Do Sororities Really Want You To Try Again?
 

I transfered to my current university as a sophomore and couldn't wait to rush. Sadly, at bid day the bid I received was from a house that I felt uncomfortable in. Nothing against them they where great but totally not me.

This spring even though the fall was hard for me I went back. I fell in love with three different houses and the girls seemed to like me too. However, come bid day .... nothing. I understand that at my school the size of the spring pledge classes are very small and I am trying to not be hurt.

Still, after all this drama I want to be in a sorority. I know I am allowed to rush as a junior even though it may hurt my chances but, do they want me to come back? My best friend (at another school) is president of her sorority and has advised me that she doesn't like when people keep coming back because they seem desperate. A different friend at my school told me her sorority really liked me in the spring but could only take two girls and to come back in the fall.

PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE!

There are some girls who think a re-rusher is desperate. However, there are some girls who really do feel for the re-rusher and see just how bad they want to be a part of a sisterhood so they encourage them to try again. We can't really say for sure if they want you to try again. We're not the ones making the decisions for the chapters on your campus.

If you think you can handle potentially being disappointed again, go through rush again.

If you don't think you can handle potentially being disappointed again, DON'T.

I rushed, spring 07, fall 07, COB Fall 07, got my bid, and then participated in Spring 08 rush (even though I had an open bid)

Why'd I keep coming back? I fell in love with the ladies of DphiE. They didn't take me the first time, because a sister, her boyfriend and I had a ... incident that caused drama. Though the sister had forgiven me and she and I had started a friendship out of everything, the sisterhood could not forgive me. It took me showing the sister hood I had grown and matured.

But, I also took the initiative to attend multiple philanthopy and fundraising events while I was still wanting to join. I spoke with the deephers on a regular occasion. I was friends with these girls before I was a sister, and that helped. Some sisters, yes, are still mad at the past events, but the more htey get to know me, and the more they see my dedication, the more htey see I am a good sister.

I say keep trying if you love them for the right reasons. But, you have to show them how you, as an individual is still growing and maturing outside of being in the greek system. You can grow and mature as a person, as a woman and you dont NEED them, you just WANT them.

I hope that helps :-D

I know at my school some sororities have a policy that if they release you once, you will never get a bid from them. Basicallty, the theory is that if they didn't like you enough to invite you back the first time, they're not going to change their mind in subsequent recruitments. I don't totally agree with this, but it could be part of your problem if the groups at your school have the same policy.

From my personal experience, girls that have gone through Recruitment for my chapter and didn't receive a bid are generally welcome to go through recruitment a second time... but a third time looks desperate and a little strange. Again, your campus may be different.

Good luck!!

Wait, so you went through recruitment in the Fall, got a bid (that you didn't like) and then went through COB the following Spring?

Even though you declined your bid, you are NOT allowed to rush for a whole calendar year, so you were not eligible for a bid in the Spring (if you had just gone through rush in the Fall). So although we don't know why you weren't chosen for a bid, your ineligibility might have been a big factor.

With that said, I agree with OTW.

I'd say that it may also depend on the competitiveness of recruitment on your campus. Although you may have gotten to know lots of sorority women, there may be a large number of PNMs seeking out the few spots available during any one recruitment period (formal or informal). I'm not sure that my chapter would choose to extend a bid to someone that they had released previously, especially after that PNM declined a bid from another organization.

It would also make a difference why a PNM was released the first time around and obviously no one here has that information. If a PNM didn't have the grades last year and still doesn't the second time, then she'd still get cut. Keep in mind not all chapters use the same GPA cut off. A chapter may require X amount of campus activities, clubs, community service, etc. for an upper classmen. If that hasn't changed then the result would be the same. If a PNM hooked up with the Pres' boyfriend, then she still hooked up with the former Pres' boyfriend.

Thank You
 

I really couldn't began to guess what went wrong. Honestly recruitment was fun I always came home smiling. My school is competitive and huge so they clearly can't take everyone. I have a 3.1 GPA which is above the recruitment for every sorority except one at my school. I'm also president of the school's retailing club. To my best knowledge I have never hooked up with anyones boyfriend or done anything offensive for that matter.

Really I don't think I have anything to lose at this point, I'll do it again. Thanks for all of your advice it was helpful!

That's what I was thinking!

There's really no way to know if you were released for a "reason" or if there just weren't compelling reasons to keep you at your chapters of choice (i.e. PNMs the chapters knew better, freshmen they liked better). Do sophomores regularly get bids at your school? There's no way to know if the women were just trying to be nice by encouraging you to try again or if they really meant it (and even then, no individual can guarantee you a bid because one person doesn't decide who gets bids).

I think some PNMs come off as desperate by their strange behavior (see the "Weird Rush Stories" and "Psycho/Stalker PNMs" threads) rather than the mere fact that they are coming through again.

Thats what I was thinking. The vast majority of sorority women that I know are polite classy women, and they generally don't want to hurt PNM's feelings, even though they may not want her as a member. Just as during rush you want to make sure that each PNM left your house feeling as if the sisters were welcoming and kind to them, we wish to do so in real life.

The same may go for this situation. These women may not see you in their chapter, but they may not feel comfortable being brutally honest enough with you to tell you not to rush again. Or they may not know you well enough to be that honest. And though a sorority women may encourage someone to go through rush, they may do so because they wish that people experience the greek system as a whole, not because they see you in their particular chapter. I know that I have personally encouraged girls to go through rush or to try again even though I know I did not see them fitting into my chapter, but because I knew they could still find a home in the greek system. And in most cases, the women I have encouraged to go through did find a home and are very happy, though they may not have joined my chapter. Sorority women in general are well aware that people can find amazing homes outside of their own chapter, and I think perhaps PNMs could...and should...take this into account during any form of recruitment.

I apologize for writing a novel, but so often do I see the OP's situation on GC. I think we all need to take into account that, unless a active promises are bid (which she shouldn't be doing...but thats another topic), encouragement that any sorority member gives for rushing in general does not necessarily mean that she sees the PNM in her chapter.

As long as you can handle the potential disappointment, I'd give it one more try. It would be a good idea to work on your "presentation". Join another club or two and see if you can find an opportunity for community service. Keep working on your GPA. Spiff up your personal appearance. Start chatting up the girls around you in your classes. Don't ask them if they're in a sorority...let it come up naturally in conversation.

Good luck to you.

This is a little bit offtopic, but do the active sisters doing the rushing (rushers?) actually remember the girls they cut? I know at my school they see anywhere from 15-25 groups of girls (around 30 per group) on the first day. They talk to each girl for about 5 minutes. If they cut them the first day, the girl rushing probably didn't make that deep of an impression. I do wonder if school keep records of each time a person registers to go through rush?

In my experience, ICS does indicate if this is not the first time a PNM has registered for Recruitment. Additionally, depending on the number of non-freshmen participating in Recruitment, a chapter may look into whether or not a sophomore/junior/senior has previously participated in Recruitment. Anything beyond that, in my opinion, is private membership selection information.

You'll also want to take a look at yourself and ask what do you have this year that makes you more desirable as a PNM as the last time you went through rush. If you did not have enough whatever-grades, activities, social skills, personal appearance- to get invites and bids last time, will you have it this time?

To answer the other question...I know that members remember some rushees from year to year, and I was at a big competitive school. Some of them do end up getting bids at top houses, some don't; so I don't necessarily think that rushing a second time hurts your chances (at least at my school).

Original poster --

The honest answer is NO. If they cut you once, they will probably cut you again. You can try. But, you already were extended a bid to a house. You WILL (I REPEAT, YOU WILL) look desperate if you keep rushing. You have already sent the message that you don't want the sisterhood you were matched with. You only want the sisterhood if it suits you. You had a chance to take them off your bid list but did not, obviously.

So what if you didn't feel comfortable there? You spent MAYBE a total of 2-3 hours there, if that? Is such a short amount of time being exposed to a small amount of sisters enough to make a decision to reject their bid?

In your case, you made the decision that you would rather NOT be greek as opposed to giving the girls a chance.

Let's not mince words here. Your own FRIEND tried to tell you to back off. (She told you girls who re-rush look desperate...) Take a hint.

You had a shot at a sisterhood, but rejected it for WHATEVER reason. (I don't really care why.) Perhaps your shot at being in a sorority has passed.

It never ceases to amaze me how many actives remember previous PNMs and exactly why they were released. Then again, it's probably like anything else in life. Certain people will stick out in your memory either because you thought they were amazing or you didn't get along at all.

My personal suggestion is that you do rush again. The hardest part about the way sororites recruit is taht you only meet certain people sometimes. I know its the whole "trust your sisters" an all that jazz, but you just never know.
We had 2 girls come in to our chapter this year that had rushed before. I knew both of them, one I wrote a rec for. The girl I wrote a rec for can be very shy at times but I knew her so I brought the rec to the chapter, and I cannot tell you how happy I was when she attacked me at bid day! She even ended up being my twin!
The other girl that rushed again had recieved a bid from another sorority, but dropped before initiation. She's doing fabulous in ours now :)

Try again. You never know. :)

Gotta love those girls who would cheer you on as you follow their advice and smack yourself into a brick wall.

Ouch that burned.
Sorry, I don't go to a school where recruitment is as competitive as others...?

Yeah, but the OP got a bid, just not one she wanted at the time.

I agree that it's pretty rare in a competitive recruitment that a PNM's chances go up with a re-rush, but sometimes the PNM, because she's more realistic about her likely outcome, can still salvage a bid she wants. Sometimes they even reconsider the groups they weren't interested in the 1st time.

And as far as the spring rush, if we're talking two person new member classes, it's possible that she was on some of the groups' lists in a spot other than top two. Personally, I don't equate not ending up with a bid on the final day with being cut. The group may have wanted you, just not quite enough.

I agree with the earlier advice that if you can handle not matching, there's no problem with going through again. What do you have to lose really? But after that, if it doesn't work out, you need to stop.

That's the whole point -- she got a bid already. She just wasn't happy with it. Her friend (An officer in another group on campus) has told her girls who re-rush look desperate...) Advice from her FRIEND seems to be to leave it alone.

But, if she can handle possibly not getting a bid at all this time, even from the one she's already been offered? By all means, consider it.

I don't want this girl thinking her chances aren't are higher than they probably are. I went to both Ole Miss (super competitive) and MTSU (not super competitive) and have seen it from both sides. Neither campus looked well upon those offered and rejecting bids only to re-rush. Add to this the fact this child is an upperclassman, and we should temper our advice to the likely reality.

Then, if the girl gets cut, at least someone has told her the worst-case scenario... And, if she gets a bid, she feels all the more GRATEFUL for being even offered a bid.