rejected
 

I got my letter and was very hurt when I read it. I thoughtI had done my best, but I guess it was not good enough. I am wondering why I was rejected. I am a student returning back to school after 5 years. I suppose that the sorority did not know me. Does anyone have any suggestions for me when I try again next year.
Thanks in advance

Do not take this overly personally. Many things could have happened: as you say, they may not have been able to get to know you well enough to decide; they may have had more candidates than places available and had to cut based on a variety of factors; etc. My bit of advice is to keep being involved in campus activities, keep your grades up and build your network of friends & associates. (Depending upon the type of group you're rushing, there may be other things to do or definitely not do.) Keep your chin up -- you gave it a shot and that's important! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

In addition to that, If you really want it, don't let this one rejection stop you. Winners get up everytime they are knocked down.

I LIKE THAT, RESEARCHER!

I am sorry you were rejected , I know how you feel, maybe you should look at other groups, either way I wish you the best of Luck and happiness, and I am sure all my sisters do too http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif
One and Much Love DGP

Well since you said they don't know you, that's probably why you were rejected. Think about it. If you had to choose who did and didn't get a bid, would you vote for someone you didn't know? That's the point - it might be fake at first but you have to make the effort to get to know the brothers or sisters of the org.(s) you are interested in. You age shouldn't have anything to do with it.

That sucks, I must say..... But why in the hell would you post such a topic? Are you a glutton for punishment?

Not to discredit what DGPhoney said, but this depends on what kind of org you're interested in. If it's an NPHC org, I think you wouldn't look to another group if it's truly in your heart.. that's kind of understood. Not sure what your situation is, but best of luck either way! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

that's really insensitive, drinknlotsNole. think before you type--what if you were down and looking to talk it out with an objective group of people sharing your interests? your friends aren't objective, that's why they're your friends. this forum offers people a place to share and vent and ask questions about the greek system and no comment or question deserves the sort of invalidation you gave it. do you realize your comment could have hurt the writer? anyway, i'm getting off my soapbox now.


[This message has been edited by amycat412 (edited March 14, 2001).]

Ok. I know that when we are trying to decide who to bid, we do look at age. It makes a difference, because there are just a certain number of openings and you have to look at how many years people can stay with the organization in an undergraduate situation. If a chapter always makes quota they are going to take the younger people in order to keep the most involvement out of the group for the longest time. Because of your age, they are going to think that you will more than likely get married before you finish and move on into the alum group. Then they have to replace you. Also, if you are 25+ you may not enjoy the mixer type things that the group does, because they are mixing with younger guys, too.

It would be better to get involved with another group, and there are a lot of them, where your age won't matter-for you or them. Then join a sorority as an alum initiate.

If groups don't always make quota on your campus, there is still the oportunity to join as an active. I'm just telling you like it is. You may find the activities to "girlie/young" for you-or then maybe not. It just depends on the group and yourself-it's different with each group and each campus. We always need good alum initiates-they can be some of the best ones yet.

[This message has been edited by pledgetrainer2 (edited March 14, 2001).]

Wow, I must say that men and women are very different in their approaches to membership.

Generally you have different levels of thinking in a chapter setting.

So for example, there are people who think of others in terms of fun, there are others that think in terms of leadership and quality of participation.

I am not sure that many male fraternities would disqualify on the basis of age. They might use it as an excuse if there were other more subtle reasons why they didn't like/approve the person.

Also, generally age is cosmetic, in general a chapter is more likely to accept someone who looks younger that is older than someone who is younger but looks older.

And even then, for a person to realistically expect a bid from a fraternity he must have shown interest or been shown interest in.

So with that in mind it is possible for even a much older personn to be initiated, in fact I can see some chapter members thinking it was a cool thing to do to share an experience they value with someone who didn't get the chance to participate at a younger age.

As far as not enjoying the mixer thing . . . women and alcohol . . . hmmm . .. we said they were older not dead right?

And if they find themselves to mature to show up and talk to people, that just means a better ratio of girls and alcohol to each individiual brother (in a legal third party vending setting of course with proper adherance to policies) http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif.

This seems to be a recurring topic . . . I am not sure how your older friends are but mine are kind of people that still enjoy life, have fun, but have greater responsibilities, and are often better at things through practice.

Granted for most the end of college means the end of dreams and aspirations but some of these posts seem to condemn y'all into becoming your grandparents, because what would be true in your implications for those older would likely be true for yourselves in a few years.

So please stop assuming that Benjamin Franklin's quote (paraphrased) Most people die at 21 but wait till their 60's to be burried, is true.

But women do look at the world differently than men. Although disqualifying a women on the basis that she may get married because she is a few years older than you is the same type of discrimination that women have seen in the work place. why would women discriminate againbst women?

Oh well . . .

In the meantime please introduce me to your better looking fun loving alumnae that you believe are just to mature to hang out http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif.



[This message has been edited by James (edited March 14, 2001).]

pledgetrainer2,
Not allowing someone to join your organization because of age is discrimination. You shouldn't look at the age of the possible new members you should look at the qualities that they would bring to your organization.

First of all, I was 20 when I joined my organization and was 24 when I got married and graduated. I stayed active in the sorority from the time that I got married to the time that I graduated which was six months. And let me just tell you I was probably the most active member.

Secondly, you shouldn't assume that people who are 25+ would not enjoy the mixers that are planned because it would involve younger guys. I met my husband at a mixer two years ago and he is two years younger than I am. Is there some sort of rule that I should know about for dating younger guys?

Why would you tell somebody to get involved with another group if they were interested in yours?? (sorry, we like you, but you're too old) Age shouldn't matter. I don't know what school you go to or to which organziation that you belong, but it isn't like that all over.

I surprised someone hasn't busted your organziation for discrimination. No wonder most people don't want to join a greek organization...

James, I'm with you on this one.

To my understanding, a rejection letter is used by NPHC organizations. deeplyhurt, you didn't say but I'm going to assume that's what you were interested in.

If that's the case, if at first you don't succeed, TRY, TRY AGAIN....and LEARN and GROW in the process. "Reach for the moon - even if you fail, you'll be among the stars."

One thing that I always tell my sisters when choosing a new sister is to think of the girl as well as the chapter. Maybe they think that you weren't going to be happy there. Hopefully there are other sororities at your school to look at. please e-mail me and I can tell you all about mine!

------------------
Katey, ZA chapter of AGD
"Could I have been anyone other than me?"-Dave Matthews

Now wait a minute. I am only telling the truth. Besides, membership in Greek organizations if based on discrimination of many different types. Life is full of discrimination, when picking friends. You descriminate against the one who has no personality at rush parties, who looks like they fell in a tackle box, weighs 300 lbs., who dresses like a whore or talks trashy, so when in the world did being way older than the group become something to try to hide as a factor in picking members? We pick people that we think will fit in with the ones we already have-and I agree-who will contribute in a way that will add to the membership.

When you don't take quota-there is more likelyhood that you will take some who might not have made it otherwise.

I didn't register my school or group, because I want to be able to tell the truth without worrying about anyone wanting to trash my GLO. I've seen too many of you post that your group has all the hot girls or guys-how did you get them, is you didn't make that a priority when picking pledges?

And as far as woman descriminating against women-they do it a lot worse than women do, during school and afterwards. Always will. We may come down on men for doing it, but you know we do it, too. I think it is because women have worked so hard to get ahead, that they find it hard to help another woman. SHe might get ahead of you! Sorry, that's a whole new thread and in another forum. I didn't say that I agree with it-either, because I don't.

Speaking for no one but myself . . .

I know you are speaking the truth and I have seen some of the pettiest, small minded, and and the most downright silly reasoning (if you can call it that) go into consideration of a new member.

Usually these people invent these rationalizations to avoid having to say they don't like the person.

I truly wish they would just stand up in the meeting and say, "look i just don't like the person, can't see past that, and don't want them in." It would save hours of debate on points the person really doesn't care about anyway.

Of course this isn't always the case and sometimes I have seen people make dispassionate decisions based on the good of the chapter with a clearly defined criteria.

Let me change "sometimes" to "once".

I am offering general criticism/advice and even when using the word you, I mean it in a general fashion.

Usually we would not take up an older member, based solely on that reason, only if we felt threatened in some way by their supposed perspective or maturity.

I am not even going to touch the woman vs. woman issue http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif.

I agree... rejection letters are commonly used in BGLOs.. that's most likely the situation here.

pledgetrainer2,

You may be telling the truth about your organization but not everyone eles's.

Of course you want to choose girls who are going to fit in with you and add to your sorority but being older and overweight has nothing to do with a persons personality and they shouldn't be judged on it.

No, my group doesn't have all of the hot girls. We have all different kinds of girls. We don't judge on looks. Our president is over weight, but if it doesn't bother her then it doesn't bother us. We give bids out to girls who seem genuinely interested and who we feel will make a difference.

Everybody needs to stop being so superficial and look for the real qualities in people.

Have a nice day http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

I'm guessing you rushed a BGLO too. So I'm not sure if this helps but heres my opinon. I noticed that you are returning to school after 5 years. What happened during those 5 years. I know of many ex military men/women who make great prospects for greek organizations.

Now I am only speaking for my chapter.

I know one of my brothers was ex military and he pledged at age 25(ex airforce and Chilean). True he was older but I'm only speaking about my organization. I myself was 21 when I pledged. We had our standards but we didnt go around looking for just young people, older people, those that partied like rock stars or a "specific" criteria. Obviously nobody is the same(thats what made our chapter diverse), but we did want someone to fit the image of our chapter, our national ideals, and someone that could contribute to our chapter. Plus, we were one of the more popular organizations on campus.


Kevin
Beta Theta Pi Alum
Epsilon Mu
George Mason U.



[This message has been edited by Miami1839 (edited March 15, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Miami1839 (edited March 15, 2001).]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by damasa:
[B]pledgetrainer:


Discrimination of age, WEIGHT??? Looks like they fell in a tackle box. wtf is that?


That is having an piece of metal coming out of ever part of your body. And no, that isn't cool for a preppy sorority look.

No personality? And we have posts that go on for thirty pages about the members who have won beauty pagents and we are proud of them, but we don't make it ANY part of how we pick members-do we?

At no place in society do we not discriminate at some point. Go try to get a job looking like some of these people I have described. How many nose rings and eyebrow rings do you think are too many, when you are looking at people going through rush?

And, how many three hundred pound Tri-Delts do you see? I'm not a tridelt, but I haven't seen any in any of the sororities on my campus.

I know many people with great personalities that don't have great looks. We aren't talking about them. I've even seen derogatory comments about having to take legacies, because their looks are not so great.

If you take offense to me posting the truth, that is your problem-not mine.

[This message has been edited by pledgetrainer2 (edited March 18, 2001).]

i took the tackle box thing the wrong way..but about the weight..that's still wrong...
Maybe it's just crazy confusion...i talke it you belong to a sorority...or a fraternity of women...and i've heard that women discriminate more against these sorts of things...
Nevertheless, i don't think that because someone has piercings, tattoos, or are overweight, should be automatically red flagged for initation. Yet, like I said, women tend to be more harsh in this...from experiences that i've witnessed or heard of.

Or maybe I just belong to such a diverse fraternity that it is our beliefs to not discriminate against anything. We belive in strong character and how they will contribute to their greek org. for the rest of their life.

One last point: Imagine that you were 300 lbs., as you stated, when you were pledging, and you didn't get accepted, how would you feel?

pledgetrainer:

WOW...that's about all that I have to say, I'd be ashamed to post..let alone be apart of an organization that discriminates in the ways that yours does.

Discrimination of age, WEIGHT??? Looks like they fell in a tackle box. wtf is that? That is just wrong. The only thing that you posted that had any correlation to accepting an individual into the organization, is the fact of having no personality. In this case, your personality sucks! Why did they pick you?


damasa...sick of discrimination and stupid comments by ignorant people.

I didn't say that I liked it-at all-I was just saying what it's like when we have to make decisions.

I think deciding who would get bids and who wouldn't was the worst part of being in a sorority. It caused a lot of hard feelings among members when their favority didn't get a bid.

As far as the 300 lbs.-there have NEVER been any that I've seen even go through rush, so I won't worry about it until it happens.

I want to say again that I don't go along with this mentality, but if we don't talk about it, right here, how are we going to change anything. I am glad that you posted what you did, but you are wrong if you think that they don't circle fat. It is STILL going on and it needs to stop! I'm not going to name who is doing it, but it's not just one sorority, either. It's just time to get real! Let's talk about things that need to be changed and then lets change them. You are wrong about why I don't see 300 lb. girls during rush, though. They just don't come out at my school. It's hard for ANY girl to go out for rush, even legacies, so I can just imagine how much courage overweight women must have. Now, I'm not advocating sororites with weight problems! But, there are plenty of wonderful people that we are overlooking and need to go out and get after regular rush, if they didn't go through rush and even try. Why is it ok for the fraternities to pledge older guys and overweight men, and women's groups don't do it? And again-I know that there are exceptions to the rule, but look around people!

Yes, I have to agree with pledgtrainer. we don't have to condone behavior to recognize that it happens.

At my school overweight women, or women being discriminated against for racial or religious reasons were taken to a separate room at one of the chapters, and no one knew what was happening to them while they were there, there were sisters rushing them as if all was fine and dandy -- but those were the women cut that night.

It is VERY unfortunate that bias exists in these circumstances, but in far too many cases, it does.

Now how do we change it? I believe the alums can take a more active role in this--it is, and I mean no disrespect at all here-- it is harder for the actives to have a more global view of things--they are in the midst and they can get caught up in things for the wrong reason--for example--thinking an overweight woman will hurt their socail standing...

I'd love to see this bias change--all it does is feed the negative stereotypes of greek women and play to the image of women presented by the media. Images that are largely unattainable.

This thread has gotten way off topic, but what the hell. I think we went here before, but I can't find the thread.

So how do we make INNER beauty a priority over OUTER beauty?

I said before - the first step to changing attitudes such as these is to start from the top down. I've seen some really narrow-minded, judgemental national officers and chapter consultants - in my org and in others. If your national president or whoever isn't putting a stop to this kind of BS, who will?

I'm not suggesting giving everyone and her sister a bid - I would never say that, but look farther than their dress size. On some campuses, sorry to say, it takes a lot of guts to take that step. I think our organizations need to take less time discussing whether calling someone "pledge" is hazing, and more time discussing why in this day and age so many women feel that their appearance is the most important thing about them. Sororities are supposed to be about a support system, not feeling insecure because you don't measure up to another woman's looks.