On Getting Married: How did you decide he or she was "the one"?
 

How did you know or decide that your current spouse was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?
I'm curious!

I asked the Internet!

Oooooooooo...breakdance!

Always a risky thing to rely on.

I went with a tried and true oracle:

http://www.concretesoftware.com/imag...l_animated.gif

Oh, don't be a fibber, MC, you're just trying to keep the REAL oracle to yourself, the MYSTIC CAT! http://www.xmission.com/~emailbox/mysticat.htm

Ssssssshhhhhh!!!

My mystic ways are not meant to be bandied about carelessly!

http://www.smilieshq.com/smilies/animal0003.gif

I'll play nice. :p

As lame as it sounds, I just knew. I met my husband on a Saturday night. He called me the next Tuesday and we talked for more than three hours on the phone. By the end of that conversation, I just knew. We have extremely similar backgrounds, religious views, sense of humor and ideals. Our differences are also complementary (for the most part - our shared tendency towards procrastination isn't always the greatest, though). It didn't hurt that I thought he was really cute the night I met him, despite the shaved head and late 90s ensemble.

We've been together for 8.5 years and married for just over 5. We've had ups and downs, but for the most part it's been good.

ETA: plus, we make adorable, chubby, red-headed babies together.

Yes, yes you do.

This is something I've been wondering, too. That "just know" feeling...how do you know when you really have it or when you're just fixated on the wrong person? Maybe i should've asked GC...silly me, I asked my mom. :rolleyes: :p You guys usually have more entertaining answers.

Seriously... When you are in the hospital at emergency, and the only person who attempts to be concerned (aside from your family) is your S/O... At least that is how I knew--my husband was the man there for me when I needed him the most.

I can only tell you the wrong reasons, because neither of the men that I thought were "the one" ended up being the one:
1) Because you'd been together through the last 3 years of college, have graduated, gotten jobs, he asked and that's the next step in life.
2) Because he fits a list of requirements that you developed after your first divorce to try to make a better choice next time, and you have a fun dating relationship and he is your best friend, even though there is really no passion.

True stories:
When I saw my husband, something in my head said that's your future husband. After two weeks I was positive. We've been together for 10 years and married for 5. My father knew as soon as I came home and said I met someone. I guess I just said it differently this time.

Sister-in-law A saw my brother in the RA office and asked the other staffers-"Who's that?" She got to be his friend and then my brother smartened up and started dating her. My whole family knew they would marry the first time we met her. They've been married 9 years and have 2 kids.

Sister-in-law B sees my brother in a store she is transferring to and says to a co-worker, "I want him." They've been together for 9 years and married for 4 years with one kid.

My grandfather asked my grandmother to marry him on the first date. (She did say no at first.) Same thing happened with my confirmation sponsor.

It sounds hard to believe, but I honestly think you just know. If you have to force Your SO into a picture of what you want, I don't think it's the right person.

Okay I'll add my true story. On our first date (which occurred after we were both out of school), I found out that my (now) wife had been friends in college with my law school roommate's fiancee. (Turned we knew lots of the same people. Small world.) A few days later, I saw old roommate and his fiancee at a party and told fiancee that I had gone out with her old classmate and thought I would again.

After my wife and I were engaged, my old roommate told me that they had left the party and his fiancee had said: "I've know her for 8 years, and I've known him for 3. I never thought of them together, but this is it -- they'll get married." LOL, she knew before I (or my wife) did. But 20 years later, I can say she was right. :D

RaggedyAnn is right -- you just know. Can't tell you how. (The Magic 8-Ball is a big help, though. ;))

Exactly - there's not really a right feeling, or a right moment. You just get to a point where you realize that he/she is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, the person you want to marry.

Because I looked at his bank statement - haha Totally KIDDING!

In reality, he looked at mine:cool:

No seriously, we were set up by my best friend with his best friend's approval. They knew we were totally compatable, and we believed them and took a chance. They were right - we've been married for 24 years now, 3 wonderful kids, and still like each other immensely:)

I agree.

However, this depends. My friends and family members would be there in a heartbeat if I called them. I simply choose to call him (first). :)

Yep. Not to be confused with always LIKING the person, never having doubts, and that person NEVER getting on your nerves.

People think that love has to be perfect for it to be "right." As with everything else in life, it is not perfect.

(Of course when you begin to scoff more often than not, it's a sign to move on :p)

When my husband and I came to the house to announce our engagement, my father and mother sat us down. Their advice was make sure you develop a friendship, because we won't always like each other. We may love each other, but that's not enough.

I agree totally.

The butterflies will fade, what you want is somebody that you really enjoy talking to and hanging out with at the end of each day.

Definitely, things won't be perfect. And, sometimes, the most difficult things you go through as a couple will end up bringing you closer than you thought possible.

i asked ms. cleo

I'm divorced. It was one of those things where I got married when I was 19. I was stupid. I should have never married that cunt. It was a mistake. I call total bullsht on actually making a decision if he or she is the one.

I think there is also a bit of luck involved (to be honest).

I liken finding a spouse to finding a college. ;)

When you are looking at colleges, you get these lovely colorful brochures, extolling the virtues of the place; you go on tours with excited co-eds who show you all the beautiful spots on campus; etc. You don't see the drunken slobs puking in the hallways of the dorms, or any of the other unsavory parts. You make your choice based on the fantasy, without knowing the reality, and can be hoodwinked.

But, you don't really know if you are going to truly be happy, or satisfied, until you are actually living there 24/7.

If you are unhappy with your college choice, you start filling out transfer apps; if you are unhappy with your marriage, you start looking for a lawyer.

I had a feeling on the first date. It just seemed natural. We never really felt in a rush for anything, we knew it would just happen. We knew the same people, had similar interests, and similar values/attitudes towards life. We have a similar goofy sense of humor and we're both gigantic nerds. It is a cliche, but it was like finding a piece of me that I never knew was missing...that if I was 100% by myself, I was 150% when I was with him. After about two years, we started just saying to each other "Hey, can we get married?"...."Yeah, sure" or, "when we get married, can we..." on a regular basis, only partially kidding.

And any guy who is willing to do long distance for 5+ years of a 7 year relationship, AND be questioned by the FBI in regards to your supposed disappearance is DEFINITELY a keeper. ;)

Yesterday marked 4 months married for us, and it is even more awesome than being engaged or dating.

She was. She was a fking bitch.