Non-greek lavaliering a greek girlfriend
 

Hey, I am not in the greek life but my girlfriend is and she has mentioned lavaliering. If I am not in a fraternity can I lavalier her? Is there any special rules or anything? I do not want to come off as an ass trying to do something that is special to the greek life.

What would you lavalier her with?

idk what i would "lavalier" her with and no i have never seen the show greek. i just thought it might be a nice thing to do for her. im pretty sure she wants it to happen.

You can get her a promise ring or a promise necklace or a mizpah or something. Do the young people still do that today?

But if you aren't Greek and your girlfriend is specifically saying she wants to be lavaliered, you might have some relationship issues. 1) Women usually don't ask men to lavalier them unless they're real ballbreakers 2) She knows you have no letters to lavalier her with and it sounds like she's jealous of her sisters who are getting lavaliered by their Greek boyfriends. Which means in her eyes, you are coming up short, Charlie.

I agree with 33girl in that a girl should never ask to be lavaliered. Its basically a pre-engagement so make sure that that is how you view it.

Otherwise, one of my sisters at a different school was recently lavaliered by her gdi boyfriend. He used our letters and had asked permission from the house to do so. Lavaliering is typically considered an only greek practice in that you can never give her your letters and show that she means as much to you as your letters do to you. Its very symbolic in that regard. And you also wont get all the ribbing that Greek guys have to go through after dropping a girl so its never going to be the same or hold the same meaning as a Greek dropping her.

I would just give her a nice promise ring on a chain if you wanted to give her something and then she can have a candle pass in her house which makes it more symbolic...

Max? (how does he know about this if he's never seen Greek?)

I'd personally think it was lame if my non-Greek boyfriend lavaliered me. I can wear my letters anytime, wearing your boyfriend's letters that he gave to you (and all that goes with it) would be special.

Well, he said his girlfriend brought it up.

Perhaps it's a subtle way of suggesting he join a fraternity so that he can lavalier her?

He mentioned Greek because I mentioned it in my response and linked to the other thread about this topic. I can see how this could be confusing as my post was deleted.

Why my post was removed, I have no idea...

a non-greek person should not be lavaliering his greek girlfriend. final answer!

Why not?

Because the letters aren't theirs to give.

Though it could be argued that even for fraternity men the letters aren't theirs to give.

My ex, who is in a fraternity, gave me my own letters after I got lavaliered by my big after about a year (as is chapter tradition) but with a gold one which is what I really wanted instead of the silver I got initially [cos that's what I deserved, yeah I said it:)].

I agree, and that's one reason why lavaliering for boyfriends and girlfriends is such a strange thing to me. I don't understand fraternity men "giving" their letters to a woman or "giving" a woman her own letters.

It makes more sense to me that there are organizations with designations and/or ceremonies for husbands and wives of members. I don't know if this involves the "giving" of any letters for some of these orgs.

And not to be a debbie downer, but what if you break up with your non-Greek boyfriend that lavaliered you? What would you do with the lavalier? It's a technical question, because I'm sure you'd wear it, but it's like wearing a promise ring after you break up. Having been the recipient of one of those (a promise ring), I never quite felt right wearing it after, even though I loved it.

Not necessarily. It varies greatly from one campus to another.


I think it's strange to ask to be lavaliered especially by a non-Greek. I would go with the promise ring that's been mentioned. Or here's an odd idea; make a lavalier out of your initials.

We actually put it into a our Constitution four years ago that only brothers may wear our letters, but I know that many other fraternities do allow it for something like a lavalier. If the fraternity allows it, then I guess they are a brother's to give.

Yeah, but did you have a ceremony within your chapter or was it just a question of him buying the lavalier for you as a present? There's a difference between buying someone a lavalier and lavaliering them. What you're talking about, your parents could have done just as well.

Can your brothers give their girlfriend a necklace with the fraternity jewel on it or something like that? That is, do you allow for anything else that can show a "promise" between a brother and his girlfriend?

Good question. We don't have an official jewel, so that's not an option. The decision four years ago was the result of conversations that had been going on for a while and reflected the practice of most chapters. I know there was some discussion about a lavalier-substitute when the decision was formally made, and I can remember there were some suggestions, but so far the only thing we seem to offer officially is a sweetheart charm or necklace. (I think we actually told Herff Jones to stop offering lavaliers for us.)

I guess the sweetheart necklace would do in a pinch, but perhaps chapters are developing their own traditions here, or perhaps something official will still come out later.

No. You can't. You can try, but you'll probably have at least one member of a fraternity in your face asking you about it.

op, your girlfriend could have a candlepass,white candle, candlelight or whatever her sorority calls it if you got engaged.

Sorry about that. This topic was originally posted in the Kappa Alpha Theta forum. I originally deleted your post trying to keep it on topic but then I realized the whole thread really didnt have anything to do with Theta, so I deleted my own reply and just moved the thread here.

Thanks for the explanation - I didn't mean to sound like a Bitter Betty, I was just a little bit confused.:)

[QUOTE=33girl;1882861] Yeah, but did you have a ceremony within your chapter or was it just a question of him buying the lavalier for you as a present? There's a difference between buying someone a lavalier and lavaliering them. What you're talking about, your parents could have done just as well.


He was going to do the ceremony w/ the help of my big (who was an alum by this time) but he chickened out and just gave it to me. We're still good friends after having dated for a very long time, and if I had a chain to fit that tiny loop, I'd still be wearing the lavalier. And yes, you're right, it's about the same as just having it bought and given to me, but that's why I'm not against a non-Greek guy doing it as long as it's within the tradition of the chapter (my chapter your big is supposed to give it to you), but if at her's this is not the case then what does it matter who buys it, if they break up, it's her letters and I don't think I'd ever not wear a lettered item I liked regardless of where it came from so I don't see the harm as long as his intentions of what it means are clear.

I'm missing something here. If he was Greek, why didn't he just lavalier you with HIS letters?

The OP's girlfriend wants a full out candlepass. If he's non Greek, there are two options: 1) promise ring or something similar 2) SHE lavaliers HIM with HER letters.

No. Bad 33. He cannot wear her letters as a lavalier. That would be just all kinds of wrongness. Plus, she is the one who wants a necklace like all her friends have.

I'm still not convinced that this is a legit thread, but oh well.

A. Girls should not ask to be lavaliered.

B. Lavaliering is for lame-o's.

Let me clarify my opinion on this matter.

A non-greek man can certainly lavalier his greek girlfriend. Can he give her a lavalier with his letters? Obviously not, as he's not in a fraternity. Can he give her a lavalier with her own letters? No - he doesn't know their significance, and, honestly, it would be weird. But he can give her a pendant to show her that he loves her and he may one day propose. And her sorority may choose to treat this as an equivalent to a fraternity lavalier.

What would you do if you broke up with your greek boyfriend who lavaliered you? What would you do with the lavalier?

Personally, I would give the lavalier back. I had a Greek boyfriend who was an alum and I was still in college. He gave me a letter shirt to wear-which was his equivalent to a lavalier. When we broke up, I gave it back. What would I want with it?

If this was to me (I'm not sure it is): In my post I made it clear that in my chapter your big sister gives you your lavaliere, however I received a silver one and everyone knew I wanted a gold one. He got me the gold one.

Also, he did give me his letters and we are now broken up but on very good terms so in response to those wondering what happens after, I kept mine. This works for US, I don't know about anyone else, but b/c his brothers and chapter were instrumental in me meeting the women who eventually became my sisters there is a bond b/t myself and many of the older members in his organization. So it's not just about my ex for me. He knows I respect his fraternity and so it was never an issue to give the lavalier back. That works for us, it may not work well or at all for others.

So here's what happened. He lavaliered you with his letters and you had a candlepass. He gave you a present of a gold Phi Mu lavalier. The two have zero to do with each other. The "special promise" was signified by him giving you his letters, not him giving you your letters in a different metal.

LOL! We're lost! Okay here goes:

1) My big gave me a silver lavaliere about one year into membership as per chapter tradition (the choice of metal is left up to the big sister). It was well known I wanted gold and she still gave me silver so...
2) BF @ the time bought me a gold one. (It was just a random gift during the following spring, he chickened out on doing candle pass at chapter)
3) 3 years into dating he lavaliers me w/ HIS letters.
4) Several years later, we break up on good terms and due to the close relationship I have with his org/brothers he told me to keep his letter lavalier.
5) I also keep all other gifts received in relationship along w/ my sorority lavaliere he gave me.

^^ # 5 was in regard to the sorority lavalier that he gave me.

to clarify....she never ASKED me to lavalier her....i just know that its a big deal to some girls in sororities and i thought it would be special to do...im not in a fraternity but i do recognize the importance from hearing her friends talk about it...

Sorry I called her a ballbreaker, then. :) You can get her a promise ring or something similar if you want to show a deeper level of commitment and her sorority will still have a ceremony for her.

But your original post said "she has mentioned lavaliering." It doesn't say anything about what is special to "some girls."

she has mentioned lavaliering in talking with her sisters. not about it happening to her but in general about other sisters.

??? If she's talked with her sisters about others getting lavaliered, how do you know about it and how did you infer that was something she was interested in? I'm not trying to be sticky here but that sounds very odd...even for teenagers/young adults. She may have talked with some sister about another sister who has gone to live in South American on a ranch. Would, if you were informed of that discussion, think she wanted to do the same? Sorry, but I don't get where this came from in the first place. That seems about as odd as you asking about lavaliering her when you have nothing to lavalier her with - unless you are planning to run out and pledge a fraternity - which doesn't seem to be the case.