question about pref.
 

Hello GC!

I know that wardrobe questions have been answered numerous of times but I was hoping to get some help. Our school's panhellenic website doesn't specify guidelines about clothing to wear during recruitment events but I have read here on GC as well as last year's recruitment Facebook group that for pref, formal attire is recommended. Most girls end up wearing dresses, which is the norm from what I have learnt here on GC. My problem is that I don't and can't wear cocktail dresses because of my religious affiliation(I am muslim and most dresses are short/knee length).So my question is: Is it weird to wear trousers to pref?Also, if not a cocktail dress, do any of you have any suggestions for me?I would appreciate it greatly.

Thankyou:)

Disclaimer: This is just my personal say and I'm not in a sorority.
I would say just wear what you would for a formal event within your faith.

I agree that this is probably the best option.

The answer will depend on the school. At some schools, a PNM in pants would stick out like a sore thumb. At others, it wouldn't be odd at all. It'll be hard to get an answer here.

As an aside: I'm not muslim, and I'm relatively unfamiliar with their beliefs, but I'm surprised that pants would be acceptable. I was under the impression that women weren't allowed to wear clothing that resembled a man's clothing (hence my confusion over pants being ok).

Couldn't you wear one of the recently popular maxi-dresses? I know you probably couldn't do spaghetti straps or whatever, but maybe with a shawl/bolero it could work for you. (Just curious, because I've known various Muslims who all dressed differently: do you do the full head cover or do you follow a less stringent dress code?)

I assume you mean palazzo style pants, not khakis or trousers? It's hard to say - it would be very dependent on what you wear on top - a maxi dress with a cardigan over it might be a better bet. Then again, a lot of the maxi dresses are very undressy and gauzy and would stick out even more.

if you were attending an evening reception hosted by your university's president and board of trustees, what would you wear?

Maybe you could go with a cute maxi dress and add some type of wrap top or shawl. You could always do super cute trousers with cute top, that's not that bad. I can only speak for my school though.

If a house isn't respectful of your religion than maybe they aren't the house for you.

Thanks for your replies, everyone.

Psi U MC Vito and perfectinpurple: For our formal events, we don't really wear "western" clothing(if I can even call it that). It would definitely look way too different, which would surely stand out.

SydneyK: I am trying to have my outfits ready before recruitment. I am sure that they would cover wardrobe in the Info night but recruitment is right after( a day or two away) from the first day of recriuitment. So I don't know how odd pants would look at Pref. As for your aside, I have heard of the argument against wearing clothing that resembles menswear. I know that, from my own understanding, that dressing is supposed to be modest and nothing that is too revealing. Pants are okay in the sense that your legs are covered and fit well(so the shape of the female's body is not too obvious). I guess within pants, it depends too, right.

minDyG: I like the maxi dresses. I am confused because I have considered them and even though some are quite nice, they don't seem formal enough. I don't wear a headscarf so I guess that I dress a little more liberally. Still no short skirts/dresses or sleeves.

33girl: I didn't even know what Palazzo pants were but they seem like a possibility(depending on the top that I pair with it).The flare at the bottom could be fun, heh. Definitely no khakis or jeans for sure.

Could straight leg or boot cut style formal pants work?

Thank you for all your replies, again. I know that Pref is not a sure bet but I hope to at least be ready and prepare for the best case scenario.

My best friend and my pledgebrother are both Muslim as are a large percentage of my school. So I have a general idea of the kind of clothing you are talking about. But look at it this way, pref is the last thing before you hopefully get a bid. If you don't get offered a bid because you embrace your faith and your culture, is that organization really right for you? A large number of my brotehrs are military and wear uniforms for formal events, and they stand out. But the uniform is a symbol of something they hold deep in thier heart. Just my $.02

I've seen modest longer black skirts in the after 5 section of many stores. Either that, or maybe the wide-leg chiffon pants that I've also seen a lot at benefits.

FSUZeta: Probably something like formal pants and a blouse or another cute top. Maybe accessorize slightly for pref(?)

loveandAOE:I am still shopping around for the right maxi dress if possible, one that is dressy enough. I am also looking to pair a top and pants. I guess I need to look around a little bit more before I decide on something. Hopefully, I can find a sisterhood that is accepting of my beliefs:)

Psi U MC Vito:Thankyou!Hopefully, I can find a home that works for me too!

Sailboatgirl: Its funny that you mentioned those longer skirts. I have been thinking about looking into skirts, I just haven't found ones that are a good length and not bland. I don't know what you mean by the after 5 section. The Pants are what I am most used to wearing so might go for those.

Thankyou for all your replies and suggestions.

I would think something flowing, in a dressy fabric, with an appropriately dressy top, could work. There are certainly formal pants that would be appropriate for a semiformal evening wedding, which I consider about the same dressiness as pref.

For example: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3033848/...bo=6018895&P=1

(I realize those pants are retardedly expensive, but the style seemed right.)

I would go to the cocktail/evening section of a dept store (or online) and search for cocktail pants. A dressy pair of cocktail (sometimes categorized as "holiday") would work for this situation. There are also dressy, chiffon blouses that are paired with these pants. The look is definitely cocktail and dressy, yet fits in with your requirements. Any other type of pant, imo, is going to look too casual.
This outfit will also work for your sorority formal or any other type occasion where a cocktail dress is required, so it may be worth it to splurge and get a really good pair of pants.

Top: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2994888/...bo=6005555&P=2

Pants: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2911162?refsid=237331&refcat=0%7e2376776%7e2374327 %7e2374333%7e2374362&SourceID=1&SlotID=2&origin=co ordinating

My disclaimer is that I'm not a girl so I don't really know what I'm talking about, but to me a lot of those longer skit dressy outfits remind me of things my grandmother would wear to a wedding. I think the wide pants are appropriately dressy while being a lot younger looking.

Disclaimer: I don't know where you go to school and I am not well versed on muslim culture or appropriate dress.

That being said, an outfit like this would be acceptable where I went to school and help out at for recruitment: http://www.anntaylor.com/catalog/out...urrentPageNo=2
I understand that the sleeveless-ness of the top may not work, but even if this was done with a fully sleeved shirt, and accessorized properly would look fantastic!

This is a great blog, and a lot of the dresses they have up would work for pref at my school, though I'm not sure about a more competitive one (our school is comparatively laid-back).
http://hijabulous.blogspot.com/

ETA disclaimer: I'm not Muslim but my BFF is, so I'm not totally qualified to give advice but not unqualified either I hope?

Greekgrrl: You are pretty spot-on on the kinds of pieces for separates look. I didn't read your comment under the link and clicked on it. I saw the price, it was like woahh!But, yes thankyou for the suggestion.

gee_ess: I am looking around in the cocktail dress/formal wear department and those pieces are exactly the ones I am looking out for and trying to find a right combo. The problem that I am having is with the top and with this being august, almost all tops that I have seen have too short or no sleeves. Its actually a challenge to find a top with the appropriate sleeve length. I am still looking, though, so hopefully.

Gusteau: I hope that I can find a balance between the extremes.

MaggieXi: That top is actually really cute. The neckline is great too. I would need either a blazer or a top with long sleeves for it to work. I am going to keep looking but thank you for the visual.

COBaby: I think/from what I have heard, our school is pretty laid back too but I am not too sure. Some of the dresses on the page are awesome but with maxi dresses, most of the ones I have come across while shopping have been too casual. I am still looking though.

Again, Thank you all for your tips. I am going to try looking for a nice pair of formal pants and a top to go with it or a formal-ish maxi dress of possible. I might end up wearing our regional clothing. I have a lot of options now and I think I can go shopping tommorow and actually have my eye out for pieces similar to the ones that have been posted here.

Just as an aside, if I do go for separates, would pastels be okay because I know a lot of people do black or red. I like pastels or maybe a nice purple. Or does the color not really matter?

Disclaimer: I am not attempting to be humorous or to lack respect but here goes: In my neighborhood there are a number of Orthodox Jewish families. The women too must dress modestly. I have seen numerous tea length dresses that look lovely with a cap sleeve worn with a gauzy wrap. A dear friend is going to an ultra Orthodox wedding in two weeks and she is wearing a cocktail dress below the knee, and although the top (solid material) ends just above the breast there is sleeve and up to the neck gauzy material covering her arms and shoulders.

I believe that I have seen Ralph Lauren (not the couture line) tea length dresses that are lovely florals. I would go online to Bloomingdale's, Nordstroms's, Macy's...whatever major department store that you enjoy patronizing. Also, look for stores in Utah. I know that they have more modest clothing there. (No, I am not being snide. We were in Salt Lake City and happened to go shopping and thie modesty factor was quickly explained to us.)

Have fun during recruitment.

hey girl

i PM'd you. i am a muslim in a sorority as well and although I think of myself as somewhat liberal, I am quite modest in what I wear. For my preference two years ago I wore a dress from ann taylor that came to a few inches above my ankles. I felt a LITTLE bit odd because everyone else was wearing shorter dresses but it was not something that my house held against me :) i think the key is to be COMFORTABLE in what you wear because if you feel that you are out of place, others might feel that way too and perceive it as you not wanting to be there.

Pastels will be fine for the blouse. :)

Keep us updated on your progress! I will be interested in hearing what you choose to wear and how recruitment goes.

How long before your recruitment starts? I know the fall lines are starting to come out now - look specifically in Ann Taylor (and Ann Taylor Loft) and you might find some long sleeved shirts there. I only say Ann Taylor because I know someone that works there and she mentioned that they put out all their fall floorset stuff. I would imagine Macy's, etc would be the same since they're in back to school time.

all those examples are very pretty-palazzo pants are so flattering. i wore a pair last year while helping in the backroom at a recruitment and had to leave the room for a moment and overheard a couple of the pnms whispering to each other how cool my slacks were.

I second stores that cater to the LDS as a place to purchase gowns (bridesmaid, formal, initiation) that will be long enough, have sleeves, and don't show too much cleavage. I am not LDS but when I was shopping for a wedding gown I did go to a store that had a section of dresses that were popular with the Mormon brides as I was not interested in anything strapless, sleeveless, halter, backless, or cleavage displaying. You may be able to find a reasonably priced bridesmaid style gown you can order in white if you join and it is appropriate for what that sorority requires of their initiation clothing.

www.latterdaybride.com has a lot of nice stuff so you can get some ideas, though the store I went to in Spokane had dresses from designers who had styles running the whole spectrum. I'm sure there's a store where you live that could help you find a dress.

ellebud: Thankyou for your suggestions. It sounds nice. I am going to google around and check out some catalogues and see what I find.

emel: Thankyou for your message. Your preff dress sounds beautiful and hopefully the houses that I visit on Preff don't hold the way I dressed against me. A lot of you ladies have been recommending Anna Taylor. I am totally going to take a look and see what I can find.

gee ess: I love pastels so hopefully I can find a nice blouse/dress in one of the pastel shades. I hope that recruitment goes well and I will hopefully be able to keep you ladies posted.

agzg: Recruitment is mid September and hopefully, I can check out some fall lines. I hadn't even thought about that. Maybe if I don't immediately find something in the summer line, I might wait a little and find something a little closer to September or early September, itself.

FSUZeta: The Palazzos seem awesome. They seem comfy as well. I hope I can find some luck with a top and I am golden.

Vandal Squirrel: The website is actually really helpful. I wouldn't have even known what LDS was until today. But this is good. Thankyou. I like some of the dresses and hopefully can find something similar here and if not, I can order it online.

Just as an aside: Are initiation dresses always white?

Thanks again for all your help. I didn't get a chance to go shopping today but I am going shopping again this weekend and hopefully will find something(fingers crossed).

Not always, but often. New Members generally find out shortly after bid day what attire is required for initiation because often times (especially in the case of white dresses) it becomes harder to find as winter comes.

Danke Shoen - I just want to commend you on your politeness, in taking the time to repond to each person who has posted. Also, I think that you have a great attitude about trying to find the right outfit which will accommodate your religious beliefs.

I agree. I like this thread a lot. :)

agzg: Thankyou, I love wearing white so I was wondering. I know that thinking about initiation is assuming a little too much but I am trying to stay positive.

KD4Me and 33girl: Thankyou for your compliments. You two are way too kind:)

what about wearing like a short dress with a belt, and then black leggings underneath? don't know if that is too informal, but there are a lot of "dressy casual dresses" at forever 21 now...so maybe you could do that?

:shudder: I don't think I would wear anything from there to Prefs at Backwoods U where 12 PNMS made it to Prefs and Quota is 15. Same goes for Wet Slu...I mean Seal and Papaya.

Leggings for rush? Not something I would recommend, and I definitely do not think "dressy casual" is the way to go for pref. I think the standard attire for pref is cocktail attire, in which case I would personally avoid anything that could be termed as casual.

God, how I hate anything from Whorever 21 and Charlotte Hooch. I work at a high school, though, and can't avoid seeing it wherever I go.

You can find some really cute - and appropriate - dresses for Pref, though, at White House | Black Market. I really like this one.

Yeah, but the OP has some other religious restrictions about what she needs to wear, so it's a little more complicated.

OP, would a dress have to be floor length or could you feel comfortable in something "tea length"?

Also, and this might seem a little weird, but I though that modest dress requirements were kind of relaxed in same sex settings. Since the pref parties will be totally all women, could you think in terms of some sort of long duster jacket to wear between parties in public that you handed to your Rho Chi as you went into the party while wearing an typical cocktail length dress underneath to wear to the actual party?

I apologize if this seems like I'm suggesting you violate the spirit of modest dress, but I thought the main requirements dealt with mixed sex situations, and prefs won't be one.

prettyinpink91: I have been going to forever21 for a while now. While I do buy accessories there from time to time, their clothes just don't seem dressy enough. Thankyou for your tip though:)

AlphaFrog: Thankyou, thats what I gathered from reading about Pref. Forever21 would be way too casual.

perfectinpurple: Thankyou for the heads up about tights. Actually our school's panhellenic recommends that we wear 'clothes that we regularly wear to school' to other rounds except pref which they describe as the 'dressiest round'. To me it seems that if they make such an obvious distinction between Pref and other days, I should steer clear of anything that may look like its on the fence.

indygphib: The dress that you recommended is absolutely beautiful. I love chiffon and its so feminine. Its just that its too short and has no sleeves. I wouldn't be able to wear this due to my religous restrictions. But, thankyou for the link though:)

UGAalum94: I would rather wear something that is floor length, rather than a tea length. Although the parties are same-sex, the houses are quite spread out on campus. we have 2 houses that are very very far away from the others that are clustered on our 'unofficial' sorority row. I don't know how comfortable I would walking through campus in something short, even if its not showing my legs or whatever.

You don't need to apoligize and you are not violating anything with your suggestions. The idea of dressing more 'conservative' (for the lack of a better word) seems like its only to do with men. But from what I have learnt and understood, the dressing restrictions are to teach your modesty and humility. Although with women around, wearing something shorter could be okay, its just that I wouldn't be comfortable wearing a shorter outfit as I have never worn one before. Hopefully I made some sense because I am not good at communicating my thoughts very well. Thankyou again for taking out time to respond. All of you ladies have been so wonderful and helpful:)

You might consider adding a "shrug" if you find a dress you like but the top is more bare than you want. They work great for this type of situation. I saw them add one to a strapless wedding dress on "Say Yes to the Dress" for a girl who had to cover up more for a Catholic wedding in Italy.

No knowing anything about your campus, the formality of your recruitment, or your personal/religious preferences ... might it be appropriate to consider a dressy or professional pant suit instead of a dress? Just a thought.

danke schoen, I also have to say that I really like and appreciate your thread. I really hope you find a home with one of the sororities at your school! Please come back after your recruitment and let us know how things go!

Things stay the way they are and I wouldn't be surprised if we use her as an example of how to ask questions as a PNM like we point people to Curlygirl's rush thread.

She's just as [leasant and thoughtful in our PM exchanges as well.