Disappointing Recruitment
 

ETA: Just read some related posts so sorry if y'all don't want to respond. :-) Words of encouragement are always accepted though!

I just went through formal recruitment and came away with upsetting results.

I only listed one chapter on my pref card (out of two) and ended up not getting a bid. I'm not going to lie...I'm pretty bitter about the whole process. I feel like formal recruitment is so superficial and I don't get why I wasn't chosen. I feel like I'm the type of person who could fit into any of the "popular" houses because I'm nice and have the same interests as many of the other ladies (fashion, communications, cheerleading, and dance were big ones I had in common with the women I talked to).

I'm a sophomore at a moderately competitive school for Greek life (7 chapters). I'm tentatively planning on going through informal recruitment this winter.

Do you ladies have any advice for me? I've been uncharacteristically self-conscious about everything since recruitment. :(

Did you stop to think that maybe the second group aspires to be like you and wanted you to show them the way? Talk about shortchanging people....did you attend their pref and then not list them? Sorry if this sounds rash but how rude. You knew if they invited you that you would be on their bid list. So you went and then turned them down? Please....and if all you are interested in is fashion, communications, dance and cheerleading, then maybe they are better off without you. What happened to getting an education? Where is that on your list of aspirations????? Again, sorry but your post just makes my skin crawl...

You are upset that the chapters are superficial, but then you went on to say this:

You were also being superficial.

Has anybody ever really thought this in the history of recruitment anywhere?

Maybe if she only got one invite and was trying to decide if she should take it, but I think it's unlikely when she's still hoping for a different group.

Even then, I think she'd think something more like, "well, I could make a difference in this chapter.

I think the other posters have echoed my feelings about your attitude about where you fit, the chapter you dismissed, etc, but I can offer you some insight about the chapters and the process that might help explain a few misunderstandings.

Every chapter wants every PNM to want to join their chapter, regardless of whether the chapter wants a particular PNM. That way, they have their pick of members and they maintain a positive image on campus. Unfortunately, this can backfire and PNMs don't understand why they didn't get a bid when they thought things went so well, and become bitter.

Another thing to remember is that if a conversation went well, particularly in the later rounds of recruitment, the member probably DID like you. You were invited to pref, that means you were on the bid list (which means they would be happy to have you as a sister), just not high enough to match. You also may have heard about "quota" during recruitment---this means that each chapter can take a certain number of women so all chapters can be about the same size, so they can't take every PNM that they love. Also remember that membership selection isn't in the hands of only one member and some chapters are so good at connecting with every PNM that comes through the doors.

Your sophomore status MAY have affected you, but maybe not. A chapter that doesn't want to consider sophomores is more likely to release them earlier. However, there is a law of diminished returns with regards to recruitment. In very rare cases will a PNM have more choices during subsequent recruitments, and this happens when a PNM remedies what she did wrong the first time, whether it is raising her GPA, improving her conversational skills, or checking an attitude problem. It may very well be that your only chance to go Greek was with the chapter you turned down, and you may have already burned that bridge.

Yep.

OP, unless you weren't told by your rho gamma/Panhellenic council that listing only one increases the chance to be placed nowhere, you made the choice and buried your own grave. It's not about popularity. There have been many women who haven't gotten their first choice and ended up happy in their second choice.

By you saying you have what it takes to be in a "popular" sorority makes me wonder if you showed that same attitude during recruitment.

Not every 18 year old pnm has the maturity or broadmindedness to think about the more panhellenic approach to recruitment. True, many do come to the conclusion that they can "make a difference" but not all.

There are so many factors that come into play in the way a pnm handles these experiences (the act of actually choosing to pref only one instead of two, accepting a bid to the second choice, etc) I often wonder what the Gamma Chi who advised her was saying during the process...many are not as helpful as they could be. When she called home, what was mom/dad/whomever saying to her? Many posters have even mentioned that a boyfriend played a role in their recruitment decisions.

The whole darn thing DOES feel superficial and we can all agree it is not perfect, so it is understandable that a pnm might make some very none PC blunders when explaining her situation.

I think she will read several of the threads on here (particularly the stories about women who chose a smaller/newer/second choice/whatever houses) and find that there is something to be learned from them. The stereotype that she started recruitment with will be replaced with the true panhellenic woman that is often represented on GC.

Start reading cstatebabe.

She may not have learned it from rush, but hopefully she will learn it on here.

Most pnms wouldn't know this.

To the OP: you made a choice, some times we regret our choices. You are likely to be disappointed in the houses who may participate in winter recruitment.

And maybe she was assuming incorrectly that the popular chapters are only interested in fashion, comm, cheering, dance, etc. Lots of sorority women like those things, in all "tiers". And most likely, sorority women want something else to talk about with women who could be their sisters.

OP, I feel for you-really. I'm sorry it didn't turn out well for you.:( If you go through informal do be aware of how you come off. Being right in the middle of recruitment practice, I've noticed a lot of really cool girls get nervous or shy during conversations and therefore come across as uninterested or rude which sucks. Not saying you were like that it's just something to think about. Good luck!

my goodness you took the words right out of my head!

to the OP: give it another go, and this time really be open minded.

THIS.

Sorry I can't join the chorus of disapproval for not going to both preference parties. The OP didn't say WHY she didn't go.

If it was because they weren't "popular" enough, then fine, disapprove away. But if the group was a bad fit, then maybe we can cut her some slack.

But I really only felt I fit well with one of the two sororities I preferenced (they were similar in "popularity"), so I only listed the one where I felt comfortable, although it may have meant that I may not have gotten a bid at all.

And I would second the person who points out that most rushees don't understand that if you're invited to preference, that you're somewhere on their bid list. The whole recruitment thing is VERY confusing. You're assimilating so much information about EVERYTHING those first few weeks of school, and even if someone mentions this (as one of thousands of other things you're trying to take in), it's unlikely that everyone really GETS it.

I have to agree a bit with you on this one^^

Recruitment is confusing on so many levels. You are young and have so much going on when you first arrive on campus in so many areas. You can only hope that each girl really listens and soaks up as much as they can to assist them in recruitment to make the best decisions. Overall, the system is good, but it is not perfect.

I know there are numerous cases where girls want only that "one" group and they won't take the #2 no matter what. Well, they suffer the consequences if they don't receive that invitation. Then, there really are those cases where deep down girls do realize the "other" group is not a good fit. I see no problem if they don't go to #2 in that case. If it is for the right reasons - I just think it is best.

I do not like to judge them or make statements about it all as I am not there every step of the way to see what is going on and I do not know the young lady personally. In the end, it is their recruitment and their choice - they have to live with the outcome.

My advice to you would be see if the one you rejected is still accepting members and see if they would consider accepting you belatedly. I think you've gotten the picture from the posts above that "I'm too good for most of the sororities on my campus" just doesn't fly.

Maybe there was a valid reason for not putting that house on your pref card, but if it was popularity, colors, shape of the letters, there was a girl there with red hair and I hate that, I'd do some real soul-searching and get over it. 25% of a chapter is made of it's new members. There was a reason they wanted you, and being a part of a sorority is such a great thing that being in a less than the top tier house is still worth it. Plus, as stated above, if they need a little push in social standing, you can always help improve that once you're in.

Good luck. I hope you can come to terms with your situation soon because if it's a fairly competitive school, going through FR again probably won't garner you better results.

This is the business of recruitment that I don't care for. Cstatebabe, I hope that when you single intentional preferenced that you got advice from your rho chi that you would be limiting your chances for a bid. If not shame on the rho chi. You should have been fully informed of the consequences of the decision you were about to make. BTW, I think it is ok to suicide as long as you know you would not like the other Chapter and would rather be bidless then join the other group- that is the chance you take.

Recruitment is a mutual process and sort of a numbers game. No one can predict how it will all turn out- including the Chapters. I totally understand your frustration with not receiving a bid. Please know that if you were at any preference party you were liked enough to be on the bid list, but the quota of the Chapter was filled prior to getting to your name on the list. Being a sophomore may have had a hand in that - when all things are created equal (your equally cute, involved, fashionable ect) most Chapters will want to take Freshman. It is simply because most Chapters have a whole class from the year before who are sophomores and they need freshman to continue the legacy of the Chapter.

Informal recruitment is usually less competitive and stressful, but a lot of the "popular" houses wont participate because they will be above total (the total amount of women allowed in any single Chapter) Good luck to you and I hope you find a home.

From the perspective of two generations of recruitment: I am sorry that things didn't turn out the way that you wanted. It is heartbreaking when you don't get what you dreamed would be your destiny. When I went through recruitment I pledged the least desirable house, the Jewish house. I am still friends with some of my sisters today. We have all seen each other through good times and really bad times including cancers, death, (the bad) marriages and July 4th weekends(the good). My daugther pledged a very top tier house at the same extremely competitive university. I hope that she, many years from now, will be able to hold her sisters' hands through the bad and joyful times. THIS is what sisterhood is about.

(Oh, and if you had joined a house where fashion, popular television shows etc. weren't the big thing...consider it an opportunity to initiate the less fashionable/culturally saavy into the modern world.)

Love it.

Seriously? What is up with all of these posts of girls who go to schools at either competitive southern schools or go in as upperclassmen, yet they feel they are TOO GOOD for certain GLOs? If you REALLY WANTED to be Greek, you would have placed BOTH names on your card. I don't feel bad for you. I am going to come off as the harsh B**** on here (and generally I try to post every now and then), but I just can't keep my mouth shut on this stuff. It is good you have some great people on GC that will try and make you feel better, but you won't get any sympathy from me. Maybe next time you should realize that being a member of ANY NPC is a privilege in itself. All of the NPCS have something great to offer. You took your chance. You blew it! Good luck with Informal rush.

I just pretty much gave this same sentiment in another thread. I'm sick of girls coming here and whining about how pretty and popular they are and how only the "desperate" or "unpopular" houses want them. You know what? If the "pretty" and "popular" houses didn't want you, then you may just not actually be as pretty and popular as you thought you were, and those houses that you thought were "beneath you" - they're Greek - you're not.

This!

When I look at the "average" pnm coming through recruitment at Miami, she ranges from attractive and put together to stunning, she is typically slender, academically strong, stylish and accomplished, with a boatload of HS activities and honors on her resume. Not all of these 900 women can pledge the same two or three chapters. Some pnms who believe they only belong in the "popular" chapters deal well with reality and go on to have a great greek experience with one of the many excellent groups on campus. (all of them). Others drop, feel insulted or rejected and miss out on a fun ride with a "lesser" chapter that has a full slate of social and philanthropic activities and a great alumna experience.

It is a difficult moment when you discover that you are not the only star in the room. Most of us experience this in first or second grade, and are stronger for it, but some of us learn it much later, when the stakes are higher than whether you are chosen to be eraser monitor or selected for the Bluebird reading circle.

The answer to the question, "What is wrong with me?", is, "Nothing, really. You just didn't want to dance with the one that asked you."

This!

*rousing round of applause*

Totally agreed.

If the "popular" houses are really all that popular, they might be participating in recruitment in the Fall. I think if you really wanted to be Greek you would have given the other house a shot... esp. since you're a sophomore @ a moderately competitive school

Well Said!
 

LOVE THIS! You are so right. I always feel there is a place for EVERY PNM IF you fully participate. I would not listen the the "tent talk" because the majority of it is not true.

I have said this before, but I'll say it again. A similar situation happened to my niece when she went through recruitment. Beautiful, 4.0, Captain of the dance team, popular- all around perfect for any Chapter on her campus. The problem? None except she is reserved. Had the perfect recruitment going into Preference and then was dropped by all the "good" houses. She was left with two great Chapters who were not "top tier" I got the call in tears and I told her "you have two options if you want to be Greek" She went to 2 preference parties listed 2 on her bid card. She got a bid from her first choice and guess what? Her whole pledge class was a group of GREAT girls that had the same thing happen to them. Guess what else? She became involved, made a difference and 5 years later it is considered a "top house" on campus. Everyone can not be in the golden house of the moment- that is what recruitment is designed to do- spread out the PNM's to ALL the houses.

I'll get off my soap box for now:)

SIP'ing ("suiciding" one chapter) is very risky indeed. Many women who do it fully understand (and are comfortable with) the possibility of not being greek. You made it through to preference with two houses, one of which you liked, so I wouldn't call your rush unsuccessful. The bid matching process just didn't work out as you had hoped. It happens. As others have said, your sophomore status might have hurt you to some degree.

If you go through informal, do it with a VERY open mind. Sometimes a house that you feel iffy about is actually a very good match. I would forget about the notion of popularity and just focus on whether or not you can be friends with these women. Sure, women can talk for hours about nail polish colors, fashion, etc., but try to have more in-depth, meaningful conversations with your rushers. These are the women who would be there for you should you suffer a serious misfortune in college, a bad breakup, etc. Give them a chance to play that supportive role for you...and you for them.

Having said that...sometimes there just isn't a match. Most college kids manage to have fun whether inside or outside of a greek organization.

Good luck to you.

I agree with most of your post, but this can be misleading.

I DO agree that when a pnm "fully participates" she maximizes her chances of receiving a bid, but that doesn't necessarily mean that there is "always" a place for "EVERY PNM" if they do so.

There are great women who are smart, beautiful, involved in community service, has a ton of extra-curriculars, etc. on their resume that might make it all the way to the end but end up getting cross-cut or slipping through the cracks every year on a lot of campuses.

Fully participating in recruitment doesn't really mean there will be a place for you, it just means that you are maximizing your chances of finding a place.

You are right it is not guarantee, although with quota additions I'm finding less women are being cross cut and more are being placed if they fully participated.

That might be how it happens at your campus, but maybe not all campuses are like that.

There are also women who go into it with an open mind but get dropped by all the houses right before pref or even before 2nd rounds are over.

I'm not trying to start anything, I just don't think it's right to mislead pnms who are reading this board to think if they 'fully participate" there will "always" be a spot for them... because that isn't always the case. It will definitely maximize their chances of finding a place, but it's not always going to happen that way.

A chapter wanted you, yet you didn't want them.

I can't really feel bad or offer advice, but I will say the following: Because you didn't think they were good enough for you, I can tell you one thing for sure - you're not good enough for them. This group of women, no matter what organization they are from, have sisterhood and sadly that is something that you won't ever see because you think you're too popular.

Is this bitchy? Absolutely...but if you're going to be superficial, can you really expect anything more?

It's silly to tell people they can't complain. They can and they will. I don't know why people are even belaboring the point when the original chick hasn't even posted a response.

Right. She has probably created, and is posting under, a different username already.

:D

This had some great advice in it.