Married & rushing?
 

Hi! I'm a Junior and married, and I really want to rush this fall. I have talked to my Greek Life office, and they told me at least 3 of the 4 sororities on my campus don't take married members. They didn't tell me which ones, though. Thanks!

A few things...

1.) I don't know that any of the NPC sororities currently have national policies on whether or not married woman can join. I do know, however, that some used to, but that they were done away with years ago.

2.) If the individual chapters on your campus choose not to take married women, I don't know why the Greek life office would know that.

But either way you look at it...

3.) NPC recruitment is supposed to allow you to look at ALL of the sororities on campus. If you make the decision to go through recruitment, it should be because you want to find the best sorority for you, and not to just aim for Alpha Gamma Delta. If you do, you might be disappointed if those girls choose not to give you a bid, and another chapter who loved you and wanted to extend you one, wasn't even given a chance.

4.) The decision to go through recruitment is yours. But if you think by not going through, that you'll regret the decision because you didn't want to pay the application fee, I say just do it. Otherwise, you'll always wonder "what if?"

Just out of curiousity, have you been married for your entire college career? Why didn't you rush before this?

Unless the staff of your Greek life office are members of the chapters, they should NOT be making statements about any chapter's member selection policies.

Please keep your options open while going through recruitment. That being said, as far as I know Alpha Gamma Delta does not have a standing rule against collegians being married, or extending a bid to a married potential new member. Of course, if any of my sisters who have more experience with advisory roles or the Volunteer Service Team know, I defer to them.

Depending on your campus, your Junior class status may hurt you more. I'm assuming since there are only four chapters on your campus that may not be as big a problem as it would at campuses with larger greek systems.

I wouldn't harp on the married thing during recruitment. If it bothers you, I would contact the recruitment chairs of each chapter prior to recruitment. Don't ask during the process - they're trying to get to know YOU, not you and your husband.

Thank you to everyone. I didn't go through recruitment before because I was always afraid to. I was intimidated, but now I feel like if I don't, I will regret it.

My husband supports it 100% as long as it makes me happy.

It is not that I want to join Alpha Gamma Delta, and no one else, it was one that I did a bit of research on already so I just asked about it. I want to give all the sororities a chance, because I don't think it would be fair to judge before meeting them.

The man at the Greek Life office said he did some "research" after I asked him about being married. I should have clarified, he said 3 of the 4 ask current members to take alumnae status if they get married in college. So, he doesn't think they will extend a bid to someone who is already married (which makes sense).

You're right, I won't really mention my husband during recruitment unless of course someone outright asks about my being married.

Also, I'm afraid they will not like my being married or think I'm weird for going through recruitment, but I feel like this is something I will regret if I don't at least give it a shot.

Thanks again to everyone, and if you have anymore suggestions or comments, I would really appreciate them :-).

im going to make an assumption, for my argument - if OP was born in 84 (as her username displays), and is going into junior year, im guessing she didn't start college at 18, but perhaps like 20/21? rush is pretty intimidating at 18, and i can't imagine as a 20/21 year old freshman, going through rush with mostly 18 year old freshmen is a cake walk. but im stating the obvious here.

this may be private info, but is there a reason why married UG members are required to take early alum status? being married doesnt change your student status. does it have more relevance to chapters where all members live in the house (and perhaps, a married member may not live in)?

i understand transfer members taking early alum (if that chapter doesnt accept transfers) because they weren't initiated at that school's chapter, but a married member?

At the University I am attending, the sororities do not have houses, so it's not like it is required that you live there.

I can't imagine being a 25 year old junior and going through rush with 18 year olds and joining a group where the members are 18-22 for the most part. There's a huge difference in station of life between a 25 year old married woman and an 18 year old freshman.

Actually I'm not 25 yet ;)...lol. Anyway, this too is something I was worried about. I don't know if I will have anything in common with 18-22 year olds. Then again, we don't all have to be exactly alike to be friends...

No, however it helps to have something in common, and most 18 year olds don't hang around with married people on a regular basis. I also don't know that as a collegiate I would have been very forgiving of someone who withheld that they were married to get a bid and then threw that information out there after the fact....Oh wait, I dealt with that and my chapter was really pissed at the girl who did that, because she kept it a secret until initiation. We all wondered why she never came to events that weren't required, and why she seemingly had no interest in some of the guys who would hang out.

She also waited until after that to tell us she was prego as well...it was a great situation.:rolleyes:

Do what you want, but realize 18. 19 and 20 year olds aren't always the most open-minded when it comes to things like this.

I have no intentions of keeping anything a secret... I would want to be open and honest with these people. I just won't go on and on about being married.

I actually like it that the greek life office person was this helpful. Usually they will set people up to go through recruitment no matter what their chances of getting a bid are. Here the guy said up front, 3/4s of the groups probably won't be able to consider you.

OP, I think you just have to ask yourself if you are interested in all the groups on your campus enough that if having a shot at 1 is good enough to encourage you to go through. I doubt you're going to be able to figure it out because I suspect this is one of those rules that even if there's no national or international GLO policy on it, the particularly chapters rules might be different. I'm guessing that the picture looks kind of bad for your membership. If 3/4 can't take married people, there's a chance that the campus culture is such that it's going to be hard to get a bid from the one.

As far as why groups would have this policy, I suspect it has to do with a time that most chapters were at campuses with really only traditional students and that it was assumed that a married woman's interests would be too different from other undergraduates. It was probably also assumed that other women's organizations served the needs of married women. And, I'll be honest, I think at a lot of campuses even today, social sororities and fraternities best serve the needs of single people and pretty young ones at that. A 25 year-old needs a home away from home in a totally different way than an 18 year-old away from home for the first time does.

If you've got a lot of non-traditional or returning students, then social GLO may offer something a little different and a married woman would probably get a lot more out of what a chapter has to offer.

Honestly, I'm going to ask the same question that I ask a lot of people who are looking to rush- why do you want to join a sorority? What do you hope to get out of it?

To take it a few steps beyond that - What kind of activities are you interested in participating in? And because of your situation with being married - are you honestly going to be okay going to mixers, where alcohol will likely be involved, and hanging out with horny young men (Okay, so that's brutally honest, but it's true)? Is your husband going to be okay with that? I can't think of many husbands that would be okay with that kind of situation, regardless of age or security in their marriage. Mixers aren't generally any optional thing.

The city of the school I attend does not sell alcohol, so I don't think alcohol will be involved. If it is, I don't have to get drunk or even drink for that matter. I can be friends with guys and still be married. My husband knows that he won't be able to come to certain events and he was okay with that. Men are everywhere regardless of whether or not they are in a fraternity. If he trusts me to go somewhere without him, I don't know why he would care if it's to a club, a mixer, or a restaurant.

Now, the reason I want to pledge a sorority is because I want to meet new people and become more involved on campus. I have a small handful of friends that I have known forever, but I feel like I have only remained friends with some of them because I feel guilty for changing since I've known them so long. I want lifelong friends that are fun, energetic, and really care for one another. I want to work with charities, participate in on-campus activities, and as I said, have friends. My friends I have right now are wonderful people, and I love them. But, they like to stay home with their children, and I don't have kids. I think it would be nice to be part of something bigger than myself. I don't have any sisters, and I've always wanted them.

What I want to get out of a sorority are friends, a sense of family on campus, sisters, and people who like being involved with our University and people who enjoy philanthropy.

I can almost guarantee that alcohol will be involved. Greek life is not all about alcohol, but I think this is a particular aspect of Greek Life that you need to give some more thought to. Yes, you can be friends with guys and still be married. But the point of mixers is generally to foster the relationships between the men and the women -i.e. leading to dating, relationships, etc. Alcohol in these situations does make them a little more "wild" than perhaps you might expect. I'm not sugar coating with P.C. answers, because I think you need honesty right now. The point of mixers is to mingle with the opposite sex. It's a very different situation than just saying well, men are everywhere.

Not only will your husband not be able to come to certain events, he will be allowed to come to only a handful. Date parties, formals, perhaps a philanthropy event. Being in a sorority requires a LOT of time. Even beyond the required events, the best parts of being in a sorority generally don't happen during official sorority time - they occur in the casual downtime and hanging out with friends.

I'm not necessarily trying to discourage you or frame this harshly, but I really think you need to put more thought into this. I think there's aspects that you haven't full considered and perhaps just brushed aside as no big deal. You don't quite know all of what sororities do because you haven't been in one. It is tough for sororities, because we've all been in the position where a new member did not fully understand what they were getting themselves into and eventually quit. Sororities expend a lot of time, love and money on new members. They are going to be wary of someone in your situation - several years older than the vast majority of sisters and married. What are these girls going to have in common with you? They'll be looking at that for sure.

And as you should know, there are tons of other groups on any campus where you can get involved, meet people and make friends. IMHO, you really need to consider if this is truly the best option for you.

I know that people here have pointed out the negatives of having a married sister in a chapter, but there can also be a positive side...

My chapter allowed a married mom to become a member. I believe she was 23 when she first joined. That was 2 years ago, and she has done so much for the chapter. She was the Treasurer and Fundraising Chair. She attended every event required of her, with no complaints. And I'll never forget that when I moved back to PA after being in MA for nearly a year, I attended a chapter meeting and she was the first sister to approach me and introduce herself. She was a great addition to our chapter.

Be aware, however, that if you do join, sisters (sometimes purely out of consideration for you), might not want to give you too much responsibility. They might "feel bad" about giving you a major position because you won't have enough time to spend with your husband if you're planning sorority events and programs... or they might assume that the sorority is #25 on your list of things to do, and they won't want things to be put together at the last minute, even if you always do things in a very timely manner. Just be prepared for that.

I appreciate everyone's honest answers. The good, bad, and ugly. It is nice to hear a good positive, though...lol! Thanks!

He has a penis. Therefore, he is NOT a sorority member and should NOT be making such declarations about membership selection. He was not in meetings and has no idea why women go alum. It's none of his damn business.

I don't know if you've ever heard of Slippery Rock PA, but it used to be a "dry" town too, and it was named one of the top 10 Playboy party schools. Trust me, there will be alcohol at some point, unless it's a very very very superconservative church based school (i.e. BYU, Bob Jones U etc).

If Greek life at your school is very laid back and noncompetitive, and there is (as was mentioned before) a very large non-trad/returning contingent at the school, you MAY have a chance at a bid. But keep in mind that at such a school, every woman in a chapter usually has some sort of office or committee chair - you can't just sit back and be a member. And like kddani said, much of the real sorority bonding comes not from meetings or big events - but from little things like hanging out at someone's apartment or the student center. If you feel like you're going to have to call your husband every time you won't be home from class on time to hang out, you're going to lose a lot of the simple joy of sorority life.

If there is an adult or returning students group at your school, I advise you to join. Even if it doesn't strictly apply to you, you should be able to find some people who you can relate to. Oh, and if your friends are boring the crap out of you with baby talk...you need to make new friends. But you don't necessarily need a sorority to do that. You aren't going to be screwing them if you make new friends if they are so blind to the fact that when they talk about little Caleb's latest poop YOU REALLY DON'T CARE...in fact, if they're that child obsessed, I doubt they will notice.

The advice given in the previous posts is very solid. As someone who has lived through various stages of life (college, newlywed, newly-divorced-single mom, remarried now for 12 years with more kids) I don't see what a married woman of 25 years of age has in common with a group of younger sorority girls.

There must be other organizations that would provide a similar, yet more suitable way to meet people. I do know how you feel. Yes, it is nice to have pursuits that do not include our husbands (or kids). Some women quilt, play tennis, become active in community organizations, etc.

I just think that there must be other outlets (meaning clubs at your school) where you could fulfill your need to socialize and contribute to the university community.

While KSUviolet had events every night some weeks, we didn't. Yes, we had social events, and yes, we had meetings for new members, but never in one week were we doing things with the sorority every night. And with the alcohol/mixers situation.. the mixers at my school never got as crazy as others. Yes, there was drinking, but it wasn't to the extent that I've seen at mixers at other schools. Every chapter/school is different. We don't know where you go to school or how prominent Greek life actually is there. In my opinion, you should do all you can to find out how much will really be involved with this whole endeavor, how much time you're willing to put into it, and whether or not it will create issues between you and your husband.

But as I've said, if you believe it will work for you, and you think you'll always regret it and wonder, "What if?" if you don't at least try, I say go for it. Just be honest with the sorority members about your situation. Again, don't broadcast it or feel the need to talk about it constantly during recruitment, but if someone asks, don't lie about anything or try to dodge questions. Being married is part of who you are, and you shouldn't have to lie about that :)

I had something for sorority every night (just about) - especially as a new member and my school is small with a small Greek system.

Your school sounds more like the exception than the rule.

As has been said, even if you don't have something formally scheduled every night, you and your sisters are going to want to be hanging out with the chapter- as many of us have been said, this was the best part and the part that made us grow closer.

Is your husband going to be okay with you being gone every night and sometimes the entire weekend? If so, that's an interesting marriage. Actually, that doesn't leave a whole lot left to consider as a marriage.

I agree with all previous posts that a college sorority is a wonderful experience but very time consuming. There are other sororities that give the same experience (friends, philanthropy, socials etc) that are less time consuming. Beta Sigma Phi is one. I'm a member and love it. We have a meeting once a month, social once a month and a philanthropic event or project once a month. I'm the youngest in my chapter and my BSP sisters come from all walks of life (single never married, married, divorced, kids, no kids) http://www.betasigmaphi.org/contacts.php is the contact link. Call them, email them etc.

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I'm pretty sure that my marriage is fine. With all due respect, I don't think you should make commentary on my marriage considering you aren't here. My husband and I support each other 100%. While I appreciate you telling me the pros and cons of a sorority, I don't appreciate you telling me that if I join, it means I don't have much of a marriage.
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You don't know her situation. What if her husband works nights? People schedules don't always coincide, but that doesn't mean their marriage is anything to look your nose down at. As to being gone for a weekend a few times a semester, any solid marriage takes into consideration that it is comprised of two individuals who sometimes need a break from each other anyway--so that shouldn't be anything to worry over.

Also keep in mind that just because an organization is open to accepting married members does not mean that you will get a bid.


If you are basically looking for girlfriends and more of a social life, you really should look into another group, either on or off campus...like Junior League which is geared more toward married women. Just joining a sorority does not give you automatic friends. You still have to have things in common with the girls, and things to bond over in order to make a friendship. Just joining a sorority does not guarantee you'll have friends. Like someone above stated, I'm not sure that I would have been so accepting of a 25 year old married friend when I was 18 and just starting college - there just aren't that many common interests.

Alright, that's enough. This isn't the forum for discussing someone's marriage. The question has been answered to the best of our ability when we don't know the OP and don't know her campus.

Thank you to everyone. You have all given me a great deal to think about and I'm sure I will make a decision that is best.

What do you guys think of a girl who is 19 and married rushing??

A married 19 year old sophomore who is planning to transfer sounds like just the thing every chapter needs. :rolleyes:

Thanks so much for your input, it's really helpful to hear other people's opinions. It is a more traditional Greek school, but in general students there are fairly accepting. I feel like I still have a lot in common with girls my age except for the interest in finding a boyfriend (which I'm more than happy to be rid of!). That's not to say that I look down on girls as immature if they're not married or engaged. I really hope that I can show people I do want to be treated just like any PNM... I don't think I would have the attitude where I would think an activity was stupid or irrelevant just because I'm married, that's just not my personality at all.

Are houses with live-in policies 100% strict about it? I know at the school I currently am at (as opposed to the one I'm hopefully transferring to) there are exceptions for girls like me.

As for my husband, he is definitely supportive of me joining greek life. As for socials, ect. he would be fine with me going, because he trusts me. If it was possible to bring him as a date to a social that would be great, but if not he would be fine with it. We're both comfortable with sometimes having time apart and attending social events alone if the occasion calls for it. I'm grateful for your concern though :]

Oh okay, thanks for clarifying. You're so helpful! :)