When is it too late?
 

When is it too late for a women to have a child?

Being a single women with no children in her early thirties when do you think your clock is running faster?



I feel 35 is a good age to have had all the children you need.

That's a good question. My close friends and I discuss this all the time. We are all in our early to mid 30's and only one person has a child, and she and her husband just had him in July. She's 36, and she is talking of having maybe one more when she's 38. I think 35 is a good age to have had your children as well, I say this because there are to many health risk once you are over the age of 35.

Another friend wanted to get her career in order, now that she has done that she is looking at getting married and having some children. She wants to have any child or children that she is going to have before 40. I think the older you are and wait to have your first child, you get to a point where you feel to old to run with the child.

I have a male friend who is 45 and his wife is 32. They have a 4 year old daughter and his wife wants to have other children, but he is like he is way to old to be having any more children. The one he has wearing his azz out :p

What thoughts do the rest of you have?

I think that as long as you want kids and are able to have them, you should. My grandmother had her last child (her 12th) when she was well into her 40's.

My grandmother didn't start having her children until she was 35. My mother who is the youngest of 7 wasn't born until she was 42!! :eek: I think it depends on the state of health that you are in. Personally I hope to be done by the time that I am 34 if not sooner!!

My aunt had my cousin at 44. She's now 67, and looks 40ish, healthy, lived to see her son go to medical school. As long as you are healthy, it's your decision. Why put an age on it? I'm 36 and having one, I cursed my girlfriend out when she said I was too old. Sorry if I wasn't a fast a$$ dropping them at 16, 17, 18. Sorry if my degree was important to me in my early 20's. Sorry if having my career came next. Sorry if I didn't want to be a single mom, and waited for a good man. Needless to say she hasn't called since.

Speak Soror Special1920 Speak!!!
 

Oooh I see 33 creeping up...and there is NO baby in the oven! And there will be NO Baby until I have that pretty platinum band with a brilliantly...sparkly...diamond solitaire nicely settled on my finger ;)

Well personally I want to have all of my children (4) between the ages of 26 and 36. But I would have to agree, everything must be in line first before I think about bringing a child into this world...i must be married, i must have my degree(s), i must have my own house, financially stable, etc.,

I'm going to say mid-40s. I had physical problems and my physician at the time said I need to do it by age 40.
But single motherhood is not an option for me. I don't make enough money (I live in criminally expensive Southern California, where you can't get anything decent under $200K)
More importantly, I was raised in a two-parent household (if my dad was still alive, my parents would be celebrating their 53rd anniversary in December).
My mom was almost 37 when she had me.

I think that as long as you are able and healthy enough to take care of a child then you are young enough to have one. I would rather wait until I am forty and have a child that I will be able to support financially, physically, and emotionally than to have one now when I know I am neither ready nor able to give that child what they need.

I was talking to the sweetest old lady in the nail salon the other day. She had three daughters and they were all seven years apart. She had the first at 35, the second at 42, and the baby at 49. When I asked her why, she said "Oh, I couldn't have more than one little child at a time or I would've killed one of them." I really admire her. She had children when it would be best for the both of them and that's really what matters, not age.

A little touchy
 

I guess I'm a little touchy about the subject, seeing I'm in my mid 30's, and knowing that it is people out there that think I'm too old to be having my first child. Although it appears to be common practice these days to have children at 15, 16, 17...IMHO it's nothing cute about it. I would say it's about 35% of our girls in my high school that have children. The amount of days they miss from school is usually miore days then they come. We are lucky to even keep them long enough for them to graduate. I feel to each her own, but I'll rather see a woman in her 30's or even 40's having their first, then to see children in their early or late teens having their first.

My mother had me when she was 39. I don't think there is anything wrong with having children in your mid to late 30's.

When is it too late

I say around 35-40 yrs of age is a good time to start having children. I just turned 30 last month... So my clock has started ticking loudly. :D I have goals that I need to accomplish in my career and then motherhood is the next step.:)

I've been pondering this question for a few days now. Personally, I think it depends on the individual(s) invovled. I wouldn't want to have children past my 30's, but that's just me. As long as the mother is healthy and seeks prenatal care to ensure she and baby are doing ok, then to each her own.

I also want to add food for thought. Being married, financially stable, etc. are wonderful things to want and have before giving birth. However, there are no guarantees that things will "work" when we want them to.

I hate to say my sister and brother-in-law made a "mistake", but they waited for that "just right time" to begin a family, and it never worked out for them. She had three miscarriages (I think it was three) :(, and tried some other methods. They finally adopted their first and only child three years ago, and they are in their early 40's. Now that I'm married, she keeps telling me not to wait around too long "just in case" because the older we get, the more difficult it can be.

Children.....
 

I had to really think about this question before I responded.

Well, I guess to each his own. If you wanna wait later in life to have children, then more power to you!

I have two children. One I had when I was 22 and the other at 28. I was married when I had both of my children, even though we did not have the house when my first son was born, he was well taken care of and he won't remember living in the apartment anyway. Well, when the second one rolled around, I had the house, the established career and everything. Now that I am approaching 30, I don't want to have another child because I want to be able to enjoy my 40's and beyond with my kids being able to take care of themselves. Now, this is just me, but I would not want to be 40 and just beginning to raising a child. If God gives me a child at that age, I will accept him/her, but my husband and I surely aren't planning that!

It is funny though, when my son began kindergarden this year, I was one of the OLDER parents there!:eek: My husband (who is 5 years older than me) made the comment that he seemed very old compared to the other fathers.

Wait if you can
 

I agree with the posters who are saying that it's not cute to have your first child as a teenager. Frankly, there's also a little something called welfare reform that should now be a disincentive to early motherhood.

never too late.....
 

I feel that as long as a woman is healthy and married she is never too old to have a baby. I think too many of us go by what others say, and we fall into this belief that having children after 35 is detrimental. I know several woman who had their children before they were 25, and now that we are older they tell me that I'm getting old and I need to go ahead and have children. My response to them is that while they were being single mothers and chainging diapers at 19 years old, I was in college having the time of my life.

Yall go ahead and have ALL of the children that yall want. I'm 32 and I have two children (ages 8 and 2) and I AIN'T HAVING NO MORE (my doctor took care of that IMMEDIATELY after my C-section with my son---TIED, CLIPPED, AND BURNED)!! :) :) My baby-making days are OVER (and if they ain't, SOMEBODY is going to get SUED)!! :D :D

After having my daughter in 1993 at age 23 (3 weeks before my 24th birthday), I really didn't want anymore children. But my husband, being an only child, wanted our daughter to have a sibling to grow up with. So the decision to have another child was made. BUT... I had to let my husband know that we HAD to have this second baby BEFORE I turned 30. Now my kids are 6 years apart and, as you can see, my son just BARELY made it. He was born the May BEFORE I turned 30.

Just remember KIDS AIN'T NO JOKE!! Sure you'll probably be able to provide food, clothing, shelter, and any other financial necessitiy for them. But...the MENTAL and EMOTIONAL RESPONSIBILITIES are great. Just think, you wait until 35 or 38 to have your FIRST child. Here you'll be 50 or 53 with a 15-year-old. YALL JUST AIN'T HEARING ME---50-53 WITH A 15-YEAR-OLD?!!! I can just IMAGINE how worn out you would be. :D :D Shoot, by the time I turn 50, my daughter will be 26 and my son will be 20. Neither will be OUR responsibility any longer. And I'm just loving that because my husband and I are ALREADY looking to be TRAVELING RETIREES. So, MY advice would be to TRY to reconsider having children a little sooner (and I mean BEFORE or BY age 30) because those suckers WILL kick your butt. And I believe that at a younger age, you'll be better able to handle all of their ENERGY. Think about it, at 35 (for women) your body is preparing for "the change", you're starting to really get settled in your career, you haveto deal with your husband and all of HIS CHANGES (LADIES, HUSBANDS SOMETIMES ACT LIKE ONE OF THE CHILDREN). :) :) The LAST thing that you probably want to deal with is a brand new baby. Talk about MENTAL BREAKDOWN.

But to each his own. Children ARE most definitely a blessing. But just remember that YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!! :D :D

I cannot speak for anyone else, but at the age of 23 I was just out of college and the last thing on my mind was marriage and family. My mind was on getting into grad school, my career, etc... I agree KIDS AIN'T NO JOKE!!! If you are a strong person, then you are a strong person, your age should not make a difference. A womans youth does not make her healthier than an older woman, it just makes her younger. Thats all. I come from a mother who had me at 30, my sister at 32, and my little brother at 36. She may have been older than the other mothers while I was growing up, but she was right there.

And Aislynn, I TOTALLY agree with you. My response, was only to share MY personal experience that is why I wrote to each his own. My opinion is purely that--- an opinion. Nothing more, nothing less. Being 23 and a mother was not a BAD thing for me. As a matter of fact, it made me more focused and more determined (you see, I DO have a B.S. AND M.A.). I consider myself to STILL be a young, vital, energetic, and ambitious woman who just happens to have two children. I don't know if you have children or not, but I'll tell you from MY experience, NO TIME WILL EVER BE THE RIGHT TIME to have children. It's not what you expect no matter WHAT age. It's nothing that you can PREPARE for (that's the reason that I expressed that the EMOTIONAL and MENTAL aspects of raising children is great). Sure it's commendable, right, and smart to be stable in your career and financially stable, but that's not all there is to having children. It goes MUCH, MUCH deeper than that. It's a depth that ONLY a mother can understand.

You wrote that your mother had you and your siblings at ages 30, 32, and 36, right? Well my question is have you ever asked your mother how she felt about having you guys at those ages (forget about the finances, being married, careers, or even health)? Ask her how she felt about the MENTAL and EMOTIONAL aspects of it. Ask her how she felt about the mere RESPONSIBILITY. I ALSO know of women who had their children around the same ages. Seriously sit down with your mother and ask her about that. You MAY be surprised at her response.


And remember we're just sisterfriends probing each other's minds. My advice or opinion is NOT the law. It's just what I feel.

I don't believe that there is an age range for women to stop having children; however, I can't imagine a woman over 40 having a child. I have no objection to this if the woman is in a good state of mind, financially stable, and physically healthy.

My dream was to get married at 23/24 and have my children I definitely want my children AFTER I'm settled in my house, advancing in my career, and definitely being blessed beyond anything that I can humanely imagine within my ministry.

This is where my thinking is...I want my child(ren) to be able to take care of themselves while my husband and I chill out.

Hey again Korkscru,
I have spoken to my mother about this on seveal occasions. My mother got married when she was 22 years old and my father was 25. I have asked both of them why they waited 8 years to begin a family, and their responses did surprise me. They said that they wanted to build on their relationship as husband and wife. At first, I did not understand, but they explained that they had been together as b-friend and g-friend for three years and living apart. They wanted a little time as husand and wife without children. My mother said that she was also in graduate school at the time and could not have imagined having children at that point in her life. As far as the mental and emotional aspect, my mother believes that it worked out best that she had us when she did. On the flip side though, my auntie (mamma's sister) shares your point of view. She was married at 20 and had her children by the time she was 24. I can respect both sides of the issue, but I tend to agree with my mother. However, I am positive if my auntie gave birth to me, I'd share her opinion. I t

p.s. I like this discussion...keep it going.

Re: When is it too late?
 

The answer is:

When a young, saved, 20something Christian man like myself attends a singles fellowship outing, and all the 30something women keeps approaching me trying to get their holla on knowin' good n' well they are too old for me.

4 real. They ask me questions like, "Didn't I go to high school with you?" and when I hear the year they graduated, I wind up replying with, "When you graduated high school, I was graduating from kindergarten (or elementary school)."

Yeah, they wanted to hook up to a young buck, I know what's up.
LOL!!!!

I won't say that their biological clock is ticking, but let's say I saw Harold Lloyd hanging off the minute hand. 'Nuff said.

RM

Yes, Aislynn, women have MANY issues to deal with as far as our "child-bearing" years are concerned (not to mention all of the other women's health issues). I CAN say one thing though. IT'S UP TO US TO MAKE THAT FINAL DECISION. I am happy that I made a CONSCEIOUS (sp?) decision to space my children apart. Honey, I was on the pill for 5 and a half years BEFORE I had my daughter and I was on the Depo shots 5 years BEFORE I had my son (now THAT'S family planning :) :) :) ). So I agree that that the excuse that young girls use nowadays--- "getting pregnant by MISTAKE"---is BOGUS. With all of the contraceptives out there, there should be NO EXCUSES. I always remembered what my Mama told me--Nowadays you get pregnant because you WANT to.

Now don't get me wrong. When I say have babies before or by age 30, I don't mean at age 15-20. I mean more around 23-30, especially if you want more than one.

Nevertheless, it's something that each person (woman) has to decide. And like I said before, TO EACH HIS (or should I say HER) OWN.