|
Curious
I have been going through this thread for a few days, but I have noticed that it's very inactive lately so if I'm re-asking the same old thing it's only because I'm not sure if the other threads are still accurate and up to date. I've noticed this is a hot button topic for some, so I'm sincerely trying not to step on any toes.
To make a long story short, my college funding is not going to go through, so I will not be attending after all. I thought that that would cut sorority rushing out of my life, but then I started reading through this board (although I do realize that AI is very different from regular rush and recruitment). I don't want to pour out my heart on here and go on forever, but I think I could write a few pages on any of the questions, like why do I want to join an NPC sorority or what could I contribute? But overall, this is something important to me that I would like to look further into. My first issue is, I'm not sure who it is "okay" to contact. I don't know any greek women (and please, I beg you, before anyone gives me hate comments about how I shouldn't want to join a sorority if I don't know anyone in it, please consider that many people don't know any greeks when they are regular PNMs, so I don't feel like this is a crazy idea). Would anyone be able to point me in the direction of sororities I could look into that would be open to a PNAM contacting them and expressing interest? Like I said, I've gone through the thread repeatedly, and although there's a list saying which sororities are open to PNAMs on here, it's difficult as an outsider to figure out the different eligibilities as an outsider. I contacted one sorority already because I knew their local reputation and thought very highly of them. Nationals just responded saying that only members could initiate that process and the message was pretty unfriendly in general (I had hoped that they might refer me to a local group I could meet who might decide over time if I would be a good fit). And I understand that it's their group and their decision on how to handle these things, but when you don't have a lot of connections to the greek world it is very discouraging to get the cold shoulder right away. How do you make friends with women that you don't know? Okay, sorry, I got a little off topic there. I don't expect any process to be quick or easy, but if anyone could give me advice on which sororities might be more open to my reaching out to them (over them reaching out to me), and/or how I might be able to meet some of these ladies to express my interest and maybe make some friends "on the inside" as it were (it just seems strange to find someone and say "oh, you're a ABC, can we be friends?"), I would be grateful to hear it. |
Quote:
I'm sure other people on here have more experience and are more knowledgeable, but that's what I think. You could check out non-collegiate sororities like Beta Sigma Phi. I know there's a thread about that here somewhere. |
texasrose, i am sorry the hear that your college funding will not be available for you this year. i hope that you won't give up on attending college,if not this semester, then the next or next year. perhaps then you can pursue sorority membership in the conventional way.
as far as AI goes, the GC threads are pretty spot on as far as answering the questions you have posed above. |
Thank you, I do get that exception-to-the-rule vibe from some sororities, but then others seem to be very open to it, so I would just truly love to explore my options.
And I really don't mean to look like I'm "shopping" but as an outsider it's a lot like being new to campus - there might be a lot of sororities and you have no idea how to tell them apart at this stage, so you start to narrow them down by what you learn and who you meet eligibility with and so forth. So I'm trying to look at it as the first step in the "you'll end up where you're meant to be" process. I apologize if this is offensive to anyone reading it, I would be grateful to belong to an organization that I could love as much as you all love yours. |
I'm not trying to be nasty here, so please don't read that into my response, because I really am sorry that your funding fell through. With that said - does that mean you won't be getting a degree at all? I believe Alumnae Initiates for at least some NPC sororities must be holders of bachelor's degrees (at least).
|
Quote:
But if you have the drive and ambition to peruse this option, what do I do, just give up because it's not the normal path? I'm just trying to find guidance, because I am sincerely interested in meeting with women from these groups, establishing friendships and connections, but when you're on the outside looking in it's hard to know what to do and where to make your first step. |
Quote:
|
With alot of sororities, a woman who is interested may NOT contact the HQ, as the process must be initiated by a member or alumna chapter.
They're not being "cold." Just following procedure. Also, every sorority does things differently, so it would be amiss for any of us to try and "recommend" a sorority because they allow women to contact them. We do not know how other sororities work. I feel it's important to point this out: Alumna membership in a sorority is VERY different from being a collegiate member. I think it's worth noting that the experience is not the same as being active in college. If you're looking to AI because you want "the college sorority experience", I'd rethink that. |
Thank you KSUViolet. I don't expect to have the collegiate experience at all and I would expect my involvement (should I ever get in anywhere) would start like a regular alumnae with joining a local chapter, fund raising, support, and other such things. No intentions here of trying to go to all the active events and formals and such.
Perhaps I did express myself poorly. When I spoke about recommending, I was thinking more of "I know our sorority ABC does this" or "my friend got in touch with XYZ this way" and so on. I'm sorry, I don't mean to have people randomly tell me that XYZs the way to go when they're an ABC, but to hopefully offer their knowledge and experiences. And when I call them cold, I do understand that it's their group and rules and so forth. But from my perspective it would have been nice to have some type of encouragement from them, maybe that if I was really interested in them I could meet with members, make some friends, and begin to see if I would be a good PNAM. If that's not the way they do things, then that's fine, I get it, it's just a little sad for me. Thanks again! |
Quote:
If you are looking for sorority HQs to pat you on the back, point you in the direction of alumnae chapters so you can meet them, and say "good luck," then AI is not for you. The sororities are not going to take your hand and spoonfeed you. Perhaps you misunderstand AI. It is intended to honor specific women who have contributed to the sorority but may not have had the opportunity to join a sorority in college. Or to give the opportunity for members to recommened specific women in the community whom they know could be great members (but did not go Greek in college). When sororities initiate an AI, it says that "this woman is so special that we feel the need to make an EXCEPTION to our normal recruitment methods to initiate this woman as an alumna." It's not like traditional recruitment, which is the way 99% of women join sororities. AI is not a typical mode for joining a sorority, it's more the exception and not the rule. It does not function as collegiate recruitment does. Which is why HQs respond the way they do. It's not promoted like recruitment is, because it is so rare and very few women are chosen for it. |
Quote:
Quote:
You asked if you should just "give up" because it's not the normal path. It's not that it isn't a normal path, it's the fact that it's not the proper procedure. From what I know about AI (some information also coming from members of other sororities that partake in it), it is a process that is initiated by collegiate and/or alumnae members of the sorority. It is considered an honor that you present to a person, often times without them expecting it. 99% of the time, I hear about non-member advisors, house moms, and mothers of members, who selflessly contribute large amounts of their time and/or money to the sorority, being asked to join through AI. For the most part, it is offered to people who think of the sorority and its members above all else... membership is just a bonus. Just keep in mind that it generally isn't a simple process of introducing yourself to members, socializing with them, and having them extend you a bid. And yes, with at least some sororities, you do need some college credit under your belt before you're even considered for membership. Not trying to be mean... just realistic. |
How old are you?? If you are normal college age, you're not going to enjoy alumnae life very much.
And if you are an adult student, where were you planning to go to school & rush? I'm not being overly nosy, just trying to understand what your expectations were to begin with. |
I'm really sorry your funding didn't go through. THat is never a good thing. I hope you are able to somehow still attend college eventually and finish your degree.
With that said, I don't think AI is the answer. While greek life is a great experience, it doesn't pan out for everyone - even people who ARE attending college - and AI it's not a go-around for membership for anyone. Why is a NPC sorority experience so important to you? There are other avenues to get the friendship/phlianthropy/etc that greek life offers like Beta Sigma Phi & local Junior Leagues. Alumnae membership is not the same experience you would have as a collegiate. The two are very very very different. And like someone already mentioned, there aren't any updates to NPC AI. The info out on the AI subforum are still pretty accurate. It's an exception, not the rule - even to groups that decide to AI more often than others. It's not an alternative for people who couldn't rush, or didn't rush for whatever reason. It's an honor given to women that the initiated members decide on. |
There are women in my family who did not join a sorority (or even go to college!) and they have found other fraternal groups to be involved in. My mother and sister are very involved and very happy in Daughters of Norway, and I know there are other groups for various ethnic heritages or even for women who have ancestors who are veterans of certain wars, re-enactment groups, The Moose/Eagles/Elk, Junior League, religious groups, and so on. If you're looking for a group to join it doesn't have to be a greek lettered sorority at all.
|
I would also follow-up with asking why you are so intent on joining a sorority? That's not a critical statement--just an honest question. You can do a lot and meet a lot of great people in the kinds of organizations that other people have mentioned. I went to college and had no clue about sororities other than the fact that my friends at other schools joined them and that's just what people from my town did. Looking back, that's not a great reason to have done it, but in the end, it was a great decision for me.
Is there a way for you to work for a while then go to school? All of us who have joined sororities have one thing in common--we went to college. If you can possibly find a way to go to school, I would strongly suggest doing so. The extracurriculars will come after that. If it's a sorority, then that's great. Good luck! |
I am yet another person with somewhat the same questions as TexasRose. I'll pose a stronger point in this thread. I know that it is something "special" yet I know in my heart that I want to give myself in time, philanthropy and heart to a sorority. My mother is a Beta Sigma Phi and I've met with a few chapters but they are so aniquated that it doesn't work for me. I have such a strong respect for NPC's that I know these are the only sororities that will fulfill what I am looking for in a group. I know I won't get the "college" experience but I want to be part of something great. I do have a degree and am curious if there is any way I might join a sorority even though I have long since graduated. What is there for some of us to do?
|
Quote:
|
To the OP, I'm sorry your funding didn't go through, but your efforts may be better concentrated on how to obtain a college degree than joining a sorority. That should be your first priority - obtaining a degree. It is a VERY difficult world out there for someone without a college degree. Your earnings throughout your life will be much lower (of course, there are exceptions- like if you become famous or something!).
Good luck to you, but now is a time to buckle down and prioritize. |
Quote:
Quote:
|
Quote:
It's frustrating for members of sororities to see women who are so convinced that AI for NPCs is the only way, and then they're unsuccessful. Lack of success breeds a lot of contempt among non-affiliated toward affiliated women, I think. Also, please remember that especially in the case of AI, NPC sororities are MUCH CHOOSIER with who gets the honor versus those who get bids via tradiational recruitment or COR. You need to fulfill THEIR needs in a unique and special way, and let's face it, there are so few unique and special people out there. |
Quote:
|
Quote:
I seriously don't think I can stress this enough: Everyone who never joined in college is not a good candidate for AI, nor will they be considered for it. 99% of women who join a sorority do so in college, and a very very small percentage of women are invited to join as an alumna. A woman selected as an alumna initiate is someone that the sorority feels is SO SPECIAL that they will make an exception to their normal membership procedures (collegiate recruitment) and allow her to join as an alumna. Also, there are quite a few groups who provide sisterhood, philanthropy and such that are not NPC sororities (or sororities at all). |
I appreciate everyone's responses. As for Beta Sigma Phi, I'm glad that you enjoy your experience with them but I neither want to charter a chapter or feel as if they are something I would be interested in joining. Even the women I have met expressed that on the National level they were antiquated so they are out of the questions.
Also, I do volunteer A LOT. I also have joined the Junior League and will be starting my provisional year so maybe once that gets going I won't feel as if there is so much missing. Part of what I would like to do is work with girls on the college level. I would love to be an almost mentor or big sister without specifically focusing on my career field or some religious affiliation. I look back and wish I had had someone to better help me transition from being a teenager to being a young woman. It cost my parents a lot of many as I bounced around in college and me much time to finally gets things figured out. I only explain all this so you all could see where I'm coming from with my interest. I'm definitely not trying to shop. Just wondering if someone had any advice. I'm sure it will all work out for the best. |
Quote:
Working with collegians does involve serving as a mentor of sorts, but for the most part, advising a collegiate chapter involves you being the "responsible adult" figure and monitoring chapter's activities and such. It's also not always easy or full of "warm fuzzies." The collegians don't always love, agree with, or look up to you like a "big sister." |
Quote:
|
Quote:
That is correct. In Beta Sigma Phi you can charter your own chapter with your own set of friends or people within your own age group. If you are interested in more information on that you can send an email to: rushing-friendlyventure@betasigmaphi.org |
Quote:
|
Quote:
For example, my local alumna chapter has a pretty wide range of ages (from 20s to 40s and some older than that). However, there are other alumna chapters in the state in which all of the members are 50 and up. Every chapter is not going to be filled with 20-something recent grads. |
Quote:
|
Rebelgirl:
Have you tried contacting the International office of Beta Sigma Phi on your own rather than by going on the opinions of a few? |
Quote:
|
Quote:
|
Quote:
And yeah, like KSUViolet said, for a lot of collegians, the advisor is the buzzkill who ruins all the fun plans - not someone they want to be mentored by or think of lovingly. If you go into anything concerning young people with the "what they really need is ME" mindset, it frequently backfires. You're in Junior League. Stick with that and see where it goes. I'm sure that they would appreciate you putting your all into your provisional year rather than trying to pursue AI at the same time. |
Quote:
|
Quote:
Quote:
The majority of sorority alumnae are not directly working with collegiate chapters due to geography, time, and personal lives. There are instances where women are initiated to assist with a chapter, but they've served as advisors, house directors, and so on, they've already given freely without the intention of joining. We have alumnae groups and chapters far from college campuses, and alumnae are involved with each other through life long bonds. |
I appreciate everyone's responses so much. I actually think that an adviser role might be what I am looking to do. I thought an adviser would have to be a member of the group so I never considered that. Of course it isn't something I would do at this moment. I do have a lot going on right now. I was just wondering and thought I would ask a few questions.
ThetaPrincess24, yes I have contacted BSP's national office. I even went to a few meetings with local women of different chapters. I've actually looked into them in two cities I've lived in and have found the same theme. I also have looked into PEO, Delta Theta Tau and my mother tried to get me to join Daughters of the American Revolution. I just haven't found the right group for me yet. As for 33girl, I feel it's a little rude to say something like "reading is fundamental." It sounded as if you might be a member so I was trying to be polite. As for me saying that "what they really need is ME" well I didn't and that isn't what I was saying. Also VandalSquirrel has only proven to me why I never bothered to ask these questions before. To say you "question what her intentions and issues were" is very insulting. I believe I even explained what my intentions were. As for getting a job in higher education, since you don't know my career field I'll just say that they don't mesh. Sorry you read so much into me trying to keep things short and simple. I suppose I should have gone into a long diatribe on how I have a lot of free time, would like to make a difference and have yet to find an outlet that has filled that need. Most everyone has been very helpful and actually given me answers that I didn't realize I was looking for. My only other questions is, how would you go about becoming an adviser? Can you contact them? I have friends who are alumni of sororities so should I talk to them and have them contact a sorority? Again, I'm more just asking questions then going to run out and sign on. |
Unless you're on staff of the particular college or university, I don't see what a nonmember could contribute as an adviser. You haven't been a member of a sorority and don't know or understand the dynamics, nor would you, as a nonmember, be allowed to participate in a number of events or be privy to a lot of confidential, private information that advisers must deal with.
|
Quote:
Even if a sorority does allow non members to serve as advisors, I'd assume that a chapter has to have a need for an advisor and be unable to find an alumna in their area. |
Quote:
I don't know if you live close to a university, but again, I would think about tutoring or something like that. I was a tutor in our athletic department and it allowed me to get to know students. Being a "Big Sister" might be a great way for you to connect with people. You really seem to want to help and that is very admirable. Unfortunately, a sorority just may not be a practical way to do it. Please cultivate the non-Greek connections you do have and you could be pleasantly surprised by what comes of them. |
Quote:
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:32 PM. |
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2026, vBulletin Solutions Inc.