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Can class be learned?
Hello everyone, I've recently finished rush and this is my first post.
I am a first-generation immigrant to the United States and was raised in a different kind of household than a majority of greeks. After high school, I realized that somehow I had become rather shy and oblivious to fashion and that I did not like it. This is what drew me to fraternity life. My motivation for joining a fraternity was to further myself as a person and to put myself in a much more social environment. I particularly look up to the values represented by a Southern Gentleman (respect, chivalry, and maturity etc.) and hoped that by joining a fraternity I could better understand and live up to those ideals. I believe that I have it in me and that I only need proper instruction. But I am curious as to the opinions of people on this forum. Essentially I am asking, "can class be learned? or is it something you either have or don't" |
There's nothing exclusive about having those values. It may take time to fully internalize them so that you don't think about them (which is what gives the impression of performing them effortlessly) but they're definitely ideas anyone can subscribe to if willing.
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Additionally, most fraternity's member education programs involve some type of etiquette. I doubt anyone is initiated before learning how to tie a tie and how long to hold a proper handshake. On the other hand, your fraternity liked you for who you are so don't try to change that. This stuff just makes you a more polished version of you. Someone just posted a quote on another thread that was something like "These letters don't make me better than you, they make me better than I was before."
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Those things, however, are not the same as "class" in my mind. I've known people with impeccable manners and style, people who knew all the rules to follow in good society, who were proof that all the money in the world couldn't buy class. On the other hand, I've known people who wouldn't know a salad fork from a tuning fork and whose sense of style was completely lacking but who were the epitome of class. Shoot, take in a performance of Pygmalian or My Fair Lady sometime. Don't get me wrong. Manners are very important, but they are outward. Class is inward -- it's an attitude of respecting yourself and respecting others, of acting with dignity and or treating others with dignity. Learning manners is about changing habits. Becoming a person with class is about changing attitudes and ways of thinking and of viewing others. And FWIW, just based on your post, I'd wager there's a good chance you already have class. |
As far as "learning" etiquette, it is easy to grab many books (Ms. Manners by Judith Martin or Emily Post) and learn the "proper" etiquette, that's not something that's hard to learn.
However, class is something that evolves over times. A person can be "classy" and be as poor as a church mouse. Whereas, a person can have been "groomed" to be classy but be as ignorant as a clown. You are who you are to begin with and you know what you like and don't like. The difference is in being able to know how to have a balance between the two. |
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I agree with all of the previous posts, especially MysticCat's. The OP sounds like he has class but just wants to be refined with the utmost of etiquette, manners, etc. I'm sure there are plenty of filthy rich heirs and heiresses that have learned ettiquette but could not apply classy values to save their life.
traditionsf, I think if you observe the class that others show in everyday life, i.e. holding a door for a woman or not trying to fly off the handle whenever you are unhappy with a situation, then you can certainly absorb some of those values if you choose to. |
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Paris Hilton!:p |
You already have class, in my opinion. Polishing your appearance, behavior, and knowledge base is not exlusive to those who were "born" into certain lifestyle. In your efforts to polish yourself, don't lose too much of who you are. You sound like a good egg.
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Mystic Cat, your post should be required reading.
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Sign me up for the MC Fan Club.
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To the OP: Much of American values of etiquette and protocol comes from the English and French royal courts, just for some historical perspective.
Might I suggest reviewing Rudyard Kipling's "If", another great example of "class", IMHO. IMHO, the United States does not have a legal "class" structure. Any "class" structure that you observe publicly is not legally based on current government-approved structure. But, as far as your definition of "class", MysticCat's is probably the most accurate description. I would call that "Character". And I was always taught that you have a million dollar person and a ten cent person. A million dollar person can put on a ten cent suit and still be a million dollar person. But a 10 cent person puts on a million dollar suit, you still have a 10 cent person... |
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If you can keep your head when all about you (BTW, the line "If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same" is written above the players' entrance to center court at Wimbledon.) And thanks to the fan clubbers. :D |
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At the boys camp that my kids have gone to during their entire youth, this poem was read over the loud speaker every night at bed time. Hopefully, a little rubbed off over the years! The conclusion page of their website: http://www.lajunta.com/clj/conclusion.htm |
*putting on my "MC" baseball cap direct from the fan club*
I've never read that before, that that was just wonderful. That poem was so moving and obviously timeless. Thank you, AKA_Money and MC! |
People who use the word "classy" tend to be anything but.
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Okay, I'm getting carried away, but what with Burns Night having been this past Sunday, what should pop up on my iPod at lunch but one of my other favorite poems/songs on this topic of class/character: "Is There for Honest Poverty," better known as "A Man's A Man For A' That." (Aye, I'm enough of a Scots-geek that I have Rabbie Burns songs on my iPod.) This was sung at the State Opening of the Scottish Parliament, with Her Grace Elizabeth, Queen of Scots (aka Her Majesty the Queen), The Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh and His Royal Highness The Duke of Rothesay (aka The Prince Charles, Prince of Wales) all in attendance. (Click here to see a nice video of it -- look for Sean Connery.) The cameras didn't show if the royals joined the Parliament in singing the final verse, but I'd like to think that they did. :cool: To try and tie this all a wee bit to Greekdom, Burns (like Kipling, for that matter) was a Freemason, and masonic values clearly influenced the philosophy that underlies the poem. Is there for honest Poverty (If you need a translation from Scots into English, you can find it here. One term I'll point out -- by "coward slave," Burns meant those who allowed themselves to be treated as inferiors rather than equals of the higher classes.) Okay, no more poems from me today. :D |
Thanks MC, that was beautiful!
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"Fair fie ye honest sonsie face... Hope you had a great Burns Night. I couldn't get a haggis imported in time/legally, so we just had neeps and tatties and cockaleekie soup. mmm. |
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I just came across this thread and I love it! I want all my students to read it!
(Mystic Cat, one of my son-in-law is from Scotland. He keeps threatening to bring us a haggis and we fear that he'll do just that after his visit home next month.) :( |
I'm not sure how I missed this thread, but it seems to be one that most certainly NOT be missed! Thank you, carnation, for the bump.
My Jamestown cousin is the epitome of class and character, and I am proudly one of the earlier members of his GC fanclub! |
There are so many threads that I wish had a "Where are they now?" conclusion.
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Of course I'm that person who read this...
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ENgJZlmgI6U :p |
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