Something like a prodigal daughter
 

First, a bit of background:

If I decide to rush, I will be doing so as a Junior. In my previous two years here at NorthEast Private College I have made it my business to recuperate from life at home by not observing any of the ettiquette that my family would have me. I will say that I have embraced a very extreme sense of individuality. Before coming back to school I took some years off, which I spent working and volunteering in New York. My travels (volunteering domestically and abroad) and experiences have made me extremely thoughtful (intellectual) in a non-nerdy sort of way. Nevertheless, I am often concerned when hearing viewpoints that I view as uninformed. I do my best not to seem too aloof or snobby (although admittedly, I have some part of these less-than-admirable traits) and think that people generally think of me as being "irreverent" and independent. I am an orphan who lives with her godparents and who, despite my pretensions, is deeply spiritual. I want to go into finance and hope to do a lot of philanthropy in my adult life. There are three sororities on my small campus: Kappa Kappa Gamma, Chi Omega and Sigma Kappa.

Now the issues:

1.) I am wondering whether rushing late will affect my prospects for a bid. I am not a transfer.

2.) I have a strong interest in philanthropy, but little interest in excessive BS and cattiness. Even if sisterhood is lacking, I want to avoid total disfunction.

3.) I understand and accept that some sororities are prestigious/exclusive, but want to be sure that I do not become involved in a culture of exclusion.

4.) I am not sure if I am ready to bare as much skin as some sorors around campus.

4a.) Will I be able to do anything by myself if I become a pledge?

5.) My godparents are WASPs and I don't want to somehow embarrass or offend them by my final choice of sorority.

6.) My biological family is historically Delta Sigma Theta (a black sorority) since the 1920's, but I have become interested in a particularly older "women's fraternity". Should I be concerned about forsaking this tradition?

7.) I like the idea of a prestigious sorority, but am concerned about the worldviews of some of my potential "sisters". I like to have intellectual conversations.

8.) There are strong expectations that I join the Junior League upon graduation (which I will) and I am wondering if there is some sorority that complements this tradition.

I am very interested in any suggestions about which sororities I might look at further.

*I am new to all of this and apologize if any of my concerns seem trivial, but would like to remind everyone that they are important to me. :)

Where's the Facebook "You like this." button when you need it?

Discretion is your friend. It was very easy for me to figure out which school you're talking about.

If you are legit - What with your "very extreme sense of individuality" and your laundry list of questions/reiteration of stereotypes, I don't think sorority life is for you.

If you think so poorly of sorority women, why would you want to become one?

Wow.

Co-sign - I think you'll be happiest working with philanthropic groups whose sole focus is good works. With the attitude you have shown in this post, I can't imagine any of the groups mentioned thinking you would be a positive addition to their sisterhood.

(Waiting for the "OMG if this is the attitude you show I don't know that I even WANT to join! response)

LOL :D

Co-sign.

In addition to the stereotyping, there has been a complete lack of discretion, including practically naming the school and providing enough specific details on herself that she would be easily known on that campus.

Cupcake, I fear that you have done yourself in. SWTx provides a great suggestion... consider service oriented groups. It is likely going to be your only option once sorority members from your campus see your post.

Just to throw this out there...your desire to avoid catiness and what have you is unrealistic. It is the nature of the beast in ANY college organization, but especially one run by and for your peers. It is simply how it works. What you COULD contribute is mediation skills to help defuse tensions like that, but expecting it to be drama and catiness free is very unrealistic. Even the best sisterhoods have hiccups of dysfunction, but what makes the best different from the rest, is that they move through that and come out stronger in their bonds..

Given the stereotypes and condescension in your post, I think you need to try harder, Babs. ;)

yep-sounds like sorority life is not for you-i don't think you would be happy having to conform to or consider what is good for the "group"-what with your admitted "extreme sense of individuality". nor do i think that you would be a good fit for junior league. as a league member, i know that the membership is most successful when we are working as a group toward a common goal-not as a mass of individuals doing our own thing.

i will say that i have known league members from each of the 26 npc sororities as well as the ladies of the divine 9 sororities and many, many league members who were not members of sororities at all. membership in a greek organization is not a prerequisite for league membership and no one group holds an advantage over another.

I'm surprised that with everything you claim to stand for, that no one in your family taught you anything about the concept of DISCRETION and not putting tons of info out about who you are over the internet. It's considered to be bad form and very inappropriate.


Your persistent stereotyping of a grgoup of women you obviously know nothing about is also VERY inappropriate.


Because I'm feeling a little nice today:

1. Depending on your school, not being a freshman student will negatively affect you.

2. Sorority women are human. With any group of females, there is bound to be drama--whether it be a sorority or otherwise. That's just part of life. If you cannot handle that, then being in a sorority is probably not for you, as sorority sisters do often have conflicts and disagreements.

3. Sororities are by nature exlusive organizations in that not every girl who participates in recruitment is going to be asked to be part of one. Again, if this is something you take issue with, it may not be for you.

4. Skimpy clothing is not exclusive to sorority members. If you think that it is, you have alot to learn about life before you join any sorority.

4a. Yes. It's a sorority, not the chain gang. Again, you can't be serious with how dense some of your questions sound.

5. This is your life and not theirs. The sorority a person joins has to be a good fit for THEM, not their parents, godparents, etc.

6. Again, this is your life.

7. Sororities are not cults full of women with the same beliefs and thoughts. Part of being in a sorority involves interacting with women who have DIFFERENT worldviews than you. If you are not prepared to do that, then a sorority is not for you.

8. JL varies by city and depending on where you live, miost of the JL members may be sorority alumnae, but there are also places where NO ONE in JL is a sorority member. It jusrt depends and you need not be a sorority alumna to join.

Bottom line: If all you want to do is talk about how intellectual and indivdual you are, and you are not interested in meeting new people who do not share your worldviews, you are better of NOT joining a sorority.

No sorority is going to be interested in someone who thinks this way about sorority members and sorority life.

LOLLERFREAKINSKATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pledging panhel. and doing a non-panhel. sorority?
 

I'm really torn right now. I will be a sophomore next fall and I was thinking about pledging a Panhellanic sorority but I am already a member of a non-greek community service sorority.... I really want to do both, but I just wondered if anyone has done this and been able to balance it...
Thanks!

Co-sign. Your junior status may not work against you in recruitment, but your attitude and lack of discretion certainly could.

There are lots of opportunities for philanthropy and service in college, and a sorority is not the only place to find them.

I already read "A service sorority or fraternity and an NPC - allowed"
but i just wondered if anyone had done this and found it to be too difficult or do-able or if any of your sisters had any problems with it...etc

I knew Greek women at my school who were also members of ESA, and it wasn't an issue. I also know Greeks from other schools who were in Alpha Phi Omega, and they never seemed to have any problems. I think as long as you're upholding your time commitments to your GLO, you're probably fine.

Response to feedback
 

Oh, my. I must say that I realize that I put some inappropriate comments in the first post, but I want to stress that after much thought I decided that complete honesty and openess (about myself and my reservations) would be the best course of action. I took for granted that people would assume that my spending time in a forum was an indication that I am interested in greek life and seek to be corrected about any misconceptions that I may have about sorority membership. What I did fail to do is to list the reasons that I am attracted to greek life:

1.) I have met many wonderful people at my school and some of the people that I respect the most are members of the sororities. I know multiple people in all of them whom I respect.

2.) I have been very impressed when I repeatedly see sorority members around town at volunteer events.

3.) Some of the nicest people on campus have been sorors. Often they have helped me out when I need help the most.

4.) I have repeatedly been impressed during group work and class presentations when sorors repeatedly demonstrate superb preparation that is consistently reflected in seamless, stellar presentations.

5.) I have seen sorors in crisis; and then I have seen their sisters come to their aid and try to rectify the situation. I found it endearing, admirable and very inspiring.

6.) There have been some instances when I have talked with a soror who was about to speak negatively about another and was stopped by her sister. I took note.

7.) When I am around sorors and the topic of their respective sororities come up, what they have to say is always positive.

I could go on, but I hope this suffices to say that the compassion, altruism, work ethic and love between sorors is something that has inspired me. I aspire to many of the attributes that they demonstrate.

When I ask seemingly negative questions, it is not because I subscribe to stereotypes, but because I want to hear how other greeks will respond to the questions. I expected that I would receive constructive criticism about some of the ignorant or misguided notions that I may have demonstrated. I will take KSUViolet06's comments and respond to them:

*On discretion: when I felt that I needed help I thought that an anonymous forum might be a way to ask people who don't know me for honest, open, direct advice. In order to get that type of advice I felt that I had to be very honest and open myself. It was not my intention to offend sensibilities.

1.) Thank you for your answer. :)

2.) I thought that I did state that I understood that there will be some "issues" along the way. I just wanted reassurance.

3.) Again, I thought that I did state that I understood and accepted this aspect of the system. If I was unclear I apologize.

4.) I phrased the question very unintelligently. Not very thoughtful of me in the least. I do understand that sorors are by no means anywhere near the worst offenders in this respect.

4a.) Again, an inelegant question. I also apologize for that one.

5.) Point taken. Like I said, I do find this aspect of my life to be something of note. I do not claim to always understand WASPs, even if I live with them.

6.) Again, this is another thing that I comes to mind for me when I think about greek life. I hope that you can understand this.

7.) I think I may have been misunderstood. I understand that one can only grow when one is exposed to different viewpoints. I was saying that I hope this is the case in sororities. I now assume that it is.

8.) Thank you for your answer. :)

Re: to "Bottom Line": "Intellectual" is a term that I do not like that is often applied to me by others. I do not think it is a thing of pride and realize that identifying oneself as such can be alienating. I am not sure how else to respond to this. I am interested in meeting diverse, thoughtful people and understand that such people can be found in sororities.

I do not have a negative view of sororities; in fact, I thought that the positive aspects of them would be taken for granted. I hope that I can be better understood after having written this.

Faithfully,

Me :)

Prodigal daughter #2
 

Response to feedback :)


I wanted to try to clear up some of the misunderstandings that my last post may have caused. The quote and response below can be found at the end of the original thread. While this may not completely redeem me, I wanted to make sure that at least there was some clarification about the conversation that I was attempting to have in such an inelegant fashion. Please accept my sincere apologies. I hope that I can be excused for any misgivings:

Quote:
Originally Posted by KSUViolet06 http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/im...s/viewpost.gif
I'm surprised that with everything you claim to stand for, that no one in your family taught you anything about the concept of DISCRETION and not putting tons of info out about who you are over the internet. It's considered to be bad form and very inappropriate.


Your persistent stereotyping of a grgoup of women you obviously know nothing about is also VERY inappropriate.


Because I'm feeling a little nice today:

1. Depending on your school, not being a freshman student will negatively affect you.

2. Sorority women are human. With any group of females, there is bound to be drama--whether it be a sorority or otherwise. That's just part of life. If you cannot handle that, then being in a sorority is probably not for you, as sorority sisters do often have conflicts and disagreements.

3. Sororities are by nature exlusive organizations in that not every girl who participates in recruitment is going to be asked to be part of one. Again, if this is something you take issue with, it may not be for you.

4. Skimpy clothing is not exclusive to sorority members. If you think that it is, you have alot to learn about life before you join any sorority.

4a. Yes. It's a sorority, not the chain gang. Again, you can't be serious with how dense some of your questions sound.

5. This is your life and not theirs. The sorority a person joins has to be a good fit for THEM, not their parents, godparents, etc.

6. Again, this is your life.

7. Sororities are not cults full of women with the same beliefs and thoughts. Part of being in a sorority involves interacting with women who have DIFFERENT worldviews than you. If you are not prepared to do that, then a sorority is not for you.

8. JL varies by city and depending on where you live, miost of the JL members may be sorority alumnae, but there are also places where NO ONE in JL is a sorority member. It jusrt depends and you need not be a sorority alumna to join.

Bottom line: If all you want to do is talk about how intellectual and indivdual you are, and you are not interested in meeting new people who do not share your worldviews, you are better of NOT joining a sorority.

No sorority is going to be interested in someone who thinks this way about sorority members and sorority life.


Oh, my. I must say that I realize that I put some inappropriate comments in the first post, but I want to stress that after much thought I decided that complete honesty and openess (about myself and my reservations) would be the best course of action. I took for granted that people would assume that my spending time in a forum was an indication that I am interested in greek life and seek to be corrected about any misconceptions that I may have about sorority membership. What I did fail to do is to list the reasons that I am attracted to greek life:

1.) I have met many wonderful people at my school and some of the people that I respect the most are members of the sororities. I know multiple people in all of them whom I respect.

2.) I have been very impressed when I repeatedly see sorority members around town at volunteer events.

3.) Some of the nicest people on campus have been sorors. Often they have helped me out when I need help the most.

4.) I have repeatedly been impressed during group work and class presentations when sorors repeatedly demonstrate superb preparation that is consistently reflected in seamless, stellar presentations.

5.) I have seen sorors in crisis; and then I have seen their sisters come to their aid and try to rectify the situation. I found it endearing, admirable and very inspiring.

6.) There have been some instances when I have talked with a soror who was about to speak negatively about another and was stopped by her sister. I took note.

7.) When I am around sorors and the topic of their respective sororities come up, what they have to say is always positive.

I could go on, but I hope this suffices to say that the compassion, altruism, work ethic and love between sorors is something that has inspired me. I aspire to many of the attributes that they demonstrate.

When I ask seemingly negative questions, it is not because I subscribe to stereotypes, but because I want to hear how other greeks will respond to the questions. I expected that I would receive constructive criticism about some of the ignorant or misguided notions that I may have demonstrated. I will take KSUViolet06's comments and respond to them:

*On discretion: when I felt that I needed help I thought that an anonymous forum might be a way to ask people who don't know me for honest, open, direct advice. In order to get that type of advice I felt that I had to be very honest and open myself. It was not my intention to offend sensibilities.

1.) Thank you for your answer. :)

2.) I thought that I did state that I understood that there will be some "issues" along the way. I just wanted reassurance.

3.) Again, I thought that I did state that I understood and accepted this aspect of the system. If I was unclear I apologize.

4.) I phrased the question very unintelligently. Not very thoughtful of me in the least. I do understand that sorors are by no means anywhere near the worst offenders in this respect.

4a.) Again, an inelegant question. I also apologize for that one.

5.) Point taken. Like I said, I do find this aspect of my life to be something of note. I do not claim to always understand WASPs, even if I live with them.

6.) Again, this is another thing that I comes to mind for me when I think about greek life. I hope that you can understand this.

7.) I think I may have been misunderstood. I understand that one can only grow when one is exposed to different viewpoints. I was saying that I hope this is the case in sororities. I now assume that it is.

8.) Thank you for your answer. :)

Re: to "Bottom Line": "Intellectual" is a term that I do not like that is often applied to me by others. I do not think it is a thing of pride and realize that identifying oneself as such can be alienating. I am not sure how else to respond to this. I am interested in meeting diverse, thoughtful people and understand that such people can be found in sororities.

I do not have a negative view of sororities; in fact, I thought that the positive aspects of them would be taken for granted. I hope that I can be better understood after having written this.

Faithfully,

Me :)

Wow. I find your view of intellectuals to be very unfortunate. I consider myself one, and I know many women in many sororities who are most certainly intellectuals -- their academic achievements are testaments to this. Most sororities strive to achieve as high a chapter GPA as possible -- having a high chapter GPA is a point of pride -- and support their sisters in their scholarly endeavors.

There is a big difference between an intellectual and someone who sequesters herself with her studies. From my experience with the latter type of person, such alienation is usually self-imposed.

Diverse people *can* be found in sororities. Diversity includes intellectuals.

I'm actually in your situation. I'm an active brother in APO, and currently pledging a IFC fraternity. What I have found difficult is finding a balance between both of my commitments. I have made some sacrifices when there are conflicting events, so you will have to decide on where you want to spend most of your time. It is doable but you just have to manage your time very well and stay organized.

When I hear the term "Intellectual" it smacks of elite overtones. I just consider myself a person. I really don't know what you are getting at. Please stop.

You know, there is a level of humility that has to come with seeking membership in any sorority. Maybe personality isn't best communicated via the internet, but from what I have read of your posts, you could stand to be a bit more humble.

You need to relax a little and stop being so concerned about whether the women in the sororities will be having conversations that are "intellectual" enough and just focus on geniunely attempting to get to know them.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that if you plan on talking to sorority members in the same way you're typing in your posts online, you may have a hard time.

Why did you feel the need to start a separate thread?

The threads have been merged, so it doesn't really matter now.

Speaking of merged threads, why was the dual membership thread merged with this one?

A tip:

"Soror" is a term that is used by the Divine 9 sororities and some multicultural sororities. You will not, at least in my experience, find it used among the 26 members of the National Panhellenic Council, including the three groups on your campus.

As for the Divine 9 sororities, it is my impression from statements on GreekChat that the members of those group do not view it as appropriate for anyone to refer to someone else as a "soror" unless both are members of the same sorority.

It's not that your lack of discretion offended sensibilities really. It's that it took me, a guy in the South, two minutes tops to figure out where you go to school. You said that there are only 3 NPC sororities at your small private school in the Northeast; you told us which they were and said you " have become interested in a particularly older 'women's fraternity'" -- a term that only applies to two of the groups on your campus. "Particularly older" suggests you're referring to the older of those groups. Then you described yourself enough that if anyone in any of the 3 NPC groups on your campus sees this thread -- it's naive and dangerous to assume they haven't -- there's absolutely nothing "anonymous" about your posts.

Your lack of discretion may have blown your chances for a successful recruitment.

I think what I said was pretty clear. I'm curious about your definition of "elite" and why someone with your attitudes about elitism would want to join a sorority when some people consider sororities to be elitist organizations. There are people who hold the same view of the Junior League.

Good luck with recruitment.

http://img1.tvloop.com/img/showpics/...00_2_29493.jpg

HBITY?

(the "my godparents are WASPs" part, obvi not the intellectual part)

Best of Service--please do the favor and stop referring to the women that you have encountered as a "Soror." Seeing as you are NOT in my sorority and have a veritable lack of discretion, you are basically shooting yourself in the foot in many areas.
What I would suggest that you do is to take a good evaluation of yourself and determine why you feel a need to "fit in" especially with your "ideals" that you uphold of yourself.
You are wanting to be a part of a sorority for what reason? And at this point your are refusing to go back and recheck your realities and your reasoning. At this point you seem to have foot in mouth disease and need to seriously do some rethinking.

KSUViolet06 on Humility: I am really not sure how to convey what kind of person I am through these posts. I thought me laying my plight down in front of you would demonstrate at least that I need advice (which is an admission of ignorance/naivite). It seems that I would have to talk to you in person for you to begin to understand me in the way that people who know me already do.

MysticCat: on the use of the term "soror", I did note that only a certain type of girl used the term. Thank you for providing clarification on this. As far as my location: I don't think that I realized that a school can be known so easily by the sororities on its campus. I cannot name any schools based on that criterion. On my demonstration of naivite: I think this entire thread is about me naivite and being "green" as far as this whole process goes. I am naive and in need of advice. Can anyone tell me how I might deal with my situation if I wanted to press forward?

Myopicsunflower on elitism: I am not the one to define elitism. However, I have learned that when one is born into a certain position, one has to learn to have a sense of duty towards god, family and country. I think that the burden of being "elite" in any sense is the realization that one just can't take pride in one's own circumstance. One has the duty to aid, ameliorate and guard the society that made one's life possible. In that sense the people sacrificing their lives overseas so that people back home can bicker on this subject are the ones who are the most elite.

Can anyone tell me how I might deal with my situation if I wanted to press forward? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you again.

:)

LOL

I was wondering who you were talking about.

Here's how to deal with it. Stop doing too much. In this thread. In your life. Several folks have already given you all the advice that you need.

Pursue membership or don't pursue membership, whatever.

Just stop doing too much.

My undergraduate university had a ton of kids from priviledged backgrounds. It was always a source of happiness to me to see how kids from all different backgrounds blended in well together, and got along so well. Among all of these priviledged students, one girl in particular stood out. She came from an enormously wealthy family, even by that school's standards. Everyone knew who she was from the get-go. Her family (who had obviously done a great job raising her) had a chat with her before she set off for school. They had told her that people would be all too ready to find her snobby, and that she would have to make an effort to extend herself to others. She became legendary in my enormous dormitory for going around and knocking on literally every door to introduce herself to her fellow students. Of course, she did not become close friends with absolutely everyone, but she was widely admired for her friendliness, humility, and down-to-earth qualities. I don't remember her ever once making a big deal about her background, family expectations for her, etc. She joined the organizations where she felt comfortable, and did pretty much what she wanted to do during her campus tenure (I think she felt secure enough about herself to not worry about these things overly.) To this day I admire her and have warm thoughts of her.

If you are going to go through rush, go through with the attitude that you are going to meet some new people. Take them as you find them. If you go through rush with the attitude that you want to help your rusher to feel comfortable with you, to enjoy herself, and to have a pleasant conversation with you, then I think that you would be going through with the right perspective. You may or may not form a connection, but you can only decide that after you've gone through the process.

You should totes post your recruitment story.