Please Help! I just have questions...
 

A NOT hypothetical situation, but I'll use cheesy Greek code to explain what is going on here:

I attend Cyprus Rhodes University and just went through Formal Recruitment. At the end of Pref Night I listed my choices putting ZBZ first, Tri Pi second, and IKI third. I was fairly certain I would get a bid from ZBZ the next morning, as both girls I talked to said "they could really see me there." But, I got a bid from Tri Pi.
Of course I was upset but I went to the Bid Day party. And I really didn't like it. I didn't fit in with my Pledge Class and I was SO not excited to go back for my first new member meeting. I decided to give it a week, so I did, and I still don't like it very much. It's just not the place for me. But I know that ZBZ is!
I have my Pledging-In ceremony THIS Friday and of course want to make my decision to drop out or not before then. I don't know what to do! I can't imagine NOT being Greek after I have wanted to for so long, but I definitely know this is not the place for me to do so.
I also know that after signing my Preference List I am bound to a sorority for a full year before I can rush again. BUT, one of the sororities on my Pref Night list was all it said. So does ZBZ technically count? They have snapped maybe like 1 or 2 girls since Bid Day in...could I work my way in w/o getting in trouble with NPC? I am DESPERATE here, let me know any loopholes I can work with! (And suggestions on how to get snapped in/ informally be recruited in--since that is going on right now!)

THANK YOUUUUU!

QFP
 

I'm sure the folks here will help. :)

No loopholes.

I'm going to assume that you accepted a bid, since you have been attending Tri Pi events.

If you accepted a bid, you are not permitted to join any other NPC sorority for one calendar year.

The girls they "snapped in" were girls who hadn't submitted Pref cards (e.g. they dropped out at some point before Pref) or they were girls who had not participated in formal recruitment and were picked up soon afterward.

You are not eligible for one of those. Sorry.

Have I truly accepted a bid, thou, if I haven't Pledged In?

No idea of what this concept of "pledged in" is, but YES, you accepted a bid when you signed your bid card.

Give it time. It really takes a couple weeks to get to know people and find your place. You're stuck anyway (i.e. can't pledge anywhere else for a year), so why not try to make the best of it? You may be surprised.

Alright let's put this in terms similar to your story:

Your girlfriend has decided she want to date this guy only after knowing him for a week. They may have hung out a lot but it has only really been a week that they have known each other. At the same time she has hung out with his good friend (maybe even best friend). The guys are both pretty different but your friend accepts a date from the best friend even though she was only interested in the other one, while he has passed her up so that his friend can date your friend. Now, your friend has only gone on a few dates with this guy but isn't interested although she hasn't really gotten to know him because she was upset that the first guy hadn't asked her out.

What would you suggest to your friend? Get to know the guy a little better maybe? It will be a while before the other guy (if ever) asks her out because of the "bro code" (never date your friend's girl). What would be her best path.

No, no, I assume you're correct about bid acceptance!

Now just a question...when we filled out our Pref Night cards, would I have been able to NOT have signed it? Because I'm pretty sure I had to in order to put my choices in the computer...

Sounds like she is referring to a formal Pinning or Pledging ceremony.

And to the OP, it takes time. I would say try the semster and if you really don't like it, leave before initiation.

Haha I very much like your analogy and OF COURSE I would suggest to my friend to better get to know this guy before she just gets rid of him. But for how long? I don't know. I've been with them 5 out of 7 nights and I just don't see it working out for me there. I'm a pretty good judge of who I can and can't get along with...I can't lie to myself and pretend I love these girls when I truly know I do not. (And I would also say that to my friend about the guy.) Gut instinct says A LOT, I think.

Don't date a guy that you're not interested in; and forget the other guy because there are more than 2 men in the world.

BOOOOOO @ you using this instead of just sticking with the very clear GLO-isms. ;)

Leaving now over just before initiation doesn't give me any less time I have to wait, then? If I drop out now I have to wait just as long until I wait until before Initiation (which is late March/ early April)? Just want to check!

From my understanding yes. IIRC it is a calender year from when you accept your bid. so if you drop the day after bid day or the day before intation, you have the same wait. NPC feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

:( I didn't know this at the time! I wish I had!

No need, you're correct. It's one year, so the next time she would be eligible to try for "ZBZ" or any group other than "Tri Pi" is day 1 of formal recruitment next year.

vf, you are locked in regardless. If you absolutely know there is no way you can be happy in "Tri Pi", then drop now before they spend excess energy on you and get emotionally invested in you as their sister. But you must have seen something in them to have kept returning to their parties and to have listed them on your preference card. It's too late to change what you put on your pref card, but you can get to know these women better and give it an honest chance at becoming part of their sisterhood. They wanted you as a sister for a reason. Consider too that your sisterhood is for a lifetime, not just at that school. Consider what the local chapter has to offer you, what being Greek at your school has to offer, and what lifetime membership in "Tri Pi" brings. And, of course, there is no guarantee that "ZBZ" or any other group would give you a bid next year.

And in case you weren't sure, once you initiate you cannot join another NPC group. No matter what. Anywhere. Period.

Good luck.

Well really, it's water under the bridge at this point and there is nothing you can do about it now.

Concerning staying in Tri Pi and making the best of it, I suggest reading these 2 posts (and really that whole thread is good) Best of luck with your decision:


http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...&postcount=219

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...&postcount=220

Once you accepted a bid, you must wait one full calendar year before going through recruitment again. Even though you didn't get a bid from ZBZ, the same rule applies to all sororities. You are ineligible for snap bids, COR, and informal recruitment (if they do it.)

If you weren't going to be happy in Tri Pi or even IKI, I don't understand why you didn't just suicide ZBZ? You got a bid to Tri Pi because they saw something in you and you went to bid day and "didn't like it at all"? Are you serious? How would ZBZ's bid day party be any different? And how do you know that ZBZ "is the place for you"? They obviously didn't think that you would fit in with them.

Honestly, I doubt you took the time to get to know your sisters of Tri Pi. It's only been a week you said and what have you done to get to know your sisters? Have you invited any out to a movie or out for lunch? I can't believe you are complaining after only being in a sorority for a week and you are already making judgments about your pledge sisters and claiming how much you dislike Tri Pi because you are just bitter that you didn't get a bid from ZBZ.

"I can't imagine NOT being Greek after I have wanted to for so long, but I definitely know this is not the place for me to do so. "

Such a contradiction. ZBZ didn't want you this time and chances are they probably wouldn't the second time. There is no guarantee that you even get a bid the second time going through formal recruitment.

Just do Tri Pi a favor and depledge. You will never be happy with Tri Pi because you will always think about what might of happened if you did this or that.

May I ask how you do not fit in TriPi? We don't know your school or chapter, so why not share examples?

What makes you KNOW that you would fit in with ZBZ? Why do you think you have another chance (next year) of them wanting you, if you didn't even make it to Pref? (Not being mean, it's an honest question.)

There are no loopholes. You cannot "work your way in" anywhere else.

Name 5 reasons why you think you don't fit into TriPi. I want to see where your mind is.

Thank you :) This helped. I think a big part of my doubt is that it seems EVERY girl in Tri Pi is SOOOO excited to be there (even since walking in the house on Bid Day) and I've felt like the odd one out.

Also you put Tri Pi second on your list, so you must have liked something about them.

Boo-Hoo, I didn't get my TOP choice! Geez, what is with all these girls coming on here and crying about not getting their top choice. You say that you have wanted to be Greek for so long, but you just don't feel like you "love" these girls. In reality, you are just saying that you feel you are too good for them. Let us call a spade a spade. I'm not convinced that you just "don't click" with these girls. You accepted a bid. The girls are doing what they can to get to know you. Instead, you go crying in a chat room about not being in your 1st choice.

Many women (and men) on here didn't get their first choice and some people didn't get a bid AT ALL. There are girls out there who would kill for your spot. Stop wasting your sorority's time and either quit (opening up a spot for another DESERVING girl) or suck it up and make it the best you know how.

There are girls, every year, who go bidless. Consider yourself blessed that you were chosen. You sound like a spoiled brat from that Sweet 16 show: Boo-hoo, I wanted a BMW, but I got a VW instead.

These "sisters" of yours don't deserve to be thrown aside because they may not be the "popular" or the "top tier" chapter on your campus. This chapter that you are in may be the bottom on your campus, but I guarantee they are someone else's top choice at another campus. You get no sympathy from me.

you listed zbz first on your bid card. if they had listed you on their bid list, you would be a zbz now. because you heard they snap bidded people, meaning they had not reached quota, and they had spaces to fill, they undoubtedly did not think you would be a good fit for their chapter. it is unlikely that that will change next year.

your 2nd choice did want you-that's how you ended up with their bid. get to know them better and give them a chance. you can depledge the day of your initiation(before the ceremony) if you decide you need to, with no more consequences than if you quit today, but before you do, do yourself a favor and ask yourself if it is better to not be greek if you cannot be a zbz?

I think you might slightly be sabotaging yourself with a self fulfilling prophecy, and not giving the sorority that wanted you as a sister a fair chance. Sure other women are OMFG TRI PI 'TIL I DIE but stop basing your expectations on how others are reacting and realize there isn't any magic kool aid passed around to feel this way. You can spend your time pining away for ZBZ (which you didn't get a bid to, for whatever reason, sometimes it just happens) or you can take that energy and use it on giving Tri Pi a chance.

What do you have to lose by accepting reality and not fantasy?

Seriously? There isn't a single woman amongst the actives and your new member class that you think you could be friends with? Have you really tried to get to know them or are you too wrapped up in your disappointment?

Read FSUZeta's post carefully.

You are hung up on ZBZ and they did not extend you a bid. You need to accept that.

The Tri Pi's are good girls who liked you and wanted you. I would guess that the reason you feel awkward is that deep down you still want to be a ZBZ. It's not that the Tri Pis are bad; it's that they are not ZBZ.

My advice: Make it work.

vanity fair:
i don't think these people will be helpful in answreing ur questions. ive been on here 4 an hour and nooone has answered mine. i dont get it.

This just gets better and better. No one will take you seriously because you are a troll.

No one has answered your question because you are asking about membership selection info, which is private.

ZOMG! mayb bcuz yu type adn wriite liek dis.

ETA: in addition to the Membership Selection thing.

Of course you don't get it, you're just that dumb.

1. Formal pledging ceremonies have NOTHING to do with bid cards (or bid computer sheets or whatever you submit after pref) being binding or with you being truly bound to a sorority. Some sororities have a formal ceremony on bid night, some halfway through pledging, some may not have one at all. It's private and confidential and part of a sorority's ritual. Therefore, there's no way Panhel could include it in the rush rules.

2. ZBZ didn't give you a bid. Worse yet, you had girls there leading you on. They probably said "I can really see you here" to 90% of the girls they met during rush. Sororities just aren't supposed to say things like that to the rushees!! These chicks sound shady, and you should count your blessings that you WEREN'T bid there. Quit thinking they wanted you, because if they did, they would have bid you. They wanted you to want them, which is an entirely different situation.

3. You have been around Tri Pi for a WEEK. You have more sisters than just your pledge class. Give it time. You aren't going to be any further ahead if you quit - you're going to be "that girl who was dumb enough to quit Tri Pi because she thought ZBZ wanted her. What a deludanoid!!"

vanity fair,

I can say my situation was very much like yours. I dont think i felt truly at home with my chapter until I moved in to the house. While i never seriously considered dropping or depledging, I can relate to not feeling like I fit in with my pledge sisters.

Having said that, I found other ways to get involved in the chapter outside of my pledge class. I joined exec board the semester after initiation and I am now chapter president. I sometimes think about how awkward I felt in those first few months, but what you get out of Greek life is what you put in to it. I chose to give it my all and it has been the most beautiful, rewarding, exciting, decision I have ever made for myself.

Think long and hard before you pass up on something that might be just as great.

Actually if the OP put ZBZ #1 and ZBZ didn't make quota, the OP would have gotten a bid. Panhellenic wouldn't have gone to the OP's #2 choice until the #1 had reached quota. I suspect ZBZ snapped because some PNMs declined their bids. That or they weren't technically snap bids, but rather COR bids issued shortly after Bid Day because ZBZ was still below Total.

Regardless, OP you just weren't high enough on the ZBZ list to get a bid. That means they didn't want you as much as they wanted other PNMs. So even if the 1 year rule wasn't in place or if you suicided ZBZ, there is a lot of doubt that you would have gotten a bid from ZBZ anyways. I'm not trying to be hurtful or mean, that's just the reality of the situation.

You got a bid from girls that like and want you. I find it sad that you are willing to throw that away after only a week. From what you posted, your only real issue is that everyone else is "rah, rah, yeah Tri Pi!" and you're not. It's natural for you to feel let down, but I strongly suggest you give them more of a chance before making this major decision. By that I mean give them a real chance. Go hang out and get to know the sisters. Don't just show up when you have to for a meeting.

this!! too many girls only show up for mandatory things and then can't understand why they aren't feeling it.

zillini, thanks for clarifying my statement. i did not say it as well as you did.

To reply to a lot of the questions on here:

I DID Pref at ZBZ. Tri Pi was my 5th choice initially, but after my other 3 choices got knocked off my call-back list, they became number 2. There WAS something I liked in the girls, but only enough to put them at number 5. They were nice and friendly, the kind of girl I could sit next to in class and chat with, but NOT the kind of girl I would try to hang out with outside of class. They really are great, I don't dislike them, but I just don't fit in. For a lot of reasons: they all wore Ugg boots when I wore heels to a meeting; I did my hair and wore tons of jewelry for Bid Day and none of them did; a lot of the girls came in already friends and now have their "groups"; they are all petite brunettes and I'm taller and have blonde hair; some of the older girls were making fun of sororities my other friends are in. Just a lot of reasons I don't fit. Some are superficial, YES, but that doesn't mean they don't feel like real reasons to me!

For whatever reason, I just don't feel the click. Some people can force it on themselves, and others can wait till they find it. But for me, I have felt it almost instantly with EVERY friend I have. There is no friend I have now that I haven't felt a connection with right away. So I think that says a lot...

Would it be so bad if I just dropped out now, for mostly personal reasons, and tried again next year? Not gunning for ZBZ, but looking at ALL sororities at my school. There are 14.

What would YOU do??????

Oh and I've been attending non-mandatory events :) I have gone to two regular socials, one sister social, spent the night at an older girls house, and gone to 2 Tri Pi pregame/ parties.

Ok so normally the more sororities there are the more competitive rush is going to be. With that said you will be a sophomore, going through a more competitive rush and already having accepted a bid and then dropping. They won't know why you dropped they will just know u did. Therefore you run (what I'm going to assume please correct me if im wrong) a fairly high chance that you may NOT recieve a bid. Lets face it if it is down to 2 girls with the same GPA, recs, activities etc. they are more likely to give it to the freshmen who didn't already drop out of a bid. SO would you rather be a Tri Pi or not be Greek at all, that is pretty much what it comes down to? ALso this sounds like you went through formal meaning you already saw all 14 chapters and for whatever reason they dropped you (AS ZBZ DID!!!) or you dropped them.

Also about your reasons for droppng. Yes they are pretty superficial. Sorry but I have to ask are they holding formal meeting every week? Based on your description of what yall were wearing, I'm going to say they aren't. Please correct me if I'm wrong. But if they aren't why did you feel the need to dress up? (We hold formal neeting on a weekly basis, and we would love to be able to come to meeting in jeans and uggs and ditch the heels) I'm not saying it is bad, I'm just saying maybe it isn't quite what you were expecting, and that why your hesitant to liking them. "Because it doesn't fit it with what your friends sororities are doing or because its not the stereotype you were hoping to find."

ok so this is random and i know everyone says the Greek community is over programmed but have they really held 3 socials and 2 parties in a week? That just seems really extreme to me...