Question???
 

This is for anyone.

What would you do....

You are a freshman you see all these organizations to join and you decide you want to go greek, but you dont know any of them in the certain NPHC org. that you are interested in.

So you learn and research more and so the next year you and two of your friends move in with a person in that particular org that you want to be in. So you think that everything is cool and you get to know her and then realise that you dont like her.

So you stay away from her while she draws the friends that you move in with in her deceit and drama that is very constant in her life. Meanwhile your friends are not there and you are alone because you have distanced yourself away from them.

Then you find out that girl in the org of your choice starts talking about you behind your back and the more you learn about what she says about you (while she is smiling in your face mind you)the angrier you get.

All of a sudden christmas break rolls around and you and her (the one in the org) are the only ones in the dorm. Then she starts talking about the friends that were once yours behind their back, but at the same time you two are getting closer as friends.

Then the break ends and everyone is back and you and the friends (that were once yours) have a discussion to find out that the girl in the org was at the root of the problems that you and your friends had.

Then we all turned against her until she moved out and now everything is getting worse and it doesnt look good for you to join that org because she blackballed your name in this chapter.

My question is what do you do....you cant see yourself in any other org. and you know that org is the only one that you want to join.

Given the circumstances do you think about another org?

Confused to the Fullest

Whoa! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif
Is this for real??
If so, that's pretty deep! Hope someone can help ya cuz I haven't the slightest clue on this one!

OK, I'm not an expert, but given what I know, this is what I would do. I would look very very closely into another org. If the group that you were originally interested in accepts girls like that, I would have serious doubts about them. So look very hard into other groups and see if you maybe DO feel something that you didn't at first recognize. If you still decide to persue membership in this one particular org, then go through rush. You may or may not get in, but you'll never know if you find out. That is a really tough situation, and I hope everything works out for the best. Anyone in a BGLO correct me if anything I said was wrong or against protocol or anything. Anyway - that is my take on things.

Allie

In Need - Do not look in to another group!(Allie, I've got to disagree with you http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif) If you are truly interested in becoming a member of that organization, there are other ways to go about it, like joining a grad chapter.

You say that you don't know any other members in the chapter. Why? Have you been to any of their programs/events? Have you introduced yourself to any of them?

You say she's 'blackballed' you, but who's to say what will happen unless you try? If you don't make it, dust yourself off and try again. If you don't make it during your undergrad years, then you can always try grad chapter.

$.02
ZetaAce

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FinerWomanhood: Learn it, Live it, Love it!

I agree, SisterFriend ZetaAce!!

In Need, I would also like to offer that if this member has this type of personality, then her sorors know this and would give appropriate weight to her opinion. She may have fooled them at first (in order to be accepted for membership) but they are probably onto her game. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

Please take the proferred advice and meet other chapter members. As we all know, each org is bigger than any one member or any particular chapter. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif You must pursue the org that is right for you! If you must pursue grad/alumnae in order to achieve your goal, then do it!


BTW, must we continue to stress that protocol is different for NPHC and NIC/IFC orgs? I see you express your ignorance and ask for correction, but you have read this board long enough to KNOW the difference (or at least, to defer to those who do!).




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MCCOYRED
Mu Psi '86
BaltCo Alumnae

Dynamic...Salient...Temperate...Since 1913

Yes, this is real! There is more to this story (a lot more)

I know all the members of the org. We all use to be cool until she went and told them what she thinks of us and they stopped talking to us, they follow my friend around and point and laugh at her. She too wanted to join this org.

Now she is at the point where she doesnt want to join anything and the people she meets that wants to join this org she is going to tell them not to.

This girl that was in the org pulled a knife out on my friend and made death threats on her life. The police know about it and the National Headquarters know about it. They were talking about pulling her letters but they didnt. The police even searched her property for the weapon but they didnt find it because she gave it to her soror.

She has done so much s**t and gotten away with it, not to mention this is the president of this org.

My friend and I are like we dont want to be apart of an org that condones this kind of violence. I mean does someone have to die before something is done.

But through this I still want to be in this org, but no if this is what they are about and not if people like this are a part.

Question: Should I look into another org?

And I know she blackballed our names because she said so and not only that she is going to the graduate chapter when she gets out of college so there is no hope there either.

Still Confused

I am sssooo sorry that you have to put up with this craziness. You and your friend may be better off not associating with these girls. As far as being blackballed in the grad/alumnae chapter, grown women tend to act more mature. Also, her one vote, esp being a new college grad, will definitely not carry as much weight.

I hope things turn out okay for you.



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MCCOYRED
Mu Psi '86
BaltCo Alumnae

Dynamic...Salient...Temperate...Since 1913

If you're looking for an answer regarding an NPHC organization, you might want to say that instead of "anyone" -- otherwise people might get defensive http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/tongue.gif

Good luck with your situation - even though you stated that this is for anyone, I will recognize the rights of others for me not to post http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

I'm sorry! I did preface and close with a defer to others more knowledgable. She did ask anyone. I'll keep my mouth shut from know. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/frown.gif

In need: The answer to your question lies within your own heart. You should look deep within yourself for the answer. In your first post you stated that you can't see yourself in any other organization and that you know that organization is the only one you want to join. In your second post, you state "but through this I still want to be in this org". It seems to me that you already have your answer. As Mccoyred stated, each organization is bigger than any one member or any particular chapter. My advice is that you pursue membership in the organization that is in your heart, because if you do become a member of an organization which is not what you wanted, it will likely be one of the biggest mistakes of your life. Remember, membership in a NPHC organization is for life. Further, you state that you all live in a dorm, so chances are that you all are not from the same city. I don't know if you are aware or not since you stated in your second post that "she is going to the graduate chapter when she gets out of college", but the NPHC organizations have (by far) more than one graduate chapter. In fact, most larger cities have more than one grad chapter. In closing this long post, I will say that Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated was, is and will always be in my heart and I could not imagine being a member of any other organization. I never even considered any other organization. I LOVE MY AKA !!!

I'm about to veer to the left a little and get some things off my chest about this post and a couple others in Greek Life. I don't mean to offend, but if i do, SUCK IT UP and keep rollin. Send all hate mail to the e-mail addy in my profile.

Comments made here were EXACTLY what I was referring to in "Possible Problem in Greek Life" in the Moderators Forum. What I said was: "...that's the whole problem...some people don't know how to not say anything if they're really not sure. i know people are only trying to help, and i'm sure the rest of my NPHC fam do as well, but giving incorrect information is harmful as well. additionally, as I'm sure you've all discovered, there are certain things that we cannot discuss on this forum that y'all would have no way of knowing."

True enough, In Need did say "anyone." However, I can ask "anyone" for a play-by-play about doing brain surgery, but is that advice valuable or meaningful if "anyone" is a plumber? Before y'all start jumping on me, yes I understand that we're all greek together, BUT an NPC/NIC member trying to answer a question about NPHC protocol is like a plumber trying to answer a question about doing brain surgery. Let me go one step further, just to make this a little more clear. Have you ever read an Alpha, Delta, Sigma, AKA or SGRho on this board answering a specific question about Zeta, Omega, Kappa or Iota? We're all in the NPHC together, and although there are many similarities, there are even more differences and idiosyncracies known only to members of the respective organization.

None of us (NPHC, NPC, Local or NIC) know any more about the other's rules (written & unwritten) and regulations than what's posted on this board or what we may be privy to through friends. HOWEVER, I would HOPE that we all know that there's more to the rules & regulations that what's posted here...and if you don't know the rules, keep your mouth shut because that's how rumors, incomplete information and flat out wrong information are spread. we have enough of that happening within ALL our memberships: NPHC, NPC and NIC alike. I'm sure none of us wants or needs the outside "help."

I'm done. Once again, direct all hate mail to the address in my profile. If you got this far, thank you for reading.

TWO FANGAS

[This message has been edited by 12dn94dst (edited March 12, 2001).]

In Need:

Please let me offer you some advice. First I don't know how you and this young lady came to meet and become roommates, but what drew you to be her roommate? Was there a friendship there or a friendship of opportunity. I would encourage you to become a better judge of people. It's not easy but when it comes to living with someone, it is not to be entered into lightly.
So you learn and research more and so the next year you and two of your friends move in with a person in that particular org that you want to be in. So you think that everything is cool and you get to know her and then realise that you dont like her.

My question is what do you do....you cant see yourself in any other org. and you know that org is the only one that you want to join.

Given the circumstances do you think about another org?
You have already answered your own question. If this org is the ONLY one for you, then you work hard to make that dream/goal a reality. All of the NPHC orgs are bigger than the collegiate chapter and graduate chapter. WAIT ON IT!! But while you wait, keep your stuff, your affairs in order.

And I know she blackballed our names because she said so and not only that she is going to the graduate chapter when she gets out of college so there is no hope there either.
HONEY, there are soooooo many graduate chapters all around the world. This young lady cannot stop your show.


My sister, be encouraged and don't give up hope.

No matter NPC, NPHC or NIC, I do know this. There are bad apples in EVERY chapter of EVERY org occasionally. If there weren't, we wouldn't have any of the problems we discuss on this board. Some people are fab when you first meet them then they do a 180. Stop looking at that person who's standing in front of you in your way and look to your left and to your right. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

Thank you all for your responses and the ones who were offended dont be. I didnt mean to offend anyone when I said "this is for anyone" Im sorry about that.

Next, CrimsonTide,
We didnt choose to be roommates. Housing put us together. We were just random people put together. We didnt know about how she was or how she handled herself. That was a total surprise to us. To her we were just her "puppets" and she didnt care about anyone, that was not in her sorority and to tell the truth she really didnt care about them either, but that aint going to change anything.

MccoyRed,
Her sorors know, her gradute chapter knows, and her Headquarters know. What have they done??? NOTHING!!!!! They continue to act like it never happened. Which is like saying that they condone that type of activity (pulling the knife out and making death threats). We went through EVERYBODY and there was nothing that could be done. So again she gets away with it.

Which means we end up looking like fools and she gets the last laugh. I mean D**N what is going on? Not only that she rubs it in every chance she gets. And its not just her, her sorors back her up with everything. Its like they are saying yeah she was wrong, but so what. Not that they shouldnt be on her side, but what about being an individual. Someone should have said look, just leave them alone and they will leave you alone, but instead they ALL act like children.

Go figure! Sometimes I want to stay independent because of they way they act.

STILL CONFUSED!

Hmmm....keep your mouth shut?? You know, in my opinion, this board would not be nearly as interesting and happening as it is if every single one of us kept our "mouth shut" based on what others think we should or should not post. Allie was offering her "take" on things -- she is not a moderator and has not had the opportunity to view the entire thread we have discussed in the moderator's forum. And while you don't think us plumbers of the NPC are capable enough to understand the work of the brain surgeons in the NPHC, it doesn't negate the fact that "In Need" asked for "ANYONE" -- this is why, in the medical field, there are such things as second and third opinions (which obviously "In Need" got).

Allie gave her opinion -- which is what everyone on here does all the time. She was called out for being "wrong" and I think she's had her beating so can we please move on with the topic at hand? At least for those of us "entitled" to answer....

Sorry, but you don't need to be a moderator to SEARCH the boards. Many opinions and protocol issues have been discussed often enough to know how certain things need to be addressed.

'Nuf said...



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MCCOYRED
Mu Psi '86
BaltCo Alumnae

Dynamic...Salient...Temperate...Since 1913

I guess I was somehow mislead by this statement which appears when you ask to search private forums:

"Only administrators and moderators may search through all private forums."

There is no way for every single person posting on this board to know all the "unwritten" rules especially when those rules seem to change frequently http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

"In Need" got the advice she was seeking. Allie got her beating. I got "defensive". And the Plumbers Association just called to demand Union Rights. Can we please move on now??

Yikes! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif

I know I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but after a 1/2 hour of In Need's issue on my mind, I'm gonna speak my peace anyway.

In Need, from someone who is not in a NPHC GLO, but knows enough about the culture to pass for one (9 years experience), here's what I have to say.

Move on! For real, if what you said was true and National HQ blew it off, ask yourself if you really want to be involved with those who blatently disrespected you and made no apologies for it, from Nationals on down. Yes, I know about prospectives being required to have a strong love for the organization, but I also know that love does not tolerate disrespect, especially one as bold and unadulterated as what you discussed.

As for looking into another org, that is a very loaded question. Ordinarily, I would say don't do that, but after what you experienced, if you do happen to seek another org, I am not going to lean over your shoulder and cry out "FOUL!" either. I would say to wait awhile and do a LOT of soul searching should you decide this. While your safest bet is not to pledge ANY NPHC org--OTOH, there are a growing number of Black non-NPHC orgs to choose from who IMHO are not as stringent as the NPHC about their org being a prospective's first-choice. The best thing to do is to take it to the Lord in prayer and let Him guide you.

Best wishes in your decision.

RM

Official recognition of correct quotation as hereby signed, witnessed, attested to, wherin, for which, post haste, writ of habeus corpus, Corpus Christi Texas, and hallejuah and amen http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

Sincerely, (signed)

Unofficial representative of the personal department underwhich signed and represented hereto....Plumbing Association of the Greek Chat Greek Life Forum.

[small print at the bottom] the above signature does not in any way shape or form construe either explicity or unexplicity the intended purpose or purposes thereof with which the party or parties hereto have agreed or not agreed to abide or allow consideration thereof

In Need-

I sure hope you are serious about your accusations because posting this on greekchat can launch an investigation into your allegations based on reading your profile...

I am not saying this to make you feel intimidated. I really feel sad http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/frown.gif that this was the only outlet you had to make your feelings know about the NPHC Sororities and one in particular.

You are not to feel intimidated about making a decision to join, to apply for membership, be initiated and eventually a member about any NPHC Sorority. If you have, that is not what we are about. And that means we have failed our Founders, our mottos and our creeds we live by.

I cannot believe that any responsible ADULT has not met your need and allowed this dangerous and destructive person to continue on in this manner!

Are you sure this NPHC affiliate's HQ's knows? That's is pretty unusual if they let this continue... I sure hope you're telling the truth here. And has this NPHC affiliate chapter had a Rush? If so, how are you sure you're going to be blackballed? Do your parents know about this? Am I missing something?

There are NPHC National Officers that frequent GC. And there are some lawyers...

AKA Monet,

Yes I am 100% sure this is all true. I was there when it happened and am currently involved.

Their HQ do know what happened and they did NOTHING!!!!! The only thing they did was tell them that they could not have rush this semester. They all know about it. Grand Basileus and Graduate chapter and The President of the HQ and everyone knows and STILL NOTHING WAS DONE!!!!!

This person throws the fact that she got away with somethig she started EVERYTIME my friends and I see her. we live close together and at all times of the night we would hear their call. Then we look outside and they are being loud and obnoxious talking about us. I mean this is really sad, but yet this is what we deal with almost everyday.

I mean it really makes you think about being in an org. The only things that are holding my interest are my drive to do it, the fact that its in my heart, the fact that this is a challenge, and the fact that I know a lot of "good" Greeks and a few "bad" Greeks and the fact that she said that I will never be in XYZ as long as she is.

She said that she was going to blackball me by telling everyone in this chapter and in the Gradaute chapter about me and my friends. She said that as long as she lives or is in XYZ, my friends and I will never be.

And right now she is right because she is the president of the chapter.

As stated before:

1) there are MANY graduate chapters

2) there's more than one way into an organization.

3) you won't know you're blackballed until you apply.

4) if you're turned down and it's truly in your heart, as you say, try again.

5) if you do happen to apply to the same graduate chapter that she's a member, her objections probably won't carry as much weight because she'd be new to the chapter.

Take all of this into consideration and above all PRAY ON IT.

I won't even try to answer your question about trying to join another sorority, because only you can answer that, but I do have a question for you. Did this death threat/knife pulling happen on campus? What is the administration's take on all of this? Has she been brought up on any type of charges on the campus even though you said the police could not fine the knife? I don't know about your state, but if there is some type of phyical confrontation, and the police is called, SOMEBODY is going to JAIL. Too many times the police has been called out, told the folks to separate/cool off/ whatever, then someone comes back 15 minutes later and the other person is dead.

Then, In Need:

I think it's time to tell you parents or an Adult who you can trust and get a lawyer because apparently, no one in this organization is taking you seriously about what's going on... This cannot continue like this! You are being harassed! That's crazy!

If their HQ has done nothing about it, then it's time for you to notify your school.

If that doesn't work, then it's time for you to consult a lawyer and sue for assault and battery. And forget about joining the organization at this time because, this person is dangerous, not only to you, but for this organization. That's just my opinion.

I can't believe any of MY SORORS would continue badgering a person like that. I know my sorors would have nothing to do with them... But popping up into your face???

Your question is valid: What if something dangerous happens to somebody??? That's hazing. Goto the http://www.nphc.org to see the joint statement on hazing and keep reading it till you understand it because you can't become a member in the NPHC if you've witnessed it and did nothing about it... Evil festers when good people sit around and do nothing...

Or goto the media...

[This message has been edited by AKA_Monet (edited March 13, 2001).]

To AXO Alum, I did not indicate that she should search 'private' forums. There IS a search mechanism on the Greek Life board http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/confused.gif which is where MOST of the discussions reside http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif .

I'll be glad to let it go if I am quoted correctly....bye!



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MCCOYRED
Mu Psi '86
BaltCo Alumnae

Dynamic...Salient...Temperate...Since 1913

Yes she pulled the knife out on campus. She has it on her at all times and its a butterfly knife. She never leaves home without it.

Administration knows about it and so do the police. The administration told her to move out, but when she moved out, she moved right across the way so that when you look out of my friends window you can look right in to her room. Now, she moved out on her own and choose the room. Normally, they are not suppose to be that close together, but thats where she lives because her soror is there also.

The police know about it because we filed reports and they searched her car, body, and room for this knife. THEY DIDNT FIND IT!!! They didnt find it because she gave it to her soror and therefore, she didnt have it on her for the search which would have she kicked out of school and in jail for having it.

When she made the threats she did it in front of me and about 9 of her friends which still doesnt matter because none of them are going to snitch on her because they still chill with her.

Thats what im saying, what if hse would have hurt my friend that night. When she had the knife out like that. But i guarantee you if my friend would have gotten hurt i know that that chick would be hurt in the worst way. There is no way in the world that i would let anything happen to my friend while im here. I dont care who or what we have to go through, but thats my take on that. I told that to her, the police, the dean, Nationals HQ, and anyone else who knows about it.

This S**T is ridiculous because they are grown A** women acting like they are in middl school. Its stupid and sad.

In Need

Lord Have Mercy http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif


I haven't posted in greek chat in a long, LONG time but please In Need,

PUT THAT HEFFA IN JAIL NOW!!!!

If that doesn't work just pray for the Lord to handle this situation. You don't have to kiss anyone's but to get along with them and especially, you don't have to live in fear of ANYONE. This "woman" obviously has some SERIOUS MENTAL PROBLEMS. Lord knows I don't condone violence but... anyway she needs help, and you need to put her in jail and press charges. If you suspect her sorors are holding the knife she attacked you with, you will have to call the police on the sneak to catch her with the knife if you are to ever catch this chicken. Oh and believe me, NOTHING in this world will go unpaid because the Lord says, do on to others as you would have them do on to you. ABOVE ALL ELSE PRAY!!!


MAN THIS STUFF GETS ME REALLY STEAMED!!!

Hey Greekchat long time no type http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

Diva_56

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In complete darkness we are all the same... It is only our knowledge and wisdom that separates us... Don't let your eyes deceive you

Janet Jackson

[QUOTE]Originally posted by In Need of Advice:
[B]This is for anyone.

What would you do....

http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif Although I'm not a member of a NPHC organization I have to agree with a lot of the other members by saying just go for whats in your heart because you might regret you alternate choice later in life. I was in a similar situation not to long ago. In my case the person of the organization was trying to get me to turn against my friends and talk to me in order to make my friends jealous and seem as though she and her sorors wanted me in their org http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/rolleyes.gif , what she didnt know is that I was cool w/ her because I was bored and that I like meeting new people(and for some reason she knows a looooooooot of people);I also wanted to be in a completely different organization http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif te-he-he@her. Like you I feel that doing things like throwing ones organization and friends in someone elses face is very childish. Also you need to take the advice of one of the postings and have shorty girl locked up AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! I dont know about your state laws,but I know that where I'm from a threat is potential to get locked up for a couple of hours if not a good amount of time or put on some form of suspension.Also butterfly knifes are illegal here!! Even though there looks as if there is no hope now,just keep your faith..and she will get what is coming to her. If all of your accusations are true there will be a loophole somewhere and the truth will come out. Until then find out other ways that you might be able to get into your org. of choice and as AKA_Monet stated look into maybe getting a lawyer or telling someone that you can trust and can do something(because you might be able to get her for slander too,since she lied on you and your friend). Anyway I'm gonna end this novel...Know that you are in my prayers, and that you can do anything if you want it bad enough.


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**Not yet, But NOW!!**

O.K. enough is enough....Honey, the least of your worries right now is what sorority to pledge! If all of these things are true. There are some serious issues!! The police, school administration, local graduate chapter and National Headquarters all refused to do anything? You have 9 (I think I am remembering the number correctly) so called friends who witnessed this and they refuse to testify and/or say anything? File another police report for harrassment, get a restraining order. File an official complaint with campus administration. After you do all of that, move on!! Surround yourself with people who care about you and concentrate on your academics.

I concur 100%!!! The least of your worries is to join a sorority. Definitely surround yourself with the legal system and law enforcement. Then focus on academics...

Thanks for all of your replies. I will take these things into consideration and find the best possible solution to this problem in a non-violent manner.

Thanks again
In Need