In-law venting thread
 

I know you've got to be out there...anyone have issues with their backstabbing two-faced bitch of a MIL?

Just wondering. I feel like I'm the only one, even though I'm not.

My MIL is great- my BIL and (now ex) SIL- a whole different story. I avoid social family gatherings if I think they will be there.

i'm not married but my bf's mom used to make comments behind my back about my weight and smile and appear friendly in my face. she also talked a lot of sh*t abt our relationship. after 3 yrs she sees that things aren't going to crumble like she thought. so now she wants to act like we're buddies. :rolleyes:

due to current circumstances i am forced to be around her a lot, but i cannot WAIT for the day that i will not have to see her so often.

Dream on...if you plan on marrying him, it's going to get worse not better. Speaking from experience here. She's fine in front of him, but she talks shit on me to her daughter, and anyone else she can find.

Thankfully she moved out of state.

I'm trying to be a good mil! I love my DIL (probably as much as my son, but don't tell him that!;)) It helps to stay out of their business though when they're in Florida, and I'm in Texas!!

Now, I have a terrible step-mother who I call Madame X - She's a real piece of work! :(

srmom,
I wish mine were like you, however she does all she can to stir up the drama between her family in general. She is a huge gossip, and when telling her daughter what not to do she uses me as the example. The ironic thing about it, is that I've been around for 10 years and have been really nice to her since the start.

I found an article I want to send her on how to be a good mother in law, but I know she would be hugely offended. I think she forgets that she was a daughter in law once too.

Sandy, you can totally play along...if you've been there long enough, it's almost the same.

lol. without getting into too much detail, she wont have many ears...or at least not ppl i interact with/care about. one of the main reasons she had to stop was because my bf used to snap on her to stop throwing stones while living in a glass house.

now if she'd leave the state too...that'd be awesome. lol.

i'm in an LDR too. ;)

I think a lot of people are addicted to chaos and drama.

I had almost in-laws at one point; they were a major factor in why they are ex-almost in-laws. Let's say that I don't take financial advice from someone who has less money saved than my nephew. Awesome.

I am lucky. My MIL is one of the most wonderful people on the planet and we would definitely be great friends even if we weren't related. Trust me, I take notes daily on the way that she interacts with my FIL, my husband, and most importantly me. I note the way she holds her tongue, offers genuine advice at the appropriate time, and mostly just how she treats people in general. I don't think I could have handpicked anyone better.

I have promised my 2 year old son that I will do everything possible to be as good a MIL to his future wife as she has been to me, so that his wife won't wind up in a thread like this. ;)

For those of you who are enduring toxic relationships- I am sorry. A good friend has a terrible MIL and it has taught me to appreciate every day that I have with my own.

I just don't understand how mine can be sweet as pie to my face and then talk shit on me to my husband(which he has none of) and others in the family. She even emailed him once when she was thinking of moving back here and said, "Be sure to let your wife know I won't intrude. I know she's probably worried about that." Thankfully my husband emailed her that she needed an attitude adjustment and to stop bashing me because I've been a good wife to him and I treat her well.

The sad part of it is, that I actually liked her up until recently, been really nice and apparently she's just been shit-talking for years. I guess I'm not good enough for her son in her eyes.

it could be her own issues. with my bf's mom, she's single and lonely, and relies heavily on him. so she views me as an intruder and someone who takes away attention from her. personally i think she is somewhat jealous. not as in she wants to date him, but that he is devoting his time and energy to me and not her.

and her not saying a thing to you is an indication that a) the issue is really with her and not with you, and/or b) she has no backbone.

Ah... my monster-in-law. I could write a book.

My favorite story goes back a few years. My ILs are no longer members of a synagogue, so on the High Holy Days they inflict themselves upon us. It was Yom Kippur afternoon. I was trying my damnedest to stick to my fast, which had been going for about 18 hours at that point. The ILs came back to our house between morning and afternoon services. And my MIL DEMANDED THAT I PREPARE LUNCH!!! :mad: They purport to be Jewish, but they ignore the inconvenient parts of the faith, like fasting on the holiest day of the year.

There's her incessant whining that any beef or lamb that isn't charred beyond recognition might as well be raw, and that DH and I would DIE if we ate it. (I had to teach DH what a steak is supposed to taste like - medium rare!) There were the times she chewed me out for eating "raw fish" (sushi). She criticizes my wardrobe - too much black - to the point where, if I feel like being passive-aggressive, I'll wear all black when we see them. And the one time I joked that wedding planning was a lot of work and we should just elope, she SCREAMED at me about how she DAMNED WELL WOULD BE AT HER SON'S WEDDING!!!

And then there's the baby nagging. The ink wasn't even dry on the marriage contract when she started in. DH is an only child, so the only way she can have a grandchild is if we have children. She doesn't give a damn about how many sleepless nights we have, how many diapers we have to change, how pregnancy and childbirth would destroy my body, how much money we have to spend to get the latest and greatest for our baby (and did I mention she wants me to quit my job and be a SAHM rather than letting "her grandchild" be "raised" by day care?). She just wants her grandchild. Um. Yeah. If she wanted a grandchild sooo badly, she should have thought of that before she decided to have only one child and take the risk that he might marry a childfree woman.

I limit my contact with the ILs as much as possible. Unfortunately, I do have to put up with them from time to time, and I do so because I love my husband. There haven't been any major problems lately, mainly because everyone is on their best behavior when we do see each other, and DH has told his mother to lay off the baby nagging. Hopefully, that will continue.

lmao!

I can SOOO contribute to this conversation!
My MIL doesn't like me because 1. I'm Catholic and she's Church of Christ (apparently that makes me the devil or something) and 2. I'm a democrat

When Mr. Winnibug told her we were getting married in a Catholic Church, she told us for 1 1/2 years that she wasn't going to go, and tried to get others to boycott with her, but that didn't end up happening. :-)

She sent my hubby a text the night Babybug got Baptized making sure he was going to tell herthat she needs to be baptized again when she's old enough, and when he didn't reply, she resent it the next morning.

She's been sending me anti-Obama fwds for over a year

Her youngest son just turned 17 and he's a bit obnoxious and full of himself...they totally overindulge him...his nickname is "Money M____" and they get him crap with dollar bills signs all over it all the time, and let him dress like a wanna-be gangster (OH - and he is probably gonna be a daddy come January...and she's all about acting like the girl's some kind of superho who's preying on him because he "comes from a good family", and acts like he's completely innocent
(I need to find a way to code his nickname, so just in case he googles it, this post doesn't come up...)

i have to agree with your steak comment

and i also want to add that while i know parenthood just isn't some people's cup of tea, i think it's totally worth it!!

SIL is here I may kill her. Will expand later, but I may tackle her down the stairs. Less than 24 hours till she is gone.

Same here. His mother used to be Catholic and then became a Jehovah's Witness when someone came to her door. Following that conversion (no one else in her family ever converted, including my ex-bf), any time we spent together involved her asking if I wanted to be "saved" or telling me I would be "eternally damned." Don't even get me started on what she'd say to me for celebrating holidays and birthdays. And that's really only the tip of the iceberg...

Winnibug, this happened to my mother when she married my dad. He was (initially) disowned for marrying my mom because she was an Irish Catholic and he is Episcopalian. My grandmother was such a snob!! Didn't matter that my mom's dad was a doctor - she was Irish and she was Catholic, so she was scum!

Things changed though when they had a son, the III - the only one to carry on the famiily name, then they were accepted back into the fold.

By the time I was born, all was well and we were a big happy family, but I don't think my mom ever truly got over the cruelty that was exhibited to her at their marriage (and NO, my dad's parents did not attend!!)

Lordy, now my MIL is telling my SIL that she paid $3500 for our wedding. Ummm no. That would have been more than half and my dad paid for everything except the rehearsal dinner which was split by his parents, and his dad paid the majority of it.

She must be talking about paying for her transportation, her dress, hotel, etc... to the destination because she certainly didn't fork out anything else. I wasn't even allowed to invite out of town guests to the rehearsal.

She also had the stupidity to tell my husband, "Well, I'm going to tell you something, but don't tell your wife." He stopped her right there and said, "Anything you tell me is fair game for her. If you don't want her to know don't say anything. How dare you be so divisive!"

My husband is awesome, I have no idea how such a good man came from her.

For you, it is worth it. And I respect your choice.

I've made a different choice. I hope you respect my choice.

The problem is that my mother-in-law does not respect my choice. Come hell or high water, she wants her grandchild. And she will not stop nagging me about it until the day she dies. And that frustrates me - I will not have a child for her.

I can vent about my ne'er do well BIL and my bitch SIL (I called both of them out during the eulogy)...I wonder if they realized it :D
MIL was the queen enabler though. I can't vent too badly about her. Not good to speak ill of the recently departed (3/21/09)

I can't even describe how badly I wanted to rip off my MIL's face!! But I'm ok now b/c I realized... she's not MY mom so I don't have to deal w/ her. My hubby is an only child and, though she's never liked me, I knew she knew if she pushed me to far what would happen.... She will not see my son unless she and my hubby work out their issues. She is the most neurotic, paranoid, bitch on wheels I've ever met, I'm just lucky that my hubby knows this and I don't have to play nice :)

T-minus 24 days until the dreaded belle-mere shows up....I've never understood the term for mother in law in French...beautiful mother? I'm a French teacher....can we officially change it to la mere qui critique tout? (the mom who criticizes everything?) Sure, she's pretty, but being such a needy controlling b**** just kills it.

In other news, she asks the husband yesterday, "So when is AOII_LB93 going to have a baby?" As if it's just up to me and I've been the one holding back, right?

She's a mother alright ...one of the biggest mothers I know.

So maybe for me it's not the mother-in-law (however, she did sit me down and tell me in detail about all four of her conceptions, pregnancies and births while I was at her house, alone, in a town I didn't know... still have nightmares) it's the siblings. Somehow, I don't know how, the boyfriend is very different than his family. He is the protector and, more or less, doormat. No sister, you cannot be flown out to visit your friend on boyfriend's tab because while you are still living at home with no prospect of graduating college or moving out in the next couple of years, the boyfriend is currently renting and trying to get himself out of debt cause by you and your family (as well as stupid choices from the boyfriend). Also, brother when you buy a car off of someone, that means you make payments. Yes, that does include family members. I swear with four people living in a house, with three of them working, one would think that they wouldn't have to call on the son/brother who is trying to make it on his own for money.

One more thing to the sister, you know I don't agree with you so as you sit there talking about how you like to share your opinions because you like to make people uncomfortable, think of it this way, are we uncomfortable because of your opinions or because you sound like an idiot who can't figure out which is her right hand and which is her left. Not that differing opinions is bad, she just has really shaky foundations for them. Also she can't seem to walk 100 feet to a car so she makes the boyfriend drive to pick her up from the front of the store and house.

One more thing, while I would love for his parents to visit him/us, one would think they would check with us first before they began to make plans. As it is, that is my finals week and the boyfriend's busiest time at work throughout the entire year.

That felt good. I have a feeling there will be more later...

I hear ya there....my MIL is showing up the weekend right after work restarts, which also happens to be recruitment weekend at my university - which I wanted to go help with for at least one day. Now could I escape to go do recruitment stuff, sure....but then she says negative things about me, my house, etc... to my husband and anyone else she visits while in town. It's just peachy.

Just because airline tickets are cheap doesn't mean we want you here for yet another visit or have the time for you. I swear I've seen her more since she moved out of state then when she lived 10 minutes away. She comes for at least 4-5 days at a time 6 or more times per year.

Two years ago when we bought our house, we closed escrow on July 20th. Moved in on the 22nd, and she was here by the 27th. She said she would be happy to help me unpack...I had it all done by the 24th so I could put the stuff where I wanted it.

Ok, I think I feel better now...off to do some chores around the house. :P

My sister-in-law is a complete whack job; I could go on for days about her. It's hard to blame her, though, since her mom raised her to be a selfish man-hater. I feel sorry for my brother daily, and I'm grateful that I see her only on holidays. (It's a shame my holidays have to suffer the consequences, though.)

Oh lordy, where do I begin with the joys of my in-laws.

Here's the short version:
-DH and I began dating 2 weeks before BIL and now SIL. It was pretty much a competition to them from then on. I guess they didn't realize that at the age of 25 (then) I wasn't in a rush to be married to a guy I had know for all of a month. B/c BIL in the end "wins" by getting married first, MIL just loves new DIL.

-BIL/SIL ruin our engagement announcement to MIL and her husband and FIL.

-MIL/SIL treat me like shit through the entire wedding process including-ignoring me at the shower they hosted for me-not getting us a gift or card for the wedding-and ignoring everyone at the wedding, INCLUDING my parents who footed the whole bill.

-Due to said wedding actions, we only tell my parents we are looking to get a dog. After 2 unsuccessful tries to adopt, we get our puppy. We only call IL's after we're on the way home with her.

-At last christmas find out MIL bought BIL/SIL a $400 camera as an anniversary present. Well isn't that nice since you couldn't even get us a flucking wedding card.

-After christmas DH confronts MIL asking what the deal is. MIL says that BIL/SIL told her I said mean things to them and they don't like me and she believes them. DH tells her BIL should come to him if he has issues and MIL shouldn't treat his new wife like that.

-DH and I have strained first 6 months of marriage b/c of IL's.

-FIL likes to randomly show up at our house b/c we live like 15 mins from him. DH asks him to call, repeatedly, still just shows up. We've been in our house for over a year. MIL and her husband will call, b/c they're at BIL's house seeing his kids and figure we're already out, might as well see the other son. THEY HAVE NEVER SEEN US JUST TO VISIT US, we are always before or after DH's brother.

-We've taken to either avoiding family events or being there as short a time as possible. I normally have some sort of alcholic beverage while around IL's.

-My parents treat DH like the son he never had and are always helping, supporting us etc. My parents drove down for the weekend to help us build our deck. None of the IL's helped. Did I mention DH helped BIL build 2 decks, at his old house and his new one?

-I'm trying to figure out a way to not tell any IL's if/when we get pregnant. I'm thinking that won't be possible seeing as how close by they are, but I would prefer for them to find out via facebook perhaps?

-Did I mention I haven't even been married a year yet? Poor DH, he knows they suck, but they are his family.

My first MIL never seemed to be able to cut the apron strings. I remember clearly that she called the house at 7am to remind my husband of his dentist appointment. 1) he wasn't home, I was still in bed asleep and not due to get up for another 1/2 hour 2) why did she even KNOW when his appointment was? 3) we'd been married for *TEN YEARS*. Why did she haveta do this???

After the divorce, I was happier to not be 'related' to them anymore.

Now, my new MIL is the best. Even before I was married, I knew my hubby and his family - and didn't even know my future MIL's real name until we were married - it was always "Mama S," even 15 years ago! I'll call her to just to chat, and she is truly a blessing. She considers me the daughter she never had.

I told my current hubby that not only did I get him, but getting his parents was a bonus! I feel for all of y'all that have crappy IL's.

Unmarried ladies, a warning: You really DO marry the family as well as the man. :eek: No, you don't believe it, but it's true!

Oh, I'm not married yet but I believe it and know it!

My almost in-laws were kind of weird. Ex's father liked to lecture Ex-FH and I on money. This was all well and good except that he a). lacked health insurance because he "didn't need it,", b). had fouled up ex's credit inadvertently because they had the exact same name, and c). had no plans or ability to retire. I knew that if I continued with the marriage plans, that a good chunk of my future earnings would be going to help them out.

Now, I'm not even helping my parents out--they're not wealthy or anything, but they planned for retirement and paid all of their bills--why should I help someone else who wanted to lecture ME on how I spent MY money? Better yet, my parents never lectured me on money.

Guess what? Three years after breaking off the plans, Ex-FH lives in the same Midwestern town as the parents, and he's taking care of them. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN MY LIFE, PEOPLE!

APhi Sailorgirl it sounds like your in-laws are pieces of work. Good luck to you. It makes my situation seem a little less dire right now. :)

Yeah, DH and I will have been married a year in October and seriously none of this stuff happened until we got engaged and we dated a year before that happened.

This is awful, but I'm so ready for my parents to retire and move down by us, which is their plan. It will be so nice to show all of DH's family that is what a nice, loving, caring family looks like. Although MIL does like her other DIL, so it could just be me.

The Boyfriend's parents might come out this December and I'm thinking that it will be interesting to see them meet my parents. They are polar opposites and have nothing in common except that both sets of parents love the boyfriend. The jury is still out on whether or not the ILs like me. I would say they don't, but the boyfriend says they do.

Let's see both sets of parents are near each other in age, except, mine had retirement plans and are retired. His are still paying off their house 23 years later with no plans of retirement even though they are going into their 60s and having to ask their son to help them with payments. My parents have a clean, fairly uncluttered house even though they have 2.5 other people living there (brother is currently moving out) and a dog. In-laws have three people other than themselves living there, but i can almost assure you it has been years since that carpet was vacuumed (not even going into all the other cleaning things... when I leave the house I practically bleach myself). My parents are open to every type of belief (religious and political not like oh its okay to kill people belief) while the in laws are very vocal and judgmental. I can assure you they will not be happy with the wedding if the boyfriend and I get married since it won't be as religious as they want it. My parents want us to wait to get married and to have me get my education before we do anything. His parents don't understand why I'm going to school, why I want to work, why we aren't married and why we are hesitant on having kids (ever).
I know my family isn't perfect and I have complained about them countless times, however, his family terrifies me.

Somewhere in my mind, I know that when you get married you marry the family as well, but I keep hoping it isn't true... Maybe if we live in Russia, they won't follow us.

It might be you...don't you know, you're not good enough for her baby boy? Here's an article to help you be a better DIL http://psychology.suite101.com/artic...ghterinlaw_101 :) There's one for mother in laws too. I was >this< close to sending it to mine, but then I figured it would start a sh*t storm in which I would be in the center. Apparently most mother in laws have not heard the saying, "A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter's a daughter for the rest of your life." Heck if we want to go biblical, it says something about cleaving from your family too...:p Ahh here it is: For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:24


That's funny...my MIL was bitchier before I was the fiancee, but then got nice, and then turned bitchy again right before the wedding, and it's been crap for the last 4 years.

And WC, remember...you marry the in-laws too, it's totally true. Doesn't matter where you live, they can still be a pain in the ass.

ETA: About the quote about sons and daughters, not saying that all girls care about their families, I'm saying a son's priority towards his parents changes when he gets married, or at least I think it should.

This. Some people say, "It doesn't matter what his parents are like because I'm not marrying them." Oh in some ways, you are.


That's a pretty scary thought. I bet you're glad that didn't end up happening.

PS. This thread makes me a little scared to get married, lol.