Please don't stalk the PNMs
 

This happens every year. I wish someone would post a sticky! Usually it's well-meaning curiosity but there are certain things that just shouldn't be done during Recruitment.

Story-reading etiquette:

1) Don't continue to bump a thread hoping that the PNM will magically start posting again. Perhaps things didn't turn out as they'd hoped. If they'd like to update, they will.

2) Don't out the school. If a PNM has chosen to keep her college or university private please respect that choice.

3) Don't try to track down a PNM IRL to find out if they got a bid. This is just creepy.


Add any you feel appropriate!

bump because this feels appropriate

Good thread. :)

These apply to message boards, in general.

If someone wants to reveal details, they will. Don't do it for them. For instance, if a GLOer is venting about their university but isn't revealing the school name, probably for a reason, don't do it for them. Feel free to PM them if you have questions or comments.

And keep usernames on your screen. Don't research them IRL, even if you may know someone who knows someone who knows someone. That screams "need a hobby."

/lane swerve

Don't blow sunshine or get their hopes up unnecessarily. While saying something like, "I hope the outcome makes you happy." is okay, gushing things like, "Go Strawberry Shortcake or go Ravenclaw!" or whatever made up names they're using in the thread is not. It just gets people's hopes up for nothing.

Frankly, I think posting rushees posting their experiences in their own Rush threads on GC is just asking for trouble and for fate to render them a disappointing result. I'm just saying.

WTF? Is it really that serious?

Did the poster know the PNM in real life?

(I can understand that. I've tried to find out the results of girls I wrote recs for. I haven't called an greek life offices, but I've worked alumnae grapevines and checked facebook.)

But I don't think I'd care that much about a random recruitment thread writer.

I don't see anything wrong with choosing to cheer for one of the code names at the beginning of a thread. I don't think the PNM thinks "Wow, the GCers told me I should go Ravenclaw..." The PNM knows you don't know which code is which chapter, at least at the beginning of the thread, so you really are cheering for whichever dessert/sport/character/whatever and not the chapter that corresponds. Besides, the PNMs probably have their own "hopes" in terms of chapters they like before recruitment, and "cheering" for Ravenclaw isn't going to change that.

However, once the PNM has stated Ravenclaw is her fave, you should back off because, not only is SHE hoping for a Ravenclaw invite/bid, but all these GCers are doing the same.
Blowing sunshine to me, means saying, "You'll get a bid" or "You'll do great" or "You'll be an amazing addition to any house" etc. Instead, say things like "good luck", because you don't know the poster IRL and you don't actually know if these things are true.

the funny part about this is that like 2-3 years ago, we'd have like 15-20 recruitment stories going right now. Because of all the stalking and bullshit, we now are lucky if we get 10 a term. Sure says a lot about the boards progression with these stories.

It also says a lot about some of the crazy people in our organizations. :o Part of me wishes the Recruitment threads would just go away.

true that AOII LB93. It's really sorta sad when you think about it. These stories are fun and interesting, but crazies have to get all stalkerish. I mean, WTF do you care what school this girl is at? I, for one, couldn't care less if XYZ board poster has figured out what school bettyPNM is at, etc. Leave bettyPNM alone to have her recruitment and if she wants to divulge further information at the end, that's her prerogative. Sorry, this just really burns me up :mad:

It's been a process of evolution on these boards.

Yes, but what's the point of that? Post count padding? Reinforcing the PNM that there is someone reading their story? Adding so much fluff that people get sick of scrolling through it to real the actual story?:rolleyes::rolleyes:

ETA: I'm not cool with outting a PNM's school, but I don't think it's wrong to point out to a PNM that even though they didn't out the school, it's extremely easy to guess.

Especially true because everybody on this forum has some interest in Greek Life and understands the differences between schools...but if you are a 17 or 18 year old girl and rush is your first real contact with greek life, you have no idea that simply saying "there are 14 sororities at my school" or "we had to wear a recruitment t-shirt the first day" could eliminate 99% of the schools in the country from the running of your "anonymous university". Naturally you'd simply assume that your recruitment experience was the norm for every other school.

Oh I agree it's pointless, I was only arguing it's not harmful.
I am one of those GCers who can easily figure out a PNM's school, but if I (along with 99.9% of the GCers) announce that I know, it's to caution the PNM that she might want to be more discreet. Most GCers who announce they know the school say so to either warn the PNM or just because they are proud to have figured it out and want to pat themselves on the back. Most GCers mean no harm. For the most part, it's the lurkers from the PNM's school that PNMs have to worry about, because someone can read whatever they want on GC without registering. You really don't know who is reading.

EXACTLY.

Larger schools are less anonymous. Like when a poster will say, "I'm not going to say my school, but we have 19 chapters and deferred recruitment" and not realize there is only one school with that description.

more like a process of evolution on the internet. remember the days when you didn't have to make your facebook super PC and private because of potential employers? :rolleyes:

I get a little annoyed when people consider others finding out a PNMs school "stalking" them

Stalking would be like attempting to figure out their real names, what dorm they live in, or other real-life identifying info.

To be quite honest, it is a CHOICE for any PNM to post a story. Everyone knows that ANYONE can read ANYTHING that's posted on the internet.

So anytime you post a story, you should expect that everyone can read it, and some people may guess where you're at.

And really, people knowing where you are is not that big of a deal. As long as you aren't being a complete snot in your thread, no one is going to care.

Also, I've said this a thousand times, but in terms of PNMs recruitment threads affect their recruitment in real life, it's not GCers they need to be concerned about: It's mostly active sorority members at their schools who lurk here but don't post.

Random GC Kappa may find out that you hated Kappa and that you thought they were fat and ugly, but she's likely not going to do a darn thing. Katie Kappa from Your University might read it, figure out you're talking about her chapter, and make sure you don't come back again (and possibly tell her friends in other chapters).

Worth repeating on the second (third?) page.

Trying to find PNMs on Facebook or another blog is also stalking.

Figuring or finding out a PNM's school = not stalking. Going on facebook and trying to find said PNM is stalking. Also, saying " be careful bettyPNM, I know what school you're at"...it sounds a little crazy to me. All that being said, I can agree that if you're posting something online, you should expect it's going to be read. It's common courtesy to not disclose the information publicly on the thread, because if bettyPNM wanted us to know what the sororities are or what school she's at, she would've told us. THAT is my point, end of story.:)

either they are pulling it out of their butt, or they are referring to me. When I said I wonder where my rec crew was going and that I might check to see if they have bid day photos up on Facebook. :rolleyes:

1) If I was referring to someone ep, I'd just say who I was talking about...it's the way I am.

2) KSU, because I don't feel the need to let the world know my opinion on everything that people post about doesn't mean I'm not here or am unaware of what I'm talking about. I voiced my opinion on something I felt strongly about, and I'm entitled to do so. And maybe my absence of voicing opinions could be directly related to the "attack" nature of those who respond. Must go back to that "evolution" of the boards.

Sure, but if you don't post a lot, you don't establish much credibility with other readers, and we might not all assume that just because you posted something, it must be true.

If you intend to persuade people that facebook stalking of PNM is a real danger on GC, you might need a little more evidence.

(I can't even figure out how one would do it, not that I want to try. It's one thing if you're already friends on facebook with a PNM and you can check her wall for updates, which is a far cry from stalking, IMO. But most of the recuitments here have hundreds of girls going through; as far as I know, no one posted a thread under her real name. It just seems like, even if all students at a particularly college had public profiles, it would still be close to impossible to figure out who a particular PNM was.)

Or talking about me too. I found my rec on facebook and found out where she went. I was excited for her, especially knowing her code and preffing my chapter.

I don't consider it stalking, if you know the girl and her name. Heck, so many people on facebook see a friend of a friend and click on their profile to "check them out."

No, I wasn't talking about you either...it was a general statement. You KNEW the person, as you wrote a rec. That seems fine to me.

I will go crawl back in the hole for where I was, since my credibility is shot :rolleyes:

Another lane swerve here...

I don't think anyone is saying that you are all a bunch of stalkers. It seems like they are discussing the things that may've happened and can possibly happen. I don't understand taking these general statements personally or being offended.

I certainly don't know what other posters are doing with their PMs, facebook, and so forth. Just because you haven't done that, it doesn't mean that there aren't a bunch of posters who may do that.

Not shot, just not established.

ETA: this was apparently a more insulting comment than I intended. I just meant that it doesn't seem unreasonable that someone would want to know what you knew about this issue. I don't know or remember enough of what you've said previously to simply accept your post as gospel without your reminding me why I should. Not that you're obligated to establish yourself to me.

Do you know that this has actually happened or just that it has the potential to happen?

I've had a PNM PM me about a specific school and sign it with her name. Based on that+the question she asked, it would have been unavoidable for me to figure out who she was. I missed most of recruitment that year for an internship, but if I'd been at work week I would have likely figured it out without trying.

Totally not a crazy person—not about to Google someone within an inch of their life! But since these girls are so often newbies.... I don't think they always realize how easy it is to put a couple details together.

I'd disagree with that. Shadokat has very established credibility with some of us.

But I'm not surprised by the reaction, as I've seen evidence in a few recent threads the last couple of days that the board is back in a pissing contest over who has enough posts to matter.

I don't think post count really matters although I'm guilty of saying something about it in another thread (don't try to moderate a good moderator no matter how many post you have).

But I do think it's important that you establish why anyone should accept what you are telling them. If you post all the time, people have some experience with you and might know your history, but if you don't or haven't in a while, there are a bunch of newish users who have no reason to know that you know what you are talking about.

I have no idea why shadokat is an expert on pnm stalking.

"I'd disagree with that. Shadokat has very established credibility with some of us.

But I'm not surprised by the reaction, as I've seen evidence in a few recent threads the last couple of days that the board is back in a pissing contest over who has enough posts to matter. "

ditto to this

With everything else that has happened on this board would it really be a leap to Facebook stalk PNM's? It's just not outside of the realm of possibility.

(FYI I'm not saying that some of the people in this thread have done that. I may not post much but I'd have to say they are some of the last people I could imagine doing that)

Ditto. I have been PMing with two PNMs who are attending my school. One signed with her whole name, the other didn't, however if I wanted to it would be pretty easy to figure out who she is during recruitment.

I think the important thing that PNMs need to check the person out before the PM. I mean if someone with posts that were random and crazy, I would be less likely to tell them anything about me. If it is someone who (I hate to use this sentence as this thread is currently doing a tangent on it and I don't want to be part of it) is more established and has a few posts that are on subject and aren't psychotic, then I feel as if the PNM should be able to PM the member.
i.e. A poster with 15 posts all in chit chat and 1 in a Greek related thread who mentions to attend their school vs. someone with 100 posts all over that has possibly put up their own story or is in the recruitment/Greek life thread talking about their school or other things of Greek life the PNM has questions on.

I'm not sure that came out right...

Amen
 

and amen, although I am sure I am one of those who doesn't post enough to be considered reliable. You might be surprised what quiet people know.

Well, right, but how would other people know it if you didn't offer any evidence or support? It's not as if we know you in real life.

You are right, you wouldn't know. I just don't feel the need to parrot what 25 people in a thread have already said. Doesn't mean that GCers should dismiss what I (or anyone) say when I do post.