Disappointed in Membership
 

I'm posting this (relatively) anonymously because I don't want there to be any repercussions for me, or for my friend who's a member of the same greek letter organization.

A while back, my best friend asked me whether it was possible to rescind/renounce your membership in one greek letter organization in order to become a member of another. Ironically, it's this friend who convinced me to become a member of our sorority, but now she's really disappointed with the pervasive attitude she's seen from the women in our chapter.

While I've done all I can to try to get her to hold her head high, and to hold on for better times, she's convinced that if she moves to a different part of the country and doesn't make any mention of her prior membership, that she can become a member of a different organization, an organization that she now claims was her first choice.

Since I don't know of anything I can do to get her to change her mind, I guess what I'm really asking is such a thing possible? Can a person join another organization? We're in an NPHC organization, which usually signifies bonds for life.

Thanks for any honest responses. Any ideas on how I can get her back into the fold are greatly appreciated as well.

Not sure about the exact NPHC rules, but at my school the Panhellenic runs a check on SSN#s to make sure rushees aren't an initiated member of another organization.

If not initiated, you can de-pledge and are eligible to rush again after a waiting period.

If I am not mistaken, she cannot join another organization. I think that is the reason why one must really, really evaluate why they want to join the particular sorority because of the lifetime committment. If the women in the chapter have an attitude, that should not matter because she is a member of the organization as a whole and not just a member of the chapter of the organizaion. She should stay in and try to work for the betterment of the chapter.

disillusioned, it is against every org. Bylaws for a member of an NPHC org. to become a member of another NPHC org. your friend thinks that she would be slick enough to move and try again. a person has done just what she's thinking of and ended up getting kicked out of their "first" choice (and perhaps their "second" choice). it wouldn't be wise to do this. your friend made the choice and now it is up to her to make the best of it or renounce her membership, which she can do. it's nice that you want to help her but in the end, it's all on her.

*shaking my head*

http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/confused.gif

Why doesn't disillusioned's friend already know the answer to this question? This is basic information that even I know. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/confused.gif

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"Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth." ~Mohammed Ali

i agree, Soror, this is quite puzzling. MidwestDiva, you know people. they know the answer but are in denial. fortunately, not all of us are...

Even though your friend may find her present chapter incompatible, if she does move to another part of the country, she should stay with her original GLO, and contact the ladies in her new locale...she might be pleasantly surprised by the ladies in her new city.

I would advise against trying to join a 2nd GLO...the past will catch up with you. Try to make the 1st one work.

Also, once you join one NPHC, you cannot join a second. Same for NPC sororities.

Tell her to "hold on for better times". Good Luck!

I have to admit, I'm unclear as to the answer to this question, because I've heard "through the grapevine" of people who have done this. We know what it says in our handbooks and/or when we go through MIP, but when rumors fly to the contrary, it's only human to question their veracity.

This is the reason you should pledge what is in YOUR heart

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IVY in my HAND-- AKA in my HEART

Actually, the only way you can join another GLO is if you were simply a pledge, and not an initiated member. They won't allow for someone to join a second GLO for the fact that secrets could be revealed, or people could join under false pretences (etc.)
Hootie



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What do you get when you cross and Alpha Omicron Pi and a Sigma Phi Epsilon? A beautiful Chi Omega!!!

Not only is it illegal, it's bad form if you've been initiated into another sorority, 'cause you've had a long enough new member education process during which to drop out before initiation. If it's like, 2 weeks after Rush and you're just not fitting in, it's okay (in my opinion) to drop out. But, like NPHC members, it's very important to do your research regarding sororities at your school, so things like this are rare.

Actually, it is possible.

I know of 2 people from DC who have done it.

Kinda sad if you ask me, but definitely possible.

I wonder if we know the same people. I know a man who told me he pledged something else back in the 70's and then recently he became a member of another fraternity. Both are NPHC fraternities. I wondered how he could go around boasting about something like this.

Wait a minute, Disillusioned! If you and your friend/soror/sister ARE in indeed members of an NPHC organization, you would know, as a matter of your membership process, what the rules are regarding renouncing one sorority (NPHC, NPC, etc.) and joining another. Why do you all not know this? What's REALLY goin' on????

I was just going to say the EXACT same thing. If you were a member of an NPHC organization, there would be no reason for you to even ask this question. Hmmmmmmm. But I guess whatever the basis of this question is, we will never know since so many people front, lie, and do everything else on this forum.


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P.H.A.S.A.D.
#14
D.S.G.H.O.S.T.S.
LAMBDA
4/15/00

Hey BlueReign!

Wouldn't that be hysterical if we knew the same people? But...the 2 I know of are members of NPC sororities and are in their lower/mid 20's.

I don't know how they got away with it. I guess not every school checks the prospectives thoroughly. Maybe that's something that Panhellenic/Pan Hell./IFC/etc should focus on a little more at some schools if they don't already do so.

It takes awhile to get complete background checks...

But you know, I wouldn't want anybody finding out that I was on line with one organization, dropped out of line then tried to join another organization--especially if I was in a NPHC fraternity--that's how some folxs get....

I am simply amazed at the whole concept. My Sorors and sister greeks have bottom lined this issue. The idea is ILLEGAL and SIMPLY BAD FORM http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/mad.gif

But looking at the HEART of this...WHY on earth would anyone believe that EVERY moment even in your "choice" Sorority or Fraternity for that matter will be pleasant? Who told you this was EASY? It's not. WE give a WHOLE lot of the selfish "i" up for the betterment of "WE".

These threads are really starting to get under my skin. I have been in my Sorority for almost 10 years...3/14/91 and no I am not posting my crossing time :P (its about to be ON!!!!!)Its becoming painfully clear that Greek life has really become a "fashion statement" to some and that hurts. I WORK HARD for my organization!

Before you do anything give some consideration to the long term implications of your actions. Its a fact Sorority life and Fraternity life is not for everyone.

For those new members who are feeling a little like "this is not what I wanted". My advice to you is your organization is for both your pruning and personal growth. Many have come before you. Let us honor our elders. And many will come after you. There will be many lessons to learn. Some lessons will plain HURT. While other lessons learned will give you the kind of pride and honor you will never ever experience outside of your sisterhood!

Fraudulently presenting yourself to another organization, is disrespectful to your original choice who obviously loved you, believed in you, TRUSTED you with his or her rituals, history, and traditions. It also defiles the code of ethics of the NPHC. It is a LOSE/LOSE situation. Perceived temporary selfish satisfaction will lead to something soooooooooo horrible, you will wish you were never greek.

I too know of a case where this happened. To be expelled TWICE AND be the object of ridicule, mockery, and potential harm by THOUSANDS of GREEKS is not a place ANY SANE person should knowingly go. Trust me, the NPHC is a very small world.

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Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Incorporated...Every Finer Woman's Dream!

Why would anybody turn their back on their brother/sisterhood?? I do not understand this at all. Especilly if you worked so at getting there. Why give up just cuz times are hard. That is LIFE, hard times happen, and when the going gets tuff, the tuff get going. I know that is cliche, but it wouldn't be if it wasn't true. The idea of wanting to quit just compleatly (sp?) escapes me.

I just wanted to put in my two cents. I am not a member of any sorority, but I think that one thing that we must keep in mind, whether we be prospects, new members, or "old school" members...first and foremost, in a sorority, THEY ARE ALL WOMEN FIRST!!! Just because you share a 'sisterly bond' with someone doesn't mean that you will automatically become bosom buddies. Of course, ideally, that's how it would go, but REALISTICALLY, there are personalities, and habits, and such that have to be overcome.

Anything worth having has to be worked at, pruned, pampered, etc. So, IF this friend can't is so ready to call it all off, and throw in the towel, then I am sure she wasn't much of an asset to that org. in the begining and it IS in their best interest for her to let it go. (Yet, if she is so apt to give up something that she's pledged her heart to forever, then maybe Greek Life isn't the first priority she needs to work on.) Hope this all makes sense, I am up late, and can't sleep! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

WHAT'S THE REAL DEAL.WHY DON'T YOU TELL THE REAL REASON THIS PERSON DOES NOT WANT TO BE A MEMBER ANY LONGER.IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE SHE CAN'T RUN THINGS HER WAY.SHE NEEDS TO LOOK AT HERSELF AND SEE THAT WHATEVER PROBLEMS SHE'S HAVING WITH HER SORORITY SHE'LL HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS WITH A NEW ONE.it'S NOT THE ORGANIZATION THAT'S FLAWED,IT'S HER.IT'S FOR LIFE RATHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.YOU CAN BECOME INACTIVE AND NEVER WEAR YOU LETTERS,BUT YOUR NAME WILL BE DOWN AT NATIONALS FOR EVER.IF SHE LIKES SHE CAN SIMLPY WAIT UNTIL SHE GRADUATES AND GET ACTIVE WITH THE GRAD CHAPTER,SHE MAY FIND PERSONALITIES THAT ARE SUITED TO HERS.ASK YOUSELF THIS" WHAT IF ALL THE MEMBERS WERE JUST LIKE ME,AND EVERYBODY DID WHAT I DID?
WE WOULD HAVE SOME VERY DULL ORGANIZATIONS.IT'S OUR DIFFERENCES THAT MAKE US WHO WE ARE.

O.K. is it me or is this NEW generation messed up? I have NEVER EVER heard of someone joining a greek organization, and then wanting out to join another. NPHC organizations are a LIFE-TIME commitment. I could not imagine joining something JUST to join, ALTHOUGH I have heard of people joining (b/c they didn't have the grades... didn't want to wait..... thier entire family belong to that organization...JUST WANTED TO BE GREEK.. ect.) I remember as a child the only thing that I knew about greek was Zeta and PHI Beta Sigma( I have 23 Zeta's in my family and 17 Sigmas). When I went to college, the Delta's appealed to me the most, and I knew that, that was what I wanted to be. And today I stand B-4 U being the ONLY Delta in my family http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif I can't IMAGINE wearing Blue and White (or pink and green..blue and gold) on the outside with Crimson and Cream in my heart!!!

There seems to be a problem here. All of the NPC have ineter conecting records to keep this very thing from happening. # 2 Men are members if the IFC.
If you joined in the first place , you messed up if it was just a name and you have to live with it or not hang with them. You are still a member of that Soro.

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Tom Earp LX Z#1
Pittsburg State U. (Kansas)

Yeah, most of you all are a trip! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

Despite what many people think, membership in NPC and NIC groups are JUST AS MUCH OF A LIFETIME COMMITTMENT as NPHC groups! Alumnae participation may differ, but I'm really tired of this attitude that just because I'm in an NPC sorority, that it's not that important to me and I can switch when I want to at anytime. The NPC is actually pretty organized to prevent things like this AFTER INITIATION. True, there are some people who have succeeded at this little charade in NPC, NIC, and NPHC groups. But, Greek letter organization is a LIFETIME COMMITTMENT regardless of the national organizing body.

My sister in greekdom,

If you KNOW that your sentiments are correct, then YOU DON'T HAVE to continue to DEFEND yourself, your organization, or ANY non-NPHC organization!

Just let it gooooooooo! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

OKAY?
OKAY! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

hmmmmm....

this is an interesting question...but what is even more interesting is the responses.



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MaMaBuddha

Devastating
Stimulating
Tantalizing
_________________________

Imaginer un métro rempli avec les anges tombés...

...defensive...??? http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/confused.gif



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MCCOYRED
Mu Psi '86
BaltCo Alumnae

Dynamic...Salient...Temperate...Since 1913

AlphaChiGirl,

Can you de-activate from your sorority? Once you de-activate, is it then as if you are not in a sorority? If so, once de-activating, can you join another sorority? I am asking these questions out of general curiousity, not trying to start anything.

Now, I'm going to pose some questions, not to rile anyone, but to provoke a little thinking. And this is not just for NPC sororities or IFC frats, this is addressed to NPHC members as well.

What is the percentage of your members that remain active after graduation from undergrad? Meaning, active and financial? How many of you continue going to regional and national conferences after graduation? For those of you who have graduated already, how many people from your line (or pledge class) are still active and financial in your org?

Yes we do get defensive on this issue -- I guess some of the NPHC members would never get defensive over anything.

I guess I feel a little differenly about this subject than my sorors and sisterfriends. I think that if your friend has become disillusioned with her current org. It's probably because she sees a legitimate problem, and based on the vow that we all took (may have been different words, but the same idea) she owes it to her org and herself to seek leadership and try to change things. All of our org. are based on (basically)sisterhood scholarship,service,finer womanhood, greater progress.. ect. You knew that much goin in. Always remember though, that charity begins at home.

To my sorors and sisterfriends: You know good and well that there are/were somethings about your org. that you didn't know, or didn't know you weren't going to like about your chapter/region/org. before you were initiated. They may not have been enough for you to have wanted to quit, but you don't know what she saw.

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If you can't raise conciousness, at least raise hell!--Rita Mae Brown

Since AlphaChiGirl and I are in the same sorority, I wanted to just throw it out that there are ways to "quit" -- if you are an active collegiate sister, you could have your badge pulled (ie, kicked out - but it has to be something pretty serious) or you could turn your badge in (ie, quit) -- these are both formal procedures that includes signing confidentiallity forms, and an official "X" by your name in the books. After graduation, an alum may choose to just not be active anymore -- or she may choose to join an alum chapter. There are many ways to stay active, which include support to the collegiate chapter nearest you (if any), financial, and other support to the Fraternity as a whole.

As with everything in life, you get out what you put in times a million http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

I choose to stay very active as an alum -- including the nod for alum chapter president -- because I love working with and for my Fraternity. Some people can't due to time and family constraints. I don't hold that against them because I would rather them give 110% to their family than 1/2 % to the chapter that they don't really have time for anyway. I guess its going to be what you make it. I can't imagine not being involved, and look forward to every day that I get a step closer to my 75-year pin.

I don't know how you'd get numbers on actual people that stay in and contribute. We have some people that support us financially (which includes our philanthropy) but who can't attend our meetings or events. So they would be counted in our active numbers while not being truly "active" in the physical sense. We also have people who don't contribute financially, but are first in line when we're working at the shelters or having a drive for shelter donations. Everybody finds their place I guess.

I know people in both BGLO and GLO orgs that aren't active at all outside of a tag on their car.

But there is a myth out there that NPC membership is not for life - I'm not being defensive because, obviously, I'm living proof that it is. People get defensive on here every damn day -- its part of the drama that brings us back on here posting the same stuff over and over and over and over....

I feel as if my sister AXO Alum said it best. I have no idea what the percentages are, I'm sure that if I REALLY wanted to know, I could find out. For that matter I know just as many NPHC members who are inactive and/or financially delinquent after graduation as NPC or NIC members. That often seems to be forgotten. I do know for certain that you SHOULD not be able to join a group if you've already been INITIATED into another, your records stay for all time and eternity.

Also, yeah. I was defensive. It's not as if I'm the only person on here who gets defensive if her sorority/governing body is criticized. I tend to remember issues of what's considered esoteric, and what's considered hazing draw a few defensive posts (and quite a few rude emails, i might add).

AlphaChiGirl,

I apologize for some of the comments made about NPC sororities and lifetime commitments. That's a bridge all of us GLO's need to cross...

Your philanthropies that your organizations support seem to me are organizationed mainly by your collegiate members and although it may extend after graduation, I want to know if your alumni chapters actively initiate separate "programs" of philanthropy to fulfill a need in your communities?

I know for my Sorority, the only one I can speak on, several years ago, we instituted the "Cleveland Jobs Corps". In my own graduate chapter, we sit on the boards for several "Headstart" programs making sure the needs of these daycare centers are met in our communities.

Does your Sorority do similarly? Excuse for my ignorance I just want to know. Please don't feel offended.

Hi-

1. If you deactivate from on NPC org you cannot join another.

2. For my org--Chi Omega--our alumni group is very active at the local chapter AND with philanthropy of their own. The Alum group works with the children's cancer ward at a local university hospital. This is above and beyond our national philanthropy. We all stay active because we love our Fraternity, love the bond we share with our sisters and want to continue to experience all that while doing good in our community.

If it's truly in her heart (as should be the ONLY reason for joining any GLO, in my opinion) she should see this as an opportunity to change things around within the chapter and make things better for the future.

AKA_Monet,

Since you gave me a good response earlier I'll try and do the same. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

My org's alumnae chapters can range in size from as little as five to as many as 60+ members. Obviously the smaller chapters will not be able to organize something on their own and their support of philanthropies will mostly be monetary. The larger chapters would have the manpower to create a community event and probably help the collegiate chapter with their events as well. It's very different for every alumnae chapter.

Also, there are only 4 NPHC sororities which I assume are fairly well distributed across the US. You can go to most any state and find members from each org. For the NPC groups, though, there are 26 of them and except for the hugest ones they are strong in different regions of the US. A group might be huge in the South and barely visible in the Northwest, or vice versa. So sometimes just getting 5 women together is a battle. I think NPC should be doing more to solve this, but that is a topic for another day.

Hope that cleared things up a little.

It seems as though my question may have been taken out of context. If you re-read my post, you will see that my question was posed to NPHC members as well. I am in no way implying that GLO's membership is not for life. We ALL have t-shirt wearers and tag bearers. And there is nothing wrong with getting defensive, I know if somebody says the wrong thing about my dear AKA, I'm going to be defensive, too. But understand this, in order to get an understanding of different traditions and whatnot between GLO's and BGLO's, conversations have to be had. I think that we can have conversations and disagree without getting bent out of shape about it. Everyone has an opinion. And as someone pointed out to me, just because we have different traditions, neither is right or wrong.

Now, here is a question. How do you feel about your members being allowed, if they so choose, to deactivate from your org? I know that I wouldn't like that at all. Once someone has deactivated (not getting their badge snatched, but on their own accord), can they re-join? Or are they out for good? I have another one! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif Do GLO's have alumni initiation, or can you only join as an undergrad?

Ok, I'm done, now. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif I think I've asked enough questions for one day! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

And I'll answer my own question. I joined an alumni chapter, so my situation is a little different, since it's not going from undergrad to grad. However, out of the 17 lovely pearls on my line, 16 of us are still active. And I'm working on the other one! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

Good post -- this is what we should be working toward http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif!

I don't understand why some people choose not to be active after graduation. Like I said, I was very excited about going through our alum ceremony and I am looking forward to becoming alum president. I guess I can understand that for some people, they have been in a chapter for 4 years, and they need a mental break to decide where they're going, what they're doing, etc. Its our job as alums to continually send them our info to pull them back in. There is no formal deactivation after graduation (at least for AXO) so an alum sister can be inactive for years and then one day just pick back up. I don't necessarily like this, and I think our nationals is doing a great job of trying to keep alums active via career networking and alumni initiative programs.

If, however, an active collegiate sister decides to quit, and goes through the formal process of signing papers and all that, then no she is not allowed to re-join even as an alum.

Alpha Chi Omega does not as of yet have an alumni initiate program -- I know there are special circumstances for this, usually reserved for a mother who was unable to attend college but who has been very supportive to her daughter's chapter and the Fraternity. I also have heard that they are working on creating an alumni initiate program - which I would be VERY excited about.

I am always interested in hearing stories of people joining via alum chapters instead of undergrad chapters -- I think it speaks volumes about the quality of membership and I hope that our organziation does implement an alum initiate program.

AKA_Monet:

You stated:
Your philanthropies that your organizations support seem to me are organizationed mainly by your collegiate members and although it may extend after graduation, I want to know if your alumni chapters actively initiate separate "programs" of philanthropy to fulfill a need in your communities?

Again, I am not trying to speak for AlphaChiGirl, but since we are sisters I thought I would answer this -- we have a national philanthropy which is The Alpha Chi Omega Foundation. The foundation provides for our sisters in the event of a tragedy, or life changing situation. It also provides for programs such as "Kristen's Story" which is provided at college campuses and is a program about rape (sponsored in conjunction with Tri-Delta). Anyway, we also support victims of domestic violence. As a result, our individual collegiate chapters adopt a shelter(s) in their area that they work with. This includes a drive for supplies, babysitting, cleaning the shelter, etc.

From this, the alum chapters can either adopt their own shelters, or choose to work with the collegiate sisters -- some do both. Our alum chapter does both by collecting toiletries and other supplies for surrounding area shelters, but also coordinating babysitting and cleaning crews with the collegiate chapter. This will vary from collegiate to alum chapter, and depending on the size of the towns each is located in.

Hope this helps!