Facebook Statuses
 

So yea....I was sitting here looking like this and got bored so I figured I'd start a thead about the funniest facebook statuses I've seen...my friends are some characters...if you dnt find them to be funny, lo siento (sorry), but I sure do!

*From 4/20......"I hope you all get so high that you fall down and break your necks."

*From 4/20....."____is laughing at all the people who "smoked it up" yesterday...have fun with your ugly black shriveled up lungs...lets see how long they keep you...smh"

*..."hey you with the face...im gonna punch you in the ovary."

*"____just tripped and then looked back at it...ugh!...i said i wasnt gon do that no more...stoopid hoe!"

*..."you are a loser, yo mama is a loser, yo daddy, well, he fine!...but yo sister is a loser and yo brother is a loser!"

*"......so how bout we holding car wash signs on the road side and some genius says 'Let me see yo tatties!'...and then lifted his shirt...really?!"

*"___is about to take a swag nap"*

*"___is like...why ppl keep asking me to help them with math work??...I KNOW HOW TO READ!! Call me when u have a ppr, better yet a poem...mama dnt do numbers"

Lol!...That's all I have for now...what funny statuses have you seen?!

haha great idea
 

____ just gave blood and wishes her grades were as good as her blood type (A+).

_____is wishing her sister uploads the pictures from last weekend instead of googling midgets in Mexico.

_____ I love drinkin, I love pretty girls, i love pools, and i f*ckin love college.

_____ is going to be completely hammered tonight. Please don't mind the drunk texts :).

_____ wants a freaking smoothie now.

_____just saw a cougar in her backyard...and it wasn't her mom!

_____thinks today is going to be an fml day.

_____ thinks school can suck a fattie. Im over this....

I actually saw a facebook status that said something along the lines of:

____ is bummed because she found out she has a urinary tract infection

I mean.....really? Freakin' gross! Who the hell needs to let the world know what is goin' on with her vagina? WOW!

There's already a thread about this...but some of those are really freaking funny.

ETA: Pretty sure I'm A-. I kept calling it "A minus" instead of "A negative." Hehe

I've got one friend who consistently has the best statuses ever:

_____________ can't believe Joseph Angus ruined perfectly good muscrat habitat with a cattle ranch.

_____________is delivering bulls to Minnesota and hoping to overcome the language barrier.

_____________can't wait til Blackberry comes out with a bag phone.

_____________The phrase "crack of dawn" would certainly hold a different personal meaning if your name was Dawn...or Don

_____________You would be surprised how long Fruity Pebbles remain crunchy and delicious in a bowl of Miller High Life...

_____________This Huckabee Report is a disgrace to the Paul Harvey radio time slot. If I wanted to hear a bunch of conservative whining I would invite the [names redacted] over to watch Fox and play pin the flaming tail on Obama.

_____________ dug so deep in one snow drift I found 3 Oak Ridge Boys, a purple Dodge Stratus, Kerri Strug, a gift certificate to Al and Millie's, and some good advice from my high school guidance counselor, Cliff.

______________ just stopped a 2200lb cow dead in its tracks with the Care Bear Stare...

______________I hugged a number of unsuspecting dogs today.

______________got a government contract to weaponize the Snuggie...


All from the same dude...

You're not premed are you?

Nope...not premed. UTI does stand for Urinary Tract Infection-right? If I am wrong-sorry but, she had it spelled out. It wasn't gross that she had it-it was gross that she felt the need to make it part of her Facebook Status...I mean, really....While we're at it-why not put something like: ______ is menstruating....weird....

I like to express my opinions in my facebook status, though. I guess I'm just as bad as many of the people who put stupid stuff in theirs. Oh, well...lol

Have you ever had a UTI?

These are actually mine.

"JohnnyCash hates when he's trying to type a dirty word and his phone's T9 doesn't have it in the dictionary."

"JohnnyCash; watching Tough Love on VH1 only confirms my belief that all women are at least a little insane."

You've got to be kidding.


Yes it does. And your vagina isn't part of your urinary tract. I'm really disturbed that you're an adult woman who didn't know that. Seriously?

No, I was under the impression that the UTI did have something to do with the vagina because it was called urinary. I could be wrong. Sorry. I just thought it was a weird thing to write. As far as having a UTI, I think its pretty inappropriate to just ask people if they have had one but, no I have not. Maybe that's why I am not so familiar with it. I just think there are certain things we could go without saying on our statuses.

I put things on there like:

____ is working on her Thesis and can't wait to graduate so, she can stop paying money to Penn State.

____ is irritated with the long drive she has ahead of her while she drives home, this weekend....

etc.

I just would feel weird saying something about anything wrong with me (medically) because that is no one's business...right?

What are you talking about? That doesn't even make sense. "The" UTI is "called urinary" because it is an infection of the urinary tract. Vaginas aren't in the urinary tract. Vaginas aren't "called urinary." You are wrong.

And schools are cutting for health and human development classes...

Okay, so I was wrong. Thank you for correcting me. I don't see why you need to get so upset with what I wrote. I didn't write it to piss anyone off. I'm sorry if I offended you (or anyone else, for that matter) I just stated I thought it was weird that someone would have no issues writing such a thing in their status. Please don't imply that because I am not well versed in such a thing that I am stupid or uneducated. I just don't know much about UTIs-so, thank you for pointing that out to me. The point isn't whether I know exactly what it is-but, you have to admit that it is a bit weird someone would put that as their status.

lol--true, her status was weird.

Now you know that the urinary tract and vagina are not the same thing, and knowing is half the battle.

http://milbut.org/images/the_more_you_know2.jpg

^^^^Awesome.


(In reference to the "The more you know". I tried quoting it, but it didn't work then I posted it and it was too late to get the quote...lol)

IlovemyAKA...love the picture but, wasn't "Knowing is half the battle" GI Joe? You should have a pic for that...lol

And yes, you are right...knowing really is-half the battle!

I left this facebook status earlier today: BetteDavisEyes "has no idea what to wear to a wedding. I am a terrible girl b/cI have NO fashion sense."

I have received 2 comments from my cousin & her bitchy friend about it.
Cousin - "you think! lol!"
Friend - "too bad for u!"

Was that really necessary? For the record, my cousin & her friends all think they are fashionistas and always make it a point to mention that I don't dress "fashionably" b/c I'm usually found in jeans, capris, and t-shirts. :rolleyes:

Defriend them.

Seriously - who needs THAT?

I saw this facebook status when I logged in this morning as a reaction to Obama nominating a Hispanic woman to replace one of the Supreme Court justices when he retires:

We dont need a freaking hispanic women as our supreme court justice!!!

I was quite appalled by it.......

Along the lines of the "UTI" status, this is the weirdest thing I've seen:

______ hates herpes.

After a very long Girl Scouts award ceremony tonight, my daughter put as her status "I hate Girl Scouts". So my ex-husband posts "Would you rather be in Boy Scouts with your brother?". So I post, "You're seriously asking a 15 year old girl if she'd rather go camping with a whole bunch of boys? OF COURSE she would!"
So the ex posts "Oh that's right, it's a monastery for you!"
And I post "So you want her with a bunch of monks? I think you mean a convent!"
And he posts "Boy, what would I do without you to correct me?"

Luckily, the kid thought it was hilarious. Her divorced parents are like a sit-com on Facebook.

I wish I would post what I am really thinking but it wouldn't help.

Obviously Not On the Dean's List NOW I AM FINISHED COLLEGE FOREVER N EVER N EVER

This b*tch is a Speech and Language Pathology/Communicative Disorders Major. I find this highly ironic.

_______is there a web site that I can put my GPA and my GRE scores in and it tell me where I can go to a masters program or docterate?... casue that's be a GREAT help right now instead on lookin at 500 college websites!!!!

_______________Had my 6wk ob checkup today... Hubby is happy.

Ok, so she had twins and had her 6 wk ob checkup.. was the last part necessary????

I was trying to figure it out for a few mins and my conclusion is that the OBGYN gave her the thumbs up to start having sex again. My co-workers pretty much all had babies at the same time last year and so for a while, it was all we talked about. They said that six weeks is pretty much the generally agreed upon waiting period before they start having sex again.

So. True. One girl I know always posts things like, "_________ thinks that people should figure out what being a true friend is all about" or "__________ is reconsidering who her friends are after last night"....like these people are NOT going to figure out that they are being talked shit about on Facebook! It makes the situation worse! And then she wonders why she is always in drama...she has no discretion and brings it on herself.

Exactly, which is why I think the last part was unnecessary!

Maybe she thought it was a discreet way to get her point across without saying, "Now we can finally DO IT again!"

I cannot stand it when people use FB as a diary...for example:

"______is numb. I just don't want to feel anymore. Feelings cause trouble; hold them in and I'm closed off and frustrate those around me. Open up and be completely honest and I'm playing games and start to feel punished for these feelings. How can I possibly get you to understand if you get defensive? You don't open up to me, so how can I see your side? I don't want this to be a fight. I just want to understand."

a) status updates are not supposed to be that long
b) waaaay too personal
c) I don't really care to know all this

Yeah, that's pretty much what LiveJournal is for.

Someone I know just posted:

"____ _____ keeps getting calls for a Zeta from guys with deep, sexy black guy voices. She's decided to be Zeta from now on."

LOL

Annoying girl from high school is working kenny chesney today- and of course its raining in Chicago! Its Karma because of all our shady politicians- and our president who is doing a great job (NOT!)

Yes, because the reason that it's raining for the Kenny Chesney concert is because you don't like our president...:rolleyes:

If I was actually friends with the girl I would playfullycomment, "No, it's because country music SUCKS!" But since I'm not friends with her, people might see it and think 'WTF is that girl's problem??' And although I don't like country, I don't hate it to the point where I feel the need to let everyone know my feelings on it :D

I hate when people put half of a song in their statuses.

______ food is like sex. it can be great, it can suck, but its for a good cause.

______ gangstas start off there day wit frosted flakes, get at me
^^ Well that's always good to know.

And of course Friday consisted of a million "GO RED WINGS" and "Red Wings... :(" statuses.

______ Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.