Disappointing recruitment--why wasn't I chosen?
 

Here's what I hope will be the short version. I'm a sophomore at a smaller public university with relatively laidback recruitment (at least compared to schools in the south). I decided to rush this year and people have told me I'm perfect for a sorority. I'm involved in a lot of activities, love volunteering, sports, music, etc., and [I'm not trying to be full of myself] am prettier than your average girl. I'm a legacy at two different sororities on my campus, my dad was in a fraternity, and was really looking forward to going through rush and finding my place in our Greek system. I had two letters of recommendation for one of the houses where I'm a legacy, and the women in my family have been so excited at the thought of me joining a sorority, as have I!

My recruitment walkaround group was all freshman except for myself, but we all got along really well and had similar sororities that we liked and didn't like. We even talked about how all of us were such great girls, there was no way any of us would be mismatched.

Our first round, we had short parties at each of the ten houses. I felt that it went really well; I had a bunch of great conversations and really clicked with a lot of the girls I met. There were two houses where I really couldn't see myself at all, so when we did our rankings, they were at the bottom of my list.

When we got our parties back for the second round, I had been cut from three of the houses where I thought things had gone great (I loved them!) and so I had back both of the houses I had wanted to drop, for a total of seven parties. The second round was AMAZING. At two sororities I had really wonderful experiences, great conversations, and really felt like I found my place. I was worried about having to choose between those two houses towards the end. There were two other houses where I didn't have such awesome experiences, but I felt like I just needed more time to get to know them. When we ranked, I wanted to drop the same two houses I had tried to drop the first night; nothing had changed in my experiences there and I didn't feel like they were for me. There was also another house where I had an okay experience, but it just didn't feel right. So those were the three that I ranked at the bottom.

Then when I went back to get my party schedule for the third night, my Rho Chi looked at my schedule and said "I think we should go outside". She showed me my schedule. Somehow I had gone from seven houses the night before to ONE HOUSE. One house the night BEFORE preference night. We were supposed to have three to five houses. And of course the one house was the sorority I had ranked last both of the first two rounds; I felt no chemistry with the girls and was just straight up not interested in that house.

I started crying, and my Rho Chi tried to comfort me by saying how she didn't know why it happened, she could really see me in some of the houses I had wanted, sometimes the computer screws up, and so on. I made the decision to drop out of recruitment, because I knew I didn't want to join that one house that had asked me back. They are a small house and really trying to increase their numbers, and maybe only asked me back because of that!

So I filled out the drop form and left, really embarrassed that I had been a mismatch, and totally distraught that I'm not going to be finding my place in the Greek system here.

There is the very slight possibility I could be offered a snap bid, and some of the houses may do spring recruitment if they need to fill the house, but...I don't know if I would try again to join houses that didn't want me this time around.

I want to know why this happened. I am a normal girl-there's nothing weird about me, I love having fun and hanging out with friends, shopping, the beach, and so on...so why did the sororities that told me how much they loved me, that really seemed like they would fit, not ask me back?

I guess this all means I'm not meant for Greek life, but I'd still like some opinions. I feel totally demoralized by this experience.

It's probably really mean of me to say this, because I know how difficult it is, but rejection is a part of life. Yes it doesn't seem fair, and no we can't tell you "why", but what happened HAS happened. If you let yourself be demoralized by this it's not going to help your college experience.
Greek life isn't for anyone. You could try informal recruitment if any chapters offer it, or even going through the process again next year. But there are no promises.
My advice would be to develop friends in and out of the Greek system, and get involved on your campus. Just because you weren't invited to join doesn't mean that they didn't really like you. It also doesn't mean that the girls you talked to can't be your friend. In fact I always told girls to look at recruitment as the possibility to meet new people and make friends regardless of whether or not they got a bid.

Honestly, no one here can answer your question. We don't know why this happened. There isn't much we can say other than this: decide whether Greek life is important enough to you to try again. Be honest with yourself when answering that. You have to know that the result could be the same, and your decision needs to be made with that in mind. If you're willing to go through that again, and you think Greek life would be important enough to go through that again, then by all means, give it another shot. But keep in mind, one house gave you a chance. A chance that, from what it sounds like, you weren't willing to give to them.

Merely speculation:

You said your Pi Chi group was all freshman. Were the majority of the PNMs freshmen? Generally, freshmen can be preferred over sophmores. Do you know if your campus has a lot of sophmores placed during formal recruitment in the past?

Why, oh why, do recruitment counselors say things like this.

Is this perhaps why you didn't like this chapter? Although it's late now, is it possible you didn't give this chapter a fair chance because you were concentrating on the other chapters.

It sounds like this may be the case.

I'm sorry OP :( To reiterate what everyone else said, no one can say for sure why you were dropped. It happens to really great girls all the time who simply fall through the cracks or don't make a strong enough impression on members. Good luck with school and informal recruitment (if that is an option and you decide to go for it)!

I am truly sorry you have had this disappointment. We don't know which school you attend, but it may be your sophomore status that hurt you the most. This is often the case in southern schools...

UGHH!! This is why I'm really in favor of upper class quota. I think someone else on the thread said this and as I was reading your story I got a ding, ding, ding moment. At a lot of Universities you are at a big disadvantage if you are a sophomore. If all things are equal- cute, involved, good grades and there are a ton of freshman with the same qualities Chapters tend to go with freshman because that is the life line of the group. You wouldn't want a really large sophomore group and 10 freshman- make sense? Most Chapters take a lot of freshman during recruitment so when the next recruitment period rolls around they need more freshman.

I don't think these means your not meant for Greek Life, in my opinion, you'll just need to work harder if you decide you want to do spring recruitment. If you made friends with all the girls in your recruitment group and they got bids to houses KEEP those friendships and start getting to know their friends in the different Chapters.

I'm sure your a great girl and there is nothing wrong with you. If you have your heart set on being Greek find your opportunities.

Don't Feel Sorry...
 

I have to say that I am not the least bit sorry for the OP. Once again, we have a case of the "they're not GOOD enough for me-but why do I have NO bid?" All of the NPCs have something incredible about them. When a girl completely turns down certain chapters on her campus because she doesn't feel as though that chapter "felt right" or "fit her" it is her way of saying that she was TOO GOOD for those women.

All of the NPCs have great philanthropies and a chance to get involved! I will use Phi Mu as an example. Did you know that we were the first GLO to start a Philanthropy day? We give millions of dollars to Children's Miracle Network. We give scholarships to women who want to further their education and we have a fund for women who have been victims of circumstance (like Hurricane Katrina). I can honestly (if you let me) say something GREAT about EVERY SINGLE NPC!

To turn down a great group of women who clearly want you shows that you are there for the "parties and reputation" more than what you can do to help other people. That is selfish! Guess what-when you leave college...people don't say "Oh, you were an XYZ-you must have been liked by everyone and very popular on campus!" No, people say, "Wow, you were involved with giving back to your community and yet you still maintained a great GPA or you have an incredible resume, to boot!"

If you are smart, you will realize that those sororities you turned down because you didn't "fit in" or "feel comfortable with" were great opportunities for you to give back to the community and make great friends, in the process. To this day, my sisters are the ones that I thank for making Penn State feel smaller and more welcoming. Had it not been for my sisters, I may not have stayed at such a big school.

Do I feel sorry for you-NO! Should you reconsider the chapters that were willing to give you a chance-YES!

OP,

I think you need to be very careful. Based on the details you've offered in this story, I am pretty sure I know where you rushed and which house you rejected. Certainly if you did not feel that this house was a good fit, then you did the right thing, but the girls in that house are really nice and fun, and I hope you actually considered them with an open mind. There is one other house on campus, besides the one you didn't like, that *might* COB in the spring, but that one probably was the other one of your bottom two.

Actives on your campus can figure out pretty easily who you are too. It wouldn't take that much investigation to figure it out.

Anyway, good luck finding a house, but you probably need to rethink what being "perfect" for a sorority means. And especially on your particular campus, you can have a perfectly great social life without belonging to a Greek organization.

The All-Knowing One

Ditto to this ... I'm getting sick and tired of all the "pitty parties" going on around the GC board lately. I am sorry that recruitment didn't turn out the way that some PNMs would have hoped but they seem to be doing it to themselves when it comes to recruitment by only wanting a certain outcome.

that's a little creepy

Its a LOT creepy.

There wasn't a ton of details in the OP so as to ID the person or school, so I wonder if there's more to the story than we know...

Based on a couple of very minor details the OP gave (i.e, liking the beach...) I have an *idea* of where the OP went through recruitment. Also, recruitment at that particular school concludes today....Recruitment at that school is actually pretty competitive, and, historically, many PNM's drop out. However, Greek life is not the " be all" at that school.
Now, I could be dead wrong, and for all I know, the OP may go to school in, say, Florida....

That is a line of BS. Sure, they may screw up, but it's highly unlikely. More likely than not, the groups you like did not extend you an invitation. I hate it when Recruitment Counselors fill PNMs' heads with this type of crap just to make them feel better. It makes us all look bad and de-legitimizes the process.

I've seen plenty of houses that were trying to increase their numbers who didn't invite everyone back. Why don't you trust that maybe they liked you or wanted to know more about you?

Deleted with apologies - perhas Benzgirl could be kind enough to delete the quoted text also.

I hate how all the PNM's say how they got along so well with a certain group and that group dropped then and they feel let on. The object of a sorority member during recruitment is to sell her sorority so yeah they are going to be really nice and make you feel good but it's not to lead you on, it's just the organization wants to make quota and make sure they have enough PNM's who want them as well.
All I can say is that let this be your first dissapointment as an adult. There are going to be lots more... try job interviewing, it's the same thing. You can go to a job interview and they can be really nice and make you feel like you want to really work for them and bam! they hire someone else.

Also, as a sophomore you may have a reputation already. I'm not insinuating that you do but I know from experience we had one girl that looked amazing on paper and was absolutely drop dead gorgeous HOWEVER she was very popular with lot's of men on campus and her reputation was known. She was dropped from all the houses because that kind of behavior is a HUGE liability.

None of us know what the reason was but I am sure there are other things to get involved in.

Good luck in everything and I am sure you will have a wonderful college career.

QFP

Lesson #1: You are being creepy (and border-line cyber-stalking)
Lesson #2: It's one thing to call out the OP on what she did wrong globally, it's another to basically say that you know where she goes to school and that people could find out who she is.
Lesson #3: Sock-puppets are creepy.

My apologies. I should have sent a PM from my real account to inform her to be careful with the details she posts here. I will delete the above post - perhaps you can delete the quoted text.

I'm already quite involved on campus (given that I'm a sophomore) and was looking to further enhance my involvement with Greek life.

I gave them a chance. Twice. I talked with several girls in both rounds and just did not feel chemistry there in the way that I did in other houses. I didn't see a point in putting myself through the heartache of watching friends go to the houses who had turned me down, just to spend more time at a house that didn't feel right to me.

I know that there were quite a few sophomores participating in recruitment, and that our school has a history of placing sophomores in fall recruitment. I don't know that my class standing had anything to do with it.

As stated in my original post, I'm not at a southern school.

I came into recruitment with a very open mind, trying to stay away from all stereotypes or things I'd heard about chapters, and really just find my place. I gave that chapter a chance.

I am incredibly involved in volunteer work; in fact, it's something I spoke about again and again during recruitment, that it's a huge part of who I am. I did not want to join a sorority to party, or gain a certain reputation, or anything you implied. I wanted to be part of a sisterhood, to find that home within a big school, and to have the opportunity for social and service activities.

That's creepy. Really creepy. And based on what you posted later on (and subsequently deleted) I think you're actually wrong about what school you think I'm from.
In any case, I went to every house with an open mind.
I do have a perfectly great social life without a GLO, I just wanted to diversify that social life a bit and meet new people.

I'm not sure what you mean here...elaborate? You don't have some sabotage theory, do you?

Thanks for the well-wishes. I am already quite involved so i don't feel like my life's going to be empty without a sorority...But I am kind of offended that you would even mention a "reputation". I most certainly don't have one, and I'm not being defensive. I have a close circle of friends, and most of them are girls, and there's really no way I could have that kind of reputation.

Thank you. CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY.

Okay, I understand that legacy's do get cut...but am I the only one who is kind of shocked that the OP was cut from both her legacy chapters?

To the OP: I don't know what school you are at, but I would encourage you, if you are still interested in greek life, to look out for COR opportunities or spring recruitment.

Depending on the competitiveness of the campus that can and does happen. I saw it happen on my own campus several times.

Also, I am probably getting all my "why didn't I get a bid" threads mixed up, but in one of those threads the OP admitted that her "legacy" status (x2 houses) was through her cousins. Perhaps that is the case here? That she wasn't really a legacy as the chapter/organization defines it?

OP, going to two recruitment parties does not = giving the house a chance. Yea you showed up, but based on the attitude in your writing, I'm going to guess you weren't very open-minded about that house at all while you were there.

You claim you were a "mis-match" but you weren't. The other houses didn't see you in their house, so they dropped you. That doesn't mean you were "mis-matched".

Not at all. I just think there's two sides to every story.

Ditto

At one chapter I was a legacy via my mother and aunts, at the other I was a legacy via one aunt.

Exactly - quite a few view only mother, grandmother, sister and the steps of those 3...not aunts, cousins, etc.

I think it's kind of bizarre that step-blanks would be considered for legacy when they could often not know you as well as an actual blood relative. My aunt wrote me a reference and my mother wrote a shorter letter, even though my campus doesn't require them...

And in some groups, steps are not considered legacies...just mom, grandmother, sister. I know some groups are getting so many legacies, that they don't even consider a grandmother as a legacy connection.

This just goes to show - it's not up to the campus to require or not require recs. It is up to the individual NPC group to determine that. It's great that your aunt wrote a rec - any member can do one and she definitely should have. Why haven't they called the chapter and asked why you were released? Why didn't the chapter adviser call and advise them they were releasing you? That's SOP for many groups...it is for mine.

Why would they (the relatives) call the chapter and ask why she was released? Isn't that a bit much?

And we don't know if the chapter called the mom or whoever (since depending on the organization she may not have been considered a legacy through her aunt). Even if they didn't, the chapter is not required to extend any more courtesies other than an invite after the first round.

Don't we usually flame/ridicule mommies who do this? What would the relative expect the chapter to say? I would not suggest this at all for any member.

I do not believe that this is SOP for all groups. Once upon a time it was customary. Now there are too many legacies for the chapters to do all that work during an otherwise very busy week.

I find that half the time, anyone who is asking doesn't actually WANT to know. They typically are trying to get the chapter to somehow change their decision, or they are just looking for a messenger to "shoot" about the fact that their daughter got cut.

Well, I reckon it's where you're from...our form has a place to mark if you want to be called for your legacy if she is released. And I've always done so at any chapter I've advised - no matter how many.

You can always use the "50 legacies, only 10 slots, etc, etc, etc"....

This is so rude, you're obviously not in a blended family and I find this offensive as I know the hell out of my family (OMG we're not actual blood relatives!). I am glad my sorority lets each individual member use our legacy policy in a way appropriate to her family situation re: steps. Do you feel the same way about adopted people?

When I first read her post, I had the reaction you are having, and then I realized she must have been thinking about the not-custodial step-parents and step siblings who never lived in the same household. It was still a pretty thoughtless comment for her to have made, no doubt, but maybe it's not the case that she considers all step-relationships as less valid than blood relationships.