|
Resigning/Disaffiliating... Help!!
Hey yall!
I have a question about resigning from my national GLO and would love your insight especially if you have been through the same thing. I rushed last year (as a freshman, and we have deferred rush) and pledged a house that seemed like really chill girls. Now all anyone cares about is becoming more top tier (to be honest we're one of the less popular houses on campus but still have great girls and meet quota) and portraying this Suzie sorority overachiever stereotype, which is so not me. Yes I have a great resume, but I don't need to flaunt it! I feel ostracized the majority of the time for not fitting in well with the girls in the house and feel like a black sheep. I am also unpopular with our exec board and standards board because I am THAT girl who is not intimidated by their authority and will defend myself when necessary. Because of certain events and prior sentiments, I have considered resigning and would love insight into this situation from anyone, especially if you have been through anything similar. I know these girls are not healthy for my self esteem or mental health (I have been depressed from incidents in my sorority and have sought therapy to talk about the way sisters are treating me) but I am scared to be an independent at a greek-heavy sec school - I don't want to feel left out. Also I always wanted to be part of an alum group when I'm older.. Please help! Tell me about the decisions you made and how they worked out. Thanks everyone! |
I would see if you can maybe get your and your sisters intentions and aspirations to potentially align. When you say they are all about becoming top tier, think about that. Aren't the aspects of a top tier group positive? Involved in campus, outstanding philanthropy hours and top fundraising, great parties and fraternity relations AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, chill great girls! I do not know the details of the situation concerning the accusations against you but I would worry about clearing that up before you decide to do anything. If you have not done anything wrong, you need to clear your name ASAP. After that I would focus on the first part of my post. It seems the other girls are trying to improve the chapter (not saying there is anything wrong just reiterating what you have said) and why wouldn't that be a good thing in your eyes? Just my opinion
|
Quote:
Alot of times, people come to the internet already KNOWING what they want to do, and looking for validation of their decisions (ex: looking for us to be like "OMG your sisters are sooooo mean.") We aren't going to do that. You need to make the decision for yourself. |
No I see where you are coming from, and my motto for recruitment is to strive to find girls that make me want to be a better version of myself (oh and hunting for a little! lol)
But when I say obsessed with being top tier, I overheard so many girls talking sh*t about other girls based on looks/popularity/etc. There were many comments on ranking cards (I don't think this recruitment info is too top secret lol) about looks and who hangs out where. Littereally, one girl came up to me before a round and said "OMG the girl you have hangs with guys in XYZ frat. Make her want us" (Naturally we did not get along and she pledged the right glo for her instead of me trying to lie about reasons she should join us) And as for the overachieving thing, no one pushes us to improve ourselves- it's all about the friggin image! That is what I can't stand, that people care more about reputation than sisterhood. And I go to a cutthroat SEC school with the rich and gorgeous- "top tier" is about the frats you mix with and the labels on your clothes However yes I do admire the prominent student org leaders and community service leaders in our house. I just wish that could be the focus instead of this cookie cutter "good involved girl" image. Just because I don't walk around with my resume on my shirt doesn't mean I'm not an asset, and just because I stand up for myself doesn't mean I should be treated like I'm not wanted. Should I go to nationals about this or something?? |
Quote:
I was more looking for advice from someone who has been through something similar and thoughts/regrets/positive outcomes of their decisions. And the last post about reevaluating becoming "top tier" really helped. It just seems like people lose sight of what is important in that. |
Quote:
I find it hard to believe that you cannot find one or 2 girls you can trust to discuss your feelings. I'm sorry, but coming here and talking badly about them and making them sound like image obsessed freaks doesn't make you look better. |
Quote:
Considering most of my friends are nongreek, and I am the only Greek in my family, it is hard to find an unbiased but informed opinion. And like I said, the girls I am closest with are the graduating seniors (who should have no effect on my choice since they'll be gone) or a few girls in my PC that are not very involved (Our chapter is only about 150 total since our quota is usually btwn 40-50, we have deferred rush, and a fair amount of girls drop, compared to others) I also find this inappropriate to discuss with my little or the other freshman I am close with- what a load to bear right after being initiated!!! I'm sorry, maybe we have different opinions about how I should ask for advice but I discovered this board and thought it would be useful. Maybe you aren't the right person to answer this, though I appreciate your input. Hopefully someone who can relate to the scenario will stumble upon this. Thanks anyways for your help so far! |
Quote:
It honestly sounds like if you had joined a sorority at a small college with a small Greek system you'd be having a wonderful time. However, you choose your college for academics first and the Greek system, well, you get what you get. Sit down and make a pro and con list of staying in or self-terminating - include things like costs, living situation, etc. If one side's longer than the other, and you STILL want to do the opposite - that's your heart talking. Listen to it. Good luck :) |
Quote:
|
Quote:
You should consider yourself blessed to be a member of an NPC at an SEC school (or any school, for that matter). If you think you are above these girls and don't want to stay, don't stay. They took a chance on you and now you are ready to drop them. Wow! So much for sisterhood. And for the record, your chapter may not be top on your campus, but I am here to tell you that it is a great sorority. Have some allegiance to the women who gave you a bid. |
Quote:
gagril90- You mentioned having some emotional issues, and you've sought help. Keep doing that with professionals and don't take it personally if your sisters don't get as involved as you expect them to. Sometimes people really don't see another needs help, can't emotionally deal with it, or have the same issue and helping you makes them face it. It isn't that sisters cannot be supportive and a great resource, but use the campus professionals like the health and counseling center and I commend you for admitting you have issues and that you've gotten help. Many people are in denial or refuse to do something about it and you've done the hardest part. Maybe taking care of "you" will help you see the perspective of your chapter and you'll learn a better way to address issues or get to the heart of the matter. |
Quote:
Don't think they're being insensitive if they don't respond in the way you'd like them to. Often, people get upset because those around them aren't immediately recognizing that they're having a hard time with something. But they're not trained professionals and sometimes they don't get it. It's not that they do not care about you. |
Quote:
You know, just to get the whole story out there. And to those who have provided helpful insight thank you. To those who just want to figure out my chapter and school, have fun with it because I really don't care if you find out. I havent given too much info, so if you take the time to google, that is kind of creepy. Edit: Sorry I am unclear... basically the first half of this post was to explain that my emotional "issues" stem from sisters in the first place. |
Quote:
Obviously that is a stressful situation, and KSUViolet and I (her more than me) have background in mental health and some people are probably not coping well either, and please don't dismiss your whole chapter because of a few people and their issues. I think everyone on this board can relate to a time when something really made them mad and frustrated with their brothers and sisters to the point of considering ending their membership for some, and an incident as you explained can make things escalate and so many times a stressful situation can trigger other issues and make other things happen. Talk to a sister you trust, and maybe an alumna but if you're just looking to get things out that could backfire if she decides to take action. This is why we're suggesting an uninvolved professional who can be more neutral. Just talking to someone and organizing your thoughts can be therapeutic and beneficial. Hopefully spring break is soon and you'll be able to get away and get some perspective. |
Quote:
We have given you genuinue advice. I don't know if you're trying to get us to see "wow look what meanies these girls are" or what. Billions of people use Google everyday. There's nothing creepy about it. It's creepier that you would post such a personal situation on the internet, saying that this is your "close friend" you were dealing with. If you are having issues, get some help. But there is no need to post about this situation on a message board knowing that it's a personal matter that I'm sure she wouldn't want the entire free world to know about. |
Just to reiterate, I really don't intend to use these posts to air my dirty laundry about my sorority. I really just wanted people's opinions on whether these actions justified contacting nationals (about false accusations and subsequent threat of kicking me out from my sisters), and I wanted insight from retrospective thoughts from others who have been faced with the decision to drop, regardless of the choice thy make.
Again thank you to everyone who has helped so far but I would really like the opinion of those who have thought of resigning and didn't for whatever reason, or people with the same conflict now (I just realized people who resigned wouldn't be here. It is a helpful site and was among the first to pop up when I googled "how to resign from a sorority" haha) |
Quote:
|
Quote:
clearly this does not apply to you so please don't reply if it is irrelevant. thanks for trying to help so far but like i said before i think other people who have also been though this situation may have more relevant advice to me. |
Quote:
|
Quote:
I know it is very hard because of the situation you mentioned and deleted, and I do not blame you one bit for anger, hurt, frustration, and all of it; but these are a few women at one point in time and if you can get some perspective, do it because it is a decision you're obviously struggling with. I'm guessing you're 19 or 20 and you're in close quarters with these people and it is hard to see beyond it because it is all around you. |
There really is no need to be defensive and lash out at KSUviolet06. I don't think she was trying to be a jerk. With that said, what did you expect people to say when you come on a public forum and post very personal information about your friends and your chapter? If you are that upset about being in your chapter, talk to a parent or someone close to you. Don't go to strangers with your problems. We are are neither knowledgeable enough about your situation or qualified to give you any substantial guidance about whether you should resign or not.
|
Vandal Squirrel, thank you for all of your advice- I think it's great.
And I would like to say one last time, that I just want to hear the POV of someone who has or is considering deactivating since none of my friends/ family can relate, and I have already spoken with my 2 close friends in XYZ. I thought posts from others who have been through this could be helpful since I have no access to that at home. That's it, please and thank you. I'll get back on to check for that, but to the rest of yall, we are just wasting eachother's time. |
Since you're looking for someone with a similar situation for feedback, I'll offer you mine. There was a time in my collegiate years when I felt that the members of my sorority and I had different values. I was also upset about something that was going on and the attitude the sisters had towards it.
Like you, I considered contacting National HQ about my problem. (Although it wasn't to inform HQ about my sisters, but rather to find out if I had to participate in an event.) Unlike you, there was no way in hell I was going to resign my membership. What I ended up doing is taking Alumna status which is not an option for you. Looking back on this whole situation 20 years later, I realize that I was so caught up in the drama of the moment that I failed to see that most of my sisters weren't even aware of anything going on. I could have and should have talked to my sisters. What I regret is that I didn't take the time to talk it out with my sisters. I regret taking Alumna status. I could have had an entire extra year in my sorority. I regret leaving instead of sticking it out. I hope this is helpful to you in some way. ETA: The fact that you've come here for help in deciding whether or not to resign tells me that you really don't want to. I would focus on that and figure out a way to make this all work. Nothing worth while is easy. |
Quote:
|
Quote:
That's not picking on you, that's reminding you that the internet is a VERY public place. Sure, I don't care to find out who you guys are, but I don't know who else does. I'm certain you did not ask her permission before you put it out there. You have no clue what I devote my life to. Furthermore, you came HERE for advice. I sincerely hope that you do not take this sort of attitude with your sisters, because that was uncalled for. I hope you get the help you need. |
First, I did not need google to know your school. There are plenty of people from that university who read these boards and will know the chapter that you are in. I say that not to be "creepy" but to give you one more opportunity to clean up some of your posts/delete identifying information. Chapter business should not be discussed here.
If you scan down to the very bottom of the page there are several links to prior threads about disaffiliating. You may also use the search function within Greekchat to locate more threads. This board is filled with both actives and alumnae. Many of us come from the perspective of having a enriched experience not only as a collegian but also as an alumnae chapter member. That is probably why you are getting several responses about taking things slow, talk to professionals, etc. You could be making a HUGE mistake by throwing everything away right now. If you are a sophomore, then you only have 2 more years left as an active. Be very, very sure that you don't want to throw away a lifetime of alumnae opportunities. Also- you mention that there are some members in your chapter who you do like. Focus on your relationships with those women. All chapters have some issues, as there will never be 150 women in one place who all agree on everything. Finally, KSU is not being a jerk. She is a mental health professional who has offered you some very constructive advice. |
Leslie Anne thank you for your feedback.
Also just to clear the slate I haven't called anyone a jerk. Wow that's great KD offers early alumna status. Mine definitely does not or else I would have taken that road. I am also not allowed to go inactive to evaluate my thoughts for a semester, according to the house. I really don't want to be associated with my chapter. As a whole I really don't like it, but I do like the national org and dont want to throw away my opportunities as an alum, so great insight and I will consider what you said! |
gagirl-
just think about this before you decide to drop: i am the expert of walking away when i don't like a situation and i have regretted it EVERY SINGLE TIME, without exception, no joke, and trust me i have walked away A LOT. no situation in your life will ever be perfect but it is about making the best of it. i think you could gain greatly from your sorority, but if it is your time to leave, so be it. please don't let the emotions of this situation make your decision though |
Quote:
Now, the downside is that you may feel really disconnected from the chapter, but the solution to that is to just get reinvolved with the non-mandatory events. |
Quote:
|
Quote:
Look, you're miserable. You don't fit in with the culture of this chapter. Things aren't going to get better from your perspective. You're in school for an education, the social experience provided by a sorority is secondary. I think you already know what you need to do. So just quit already, move on and stop thrashing your sisters in public like this, because it's only going to make things much worse for you in the long run. |
Quote:
If she was at my alma mater and felt the same way, I'd say "just go to the required things - don't wear your letters - hang out with your non Greek friends a lot and join lots of other groups - stick it out and then you can be active as an alumna." But the fact is anyone who's an active at an SEC school is putting a SUPER BIG CHUNK O' CHANGE into that sorority membership and not using it to its fullest is kind of nuts, especially in these economic times. You should probably either be the whole way in or be the whole way out, unless your last name is Trump and you can spare the $$. |
I was more thinking she just do the mandatory/required things while she was trying to decide what to do. Definitely this is not the answer for the long haul...maybe just for the rest of the semester.
|
Transfer schools to one that doesn't have your sorority. You'll be an alum. Otherwise, I don't know what to tell you. You want to be in the national sorority and be affiliated for the rest of your life, but you also don't want to be affiliated with your chapter. Well, you are stuck between a rock and, well, you get the idea.
|
Quote:
|
Definitely an issue to talk with someone you trust in the fraternity. Before I resigned, I spent hours talking to the president, whom I trusted and respected very much. The final result was that he told me to do what I felt was right, which ended up being resigning and joining another fraternity. People over the Internet do not know your circumstances/feelings. It's a lot better to talk to someone in real life.
|
Being from a small college and small oncampus sorority, the only thing I can suggest is that you talk to your campus advisor about how you feel. Put it in terms of your feelings without blame. Maybe she/he can get to the bottom of it all. Good Luck!
|
Quote:
Quote:
|
Quote:
Some of us are technically in fraternities. {/nitpick} :p |
Quote:
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:45 PM. |
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, vBulletin Solutions Inc.