The Reluctant PNM
 

Background: First let it be noted that awhile back I posted my own retro recruitment story. (A Brutally Honest Recruitment....from Long, Long Ago). Do not roll your eyes, I was one of the first to use that phrase. My youngest rushed at the same school that I rushed, and where I eventually joined a house.

My daughter knows several of my sisters and finds them...amusing. She knows that we are still friends. But, when I said to her that she might consider rushing the answer was firmly in the negative. My older daughter rushed (which you can find my references to at the same university) and we'll just say that it wasn't a great experience. When I brought it up she rolled her eyes. Last May I found a perfect Presents dress. Presents at this University is where, on Parents' weekend, all the sororities "present" their pledge classes to the families of their and all sororities and to the Row in general. The dress is breathtaking and, since she wears a tiny size I grabbed it. My daughter saw the dress, fell in love, and VERY reluctantly agreed to rush. Quite frankly, if she hadn't rushed, I would have saved the dress for her someday wedding dress.

Among my friends we were generally in the same house which no longer exists at this University. So, recs were tough to come by. On the first day of recruitment my daughter had recs for 4 of the houses out of ten. This is a highly competitive rush. But I thought that, considering her reluctance, I wasn't going to "push" it.

The night before rush (ok...recruitment...in my day we called it Rush and it is faster to type:)) my daughter got sick. Really sick, not nerves sick. She started rush with the flu.

I loved your brutally honest recruitment thread! Can't wait to read more!

So, I was going to go out and do some errands. But, it is hot and smoky out (yes, I know that you know where I live and probably what school this is) so, I'm here.

There are10 houses at this school and the first round is broken up into two days in the evening. Sick and snarling my daughter went to her first round. When I spoke with her after her first round (she called me btw) she started with, "No one can be THAT nice." I had told her about the singing, cheering etc. so she was prepared. I overheard her say to a friend, "One round and I'm gone!" I said nothing.

Second day: Same time of day with filling out sheets. She came home at 12:30 at night, sick and cranky and noncommunicative. The next morning she opened up a bit: Each house was different in its own way. She liked some better than others and for different reasons. (No, I am not listing all ten with the positives and a possible negative). It was tiring and she was HUNGRY and sick. But no talk of dropping out.

She did know a few girls in a few houses. At one house a girl that she knew saw her and screamed her name. They hugged and did the greeting. At another house she knew a girl who is a family friend and again, the hug. And at a third house she knew the older sister(s) of her friends so there was that connection. Yes, this is Los Angeles but it is really a small town.

My older daughter and I spoke about where she would pledge. We actually agreed...but more on that later.

Daughter went back for her invitations for the second round which was for 8 houses. She received invitations for all 10. She mulled her options and eliminated two. They were smart and engaging, she said, but they weren't "her".

Again, she complained that people were too nice. How can, she wondered aloud, people get to know each other like this? They're smiling, they ask you questions like they care (they do) and it is a whirlwind.

elle-you are a great storyteller. I enjoyed your own rush thread and now am hooked on this one too.

Is your daughter a freshman?

I completely agree.

Elle, I'm really looking forward to the rest.

I'm so excited about this story. I've been waiting for it for a year! Ellebud, you're the best at telling it brutally honest.

Looking forward to reading more. And wishing your daughter all the best! :)

Hi Leslie Anne, as are you (a great storyteller) and shall I add, Go Normans!

To digress: I have a fourth degree blackbelt in shopping. I imagine that it would be higher if such a thing existed. I always shop for my girls. My youngest has an edgy quality to her wardrobe. It is not gothic or outlandish but a bit fashion foward. She wears the straight leg jeans, very short skirts...well, when I go shopping salespeople know my name. So when I was shopping this summer I bought some really cute dresses (a Marc Jacobs, a Tibi) that were adorable. And, just in case she rushed she would have some options. Nothing was conservative, it was all very Los Angeles, but a bit different from her usual. She has things for black tie, for the beach, for school but not enough stuff for the inbetween.

With one dress especially she rolled her eyes and said, why this? I answered, "Well, just in case you rush." And yes, there was the snarl and the eye rolling.

(Now, patting Mom on the shoulder because the daughter never would) My daughter started looking at what I had bought. Did she put them together in her own way? Absolutely. I love what she did the whole time.

So, the eight party day was finished and I, biting my tongue waited. Finally it came. She really liked several houses. One house that she loved first round, second round not so much. Several houses really surprised her. They were very different, but they stood out to her in a good way.

So, I asked casually what are you going to do? She had a top 6 and the next round had five parties. The Reluctant PNM sat at our table, sick as a dog and went through her list. It was interesting that she assumed that she would be invited back most of her choices. She came to a decision: It was an interesting one, but given the opportunity, one of the houses that she really liked the first round she wasn't feeling the second time.

Now here is where this gets "iffy" and a caution to all PNMs (no, not the don't count your chickens one) this is a "top" house. She gave me her reasons (one of them being a tenuous family connection that I already had a concern about, but didn't share with her) and I loved her all the more: I'm not feeling it. (I guess in teenage language this has many layers) I want to be friends with my sisters.

WHAT?!!!! She's thinking sisters, and not her biological one!!! Hmmm, is it possible? She's thinking that she'll pledge?!!!

Hahaha - I love this :)

It must have been so hard for you to bite your tongue. I don't even have kids and I know I would have a tough time with that.

Is this current or retro? I ask because you mentioned that she dropped two rather than ranking.

I really like how straightforward this is. I can never keep the houses straight in other recruitment stories.

One of the most interesting aspect of this story is realizing how much older I thought your own recruitment story was that it, in fact, is since you have a PNM daughter.

I guess maybe I wasn't paying attention when I read it to the context clues, but I had thought the biases that groups almost openly expressed were much farther in the past at most chapters.

On the positive side, it's nice to see how much things changed in one generation.

ETA: I went back and re-read your own thread. It's such a good one. I just misremembered because you actually give dates. I suppose I wanted to see the bias as farther back that it was.

The Reluctant PNMs story is a week old. Yes, I probably made a mistake. She ranked the houses. And I guess, since she had more invitations than parties she, as we used to say, dropped houses. Sorry, I might make a mistake in sorority vocabulary.

This is one of the sweetest things i've ever read! Your daughter is lucky to have you! From the way you are telling the story, your guidance is priceless. I'm so excited.

ellebud, you have a marvelous style for writing! I'm on the edge of my seat...!

txchrissy: THANK YOU! I think that it may be a long time before I ever hear it from her. Considering I still get the eye rolling routine well......

Five Party Day: The house that my daughter said she wasn't feeling wasn't feeling her vibe either. So I got a call from the Reluctant one that she was going to five of her six favorite houses. She really had incredible choices at this point (no doom music here). Just the statement that she had incredible choices.

Then I made the mistake of telling the Reluctant one, the very cool laid back young woman who doesn't believe in showing public emotion (a condition known in my world as Emotional Constipation) what would happen on Bid Day should she go to Bid Night.

I told her that the PNMs get their bids and run to the Row. The look on her face was a study in horror. You RUN? TO THE ROW?! With the frat boys watching? (I neglected to tell her that I had heard that a few years ago some of the guys held up scoring cards. I can honestly tell you that if someone insulted her or another woman that I would be getting a call from the campus police that my 100 pound daughter took out a 300 pound man).

I am not running.

Ok, of course you won't. Again, I bit my tongue. I have permanent lacerations on my tongue.

At the end of the 5 party round I received a call from the Reluctant one. After our previous discussions that she would get to know the girls in the house, their personalities and feel a connection and she pooh poohed me she quietly said that she had finally got to know three houses. There were three houses that she liked, really liked. Yes, she liked them for different reasons and but she liked them.

I just said to her that I was happy for her and told her that I would see her later. Then I hung up and smiled.

I'm sorry, but this put a great image in my head.

She sounds like me! I was never a fan of anything that involved running, dancing, or singing, in front of boys.

I hope you get to say "I told you so!"

Nope never will....I keep say in my head about a bunch of things, especially lately, Nyah Nyah Told you So Told you So!!!!!! Maybe when she's fifty I'll hear it.

Am dying to hear the end of this story!!!

I don't know your daughter, but I like her style and spirit.

And I like how you write.

Your daughter really is lucky to have you as a support. Seriously, all moms with PNMs should read this and see how it's possible to be supportive without hovering (or smothering).

This is such a great and fun story. I can't wait to hear more!

More, please! I agree, I love how you write and I laugh on what you say to your daughter-- I must say I was guilty of a few of those "nudges" as well. Please MORE of your daughters story!

Before we get to Pref I must say a few words about my older daughter who didn't pledge. NEVER have I seen a more supportive sister. She is not perfect (as I am...ok...I'll move away from this right now), but I heard the discussions about rush, talking about where the Reluctant One would go, and all sorts of sister gossip. No, Older Sister did not break confidences, I just heard them talking in that wonderful sisters can talk to each other.

Back to the subject of clothes: Last summer I saw this dress. Gorgeous and simple in an Audrey Hepburn sort of way. I brought it home. The Reluctant One saw it and sneered. Frankly, it was very expensive. And while I will push I am not an idiot. So, at that price back it went.

When wandering through the store one day (just wandering) I saw the dress again. It was reduced to : take 40% off the sale price. The dress screamed at me so I bought it again. Again the sneer, but the consensus was that, if shortened, it would be fine.

I thought that she would wear it for the 5 party round, but when she didn't (and I still don't know what she wore that day) I shut up. We had bigger things to ponder.

At this University the PNMs go from 5 parties to 2 for Pref. Some of the girls that I knew about didn't get asked back to any houses, or didn't like their selections. A few dropped out due to finances. The Reluctant One, from what I understand, reasoned everything through as only she could. One house she said that she was totally herself and they loved her. Another house she felt the same. One house she loved a particular girl. (I am not saying that anything here is mutually exclusive...just her reasoning behind her choices). In one house she adored the talk of doing things that we don't do (like skiing for example). And one house the girls were sweet. She went on and on, alone. She did not call me until she turned in her list.

Then she called, told me what she had done and why, and she was coming home.

This is such a great story. I'm on pins and needles waiting to find out what happened!

What??? coming home??? don't stop now......

I'm guessing she is coming home to get the dress for the next round?

Great story! :)

I don't often comment in Recruitment Story threads, though I read many. I had to here. I think most of us know that the older we get and especially once we have kids of our own, we realize how smart our Moms (and Dads too) actually were. So be patient ellebud, it might not dawn on your daughter until her own kids are going through the same things she did.

My daughter called me last month and apologized for ever being a teenager. She told me that she was really a rotten kid for several years and that she is so sorry! Yup, they do learn eventually that Mom knows best.

DaffyKD

...this made me smile and think of my own younger sister. :)

Great thread!

Preference and the Reluctant PNM:

I must say at the outset that my daughter had an outstanding rush experience. Was if perfect? Not in one sense that she got every house (she almost did). But that I believe that it taught her a lot about herself and others. It was really a growth experience.

Our University has Preference in the early morning and Bid Night the same day. The girls go in at 7 a.m. to pick up their invitations. Although I didn't see her I know that she wore the dress that she had rejected last year. Yes, the Audrey Hepburn ish dress.

I got a call. Her voice is always level so you can't read anything into what she is thinking. Mom, I got two of my three top choices. (You go to two). But I don't understand what happened with.............. I had 10 girls around me. How could I have read them so wrong?

YOU turned down MY CHILD? I kept my voice level. I simply said that she had two choices that many girls would DIE to get and to have fun. She agreed, but again, briefly, wondered how she read a group of people so wrong.

Frankly, I suspect I do know what may have played into the decision. But this is life in the big city and in rush. Never look back look foward. And she went to her parties.

It was seven in the morning. And, amazingly I wasn't tired. So, I got up, had coffee and read the newspaper. I got my call three hours later.

IT'S .................!! I KNOW IT! I love them and they love me. (No, no one said anything to her.) Through the haze of the flu she saw it. I cautioned her about rush numbers. But said I was SO happy that she found what she thought would be her sorority.

She came home for the afternoon to rest. It never occured to her that she would get the call. She left and I got a panicked call from her cell. What happens if ...........doesn't bid me? How could I be so wrong? Suppose they were being false? I heard girls screaming in the background as my child walked to receive her bid. She hung up.

Please note: I am now standing in the kitchen with my mother in law who was here for dinner. I have become, in my stomach, a nervous halaria. (I'm not sure what that means exactly, my mother used to say it about someone who was about to loose it.) Suddenly it hit me what I had done: What if this doesn't work out? What if I pushed her into a heartbreaking situation?

I get a call back. My daughter, the Reluctant PNM is screaming.

Digress: On the first night of Rush, right before she was to go into her first house I panicked. She had a favorite pair of earrings. They are a symbol to one of the houses. I texted her, "Are you ok? Are you wearing earrings?" The reply came back, "Sick. No"

I could see the looks on sisters faces if they saw the earrings. "She's a stalker. She wants us." Or, "What a b***** She's wearing so and so's symbols" In this case, they were earrings that she loves, but didn't wear.

And, I must tell you that my Reluctant PNM found some of her new sisters and led the run to her new sorority:


DELTA GAMMA.

She almost wore her anchor earrings.

And, if any of you read my rush story, the DG house was the soda sharing house.

Congrats to you, DG, and especially your daughter!!! Loved her rush story and I'm so glad she found her home!

Congratulations to you, the reluctant PNM, and Delta Gamma!!

I love the story! Congrats to all of you. The fact she almost wore her anchor earring is such a wonderful bit of irony.
I hope she is happy and has recovered from her bug!

She is fine now. Yesterday she had an appointment at the doctor, so you know that she made a fast recovery just so the doctor wouldn't be able to find anything wrong.

HURRAH!!! what a great story and so happy for your daughter's happy ending. thanks so much for sharing with us.

Ellebud you are such a great writer. I almost got a little teary eyed at the end of this, what a cute story! Congrats to your new little DG!

Great story! Congratulations to your daughter, I hope she has a great year!!

Congrats to your daughter!

Isn't that Julia Louis-Dreyfuss' chapter?

WOO HOO!!!!!!