re-rushing as a sophomore @ UF
 

I'm planning on re-rushing as a sophomore this year @ UF. Last year during rush I had to miss a rush party because of a mandatory work meeting (I didn't realize this was mandatory before I began rush). Even though I missed a party I ended up pref-ing at one house, but I just didn't feel like it was the house for me.

Will the house of the party I missed last year have me on some sort of black-list because I missed their party?

Will other houses not want to take me because I have been through the rush process before and they dropped me?

Seriously, you need to ask yourself what has changed that will make you, as a sophomore, more attractive to all the houses that dropped you as a freshman?

Thank you for the advice. I'm really excited to go through the recruitment process again.

THINGS THAT HAVE CHANGED SINCE LAST YEAR's RECRUITMENT:
-I will not miss a rush party this year
-I have brought up my GPA and gotten involved in intramural soccer
-also, I have been practicing recruitment conversations with my older brother who has been really supportive of me

I guess I just really want to belong to a sorority because my mother found lifelong friends in her sorority sisters. She was diagnosed with cancer two years ago and it was so touching to see all her sorority sisters cheering her up at the hospital, and how their friendship had withstood the test of time.

I saw in another thread someone was talking about being "too tan". Is that really an issue? I tan really easily so should I stay out of the sun before rush? Last year I didn't spray tan, but I did lay out before...but with my coloring I think it looks fine.

Do you think that I shouldn't mention my mom's cancer? She's just such a big part of my life I can't imagine meeting people and not talking about her. I mean, I don't get weepy or anything when I mention the cancer, she's in remission now and looking great!

naturally tan and fake tan are entirely different things.

if your mother's cancer and remission(hooray for that!!!wishes of continued good health to her) come up in the course of recruitment conversation, go with it. just realize that some people have not had a lot of experience dealing with grave illnesses and will not know what to say, which can make for awkward situations.

do you have recommendations for all the houses?

I'd stay out of the sun because I'm concerned about sunburns and skin damage, regardless of how it makes me look. My personal thing is to avoid tanning (real or fake) because I believe I look amazing the way I already am, even if there wasn't a health risk involved I wouldn't do it. I don't color my hair or wear colored contacts either because it just doesn't jive with my personality or how I want to present myself to the world.

I don't often mention the cancer that took my relatives as sometimes the emotions take over and I can't control it. I have only mentioned it in relation to why I wasn't in school or why I changed schools, and then move on with the conversation.

throw out the possibility of skin cancer and skin damage for a minute. uf15 is in florida, and lots of kids are tan. being tan doesn't look as out of place as other parts of the country, especially if she is prone to tan just from participating in outdoor activities. while i wouldn't go out of my way to get a tan, and i surely would not get a fake tan, a natural tan will not hurt her chances, as long as she doesn't look like the old lady i saw on the beach the other day, whose skin looked like leather.

That's why I said that it is my personal preference. I lived and worked outside the majority of last summer, I go outside a lot (rafting, hiking, camping, skiing, walking) and make a conscious effort to protect myself, and thus have no skin damage.

I have seen unfortunate incidents of people intending to tan then falling asleep outside (or overdoing it inside) and getting a burn which was uncomfortable and not very attractive, or self tanning that looked horrible and started to run or stained clothing. It may not "hurt" her chances but I'm the type of person to lower my risk and I'd rather not go through rush orange, bright red, streaking, or peeling; so therefore I'd just eliminate the issue all together.

It's an issue if you look like an Oompa Loompa. (I think that happens more with self tanners or spray tan.) You also don't want your skin to be dry or peeling. A little color is fine, but don't get so much that you totally have to change up your makeup and don't know what you're doing as far as that's concerned right before rush.

http://estb.msn.com/i/C4/307F5BA9444...6484F158C3.jpg

This picture is a good example of what not to do at rush, tan, clothing, and jewelry.

LOL!! heed this warning!

ITA with this post^^

Florida is a different and young people do tan. I have heard the comments time and time again with young active sisters - "come back with a tan" or "make sure you work on your tan for recruitment". You don't have to have one for recruitment, but many young women will have had their entire summer and probably a large amount will have a little glow from the sun. It has been this way for years whether it is good for you or not. Be safe and make good judgements is what I say!

If you really are opposed to laying out in the sun (I tan pretty easily, but see waaaay too many people my age forming wrinkles—and I'm 22!—so I usually rock an SPF30) but still want a tan, spray tanning is actually pretty easy. Make sure you're taking care of your skin before you do it. Get enough water, moisturize, exfoliate, etc. Half the time people turn orange or streak it's because their skin is too dry.

If I'm getting a spray tan from a machine, I will ONLY use the Mystic brand, and then their MyTan machines. Make sure you get the kind that goes on clear, because that bronzer stuff just looks nasty. Also, don't get sprayed right before your event if you're worried about being too tan. Go like two days before, just to ensure 1)you're used to it and 2)if it does come out orangey for some reason, it has time to fade. If you take care of your skin it should last about 10 days or so.

You could also always get someone to airbrush you; when a person is in control of the color thing you're less likely to become a tangerine.

Wow, good thing I live in an area with four seasons and am an alumna. No way in hell I'd get a tan for recruitment. Clothes and jewelry sure, but I'm not going to risk skin cancer or wrinkles, or chance a rash from the spray because my sisters tell me to. I find it so fascinating sororities have programming on body image (eating disorders for example) binge drinking, drug use, dating safety, risk management as a whole, but we completely ignore, or encourage/require from your story other actions that have health risks.

If you were allergic to spray tans, nobody would force you to get one. In fact, if you were opposed to getting a tan by any method, you wouldn't be forced to. I can't speak for other schools or other chapters, but our VP: Membership did include having a tan as part of our recruitment apparel; while this was the expectation it was more a part of the "whole picture" of looking your best. Most girls look their best with a healthy color, not pasty white skin. If girls in our chapter were naturally ivory-skinned (as some were!), they were not expected to have a "tan." Most girls in the South tan of their own accord anyway, whether at a tanning bed or just laying out. So it's not so much an encouragement to do something unhealthy, just to look your best for recruitment.

And here's the rub, why am I branded UNHEALTHY because I am rocking my God/genetic given skin color? I may be potentially healthier in the long run for just embracing how I look as I am. So I am pasty white and don't look my best? This really needs to move to another thread, but all the talk about healthy glow and looking good while not being one's natural authentic self blows my mind. I'm not saying women at my school don't lie outside and tan, but I don't understand why it is suggested to change one's appearance because it looks healthy, or perceived as better. I don't see why skin color is so important to looking good and feeling good at recruitment, especially when it can come with a health risk. I can't imagine anyone telling people to color their hair or get colored contacts, so why is changing the color of the largest organ of one's body acceptable? How are we fostering self esteem and acceptance (since we preach it) if this is something encouraged by chapters. To use the cliche saying it is almost like "you're perfect! now change!"

I'm just trying to point out that it seems to not jive with what we're really about or trying to live, and I never even thought about it until you ladies started sharing that it happens. I hear plenty of people say "I need color" and implying they don't have any since they check the Caucasian box, when in fact we're all varying shades of skin color.

Original Poster: maybe you should forgo the tanning so you stick out and you're more memorable :p Think of all the time and money you'd save ;)

A healthy tan is one thing, but orange is quite another. I am an alumna of another Florida school, and we were also requested to have tans for recruitment. I never got a tan! I am very pale, so pale my dermatologist calls me "her pale person". :eek: I cannot get a tan because of some scares with Melanoma. I just addressed this to my VP of membership and it was never a problem.

As a PNM, I would try to get your skin to look as healthy as possible and be yourself. It is unrealistic to think that every PNM is going to have tanned skin. Everyone's skin tone is different and some people have a naturally pale or darker skin.

Thank you!! I'm naturally very pale - I have light hair, light eyes and freckles, so I have to be super careful in the sun to avoid getting burned. If I go out in the sun with no sunscreen or a low SPF, I don't tan - I get a very painful burn and then a multitude of new freckles :p. And a higher risk of wrinkles and skin cancer down the line. I know some girls who can get a really nice tan just by hanging out in the sun for a day or two, and it looks great on them. I'm just not one of them (though trust me, I tried to be for a few years, with painful results!). Anyway, pale doesn't have to be "pasty", it can be pretty. In a lot of the fashion magazines these days, it's even being encouraged! It's about how you dress and carry yourself. If you're skulking around in bad makeup and strange clothes, you'll look like a vampire. And not the sexy kind.

This goes way beyond a neat, healthy, clean, put-together appearance. This is going way too far.

Being told to change your god-given skin color is absurd and quite frankly offensive. My ethnic background is Irish, Polish and German. I don't tan. I burn and freckle. I don't look right with a tan from a bottle or machine- it's not flattering! There's not a damn thing I can do to help and/or change that.

What's next, are we going to tell our darker skinned members (of various ethnic backgrounds) to apply skin-bleaching cream so that the meet some sort of ridiculous ideal?

For the majority of years in this country, tans were looked down upon and viewed as a sign that you were obviously of peasant stock since you were working outside on a daily basis. It's only since our economy stopped being primarily agrarian and tropical resorts came into fashion that tans have been desirable.

I really wish I could send some of the girls I see doing over the top tanning pictures of some of the women my age (40) who did the same thing, and who now look like leather purses.

There's a woman who took her kids to our community pool every day when I was a child. She would lay out, soaking herself in tanning oil (like SPF 2- really, what is the point?).

Fast forward to about 6 or 7 years years ago. She moved to a new neighborhood. My family knows a few people in that community. When they found out that we knew her, we were asked if she had been in a fire or some sort of accident. Everyone in the new neighborhood assumed she was a burn victim.

The thing that gets me is that it is being suggested and/or requested for members, and as it is a health issue (skin cancer) and we have a huge focus on risk management, it is contradictory. If it wasn't coming from sorority leadership I wouldn't take such an issue with it. Skin cancer is a huge issue, not just for the people without "a healthy glow" but for everyone regardless of the melanin expression and I don't think we should be promoting it without making the dangers clear. How many women are unaware of the issue, and then the VP Recruitment says "we want you to look healthy" and indirectly we're not giving women all the information they need to make an educated decision (we give information on alcohol, which some of us even have a third party vendor serve) yet are encouraging a potentially dangerous behavior. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE a risk management program on skin care and the dangers of tanning so women can make educated decisions, just like we do for food, dating, smoking, alcohol, and other issues that affect us, and other women.

How hard is it to get a dermatologist and someone who has been affected by melanoma to come in for a presentation? I could throw that together in my small rural town with two phone calls.

I totally agree! However, I should have used the word suggested. I never saw anyone get in trouble for not having a tan, but was just a few comments about the fact that we live in Florida and to look healthy with a nice tan. Of course I do understand that healthy is having no tan at all.

Back on topic here -

UF15, it is too difficult for anyone to tell you what your chances are for this recruitment and for receiving a invitation to an organization of your preference. You will face a tough recruitment based on your class standing alone. There will be many factors that go into membership selection from those you worked hard for like your grades and activities to other factors that I don't want to bring up at this time. (I am not going to open up a wild discussion that will not get you any closer to receiving a bid at UF - that is pointless) Do your very best to prepare for this recruitment and I hope that you are successful. I know what you are facing at UF and I understand somewhat of how you may be feeling right now.

Best of Luck to you!

There is nothing attractive about boobs popping out of your bra either (at any time not just during recruitment). Please make sure yours fit properly underneath your clothing.

I did that before my wedding. I went a week before to see how it would turn out and if I would like it, and then went a second time the day before. It made my skin look so natural and glowing! I have recommended it to several friends before weddings and other events and all of them cant say enough good things about it.

To the OP:
Baci is right on, you will face a difficult recruitment because of your class standing but if you go into it with an open heart and a willingness to accept the variety of sisterhoods UF sororities offer, you will find a home. Listen to sound advice from sorority women and prepare physically and mentally for recruitment. It's not an easy week but it is most certainly worth it.
Best of luck!

Thank-you for saying this!

I'm over fifty and my skin is completely smooth and in great shape (no surgery as yet, though I'm not opposed to it.) I regularly get carded when I go out, in an area of the country that doesn't card everyone.

I use sunscreen every day of my life (in a range of SPF 8-40+, though 15-30 is my norm.) I often wear a hat, but never lie out in the sun. I'm active in sports, but I just slosh the sunscreen on and try not to be out at the height of midday. I use bronzers, etc. to add a little extra glow. This time of year I'm usually sporting a very, very light tan from my sporting activities, but my skin is pale in the winter months.

I've seen girls in their mid-to-late twenties with wrinkles (they are usually from sunny locales such as California or Florida.)

I don't think that sororities should be in the business of encouraging tanning, but that's me.

To the OP -- give it another shot, stay open, be prepared to take a few lumps...and good luck!

There's nothing wrong with trying, but her chances are definitely not on par with freshmen or even sophomore PNMs.

There's a good chance that she'll end up without a bid.

It's tough, but true.

Best of luck to her.

You may want to check if her campus has an upperclass quota. UGA is even trying on this year, and it might change the game a bit.

But your daughter should probably prepare herself to have some harsher cuts that the freshmen going through.

Do we know that the bold part is true even if she maximizes her options and sees it all the way through?

I know that it's much harder for a junior at a competitive campus to get a bid at some chapters, but have we really seen stats that say that junior straight up get cut out of recruitment more even if they are open to all groups?

The mom didn't pin it down to being UF.

ETA: I'm not challenging the conventional wisdom that it's much harder to rush as a junior, but I think part of why their results are "bad" is that they get much harder early cuts and drop out when they don't like their options. I'm not sure that those that stick it through are that much worse off if we're using "get a bid, any bid" as the standard.

She is also a transfer student, and from a community college at that. Junior who do get bids at competitive schools tend to already be stand out individuals on campus who know women in the various houses.

OK, disclaimer, my "n"=1 in this example, but maybe there are some cases where the stars align?

My sister-in-law transferred from community college to FSU and got a bid to a great chapter. She certainly did experience some cuts, but by no means would it be classified as heavy cuts. She certainly had choices throughout the entire week and got her favorite chapter after pref.

However:
--she had a 4.0 coming in from CC
--she is from Florida and knew girls in all the houses from high school and had maintained many of these friendships the first two years of college
--her high school and CC resume included plenty of activities and leadership
--she maintained a classy appearance and attitude throughout Rush
--she is a great conversationalist (and witty!) and is very comfortable talking to new people

By no means am I disagreeing that juniors have the odds stacked against them. They do. However, at least in my SIL's case being a transfer was not too detrimental. This also should help other transfers/juniors know what they are up against. Houses will not keep you around "just because." For those that have the above type of resume/presentation there may be more of a chance. Emphasis on "may."

It's much harder to be a junior in a competitive recruitment. Period.

But I'm not sure if that translates into there being a good chance at no bid at all.

That's all I was getting at.

The junior PNM has to be open to every chapter in a way that a frosh might not.

Some insight on this (from a chapter perspective):

Chapters at some bigger schools tend to prefer freshmen because they'll be part of the chapter for 4 years. This means 4 years of participation (and more opportunities to take on officer positions) and dues. Theoretically, a transfer is going to be at the school for less than 4 years.

This all may be true, but what's "really fair" and sorority recruitment at competitive recruitments don't often met.

If what you've outlined emerges as big trend, chapters will have to respond certainly. But "fairness" rarely has anything to do with it, sadly.

Yep. Prepare in advance with recs and expectations for dress and activities. Wait and see and keep an open mind. Go all the way through pref if you can and see if there's a group you can see yourself in. That's about all you can do no matter what year you are.

And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.

My best suggestion is to talk to your friends, and women you know who have daughters at the school your gal will be attending, or even similar schools. They can give you really specific and helpful information that a bunch of people on the internet, while well-meaning, simply cannot.

FWIW, I had brunch a few weeks ago with friends who went to UF and the subject of recruitment came up. None of them did the stuff that we typically suggest--some were even juniors and sophomores!!--and it turned out fine for them. Clearly, you should be well-informed, but you can't rely on people who didn't go to UF, or SEC schools, or aren't from the south. Good luck!