Telling the 'rents...
 

I'm not sure what I should do about this problem of mine, i've always been close to my parents and I really don't wanna hide the fact that I'm in rush and hopefully get a bid, but I know that my family won't really be "thrilled" to hear that I'm going greek. So what should I say to them that will make them not throw a fit? They buy into all the stereotypes of greek life...enough said...how do i tell them that i really want the brotherhood that comes with joining a fraternity? I'd really enjoy any advice...thanks...

I think it's safe to say that if your parents love you, they will understand. I'm sure if you explain why you're rushing (for all the right reasons!) they will probably warm up to it. Maybe send them some information on what great things the fraternity does? A lot of parents have stereoptypes about Greek life that is completely wrong. Show them the truth :)!

Anti-Greek Parents

Parents against sororities

Getting your parents to support you joining a GLO

Selling Parents to Allow Sorority Membership

Parents are Anti-Greek

Just a few examples from a simple search for the word "parents" in thread titles. Took 10 seconds.

:) gotta love the search...

My parents were especially against it because the college near my hometown had a hazing death right before I left for college. To be honest, if your parents are anything like mine, you'll have to prove it to them that you're safe and that it's worthwhile, and that comes after recieving a bid (or in my case, after being initiated with no bruises, bumps, emotional scarring, or having died due to alcohol poisoning). While going through recruitment, keep them aprised of the process. As a new member, tell them as much as you can or remember. Remind them that they did well with how they raised you and that you have a good head on your shoulders, and prove that to them in other ways.

If they're worried about your grades, keep them up or make them better while a new member.

If there's ever an event where parents would be welcome, invite them, and then see that they come, even if they live far away. My parents lived a few hours from my campus but nothing made them feel better about my sorority membership than when they came for a family luncheon, met my sisters and many people close to the chapter, and knew that I had people looking out for me.

I also paid all sorority dues and sorority costs myself, meaning I got a job to do it. I don't know what dues were like at your campus, but mine were manageable. In the end my parents appreciated that I was responsible enough to want something and to make it happen.

Thanks for the help, its all really great advice, and i admit i probably should have used the search a bit more, only thing is it tried under alot of things, i just never actually typed in "parents" lol...but yeah thanks for the advice, i think i'll wait until I get a bid (assuming I do) to actually tell my dad and sis, my mom knows, and all she told me was to be smart about it...after she told me she wasn't too happy about it...oh well i guess time will tell.

hahaha I did the same thing when I got a bid. Hopefully they'll take it well. Down the road, if you get a bid and become a member, be sure to keep your parents fairly updated on all of the 'good' stuff. Like I let my parents know when I'm doing philanthropy stuff or spending the weekend at another school.

Though I recommend that you take a look at the other threads, I will say that one of my pledge brothers did not tell his parents about it and I think he regrets it now. His father is a member of an NPHC fraternity and both of his parents thought it would be better for him to wait until after his freshman year to join a fraternity (and presumably his father's) Now it's gotten to a point where he dosen't know how to tell them that he's been lying to them for all this time. The longer he waits the worse it gets.

My parents found out b/c SigEp mails a packet to the home address once they process our info. They wished I had waited a semester or a year but they've never really complained.

:eek:

Wow. So many things.

mkose, I'm not sure which Texas school you are attending, but if it is UT, your parents will get a contract that they have to sign saying that they will pay the dues. The contract also lays out all the risk management stuff and my son's responsibilities to the fraternity.

I doubt there are many freshmen who can front the dues ($$$) for four years without their parents finding out about it, but maybe some houses let the students sign the contract.

I just know my son's doesn't - it has to be signed by us and him.

When I was considering recruitment, I talked to a few close family members and friends. I mostly got laughed at. How awesome is that?

Wow that is ROUGH. :(

My mom is supportive of everything I do no matter what and my dad came around when I showed him how much better Greek GPAs are compared to non-greek on my campus. There is a pretty big difference. Plus my school is well, HUGE. So he decided it would probably be best for me to find a close group of friends like he had. (He went to a small state school with all of his buddies from elementary, middle and high school.

It sucked, but most of my family did not go greek and has negative opinions about the whole deal. I explained to them what specifically I was looking for and what sororities on my campus had to offer. They still have their doubts, but at least they know why I'm pursuing this. I have their support, even if they don't agree. ;)

I probably should have mentioned that we're both still undergraduates because I did make it seem like its been a decade of lies or something. Regardless, the bottom line is that it's a situation that only gets worse the longer you wait. It's not advisable to leave your parents out of a lifetime commitment.

I have to agree here. If you hide it from them, it only makes it seem more conspicuous. Their mindset about Greek life might become even worse if it's something you hide from them and make it even more sketchy. Ya dig?

Is going greek really that big of a deal to some parents? I'm assuming you're 18 so just tell mom and dad you knocked a 32 year old divorcee up or that you're gay. Give them a week to stew on that then tell them you're joking and let the real cat out of the bag. Might put some things in perspective to them.

ha ha, I was thinking the same thing.

Really? There's no way my parents would have signed that agreement. Like I mentioned earlier, they aren't against Greek life, but they made it very clear to me and my sister that we were on our own as far as dues were concerned. Most of the women in my chapter paid their own dues from working an on-campus job or summer savings--granted, they were only about $350/semester. What about people whose parents didn't even pay for their tuition?

I find the contract/agreement interesting. I'm not sure if it will apply to my Florida school, but I know for certain my mother would not sign it. I've been financially independent for several years and I anticipate paying for dues, etc. myself.

I chalk this up to being a newbie, but... if a PNM is adult enough to choose for herself/himself whether or not to pursue Greek membership (as was discussed earlier in the thread), why is it necessary to obtain the parent's signature on this contract/agreement? I'm assuming the NM is of legal age and the agreement outlines the expectations of both the organization and NM.

Well I am going to UT, but if they do have us have our parents sign, i could probably go to my mom, as i've said she's the only one that knows and just wants me to be smart about it, dues are another ordeal...but i'm pretty good with money and i can work a budget, so hopefully that'll keep the struggle at a minimum. But yeah thanks for all the advise, hopefully my dad doesn't take it too hard when I tell him...

Aren't dues at UT, A&M, and Tech well over $1000?

WOW!!!! :eek: my small state school was only like 2-300 per semester.

No, you didn't make it seem that way. I knew you were an undergrad.

It's pretty shameful anyway.

I looked into that and it ranges from about $500/semester at one house all the way to $2500/semester at another...so i guess yeah you are right. Oh well, I can think of something...

Just an FYI:

Greek Life is a big financial commitment.

It is very important for you to consider whether it is something you or your family can afford BEFORE participating in recruitment or accepting a bid.

Example: if you plan on paying for it yourself, be sure you have a budget that's going to support that (i.e. that you're getting enough hours and such). If your parents are paying, be sure that they're well aware of that so they can plan ahead, etc.

Oh I completely understand that, and I have a way to make things work out. I know that my parents will be sending me money monthly and are telling me to work a budget for it, I'll just budget money monthly to cover dues and other expenses. I can work with money.

It really depends on the sitution you have with your parents. I did not tell my parents until I was innitiated. My parents came to pick me up at the end of the semester, and I had my letters on. I didn't tell them to save them worry and disapproval. It worked well in my situation to say "Hey look, I did this, I am fine, and it was a good choice for all these reasons.. etc". It ended up being a good decision for me.

However, I support myself through college. Not only did I recieve nothing from my parents to pay for my Sorority experience, I also recieved nothing to contribute to college in general. I think parents should know if they will be expected to contribute to the cost of your choice. You're an adult though, and joining the experience of Greek life is a choice you deserve to make.

legally being considered an adult is one thing, so is being declared financially independent of your parents. being financially dependent of your parents and not including them in plans which will impact them financially is another thing. you know best your family situation and should use your own judgement in deciding whether to let them know ahead of time that you are going to participate in fraternity recruitment. however, if your parents are going to be expected to foot the bill, i think that you should discuss your intentions(as well as costs) with them. it sounds like you have done so with your mom, but you might be putting her in an uncomfortable position by not including your dad.

texas is one of the schools where greek life is pretty pricey, and some of the initial expenses of fraternity membership might be upfront: new member fee, initiation fee, badge fee, etc., so that even the best budgeting might not work in the beginning of your membership-unless your parents are generously giving you a couple of thousand dollars of discretionary income every month. if they are, would they adopt me?

after the first semester, fees become more predictable. also be aware that there will be t-shirts(yes, even for guys), weekends,spring break trips, formals etc. that may or may not be included in the dues.

The fraternity dues at UT run around $5,000 a year (plus social fees), so unless the kid is either independently wealthy, or has a DAMN good summer job, they'll probably need some help from the good old "Bank of Mom & Dad" to help pay the costs.

I would guess if the kids are paying their own tuitions, then fraternity life might be out.

Ummmh, yeah, see above :)

mkose, I don't know about all the houses, but the ones I do know about expect payment in large installments starting immediately after you pledge. I recieved a bill for thousands of dollars due immediately 2 years ago, so plan ahead. I had hoped for some type of monthly installment plan, but that doesn not seem to be the way they work. Some will split it into fall/spring payments, some want it all in the fall. My son's fraternity has just signed up this year with a collections company (Omega ?) who is sending out the billing. It looks like, from what I've already had to pay, and what my next bill is, that the entire amount ($4500 since he's a junior, it goes down a bit each year) will be paid by October.

Yeahhhh that's what I thought... and add housing fees on top of all of that.. I'm happy with my $500 a year.

it must be nice having money sent to you on a monthly basis. i could have used that back when i was in school. my parents knew because they got things in the mail all the time in regards to the fraternity, but they never questioned me about it.