COMMON. My favorite was an email from a guy with a picture of his, um, parts. He said he's married, but free most days if I'd like to get together. I got several pictures of parts, but this was the most memorable, for several reasons.

AGDee, at least he was honest about what he had to offer!! :rolleyes:

He sort of nailed this one for you, Dee (minus the banging).:p;)

I don't know, y'all are clutching your pearls, but I think he sounds like he has a sense of humor. Granted, if I did meet him, it would be in a VERY crowded, VERY well-lit place with a VERY distinct escape plan...but I'd do it if I were single.