Legacy with active sister, rushing in the fall
 

Hi, I'm new to greekchat, and I'm rushing in the fall at a big state school with competitive greek life. My older sister is a junior at the same university I'll be attending and plegded a sorority her freshman year. From what I know about it, I like her sorority and would probably be happy with it, but I want to have a chance to make my own decision. I'm afraid I won't be able to make my own decision once other sororities see I am a double legacy (grandma as well) at this sorority, and that all the sororities I'm interested in except this one sorority will cut me and I'll really have no say in what house I join. I've heard if you're in this situation (with an active sister), you have to cut the sorority really early in order to have a chance of pledging another sorority. I don't want to do this, as I am interested in my sister's sorority. What are your all's thoughts? Has anyone been in/ known someone in this situation and what happened? Thanks in advance!

I think you need to go to rush and decide for yourself what the "good" sororities are before you let other people make up your mind for you. Just because you're a double legacy doesn't mean you'll get a bid to that chapter. You need to be open to all chapters, and honestly if I heard of a legacy or PNM speaking this way before they even went to rush, it would be a HUGE red flag to me, and this sort of attitude may work against you.

Don't listen to anyone but yourself once you meet all the chapters, whether or not other people think they are "good" or not.

bmb05,

I, too, was a legacy with a sister currently at my university when I went through recruitment. Stop worrying so much about what might happen at recruitment. I think that deciding on an action plan before you actually meet the sororities is a bad idea. I would NOT advise you to cut your legacy chapter unless you really can't see yourself being your sister's sorority sister (which has a list of benefits of it's own!) Since you will not be able to hide your legacy status, just make sure that you mention that you are trying to keep an open mind and don't just want to follow in your sister's footsteps. You may be surprised to learn that getting another chapter's double legacy may be a trophy for another chapter. If the other chapters do release you because you are a double legacy, it was their decision to make. They won't know which chapters you are choosing to return to everyday, so I can't see how cutting your legacy chapter would help you.

You can't worry about things that are out of your control, like getting cut from other chapters (presumably) because you are a legacy. All you can do is emphasize that you are your own person and want to make your own decision.

The OP will, more than likely, experience exactly what she is describing. At large competitive (Greek) schools, the sisters of active members tend to be cut earlier. Everyone assumes she will follow her sister/mother so they let her go early.
If the PNM has made it clear throughout the summer or it is stated in her recs, that she is open minded and very interested in looking at other groups, she may have a better chance at returning to later rounds.See AOPi Angel's advice:Take the advice from earlier posters - be nice, do not worry about what you cannot control. Let it be known that you are interested in getting to know other houses and that you do not want everyone to assume you will be pledging with your sister. BUT do not discuss the other houses - that would be rude. Let all of your comments be about how excited you are to go through recruitment and how fun it will be to meet new people, etc. Accentuate the positive.

Sorry if I offended anyone with the choice of words...I was hoping the quotes would emphasize that "top 3" IS silly, but it's just what I've heard. I realize there's no legitimate tier system or anything and to say one house is better than another is rude. I'll do a little editing. Same with the "good," I should have explained I understand all are good, it just depends what you're like and where you fit in. I really didn't mean to be rude. I realize all sororities have great things to offer and it just depends on where one feels she belongs. I plan to give every house a chance (if they let me) and go in open-minded like many of you have said. I like what you said gee_ess, I definitely will try to accentuate the positive! Thanks for everyone's help; I really do appreciate it!

I think you need to CALM DOWN and not freak out about it so much.

I think her concern is legitimate. She asked a question, got some good answers, apologized for coming across the wrong way and thanked people for responding. Where's the freaking out?

Good luck during recruitment, bmb05.

Agreed. I also send along my best wishes for your recruitment, bmb05. Please continue to keep an open mind throughout the process and hopefully thinks will work out your way.

Bmb05- I wouldn't believe every thing you hear! Go through recruitment act interested, be yourself, stay open minded and have fun.

Just be yourself. I saw two legacies go through last year at a big competitive Southern University and they did their own thing. They didn't release their legacy house, they just ranked another house higher after pref parties. Therefore, they pledged something different than their older sisters. Were their older sisters upset? Yes but they also realized that not even siblings have the same tastes in sororities sometimes! (I know a family where each sister pledged something different at Newcomb College of Tulane!)

So first of all, take a deep breath and just go with your heart. If your heart says to do what your grandmother and sister did, then do that. If not pick a sorority that makes you feel comfortable. Your recruitment experience is just that, YOUR own experience! If your sister's sorority makes you feel great and happy then keep them as an option! I wouldn't release your legacy house either. But that's just my two cents!

I would just like to point out that if you dont get a bid from a house that you're a legacy in they MUST MUST MUST have a veryyy good reason why they're not giving a bid. It's pretty much a done deal unless the actives know - and have good reason to back up the claim - that the legacy wont fit in.

That's just bad advice. You're way out of line here. You don't know a damn thing about how any organization other than your own selects members. Furthermore, at some schools where a ton of legacies rush, it would be nearly impossible for some chapters to accept every legacy.

I don't know where you go to school D_Crayola_Z but that is totally not fair and untrue. There are campuses where there are, for example 80 legacies for 40 places and every legacy can't be XYZ even if the chapter filled their pledge class with only legacies. You can speak for your chapter at your school but for no other.

This is NOT true. A chapter is not obligated to bid a woman just because she's a legacy. It is NOT a done deal. Ever.

re: my earlier post, I wasn't implying that the OP was freaking out. After re-reading it, I can see how I didn't articulate that well. I just didn't want the OP to stress out and worry about it.

I'm seconding what everyone else is saying. Nothing is ever "a done deal."

Have to agree with the above posters.

Crayola, I can only assume you come from a campus/chapter where legacies are a bit of a rarity. Practically guaranteed bids for legacies is a thing of the past. Just look at the results from any highly competitive recruitment or chapter that has more legacy PNMs than quota.

It's unwise, unfair, and uninformed to make blanket statements about all campuses and all chapters. Perpetuating this notion of legacy bid guarantees is one of the leading causes of PNM and mom, grandma, etc heartbreak. Not to mention the headaches it causes for the actives, advisors, IO's, etc who get the angry phone calls after a legacy has been released.

nothing is a done deal, but i have to say to our op that she might have good reason to be concerned. while i have not been present at the membership selection and i am basing my opinion on conjecture, i have seen what appeared to be girls being released due to their legacy status to a strong chapter, only to then be dropped by the legacy house ,thus released from recruitment. it happens.

but how does one play the game? that i can't say. you could not list your legacy status on your recruitment enrollment form, ask your recommendation writers to not list it when they write a rec. to a non-legacy chapter, and not mention your status when conversing with members. if questioned by members,i would not lie-i would probably say something to the effect that my sister is a member of xyz sorority and she and you agree that you have to make your own mind up and find the place that suits you the best.

as others have said, nothing in life is a guarantee. put your best foot forward, be yourself and keep your options open. best wishes to you.

What she said. I've seen it happen a lot in the South. Keep your options open, don't blow off any chapter.

Agree with the last 2 posts - also, it may happen that you find yourself loving your sister's sorority anyway. Don't try to talk yourself out of it just for the sake of wanting to be on your own apart from your sister.

I would just like to point out that you are highly misinformed. Maybe that is how membership selection*** in your chapter at your school works, but that is not the case everywhere, for every sorority, for every rush, or at any point in time. Regardless of legacy standing or not plenty of women do, or don't get into chapters, and I suggest you prowl around in the recruitment threads and see how we operate here (and campuses other than your own) before you start giving advice out to anyone. Every person, every rush, every school IS DIFFERENT.

*** FYI we do NOT discuss membership selection on GC, and it is often referred to as MS. The majority of us consider this private information, and the people who don't get on board fast.

I completely agree, 33girl. I went to rush swearing that I was going to be a Kappa Delta! In the end, my sister and I are very similar and very close (we're less than a year apart in age) so AOII fit me like a glove! Although Kappa Delta has a great chapter, I'm so glad I'm an AOII. Don't feel like choosing to join the same organization as your sister means that you guys don't have separate identities. It's okay to choose the same path as your sister...


As for the legacy issue, I think having an in house sister makes it much less likely that a PNM would be released from that house, but it did happen in my chapter resulting in one of my pledge sister's depledging. That was a horrible time in my chapter.

Just jumping on the bandwagon, and I want to make sure the OP understands that this is utterly FALSE! At a big state school with a competitive Greek system, a chapter could have 100+ legacy girls coming through. There is NO WAY you can pledge them all. DO NOT rely on your legacy status to get you in. I was cut from my legacy early, and I am sure that many other women have had a similar experience. Just go in open minded, be yourself and quit over analyzing. Good luck!

...

One of my sorority sisters was a triple legacy, and her sister is one of our advisers. She ALMOST went another sorority. She was a top pick at both our house, and the other. So, don't discount it too early.

I agree with this advice. There's no reason for non-legacy chapters to be informed about your status unless members of those chapters ask you about it directly (i.e. "Aren't you Susie ABC's sister?") If they already know, or find out anyway, that is beyond your control.

The best possible response to questions is that you are keeping an open mind, which you should be doing anyway. As others have stated, there are no guarantees with regard to bidding.

Good luck to you! Have fun going through recruitment and stay positive.

There is a difference between legacy and in-house legacy (for my organization, at least). Speaking from my experience, in-house legacy has more clout than regular legacy.

are you sure that it is your organization, or could it be your chapter? No matter what, it is in a pnms best interest to not assume her legacy status, be it "regular" or in-house will be an easy in.

Fairly certain it is organization-wide. We only guarantee regular legacies a certain number of parties (not many!), but in-house (meaning that you have an active sister -not alum- in the chapter at the time that you come through rush) get a bit more preference, although they are not guaranteed bids.

You rushed 10 years ago, and what's more, you are no longer an official member. So I'd be very careful about saying what an org's or chapter's membership policies are - even if they were that when you were in school.

Thanks ladies, I am retracting my previous statement. = ) I have no idea what my previous chapter/org does now.