How did you tell your parents?
 

My parents were the first generation college students, but both of them were nontraditional students and not interested in GLOs. They were confused when my brother and I joined our respective groups, but we weren't asking for their money to do it. After seeing what we actually DO, they've come to respect, if not really "get", the Greek experience.

(I didn't really make a huge deal out of telling my parents anything at first. More of a "By the way, I am going to do this. Don't worry, I'm using my money for it, here's the website if you want to check it out. Let me know if you want to talk about it some more later.")

Thanks for the response. I may try that.

I told my parents after the fact. I told my mom as I walked out the door on the way to a meeting, and then told my dad when he asked about the tag on the front of my car.

This is actually a great question that my younger sister is going through right now. Our mom is a member of "ABC" sorority. While originally my sister did entertain the idea of joining the sorority, it was later changed when she transferred schools and started learning about the "XYZ" sorority (the only of the 4 NPHC sororities not suspended off campus for hazing). My sister's probate show is coming soon and she wants my mom to attend. Plus she knows that soon my mom will be getting the call from the sorority soon so wants to give her the heads up first.

How should she go about expressing to my mom that she followed her heart and decided what was best for her and joined a different sorority?

Why is the mom getting a call from the sorority soon?

Do you perhaps know more about some of this than a "sister" should know?


Just say this.

Some people take this legacy stuff too seriously and others are happy when their kids are happy with whatever healthy and smart choices they make. Hopefully, your mother is the latter.

Your Mom has no idea that she is in the process of joining a sorority? Wow.

I never told my mom, told her my aunt (her sister) because she was a member as well. Mom either found out when I came home from college that semester or when my aunt told her.

Well, now that I think about it, neither my brother nor myself told our Mother outright about joining either of our organizations. What was funny was that we found out about each other when we were talking on the phone one day to each other and that we were both on line at the same time. We'd each just talked to our sister and then we called to talk to each other and that's how we found out.

Either way, Mom was proud that I was part of DST and bought me one of my elephants and she was proud of him (although I don't remember what she'd gotten him).

She felt that we'd both gone with our hearts and she was glad that she'd insisted that we'd both gone to an HBCU.

If I had to do it again, I'd tell her and keep moving. When my cousin joined a sorority, she told my Aunt and my Aunt told me. Both she and I looked up the sorority and that was that.

@ LibraMunoz: Is your Mom a D9 member? The OP's Mom is. If I was her Mom I would have been ticked off. I mean give me time to process it before you actually become a member of another sorority other than my own. But then I would have moved on.

Glad I didn't have to deal with that. :D

I just thought about this. It's not like they are saying come pin your child. Maybe it will be the $$$ call. ;)

DrPhi, I am not sure what "the call" is about. My sister just told me to be on the look out for it soon. I think it is a personal invitation to the probate show or whatever. I actually don't know anything about her process. She has not told me. I only know that she is going through MIP because 1-I was there when she got the call. 2-In the beginning, I had agreed to loan her the money she needed but soon realized I didn't have to funds when I had to pay for school. 3-LOL, I AM her sister so of course she confided in me that she was interested in the organization.

ladygreek, no my mom does not know. 1-My sister didn't know how to tell her that she wasn't going to do her sorority. She had once told my mom she was thinking about it and she says she could hear the hurt in my mom's voice. 2-My sister wanted to surprise my mom. She only had to tell my dad when she needed the money lol. (My parents aren't married anymore).

Wait! She could hear the hurt in your Mom's voice when she told her she was interested in another sorority. And now she wants to surprise her? And your Dad, your Mom's ex-husband, knew because he paid for it. Woosah--talk about blindsiding someone.

These aren't dependents so why would the sorority be calling the parents instead of the daughter asking her parents for money?

Also, I forgot that many aspirants don't save money/go to pawn shops, etc so they can pay for their own stuff--or at least most of it. That sucks.

ETA: Okay, the call may be about the invite to the show. Uhmm...still...why would that come from the sorority since those aren't your mother's sorors? This is strange to me.

Either case, I want my son or daughter to tell me off the bat. I'm not paying for most of it regardless, but I want them to seek my advice on something that their parents know a helluva lot more about than they do. That applies even if my daughter doesn't want to be a Delta.

My sister actually is paying for it. She took out a school loan but she needed the money fast when she got "the call" LOL. She wasn't going to tell my dad either until at the last minute I realized I couldn't help her.

I am supposed to be getting the phone call too so it has nothing to do with money. I honestly think its just a personal invite to the probate show.

anyone getting the feeling that discretion applies not only to the aspirant but also those around them, or is it just me? sheesh.

LG, no, my Mom isn't a part of a D9 org, but her oldest sister was as well as several aunts and cousins.

Nah, she wasn't mad, by the time I'd told her, the process was completed and there wasn't anything she could do, by either of us. But she was very supportive and very happy because it was something that she wanted for us. It was something that she didn't get to do because of where she went to school, the D9 organizations weren't there at the time.

Libra I think your situation is different from the OP's. Your Mom wasn't vested in another D9 sorority. The OP's Mom is. Your Mom could still join you. :)

The OP's sister knew the Mom would be hurt.

The OP's sister involved the Dad.

The parents can still claim them while they are in college if they are paying any of the tuition or expenses--or at least they could. I know I did, but tax laws have changed. The parent also then gets the bills. :D But you are right, in this situation that wouldn't matter anyway.

My sister confirmed that it's just a personal call to the probate show. I am sure that they have no knowledge that my mom is from a different sorority.


You can still be claimed as a dependent until the age of 24 if you are in college. Actually when you try to apply for federal loans (ie fafsa), you must use your parents tax information until you are either 24, married, or have a child.


I apologize if you feel that I came off with too much information, but I have to disagree with you for 3 reasons.

1-I did not reveal what sorority my mom is in nor which one my sister is trying to join. Nor did I say either was a D9, so that could be dozens of different possibilites.
2-It is not uncommon for a student who is not working, but only a full-time student, to ask his/her parents for the money and/or take out a student loan to pay for the process.
3-My sister isn't the first, second, or last person that will not join her mother (or his father)'s sorority/fraternity.
:)

I beg to differ. You referenced the NPHC sororities which are part of the D9.

By talking about this you introduced your Dad into it telling us he and your mother were no longer married. We didn't have to know that. And I bet your Mom wouldn't appreciate her business being told to complete strangers.

That was never the issue. The issue was the mother not being told in advance.

A bit of advice: quit before you dig your hole deeper.

:)

The "sister," eh? Sure.

Siblings usually shut up by now. The aspirants themselves usually don't.

I wonder if we will get an invitation to the "probate" show.

Maybe it will be put on youtube and posted on GC. :rolleyes:
(I feel a particular way about certain types of videos posted on youtube. In fact, I see no point in youtube unless it involves music and music videos)

On another note, there's a reason why prospective new members don't tell everyone that they are going through the process. When you release information to "outsiders," you can't control where the info ends up. It might end up on GC. People have to think about who they trust and who knows how to shut up.

Does "the call" remind anyone else of the mysterious "thing" that pops up in some of the recruitment stories? :rolleyes:

Totally agree.

I'm very unfamiliar with "the call." Prospectives can call their own peoples if they need money or want to invite them to something (where nonmembers are welcome).

We only called Sorors, who were the aspirants' family members and friends, to invite them to members-only and all-welcome events.

Ok I did say that my sister was looking 1 of the 4 sororities (D9) but not that my mom was in a D9. Note that I am not the OP of this message. And my parents have been divorced for over 15 years lol. It's not that big of a secret or a big deal anymore. The reason I mentioned them being divorced was as a way of saying that its not like she purposely went home and pulled my dad aside to ask for the money behind my mom's back. She didn't plan to tell my dad either until she realized she needed the money. My sister won't be the first person either to not tell her parents upfront that she was going thru MIP of a greek org.

I am not the person going through the process. The reason I am still talking because I wanted to point out that I felt differently about previous posts that I am oversharing. I have never heard of "the call" either, but I am only going by what I was told was going to happen. Obviously different sororities and/or different chapters do things differently. I would understand your concern if I was like "yea my sister is going through MIP for Xi Chi Beta and we live in missouri and she goes to the University of Missouri."(for example). Everything that I have listed here have been basic questions that any person could go through. People get divorced ALL THE TIME. Students go to one parent over the other when they need money. Plus I am sure that not ALL students run home to tell their parents the minute they get the phone call that they were selected to go through MIP for the sorority/fraternity. Nothing new there guys.

And the original question: How do you tell your mom you are joining a different sorority before she finds out through an outside source?

Don't get me wrong though, I do appreciate you ladies trying to hint at me to use more discretion, and I will keep that in mind in future post.

All of my posts here past the original question have been in response to questions asked as a way to give someone trying to answer the question a better understanding of the situation without, what I feel, reveals too many details.

Learn when to SHUT UP!

You are the OP of the thread to which the current responses are being given. And in fact, you put a different spin on what the first OP asked. She specified first generation college students in reference to the fact that the parents would not understand about Greek Life. As far the inferences and implications, remember in whose forum you are. If the orgs weren't relevant to us why not name them?

It seems like she took what was available, regardless...

In some ways, it would seem like that. Yet she says she did research the different groups to see what fit her personality best. Plus she got a chance to know some of the girls that are already in the sorority. That helps when you have someone that you can look up to that shows a great role-model. It IS the ONLY D9 sorority on campus that has never been suspended for hazing in the 20 years they have been on campus. That definitely speaks highly of that chapter by itself.


This is an open website that includes many different sororities/fraternities. It is very possible to just look at posts from the top level all over the sites that are from different sororites/fraternities. This one was at the top of the list since it had a recent post. For instance, I recently looked at a post that was in the Dating area b/c it had a recent time stamp on it. I admitted that my sister is trying to join a D9 but never that my mom was in 1. There are many other sororities including multicultural ones that she could be in. Also even IF she was in a D9, that's 12 different combinations of sororities that could fit the category of my mom and sister, ie no way that anyone could know what sorority I am referring to.

Also I would guess that you are a mature person. Maturity does not include telling another grown person to Shut up! You can ask them to be quiet but you aren't my mom, my boss, no one that has authority over me to tell me to shut up. I will continue to speak my mind until I am deemed completely out of character or banned from the site or feel that I am wrong in the situation. And as far as I can see, I have done nothing to be banned from the site and feel as if you guys are taking this way out of proportion that I over-revealed. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but it doesn't make it right.

With that being said, thank you to anyone who actually TRIED to answer my question. I will be the mature one here and not reply to this thread.

There is a myriad of reasons this could be, but I won't go into them. I hope they have other qualities that she admires--like stellar service programs, high academics, tight sisterhood.




Actually, I didn't tell you to shut up. I told you to LEARN when to shut up. RIF

And now you say you will. My job here is done!

Now you know that I don't condone hazing (well maybe sometimes :cool: :mad: ) but that is not what you said earlier. You said that it IS the only sorority not suspended for hazing. Which means that it is the only org currently recognized on campus. This leaves a selection pool of ONE :rolleyes: VERY choosy. It seems to me like she just wanted to be Greek so I have no sympathy for her.

If mom gets pissed, then so be it; she needs to take it like a woman and GTFOI. If it really is the org for her then why should she dread telling mom? It is what it is!

I know I said I was done, but since you brought this up I just thought that I would comment on it. I really do believe that she found the sorority that best matched her personality. Being that it was the only sorority on campus, it gave her a chance to get to know more about that particular sorority then just following the hype of what her friends/parents/cousins/etc did. I know that she did research all the orgs and as far as there not being a big pool, another sorority will be back on campus next year. Therefore if she wanted to do that, she would have easily waited. Not to mention that she went to a school previously that had all 4 so she learned about all 4 during that time too.

And I didn't say my mom would be pissed at her but only hurt. My mom wouldn't be the first parent to want their child to follow his/her footsteps to a greek organization. Who really likes to hurt their parents feelings? Though she did wish that my sister followed her footsteps, she was happy for my sister and traveled over 800 miles (13 hour drive) to be here for my sister's probate show.

And how do you know this?

Drunk. Like on the dancefloor at a weeding. Just BOOM! Dad! I joined a fraternity!!

I hope someone caught that reference

I went with my sister to a forum that gave students a chance to talk to members of all the NPHC back in January. The sororities that were suspended had members of the local graduate chapter talk. The president of that particular alumnae chapter informed the students that the fees were paid and they would be looking into having MIP next year.

I shouldn't have said I KNOW this. Rather that another sorority is no longer suspended and prospected to be back on campus next year.

I just told my mom what I wanted to do.. she said okay. Never really questioned it...