Kicked Out of My Fraternity. Did They do Something Wrong?
 

I apologize in advance if this is posted in the wrong section. I couldn't decide the best place to put it.

I received a bid from my fraternity spring semester 2009. I didn't accept it until about 3 weeks before the semester ended. Had I accepted it on time I would have initiated that semester.

After that semester I was academically dismissed from the college. It had nothing to do with academics. It was because of drama that I wasn't involved in but I was named as the source of it. However, giving me an academic dismissal allowed me to return to the college after being absent for one semester. Regular dismissal I would have had to wait 5 years.

I stayed in my college town and attended the local community college. This gave me the opportunity to stay connected to campus. The fraternity president met with the Assistant Director of Greek Life weekly during the semester. She was aware of and approved of my participation in greek life while I was not a student. She said that the only restriction was that I could not appear on official rosters. However, I was still bound by the college rules. I had to go to required greek functions, do study tables, etc. Our advisor was also aware of my situation as he and I had discussed the requirements of my re-admission. Of course, I also announced the problem to my brothers. They were very supportive. They also asked how classes were going.

I participated in our annual events, food drive, formal, Relay for Life, Make a Difference Day, and put in countless hours of community service. My car was even our homecoming float. I was nominated for Greek Council and IFC. I was elected to the third highest position in the fraternity and appointed to another position.

I was re-admitted to the college for this (Spring 2010) semester. However, the out-going Dean of Students decided that I shouldn't have participated last semester since I was attending classes there. I don't believe I did anything wrong as I followed the directions I was given. However, he spoke only of the past. Once I was readmitted I could participate again.

I have been working two jobs so I have only been at the required meeting this semester. I was removed from my positions without a word being said to me. I was just told at the meeting that another brother would take over. There were no new elections and the other brothers seemed confused as well.

I got an email from our new fraternity president saying that I needed to come to the exec board meeting to discuss my future membership in the fraternity. My grandmother passed away that week so I sent a message out on the listserv telling everyone. I got only one reply. It was from a brother on the exec board who said that he spoke for the whole fraternity and that I would be excused from meetings for as long as I needed to be.

However, the next week, immediately after chapter I received an email from the fraternity president saying that I had been given a one week extension and that I had failed to show up. Exec board has decided to terminate my membership. I was told not to come to meetings, events, wear letters, or come to the house. There was no reason given.

I emailed him back and asked if there was a reason. This seemed to come out of nowhere. Our fraternity is certainly not in a position to be kicking people out. We have only 7 brothers. I was upset by the cold tone of the email. It also bothered me that I could not go to events or go to the house. These are restrictions that would not be imposed on anyone else in the college community and it makes me feel that I am in trouble. It's unreasonable for me to have been required to be at the meeting but even if I were required to be there he should have told me. He seems uncaring about my loss. My grandmother and my family are certainly more important to me than my fraternity.

I have received no response whatsoever.

I noticed that everyone accept for our three new members, the alumni and my big deleted me from Facebook. It seems such a trivial thing to be upset about but it's the thing that hurts the most just because it's so trivial. And since they all did it they must have actually sat down at some point and decided to delete me. I wasn't just friends with these guys because of my membership. Some of them I have known for years. One of them I was the person he would go to to confide his deepest emotions. I just can't understand this.

I don't want back in. This is exactly what fraternity is not. I wouldn't go back if they begged me. I just wonder if anything did is technically wrong.

If you don't want back in, does it really matter if it was technically wrong?

If you held multiple positions, and only came to one meeting, why WOULDN'T they remove you from your positions?

But it seems like you just want yourself validated, since you "wouldn't go back if they begged" you. Get over it.

And I call BS on the academic suspension thing... there's no way you're telling us the whole story. No one gets kicked out of school for no reason.

Like you said, you don't really care whether you're in or out, so why do you ask? That doesn't really add up.

I don't have any experience with your organization's rules/laws, so it'd be a little next to impossible to give accurate and helpful advice regarding the same. I can go on assumptions based on my experience with my organization only, which is something that's likely to be inaccurate when applied to your position.

So bearing that disclaimer in mind, first -- it doesn't sound like you were ever initiated. Initiates are (in my org) afforded a pretty high degree of due process, up to and including a full-blown trial where they can call witnesses and have others speak on their behalf in front of a jury consisting of the entire chapter. They are required to be given service of process, either by hand delivery or certified mail. They are even entitled to an appeal to the High Council. The rules aren't very complicated, but they're just complicated enough that someone might screw up, not properly giving notice or something like that. I suppose in that sort of situation, one could appeal his dismissal to the High Council, but to what end? They voted, they don't want you, you don't want them, shouldn't that be the end of the story?

You almost remind me of the typical criminal client -- guilty as hell, not telling me the truth about what happened, and expecting me to come up with some magic loophole to keep him out of prison.

The real world doesn't work like that. Let's just assume that everything you told us is God's honest truth.

1) You were never initiated [probably lessens the requirements of procedure to get rid of you]
2) You were one of a group of less than 10 guys.
3) They placed a lot of trust in you, electing you to an important position.
4) You decided to get a job which kept you from going to meetings [sorry, that was a choice, not a necessity, there's really no excuse for it, it telegraphs that you do not value your membership or participation in the org]
5) You said it yourself, you wouldn't rejoin if they begged you.

-- so again, why are you positing this convoluted tale of woe?

You claim you received and accepted your bid in Spring 09, but your older posts tell a different tale. You're a member. You're a local. You're a founder. You're charged with starting a colony. You're attending convention with Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia from a chapter at a different college. I guess this is a whole new fraternity that you're having issues with. Strange history you've got here since 2007. Whatever.

Wow

Excellent detective work!

I'm thinking he could have gotten a bid to another fraternity and they dropped him when they found out he was Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia

___Setting everything straight___

1. I am a Sinfonian, I started a local and the school blocked it, I joined another fraternity. It's not that difficult to understand. It may be an unusual greek story but it is what happened.

2. They knew I was a Sinfonian. There is a loophole which allows me to join another fraternity.

3. Getting kicked out for no reason is exactly why I am upset. I posted here to see if this was a normal occurrence or as outrageous as I perceive it.

4. I was not initiated into this latest fraternity. However, I cannot tell you my membership designation without revealing the name of the fraternity. The only restrictions are that I could not be president and I could not participate in my own ritual.

5. My lack of attendance at the meetings was pre-approved. We're so small that we don't have many meetings anyway.

6. Getting a job was not a choice. It's my means for survival. Grow up, get in the real world and you will understand this. Also, the job never interfered with meetings.

LOL

My sentiments exactly. This kid is not unique. There are hundreds of thousands of kids who had zero problems getting jobs which didn't interfere with their fraternity.

As far as that membership restriction, to anyone who is not in that org, we don't know the level of process you're entitled to. My suspicion is that it's zero.

As far as you being kicked out, I don't think it's outrageous at all. It's a predictable response to someone who clearly doesn't give two shits about his fraternity.

Good job on contradicting yourself. Oh and the person you told to grow up and get in the real world is a Lawyer.

Kevin, what is your deal? How can you say I don't give two shits about it? They gave me a bid to be the "new face of" XXX fraternity. I wouldn't be upset about it if I didn't care would I?

And again about the job thing- Do you still not understand that the job did not interfere?

So what if he's a lawyer? He's not being rational.


I didn't contradict myself. There has been only one required meeting. Therefore I met my obligations. The only other event we had was video games which I was excused from. We had to close our campus due to a food poisoning outbreak so we haven't had many events.

I tried to keep my mouth shut but I just can't!
 

I'm going to address a few things based on my past and current experience. Basically, the question you have posed to us is unanswerable by us. We do not have enough information.

No matter the dismissal (with the exception of "flunking out", which is proceeded by at least a semester of probation first), you would have had an investigation and disciplinary hearing before being suspended. Apparently they found you responsible for being somehow involved in something. In any case, judicial sanctions most likely resulted in you being considered in "poor standing" (or equivalent term) by the University.

Most (if not all) organizations, as well as Universities themselves, have a policy that states who is eligible to be a member. In the Inter/National organizations, this policy usually includes the phrase "fully matriculated student in good standing at the institution where XYZ is chartered." During the semester in question, you were not fully matriculated nor in good standing at said University (based on the information you have provided).

I find this exceptionally hard to believe. Most Universities require that every member (or new member) of an organization must be listed on the university roster. There are a few NIC/IFC fraternities that allow students from a nearby college/university join a chapter at a neighboring institution if there is not a chapter chartered at their institution (in this case, your community college). However, Universities tend to not recognize them as members (there may be exceptions...NPHC City Wide/Core Chapters are one such exception, but it doesn't sound like this is an NPHC Chapter) because of liability and access issues due to their non student status. In other words, it sounds very strange to me that the FSL professional could require you to attend events required by the University, but state that you cannot be listed on the rosters because of your disciplinary/non student status. It's possible this institution has different policies (once again, we don't have enough information), or he/she could have made a mistake. It's highly probable that the Chapter President totally misinterpreted what the FSL professional said...or reported it to you incorrectly.

Once again, if you were not a fully matriculated student in good standing with the University, you could not have served as an officer on Greek Council or IFC. The chapter may have told you that they nominated you (if you only went to one meeting, how would you know they actually nominated you if you didn't witness it?) but that nomination would have been immediately void.

Overall, it sounds like your membership status was problematic from the start. It's quite possible that for whatever reason you were never "official" with the organization's HQ (if this organization has a HQ...I'm still not 100% clear on that). If this is true, once the HQ figured that out you could be instantly dropped without due process because you were never officially associated with the organization. Judicial/Standards Board hearings can also be conducted without the accused party present (depends on the policies) if the accused party was given proper notice and opportunity to appear.

If you really want to know if they did anything wrong, read the Constitution, Bylaws, and Procedures of the organization, as well as the Greek Life Policies of the institution where this occurred. The answers you seek are in those documents.

PsychTau

I'll side with you on the fact that getting a job isnt necessarily always a choice. I had to work 4 jobs one year to make ends meet and my involvment in my chapter dropped a lot. The chapter could have part of me or none of me that year. Thats life.

However your story doesnt seem to add up completely.

The red flag for me is that a majority of your "brothers" deleted you from Facebook.

There are plenty of people in my Facebook profile who I've friended that I really dont care for, but I complied just to be polite. Having a friend on facebook doesnt really require any effort...and from my experience, people only delete others for 3 primary reasons.
1) You post incessantly and they find you annoying
2) They are passive agressive and want you to know that you're no longer on good terms
3) They really f*cking dont like you and want nothing to do for you

I could see if maybe a brother or two unfriended you...but almost all of the chapter did? And you're crying innocence? Somethings not being said.

So with the other posters, I have a hard time believing that you're tellings us even 70% of the story.

Either way, it sounds like you have other stuff to settle first and you already belong to a brotherhood so life isnt so bad huh?

Judging from your past posts and your very brief description of your situation and membership status, it's fairly obvious what organization your in, and I can assure you that the members of this fraternity didn't make a mistake in their processes. While it might not seem extremely polite or fair of them to not give you a reason for your termination, they haven't violated any of their processes.

If you have any other questions, you can PM me. As a member of this organization, if my assumption is correct anyway, I might be able to answer some questions you have.

Also, you're allowed to be president. Well, not anymore I guess. But you were.

PsychTau-That is usually how a dismissal works. However, with me, they just skipped over all that. I confronted them about it and they pointed me to a clause in the undergraduate catalog which says that is the standard procedure but basically they can do anything they want.

The greek life director quite possibly just made a mistake. It was her first week on the job when the president asked her about me. It's also possible that the president lied to the entire fraternity so that I could participate because we are so few in number.

I was at many, many meetings. My post only says that I have not been at them this semester. The past two semesters I have been. The nominations in question were last semester.

I was never official with the national organization. Only the local chapter. However, I'm not in charge of submitting paperwork so this is an error on their part, not mine.

xp2k-Do you not understand from my previous posts that I am telling all I know? I can't possibly tell you the whole story since they have never told me why I was dismissed. It's not that I'm withholding information. I don't have it myself.

I believe that it's either option 2 or 3. I've had very limited communication with them outside of meetings and events so it's not option 1.

I agree with you about my other brotherhood. Those brothers are not on this campus but they are standing beside me. They even let me rejoin their chapter at a college 40 miles away.

D-Phi362I'm not talking about Sinfonia. They are the supportive ones. I don't think any of my past posts reveal the current fraternity. I will PM you to see what house you are in.

Update
 

I talked to our faculty advisor today. The chapter tried to dismiss me without informing him. He postponed the decision so he could defend me.

The vote to dismiss me was unanimous. They said they felt unsafe around me, that I was a danger to them and that I had sent them messages on Facebook that scared them. The advisor blocked them from going to campus police to file a report about me like they wanted to. However, they'll probably do it anyway.

The reason they gave was these Facebook messages. A couple of weeks ago while I was at work I started getting texts from people asking why I sent weird messages. Turns out my account had been phished. They sent messages to everyone on my friends list from A-G. Some of them had no content and others had links. I don't know what the links were. When I checked my sent messages my computer would not open the links because it said it would harm the computer.

This isn't uncommon. I've got a few weird messages like that. Phishing isn't an uncommon thing. I sent an email to every single person who was sent a message. I said that the account had been phished, I changed the password, and it shouldn't happen again. I can't do any more than apologize.

But seriously, I don't think that they are that big of drama queens. They're just using it as a cover for their real reasons. Contacting the police and saying they don't feel safe makes it look like they are the victims.

I have a clear conscious and the advisor believes me. Hung out with some alums this weekend that simply don't care. And as you all pointed out I still have my other brothers.

For goodness sakes. Just walk away! Can't you tell from what they (your Fraternity) are doing that they do not want you around. You bring too much baggage. Again, I repeat, walk away. Oh yeah, and be civil when you see the brothers around campus.

Maybe the phish caused the food poisoning outbreak.

Seriously, this is like a sequined pantyhose story in reverse.

Yes, I can tell that. Why would you say that I don't? I've said many times that I don't want to be a part of it. I posted here to get opinions from other greeks. And how do I bring too much baggage? The problems I have were caused by the fraternity, not brought into it.

Why would I not be civil? Or the better question is why would I be? I will speak to my big, the alums, and those who didn't delete me. They are still my brothers.

What is that?

Your advisor shouldn't be sticking his nose in things. That's not a good way for an advisor to be. He should accept the will of the organization and move on. Is he not a member?

It has to be one or the other, doesn't it?

Well, technically I guess you could be "not on meds" (and you never were), "on your meds," or "off your meds."

Technically the faculty advisor can't postpone the chapter decision. He doesn't have to approve it or sign off on some form before it is sent in to nationals, so he really has little room to stop them from proceding.

I suppose however that he can ask them to delay sending in the paperwork and making it official and to speak in front of the chapter on your behalf, although from the sounds of how things are this is only going to alienate him from the chapter.

But its whatever, whats done is done.

I assume she means this thread.

Sorry things haven't gone well. I sent you a PM.

Sorry, but no one has all of these tragic circumstances, negative reactions from other people, and supposed persecution happen unless they have actually done some things to deserve them. Either you're not telling the whole story on purpose or are refusing to recognize and take responsibility for your personality causing all of these problems. There. I said what lots of other people are thinking. Look inward, because all this stuff that happens to you is not circumstantial. That's obvious just from your posts here.

The End.

http://i791.photobucket.com/albums/y...npantyhose.jpg

This won't help, but really guys, I think whatever the issue is with the OP, he's not going to "get" it by you telling him on a message board.

It sounds to me like he has a hard time relating to people and picking up social cues and could have a situation that's on a spectrum of other situations. Ya dig?

Having PMed with him, I think he has gotten it. We can all move along.

I don't even get it.

That's because I never read the OP's posts.

This entire thread was just like ??? & creepy...
And as someone who has had someone suspended from school, no one gets suspended for no reason. I had to do a lot of paperwork and interviews to make that happen.

Because we keep posting in it. Duh.

Threads don't automatically end just because someone says they handled something.

They don't, but sometimes they should.

Autism spectrum disorders = the new excuse for every drama queen on the planet