Didn't get a bid, planning on rushing again
 

Hi guys, this is my first post and thanks to everyone that responds to this

I'm a transfer student and this fall, I hit the ground running in terms of getting involved. Before school began, I emailed 5 of the fraternity rush chairs at my school and asked them for more info about their fraternities. Before rush week, I tried to meet the brothers from their houses at parties or on-campus events just to figure out what group I'd fit in.

At my school, the greek system is pretty small, as the school is relatively new (less then 50 years), so getting a feel for the different fraternities was definitely not an issue.

Anyway, rush week came and I decided to just rush one fraternity that I really wanted to get to know better since I clicked with the guys instantly before rush week.

However, bid night came and I didn't get a bid. When I talked to a brother about why I didn't get a bid, he had told me that I was one of the ones on the line and that a lot of brothers felt like they hadn't gotten to know me, or thought I came off as overeager, lacked confidence or gave answers that I thought they wanted to hear to their questions (though I felt that my answers were pretty honest).

Needless to say, the guys still ask me to hang out with them and even though I didn't get a bid, I made a couple good friends during rush week.

I don't want to rush again and be on the line and not get a bid, so I know I need to change the way I go about rushing. So my question to you all is between now and the next rush week 5 months away (and yes, I will rush multiple houses next time), what should I do to improve the way I go about rushing a house? How should I improve the view the brothers of the house I rushed? How should I expose myself to brothers from other houses to see if I fit somewhere else? (Btw, we don't have a greek row.)

you shouldnt be to eager like that said . but being exicted is good lol... dont try to be the "super recruit" , just be like the regular guys. Im sure you will get a bid next time and ya rush more then one fraternity, that way you get more then one bid and now your the one choosing!

Rush more than one fraternity?
Honestly, I thought that choosing 1 and rushing only it was an NPHC thing.:confused:

Actually, at my university (which has a lot of similarities with what the OP describes) its not uncommon for men to only attend events for one fraternity, though this is changing as our community grows.

BlueArrow, no one can guarantee that you will get a bid next time.

The best thing you can do is maintain the friendships you already have with fraternity men, and try to meet more. Get involved with other organizations and keep your grades up. I don't really know what you did during rush, but just be yourself and try to make a connection with the guys you talk to in the spring - that's really the best you can do.

My school's the same way and most people only rush 1 fraternity as well (or maybe attend 1 event for XYZ and then go to ABC the other 13 days).

And since we really don't know what exactly you did or said, we can't really give you any specific tips.

At our school rush is one week with bids going out Friday before or after the pref dinner. So rushing more then one fraternity is a bit of a juggle. (There's no dirty rushing either.)

Gusteau & pshsx1: in response to your comments, I guess I'll be more specific. On the last two days of recruitment, the brothers from the fraternities start asking really personal questions to their rushees like:

"What was the defining moment between you and your father?"
"How would you define integrity?"
"What do you hope to contribute to [fraternity]?"
"If your grandma and best friend were drowning, who would you save?"
"What's your greatest weakness?"
"Why do you want to join?"
(this one was the weirdest) "Would you rather go down on your mom or give your dad a blowjob?"

When i answered those questions, I guess I went on to much about my accomplishments and not enough about myself. And at the end they asked "do you have any questions for me?", I would ask "Do you think I'll be a good fit for the fraternity?" which apparently they didn't like, because it reflected that I wasn't confident in myself and it seem like I gave fake answers.

I felt that I was being myself, but the brothers said they didn't feel like actually got to know me. But if I rush other fraternities, I don't want to come off like that again.

So I guess what I'm looking for is advice on how to go about rushing. I understand that you have to be yourself, but I also would believe that there are Dos and Don'ts.

Thanks again everyone.

GREG: l'm not going to say Omega's
the best house on campus...



but a lot of outstanding guys figure
they'll pledge Omega or won't pledge at all.

As funny as that question is, your immediate line after it makes it all that much funnier.

Guys, is this common? Seriously??

God I hope not. Some of the questions I can understand. But a few of them I'm all WTF? Is it possible to haze a rush?

....the hell?...

And what the fuck is Tiako... nvm.

Anyway... I wasn't asked questions anything like that when I rushed.. not even when I was interviewed for a scholarship for SPE over the summer. The goal was to legitimately get to know me and asses my values from my personality, not prod at me with random lose/lose questions.

I hope not.

"Both. I'm a trained lifeguard and have actually performed water rescues, complete with mouth-to-mouth resusitation. Rest assured, if you're ever in trouble, I'll come to get you straightaway." Leer at your questioner. That should shut him up.

There is only one proper response to this question, and it is to turn quickly around, walk out the door, and never look back.

Agreed 100%

My guess - Rush Week is stressful, Rusher thinks "We don't like this kid anyway - let's have some fun!" "Hey kid! Would you rather perform oral sex on your father or your mother - and how does this choice embody the ideals of our fraternity?"

Just a guess, but I think they're just messing with you because they're not interested, try to find a group that's better for you next semester.

[QUOTE=BlueArrow2049;1860125]

the brothers from the fraternities start asking really personal questions to their rushees like:

(this one was the weirdest) "Would you rather go down on your mom or give your dad a blowjob?"

Answer: Tell you what, I'll do your mom and you can go suck off your dad. Then I'd drop that group, beat feet, and go check out the other fraternities on campus.

Or, you could just coldcock that sob and go up to the rush chairman or chapter president and say if you guys are into blowing your fathers and having incest with your mothers then I'm outta here. You would be asked what the hell you meant by that and when you related the question you would probably be seen as the star prospect, unless of course they really were into that sort of stuff.

Unfortunately this is exactly how I get a read on it too. I do not think they would ask that question to somebody they are seriously considering...it is more likely that they asked it as a joke because they were bored at rush and did not feel like you fit in. It's rude and immature, but I think you should understand what they meant by it.

In addition, the "you were on the line and people didn't get a chance to know you" could be a polite way of saying they weren't interested...nobody is going to say, "nobody in our chapter thought that you fit."

I would spend the time before next rush getting to know each of the chapters better so you have a solid idea of where you would fit, and not just where you "want" to think you fit. Sometimes I think that fraternity rushees are not honest with themselves about where they will actually fit in.

In addition, you mentioned talking about your accomplishments...I think this may have had something to do with it. From what I understand from brothers, cousins, friends, ex-boyfriends, etc. things like GPA and leadership positions do not ever come into play during rush for most fraternities. (I think the exception would probably be varsity sports). I think that most fraternities are much more interested in if your personality and interests match theirs. I'd try talking about things that are common interests among many fraternity guys...college football, cute celebrity girls, investing and the economy, Entourage, etc. If you talked mostly about accomplishments, you may have come off as pretentious, boring or "dorky".

Good luck! I think fraternity rush seems stressful...there is more rejection in sorority rush, but at least PNMs get to look at ALL chapters instead of just blindly choosing one or two to rush.

Not necessarily, but it is a possibility. Sometimes a chapter does feel like they don't know the person enough to say they like them enough to give a bid and more time with brothers can help. However since in most groups a bid requires a second vote for initiation the chapter is likely to give a bid to someone who is really on the line so they can see what they really think of him.


This is true - rush is about your personality, not your resume. I'm not saying its fair, but its true.

Hey everyone,

Thanks for your replies. Since the next rush is going to be in winter quarter, I'll be checking out other fraternities. I guess you were right, I wasn't being honest to myself. I wanted to fit into a fraternity that didn't think I fit in, but that's because I really liked their values and their atmosphere. Unfortunately, I didn't put my real personality forward so it sucks not getting into the chapter. (And my school is socially dead so it's a bit of a challenge to find stuff to do but I put in enough effort. Nope, we don't even have a greek row).

And I talked to that guy about that "go down on your mom" question and he said the reason he asked it is that he was asked it when he rushed, and the answer he was looking for was along the lines of "why the hell would I answer that question, I don't even know you."

I'll find a house that I'll fit into, but since my school has an extremely weak greek system, we only have one week and a lot of the houses schedule rush events at the same time. So at most for next quarter, I can rush two fraternities.

I don't know if I'll be rushing the house that didn't give me a bid again. A couple of the guys keep telling me to come out again, but I don't want to dedicate another part of rush week to a house that I don't belong to.

We will see. Thanks guys for your honesty.

Honestly, you need to remember that Rush might be one week, but Recruitment is year long. You should make efforts to try to try to get to know them now as well as before rush week starts next term.

I'll attempt to get over my :eek: at some of the questions and just comment on the "do I fit in" piece... Think of it in some aspects like a job interview, except more personal. Some employers like it when the candidate is bold and says "Why do you think I would be good for this role?" or "Why should I choose you?". Other employers are put off by that and would rather hear "what do you look for in X" or "this is how I can help you with Y". It's active listening, really. Sometimes it's better to leave the "I" out of it (for part of the time at least) and get more into the "you". You can show your interest that way.

If you want to come off as sincere, ask about the things that really do matter to you. Remember that it's a mutual selection process, so you're trying to find the right group for you as much as they are trying to find the right brother for them. Think about the reasons you want to join and frame questions around those topics. Try to get a feeling for the personality of the group, potential leadership opportunities, personality traits/qualities they look for, hobbies, interests, time commitment, community involvement, campus involvement, etc. You don't have to grill them, but when you walk away from the week you should have a sense of who they are, what they stand for, and how you might fit in.

Those are just my thoughts for the moment. And honestly, if a group asked me some of those questions I'd probably engage in some polite sarcastic banter and never come back. But to each his own.

Yes!

Ditto, ditto.