More Men are Marrying Wealthier Women
 

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/19/us/19marriage.html

January 19, 2010
More Men Marrying Wealthier Women
By SAM ROBERTS

Beagy Zielinski is a German-born 28-year-old stylist who moved to New York to study fashion in 1995 and stayed. Just before Christmas, she broke up with her blue-collar boyfriend, who repaired Navy ships.

“He was extremely insecure about my career and how successful I am,” Ms. Zielinski said.

An analysis of census data to be released Tuesday by the Pew Research Center found that she and countless women like her are victims of a role reversal that is profoundly affecting the pool of potential marriage partners.

“Men now are increasingly likely to marry wives with more education and income than they have, and the reverse is true for women,” said Paul Fucito, spokesman for the Pew Center. “In recent decades, with the rise of well-paid working wives, the economic gains of marriage have been a greater benefit for men.”

The analysis examines Americans 30 to 44 years old, the first generation in which more women than men have college degrees. Women’s earnings have been increasing faster than men’s since the 1970s.

“We’ve known for some time that men need marriage more than women from the standpoint of physical and mental well-being,” said Stephanie Coontz, a professor at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., and research director for the Council on Contemporary Families, a research and advocacy group. “Now it is becoming increasingly important to their economic well-being as well.”

The education and income gap has grown even more in the latest recession, when men held about three in four of the jobs that were lost. The Census Bureau said Friday that among married couples with children, only the wife worked in 7 percent of the households last year, compared with 5 percent in 2007. The percentage rose to 12 percent from 9 percent for blacks, among whom the education and income gap by gender has typically been even greater.

“I’m not married, I would like to be married, and my friends are all in a similar situation,” said Dr. Rajalla Prewitt, a 38-year-old psychiatrist in New Jersey. “We’re having difficulty finding someone where there’s a meeting of the minds, where we can have the same goals and values.”

“Particularly, African-American men who are educated want a traditional home where they are the breadwinner,” said Dr. Prewitt, who is a black woman.

In 2007, the Pew report found, median household incomes of married men, married women and unmarried women were all about 60 percent higher than in 1970. But among unmarried men, median household income rose by only 16 percent. These days, men who marry typically gain another breadwinner.

In 1970, 28 percent of wives had husbands who were better educated, and 20 percent were married to men with less education. By 2007, the comparable figures were 19 percent and 28 percent. In 1970, 4 percent of husbands had wives who made more money; in 2007, 22 percent did.

College-educated wives are less likely to have a husband who is college-educated and in the highest income bracket than they were in 1970, and married women are less likely to have a husband who works.

Cool.

ETA: The headline definitely shapes how you are willing and able to receive this story. The real story is that "women are marrying less educated and less well-off men." But, that's less positive than the current headline and it would cause sparks.

I want to remind women, particularly Black women, that something being "less likely" doesn't translate to it being "unlikely." Not everyone will get married and that includes those men and women who want to get married. And tons of people will settle. But, get over those sob stories and focus on YOU. YOU may have someone out there. If a college education and a certain class standing are AMONG the criteria for your mate, don't minimize your criteria just because you haven't found the person you're looking for YET.

I guess women are doing what men used to do...marrying their trophy husbands! I am one of the women in that group that makes more than my husband (an order of magnitude more!) but it's not due to education...he's getting his fellowship and I just did a residency. When he's done, though, he'll still only make a little less than half of what I do. Women have come a long way in earning potential from the times when we could be fired just for getting married. I think that was the point of this article.

Yes, if a within-gender analysis of getting fired just for getting married is the metric then women have definitely come a long way. I consider the real metric to be an across-gender analysis of how well our incomes and careers compare to men. In that regard, and in general, we have not come as far as we are led to believe. A household such as yours is the exception.

:) I completely see why you consider that to be the point of article. I saw a different point. So, it's definitely in the eye of the beholder which is perfect for the NY Times.

I agree that we still have a long way to go. Women still make $0.77 on the dollar of what men make for the same job, but just a short 40 years ago, women with law degrees were expected to work as secretaries.

Precisely, Angel.

And today women with law degrees can still be found getting coffee and doing office assistant things for the men in law offices.

Awwwww, women are such nurturers. It's part of our DNA. :rolleyes:

I have more "education" than live-in but he's the breadwinner in our household. I'm alright with that as long as I feel like I'm contributing something. :)

More women are graduating from college and pursuing higher degrees than men are too. I was watching something about it last night.

Thanks for posting this!

I am beyond tired of all the "Black women will never get married" articles. The NYT article really wasn't that way, so it was a refreshing change.

I'm okay with making more than my mate, but it has to depend on WHY I make more. He's a public interest lawyer? A schoolteacher? Okay, great! Unemployed? Working a low-wage, low-training job? No!

So the fry guy at McDonalds doesn't have a chance, huh?







:)

lol
Nope--or the guy at Scrubway or Taco Hell. (I'm kidding) :p

lol lol lol
This made me laugh so freaking hard.

That's discrimination.

Would you go out with a woman who didn't have any ambition?

hell. no.

But seriously, reading the article and reading you ladies' responses, I am inclined to agree. Women fought long and hard to 'be equal' to men so now that a lot are achieving this, then the next thing one would have to do is get used to the idea of possibly marrying someone that may not be on the same footing with them financially, the question for men still is can we swallow our pride and deal with a woman who does make more than we do?

I would say that IMO at the end of the day, if the bills are paid and we are struggling, what difference does it make?

We aren't living in the same world where at one time the man was the breadwinner (hunter gatherer) and the women stayed at home. it's enough trying to get along on your own let alone someone else so we all have to adjust to the roles that we take up in our relationships and focus on what else makes it work besides finance.

At the same time let's not equate making more money with taking care of someone else. Regardless of who makes more, BOTH still need to be bringing in a steady income.

That goes both ways.

I'm the only one allowed to make the coffee 'round here. Everyone else does it wrong.

Yep. And I'm not talking fast food either. I hardly call throwing a few cold cuts on a sandwich for $5 bucks an hour (or whatever minimum wage is) "a steady income".

eta: as long as there's some kind of ambition. Seriously. Finances are one of the main causes of divorce. I'm just being realistic.

Yet, what happens more often than not is more important than the exceptions. ;)

i wonder if this and the divorce rate are in any way related?

LOL.

either way. go smart chicks.

neither would the fry girl.

lol lol

This is the problem I'm having with my man, now. I think it's hard for a lot of men to swallow their pride, but this is what it is now. Eventually, based on the way things are going now, the number of educated higher paid women are going increase. It already is that way with black couples.

I could care less what a guy does for a living. If he's the fry guy at McDonald's but treats me well, does electrical/mechanical/carpentry things around the house I don't have a CLUE how to do, and is a good and involved father, well yes I do want fries with that. I'd rather have that than the guy who works 80 hours a week.

Working in what some would call a "dead end job" is not an indicator of lack of ambition or responsibility, if they show responsibility in other areas.

Yeah, what people like cheerfulgreek (I kid, I kid :p) don't grasp is you can not want a significant other outside of a particular education and/or income bracket without making hugely insulting judgments on those who do HONEST jobs.

But, it is still the case that there is a such thing as low wage labor and dead end jobs despite hard work and some level of ambition. We have to be realistic about that and know what to expect and what not to expect based on that reality.

ETA: Also, the options for many of us aren't "fry guy who treats you right and knows how to do shit" OR "80 hrs a week guy who's a total neglectful asshole who's good for nothing but work." LOL. That's so dichotomous.

Oh, I know that's two extremes. For that matter, there can be 20 hour a week fry guys obsessed with their work and good for nothing. Was just trying to point out that success means all kinds of different things, not just putting on a suit and making $100k.

I honestly don't think it has anything to do with making judgments on those with honest jobs.

Hey, people have sung for years there is no romance without the finance.

You have to have J O B if you wanna be with me

or

What have you done for me lately.

I do believe that people have limits on what they are willing to accept when it comes someone's income.

Even if someone does settle with someone who is the 'fry guy' or 'fry girl' how long will they stay with them if that person does not realize their ambition?

I will say up front, an honest job is cool. Making an income is cool but if it start running into me having to take care of you then there may be some issues.

ETA: When talking about incomes, there is a line between making incomes that allow you some financial freedom and decision making vs being dependent on someone to pay expenses

@ 33girl

Agreed. :D

Oh and I was teasing when I said "people like cheerfulgreek...." :)

But, in all honestly, I see what cheerfulgreek is saying (assuming she wasn't trying to condescend those who work in these jobs) because low wage labor where there is no promise of longevity is not a steady income. It is an honest income that works for as long as you are blessed to have the income.

Other than that, God bless those who have honest jobs even if they have to work 2-3 jobs to get those unsteady incomes. I consider that a last resort but it is a first resort for many. God bless us all. :)

someone else can date the sandwich artist.

THIS.

And I don't want anyone to think I'm a gold digger or anything like that, because I'm not. I wasn't trying to be condescending at all, it's just that a guy without some kind of ambition to me is lazy. I hate lazy people. Seriously. I mean, at least make enough money to be able to support yourself. Working at McDonalds, Scrubway, Taco Hell, etc. etc. alone is not going to pay the bills and it definitely will not provide for a family. When I get married and he gets laid off or something and has to work two or three jobs, then I'm o.k. with that, but I would hope that he's tryng to do something to get back on his feet. I'm just trying to be realistic, that's all I'm doing. A lot of people say they would be o.k. with people doing this or someone doing that in a marriage, but really, when the responsibility sets in, then what? I'm sorry, but if I met a guy and he said he worked at McDonalds, I'm going to ask "doing what?" and if he's my age or in his 30s and he's a "french fry engineer" or whatever the title is now, or he's not in school, or trying to work his way up the ladder at McDonald's then I'm going to wonder why is this guy who's in my age group, not in school, or not doing anything else to try and better himself? If he's a nice guy then he can be nice for some other girl. I guess I'll miss out on a sweet, genuine guy. I seriously would rather be single. However, I don't mind if he's making less than me, I really don't, as long as I feel financially secure with him. When I'm all done with school and everything else that I plan on doing, he probably will be making less than me, and that's o.k. but I'm not going to take care of kids and an adult guy who works fast food jobs. Sorry.

lol

Depends on what kind of bills said person has. And what position he has.

If he's making sandwiches as a sandwich guy or whatever they call the title now, then no. Whatever kind of bills he has, if he's making sandwiches for a living, and that's it, then he's living check to check. That's not financial stability.

And I agree. It's not about being a gold digger, it's about meeting someone close to where you are just in case one stumbles the other can pick up some of the slack

And Daemon, that's all it is. That's all I'm saying, and I agree with you 100%.

A lot of people work better jobs than fast food places and still live paycheck to paycheck. A "good" job and ambition don't mean anything when you can't even live w/i your means and are up to your eyeballs in debt.


ETA: A manager at Starbucks makes more money than a teacher (at least here they do). I wouldn't necessarily knock "fast-food" jobs.

If someone is debt free and is making (for example) $30,000 as a manager at one of those places, I don't see how that's not stable.

If he has 324,234 credit cards and is a "sandwich artist," then I can see your point. Not everyone falls into that category, though.

*nods*

find me someone who is making $30K and debt free ^wink^

A teacher requires an education and is a career path. A manager at Startbucks can also be a career path. It's also important not to live above your means. There are some people making 6 figures and are still living paycheck to paycheck, and that's because they're living above their means.

I didn't say manager. I said sandwich maker...entry level. No ambition.

eta: and if he has that much credit card debt, then he's not very good with money.