Do You Judge?
 

In various threads, we talked about people who judge others, or certain situations based on their own experiences. Some of us (as discussed in another thread) may question where someone attended college-if they attended college-or whether or not they were Greek, in order to judge whether or not they are "good people" or "like us."

Some of us judge people on whether or not they have the same religious beliefs as us. Others judge based upon race or socioeconomic status. Some people base their dating prospects on what they find suitable in a partner. What do you judge? We all do it. I talked about wanting to make this into a thread. We should try and not judge eachother for our beliefs. So, what makes you judge others?

I will start.

While at my military training school, a guy in my platoon walked up to me as I was sitting on a bench and he said to me, "Do you want to read my Satan bible?" I was stunned. I didn't even know something like that existed. While I was curious and thought it might be interesting to check it out (not because I believe in praying to Satan-or whatever they do), I was in fear I would upset God. Therefore, I stopped even talking to that kid in my platoon because he freaked me out. Was it right? Maybe not. I was only 19 and had never left my small town, which is 98% white.

I've told my boyfriend over and over again that I am happy he is educated. I watched both of my parents struggle with paying bills as I grew up and I thought I would never want to deal with that as an adult. I chose to go to college and would find it hard not dating someone who was not college educated. Granted, it is shoved down a teenager's throat that college opens doors to TONS OF MONEY, that is not always the case. I am just set in that way. I do have friends, however, who are not college educated.

Thoughts?

And if someone says that they don't I judge them to be liars.

End of thread.

Great point, DrPhil! You are right about that! It is like what was said in the other thread about how finding out someone is a member of a GLO makes you think, "Wow, they are somewhat like me." Do you find that when you find a person is a member of a GLO, specifically yours, you think, "Okay, I'll give them a chance." I'm not saying you don't give people a chance, initially. I'm just saying that you might listen a little more to what they say because maybe they attended a very good university, or they are a member of your GLO. Maybe they make tons of money or they are of a particular race/ religion.

When I am networking. :)

When I am in the mood for jokes, I will give that person a harder time through organizational satire. :)

The fact that everyone has different life experiences and frames of reference forces us to judge people and events. As long as folks realize that others have their own points of view, I don't see a problem with it.

No. I sometimes felt that way when I first crossed, but I've since changed my stance. I'll give someone a chance if s/he says something that makes me want to listen. If you're an idiot who happens to share my letters, you're still an idiot :p

Okay, fair enough. Do you find yourself drawn to certain types of people moreso than others? I'm not saying that not everyone judges. I guess I am just asking what it is that makes YOU judge people?

I talked about the Satanist thing, but I gave my reasons for it. Anyone else have certain circumstances they want to discuss.

Also-thanks to everyone for keeping this thread going. I'm interested to hear what everyone has to say.

Even if you try not to, it still happens. Human nature- for better or for worse. Interesting question nonetheless.

One of my big ones is smoking. Both of my parents smoke, and I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. I think some smokers are fairly ignorant about how what they do affects others. There's the argument of "I'm only hurting myself, it's my choice"- but I can smell it on you, I know you did it, and yes it does affect me. And when it's in close proximity, yes it does hurt me through secondhand smoke. And just because you doused yourself in cologne and stood outside for 10 minutes in 20 degree weather? Oh yeah, that stench is still there (btw I'm also allergic to fragrance/cologne, sweet). My dad bathed my dog in cologne once so I wouldn't be able to smell it... thanks for trying, dad. I suppose one step further, don't say you're trying to quit if you're not. I get that it's hard, but don't tell me you're quitting as I hear you take a puff on the other end of the phone. So rational or irrational, I innately judge on smoking.

The other one is related to religion... not what religion someone is, or whether they are religious. Rather, my peeves are when I feel someone judging me on religion (even if they have the best intentions, like mentioned above) or if someone doesn't take any personal responsibility. I can understand to some extent "it's God's will" or "what will be will be", but when you get to the point where you're harming others or just plain being outrageously stupid- take some accountability for your actions. Maybe God wants you to.

Phew. /rant.

LOL...I remember meeting my first Black person who is an Atheist about 11 years ago. He was also in a BGLO frat.

He was nice, handsome, we had the same major at different universities, and knowing he was in a frat let me know we had some things in common. Then I said something about the Black Church and he told me he's an Atheist. End conversation. LOL. I was still very nice to him but nothing else matters to me if you're an Atheist or a Satanist.

I'm a black man who grew up in the white suburbs, only to join a Latino frat. Needless to say, I'm drawn to many different types of people. Depending on the situation, I'll gravitate toward certain groups (ex. If 98% of the people at an event are uneducated, I'll try to seek out that 2%). That doesn't mean that I harbor any ill-will toward the others (I'm not going to walk into a room and shout "all you non-college grads raise your hands so I know not to talk to you!" I'll interact with people until they give me reasons not to) -- it's just easier to communicate with people that share my point of view.

I do enjoy discussion, though. If I had been approached by the individual with the Satanic "Bible" (if that's what it's even called), I wouldn't immediately shun him. I'm assuming there's a reason he brought up his beliefs. I'd take the opportunity to learn something and possibly inform him about my belief system.

Bravo! Wow, I agree with the smoking thing. Believe it or not, both my parents used to smoke and my boyfriend's parents both smoked and he and I do NOT smoke. He even said it is a turn-off to him when he sees a hot girl smoke.

I get upset when my friends/ family members who had children out of wedlock and are receiving assistance from the Government get on me for not having kids myself, yet. I will. I just choose to be able to give my children everything I never had. It drives me nuts when women who never had a job a day in their lives say, "I take care of my kids. They wear the best namebrand clothes and have the latest toys." Taking care of your kids means providing for them, not expecting tax payers to provide expensive things for them as you smoke that cig. that you can't afford.

Phew./ Rant...Thanks Tigerlilly, I had to get that out.

I actually laughed out loud (thank you, I needed that) from this. That is too funny. I agree. I'm not saying you intentionally walk into a room and say, "Uneducated need not apply to be my friend." I'm just saying that you find yourself drawn to people like you.

As far as the satan bible goes, I guess I was more freaked out than anything. Part of me thinks it may be interesting to read it (just to read it), but I'm afraid I would burn in hell. No thanks, not worth it.

I'm not sure how long you knew that guy. If you'd known him for a while and built a friendship before he revealed his beliefs, would you have stopped talking to him?

Hmmmm...that is a good question. I would have to say, maybe. I only knew him a little. He was in my Army tech. school with me. I didn't really know him that well. I will say that I dated a guy my Freshman year in college who I later found out was an Atheist. I tried to get over it. I just couldn't do it. He was so pissed that I broke up with him for that reason. I just couldn't date him.

I think dating is a little different. If you're trying to build some sort of life with someone, it makes sense to have similar belief systems.

One of the perks of friendships (in my mind) is being able to interact with people with different backgrounds. If I was only interested in talking to people that were EXACTLY like me, I'd have no reason to talk to anyone else -- I could hang out with myself.

Again, as long as people realize that others may or may not share their beliefs, I don't have a problem with them.

It's not that you judge.

It's why you judge.

Oh thank heaven. I'm not the only one. I'm not allergic to smoke, but I wear gas permeable contacts and I just cannot be around smoke or it dries them up something awful. I've even found that if I'm near someone who is a heavy smoker and/or the smell clings to their clothes, my eyes will get dry.

My boyfriend smoked when I first met him (although I wouldn't have known it if he hadn't told me - he never did it around me and the smell did not cling to him at all) but quit about a month into our relationship. It was tough for him at first - and he's surrounded by smokers at work so that doesn't help - and I felt like his smoking friends weren't being much help. One flat-out gave him crap about quitting and others would smoke like chimneys around him in social settings. I know they have a right to smoke, but it seems to me if you were a supportive friend, you wouldn't be blowing smoke in the face of someone trying to quit. It got so bad one time we were out with a group that we had to leave (for both our sakes). So I guess I'm judgmental on that front.

^^ this, up here.

of course, and that's natural selection, survival of the fittest type stuff. Like attracts like, in most cases, because its familiar and doesnt require extra work to identify and relate.

Right. I judge (internally) because its funny as heck and know that 98% of the time its just jokes. Even when it's out loud its for comedic effect.

Yes, I do it. It's just that there are certain people I don't like to associate myself with. I don't feel about it, though, because everyone is biased about something or someone to some degree.

I judge people who put out professional ads with glaring misspellings. I'm not talking about small things, I'm talking about things that if you had bothered to hit the spell check button, it definitely would have caught the mistakes. I refuse to do business with people like that.

I'm pretty judgmental about grammar and spelling in general and have to fight the urge not to correct some people (like professors when they're writing on the board in class) but my grammar and spelling isn't perfect by any means so I try not to let it influence me too much.

Sorry if that wasn't as deep as religion and race and such :p

That's a good one too. I used to be a recruiter and you'd be amazed at what people will put on their resumes. You get 1-2 pages to promote yourself and you choose crap? Awesome. I also have an aunt who believes that all plural words end in apostrophe-s. Thank's, your's, cookie's, anything goes. Is it THAT hard to learn possessive and plural rules? Or basic spelling? I suppose I interpret that as either not detail-oriented or not caring.

I will be honest here. I don't see anything wrong with you choosing not to associate yourself with someone like that. I don't see that as judging. As a Christian I do not wish to associate with people who worship satan. It has nothing to do with being judgmental. There are spiritual reasons why i wouldn't associate with someone like that and I don't think you should offer excuses or reasons for it. It is what it is.

I judge people although I try not to. However, I also think that people use the term "judging" too loosely. For instance when I discuss how homosexuality is a sin based on what I have read in the Bible, that is not judgment. Yet people categorize it as being so. Judgment in relation to that would be saying that a homosexual person is going to hell.

Also there are times when I size people up based on their behavior, organizations they belong to, or things like that. I sometimes use that to decide whether I should or should not allow someone into my inner circle or whether I should keep my distance. I consider that more of a discernment thing and useful for protecting myself from friendships with people who may wish me harm.

Id be the first to admit that i am judgemental...its not always a nice thing but...it is what it is...
for example...if i see a female talking loud or dressed a certain way im quick to assume that she isnt a lady...this happens pretty often

Really?

I mean, REALLY?

Yeah... That basically sums it up. Or people who think it's appropriate to use the letter "u" for you in a paper that's worth half your grade. REALLY?! REALLY?! Feels good to get that off my chest lol.

Well said.

I think it's human nature to judge, so I have no problems with people making judgments, as long as they are willing to reshape those judgments once they learn more about the person. It's when people stick to false assumptions in spite of evidence to the contrary that the old saying about ASSuming becomes relevant. :D

I USED to judge ppl who could not (or would not) control their children in public. Then my kid turned 2! Now I understand that no matter how well disciplined or well behaved a kid may be, you can not CONTROL your kids in all situations.:o

yea...until i had to take my nephew out with me, whos a year and a half....i did not understand
funny how stop and no dont mean anything to them once you step out the house

^^^^ this

Oh and I also judge ppl with poor phone etiquette.
Conversations that go like this....

Person: Hello
Me: Hello, may I speak to Jane?
Jane: This me

Or an actual conversation with a relative...

Cousin: Hello
Me: Hi is this the Smith residence
Cousin: Nah this aint no residence, black ppl live here, this our house.:eek:

....make me assume ppl are uneducated even though I know that is not necessarily true.

What about people who use text speak in actual conversations?

Sadly, I have. And "brb", "rofl" and "omg".

along with wtf and fml...

Tell that to the mother of the child who decided to PULL MY HAIR. Or because I love the movie Cars and my little made me a custom Cars bag, lean over the ENTIRE time to look at it and comment.

I have been known to speak in text once in a while. But only when supergiddy or sarcastic in mood. Except I do regularly use: BRB, OMG, WTF (but a lot of people I know do that), and a few other common ones.

OMG and WTF were popular amongst my group of friends, even i've been guilty of doing it. "And I was like O-M-G, W-T-F?!" lmao :D


FML is popular right now (although I've never heard someone say the actual letters, we'll see though, there is always someone)

I've heard people say fml (the letters) before.

I know I've said wtf before (the letters). I think maybe omg too but that I'm not sure on.

I really don't care what religion you are or aren't. Chances are, for at least a week of my freshman year, I thought I was going to convert to whatever it is your religion is, anyway. (Freshman year was a bad time.) But I will judge you (or smack you, maybe?) if you try to push your beliefs on me.

I hate bad spelling and grammar, but I'm surrounded by engineers, computer programmers, and accountants. No one can spell. I edit business valuations where every other word is randomly capitalized. All of these people are brilliant despite their unpolished English skills. So while I cringe, I've decided to just be glad they have this weakness - they'll always need me around to help them with something :)

Now, I am incredibly shallow, because I HATE it when you are just plain nasty. It's called hygiene, people. Take a shower. Maintain yourselves (is it that hard to take care of your hair? to use some lotion? to just BE CLEAN?). And don't go out in public until you have figured all this out. Unless you have a really good excuse, I do not want to be able to smell you, and I do not want to see you in your pajamas or with your hair in rollers or any other such thing. Bathe, put on clean clothes (real clothing!), and THEN leave home. I think maybe I am spending too much time in the Wal-Mart, because this has just been killing me lately. People are disgusting! :eek:

eh. whatever.