Playing Hard to Get- A question for the guys and the girls!
 

Guys: Okay so do you think its attractive for a girl to play hard to get, or is it just plain annoying. I find it, that unfortunately, i do this too often. I dont think its a good thing, because its kind of like the guy gives up after a certain time. I kind of do it without realizing it until after-the-fact. :rolleyes:

Girls: Do any of you play hard to get, and if so- did it help or not? :confused:

I don't seem to mind girls that play hard-to-get for a short time, but after a while it gets frustrating and very annoying. A lot of guys will just throw in the towel, because I mean face it, there is only so much that we think we can do to please a girl, and when she is playing hard-to-get, she doesn't let on much...sometimes it is looked at as one of those, "she's not interested in me" things.

Just my thoughts....it's fun for a while, but only a short while.

d

I don't like sending mixed signals out to a guy because lets face it, i don't like to get them back from him. there's a fine line in my book between playing hard to get and playing someone ~ i find that taking things as they come and having fun joking around with the guy works better, but that's just me!

Dont get me wrong, i also believe in there being a fine line between playing hard to get and just playing some one. I dont ever play anyone. What i need to do is just have more guts to talk to guys that are interested in me or vice versa. I can be shy when i first meet a cute guy- so i should start there :)

For the first two weeks of the fall semester I always walked with this girl after class. I was on my way to another class but she was just going to her car. Anyways one day im in front of the rush at the door and hold up a bit so I can walk with her, she comes out looking all annoyed and walks the opposite direction (doesn’t even say a word) then what we usually take. So three weeks pass and the other day im walking by myself and I here someone calling my name. I turn around and there she is. She gives me this huge lecture about how im not talking to her anymore blah blah blah. Its ridiculous, if your going to play hard to get fine but don’t blame it on the guy if he’s not playing your game. I mean hard to get is one thing but being mean is another.

I have met very few girls that know how to play hard to get properly. In fact scratch that: I have never met any girl that played it properly. Usually (this is no reference to anyone here) girls that play hard to get usually are unable to send proper signals (shy or whatever) and aren't the types to actually just flat out go after what they want . . and they usually get upset when the boy didn't read their minds and ask them out anyway. . .

Real hard to get is making sure the boy knows you are interested and sending the clear message that he is going to have to spend some major time and material assets to get you.

I don't like girls who are going to play games with me, and hard to get is one of those games. I like girls who are going to be honest and straightforward with me - I know it can be tough, and if a girl is shy, or nervous, that's fine - I have no problem with that, in fact I think it's really cute and awsome if a girl's a little shy about that stuff. But if the girl is intentionally playing hard to get or other games - I'm not really down with all of that. Tell me how you feel, or at least be honest with me and yourself, and it'll be fine.

well.....
 

actully, i'd have to say, it pisses me off to no end. :mad:

I have played hard to get sometimes. It's not for the fun of it but it helps me figure out if the guy really is into me or not. If they continue to pursue me then I know that they truly like me. I have been hurt alot in the past and playing hard to get sometimes actually helps me figure out the guy's true feelings!

Re: well.....
 

Exactly. That is when I just give up right away and move on even though it has backfired a few times in the past.

PLAYING hard to get is just that, pretend. If you are really interested in someone and act uninterested it is a lie. Not a good way to begin a realtionship. Honesty is best. You will find some guys, girls too, who may only be interested in what they feel that they can't have, if you run into this and the guy loses interest then you are better off anyway. Who wants a player who only goes after a girl for the challenge?

I agree with James on this one. Most of the time we don't play it right. You think you're being coy and difficult and he just gets annoyed that he can't read your mind. It's actually following that evil book "The Rules." However if you read the whole thing you find out that they are really recommending that you be easy to be around but difficult to get a hold of.
I try not to play games but one thing that's really important is to take it easy in the very beginning. It seems like if you come on too strong and call him, try to pin him down, be his official girlfriend from the word go he'll run as fast as he can. You kind of have to hang back and just take each day as it comes and go into each encounter expecting nothing more than a good time. Common sense for most of us but I have some friends (one in particular) who starts talking long term after she's been seeing some guy for a week!

On a similar note, you should actually BE hard to get. If you fill your life with what makes you happy, friends, activities, etc., you will only give those things up if a guy proves that he is worth your time. You shouldn't be lying to him or not returning calls, but if you happen to be busy, more power to you. It sure beats sitting around waiting for him.

I dont want you guys to get the wrong impression of me, i am not a player. I think that when i do sometimes play hard to get its more because im shy than anything else. If a guy is interested in me and im interested in him- then he will know it trust me! On that same note, i also let a guy that is interested in me know if i dont feel the same way. Sometimes, however, its hard for the guy to completely know it because like i said before, i can be very shy. With that being said, i wouldnt flirt with a guy or lead him on if i was uninterested- i think thats wrong, and besides, i dont have enough guts!

I am actually a sweet person, and i dont like to hurt people!

I think that playing hard-to-get is necessary to some extent. When you meet someone new, the immediate attraction comes from that air of mystery. Don't let that air of mystery escape too soon! Don't go overboard where you flirt with other guys in front of him. When I first started to date my boyfriend, I would come home get a message that he called. I would wait a few hours to call back. And I wouldn't tell him where I was. Play up on their insecurities a bit. It definitely works when you play hard-to-get a little just don't go overboard with it or else you might drive him away.

I honestly believe you...but, put it in the perspective of a male.
The majority of males like a little playing hard to get to some extent, but we can only take so much, anything beyond that we think that the girl might be trying to play us, isn't into us, doesn't want anything to do with us...or something else. So a lot of the time, the guy will just bail out, it's not that he doesn't want to wait, it's he doesn't know what the hell is going on LOL. And when a girl is playing hard to get..they don't usually like to tell....

bah.....
one confused d

WHAT?
 

I am at the point that if a girl showed any interest, hard to come by or not, I would be thankful!

Wow I would be estatic, gleeful and down rite happY

your best used to be a Stud!!!!!

Oh come on now Tom, you can't fool us, we know youre a pimp ;)

Re: Playing Hard to Get- A question for the guys and the girls!
 

I do now! It helps me for some strange reason. Oftentimes, when I show strong and consistant interest, rejection usually follows. :(

James...all hail James...

I kind of jumped to here so am sorry if I repeat someone else's point.

If you play hartd to get because you are shy and fear rejection thats a bad strategy. There are some cloak and dagger female players on here that can show you the pointers I am sure. ;)

I think that there *is* a happy medium here somewhere. I'm all about being straightforward and all that, but I'm not going to be making the first move all the time. If I make the first move, the guy is going to have to make the second. And probably the third.

I'm all about rules -- not The Rules (I think that's a bunch of crap) but MY rules. If you like me, call. If you don't (and you said you will) it's going to be difficult for you to get anywhere. But I'll admit that as direct as I can be, I'm probably not the one doing the calling -- he's going to have to call me, and I will call back, but probably not right away. Something like that...

Ah the games we play . . . ;)

James, the thing is, that if I make the first move, the guy is going to have to do some calling as well. I am not going to pursue something with someone if it's not very clear to me that he is interested. I mean, if he's not going to make an effort, there are plenty of other guys who will, you know? And when I say I won't call right away, I mean I'll call within a few hours. I think that's not so bad... ;)

I think that most of the games we play with others are really games we are playing with ourselves.

Kind of a mental game that tries to make us the least vulnerable while getting the other person to declare their position.

The problem, is that both people are playing that same game with different versions and rules.

Not knowing each others rules makes it really hard. Its a wonder we ever win.

DeltaBetaBaby-On a similar note, you should actually BE hard to get. If you fill your life with what makes you happy, friends, activities, etc., you will only give those things up if a guy proves that he is worth your time. You shouldn't be lying to him or not returning calls, but if you happen to be busy, more power to you. It sure beats sitting around waiting for him.

To me, this is the BEST advice. The only exception is you wouldn't give those things up (which I don't think DeltaBetaBaby really intended to imply). You would end up setting time aside and/or rearranging your schedule to INCLUDE the addition of this person in your life.

I do think one reason this "game" is played stems from what we learned in HS. EVERY guy wants the same girl and likewise every girl wants the same guy. Hence-they were hard to get and when/if you DID get them-YOU became a "hot" property.

Absolutely!