Am I psychotic or is this normal?
 

So I'm dating this girl for about two months now that i'm really into. I'm always thinking about her when I'm not with her, texting, calling, etc. I'm pretty sure she fancies me too ( I know for a fact she loves the attention I give her) but the problem is I don't really "like" her. We have nothing in common, are completely different in attitude and lifestyle, share none of the same ambitions and so forth. A lot of times we have trouble carrying out a decent conversation with each other, but it's the things left unsaid that draws me in. I feel so comfortable and at ease when she's by my side, like we connect on some level that can't be explained. She's asked me before why I like her, and to be honest I had a hard time coming up with things other than the fact that I love the way I feel when I'm with her. I've never been in a relationship like this one before and almost feel like it may be unhealthy in some way, or maybe I've just been single too long and don't recognize a good thing when I see it.

Why do you feel that you don't "like" her? If you love the way you feel when you're with her, and you're always thinking about her, it sounds like you do like her. Sometimes not knowing WHY you like someone isn't so bad. Maybe you're scared that you'll get hurt because you have been single for a while. Maybe you're diggin single life. Or maybe you just like the attention from her. If it's been a couple months, your feelings should be coming through. If you like her, show her. But if you eventually realize that you don't like her more than a friend, please tell her. Don't let her end up confused (ahem). Don't let it get to the point of wrapping yourself up like a burrito. Good luck. You're a good guy.

It's probably her pheromones. I've had the same thing happen to me.

I'm glad she 'fancies' you.

At any rate, who really cares? If you're compatible, i.e., if you feel at ease with her, what's the big deal? If you see something in the future which could doom our relationship, is that a deal breaker? Are you really looking for 'the one'?

By your register date, I'm assuming you're about as old as I am. No worries... you have plenty of time to figure this out. My advice is to just enjoy the moment. If it works? Terrific. If not? Move on.

If you decide to marry? Get a prenup :D

It's a ying yang thing. She balances you out. Many couples are polar opposites (hubby and I are and we're together 26 years. ) I am shallow, ditzy, high strung type "A" and he's laid back, serious, very cerebral, intellectual type. The only thing we agree on is money. If you both have different money habits, it will NOT work long term. (i.e. a spender and a saver).

It could be phermones, like someone said. It can also be a "ying yang" thing as well. My husband and I are quite different in many ways, but are similar in the ways that really count - we have the same sense of humor, we are both very honest (sometimes brutally honest, but it works for us), we share the same morals, we share similar lifestyle goals (including money), and look out for each other.

Over time, we grew to enjoy some of each others' interests. I think that another person's passion for something can be contagious. It makes you want to figure out why they like it so much.

If you enjoy only the physical chemistry (and I don't just mean sex), make sure you let her know. By your bestowing all this attention on her, I can guarantee that she is reading a lot more into it than you may be intending. And your first sentence, that you think she fancies you TOO, makes me wonder if you are trying to dissect things too much.

I suggest you spend some time thinking about what you really want from her, and make sure that she wants the same from you. Otherwise, let her go sooner than later.

This might sound strange, but maybe you like things about her you don't realize. Okay, so you feel at ease, like being around her. You said in this post that is the things left unsaid that you like, so there is another thing. Does she do nice things for you? Those you could mention the next time she asks that.

As far as the conversation thing, just start talking about any random thing that comes to mind. She'll do the same and it will wander but should be a good talk if you are compatible and if not then you'll find out.

I hate Prison Break. I watch it because my boyfriend likes to watch it.

He hates Gossip Girl. He watches it because I like to watch it.

I'm going to learn how to ski. I can't think of anything more terrifying, short of walking down the aisle.

Perhaps, since the chemistry is so strong and you really like her aura or whatever, you can find things you like to do together or will do together so that you have something in common.

My hubby and I are pretty different. He's conservative, likes to hunt, fish and be outside; has a scientific brain (double major in oil and natural gas engineering). I'm more liberal, don't like the outdoors so much (it's too dang hot in S. Texas) and have a degree in history. We think differently, we like to do different things, we watch different shows (some similar) and we do handle money differently (this is def. a challenge, but we usually work through it and separate accounts are a must for us!).

But you know what, it really works for us. I like learning from him and experincing new things with him and it works that way for him too. We don't have too much in common, but really enjoy each other's company and are willing to compromise so we each get our own way. He's a major talker, so we nearly always have something to talk about.

If it works, it works. We've been together for almost 15 years (dating + marriage) and are completley committed to each other, although we couldn't tell you why! It just works and sometimes that's how it is.

that was a good story gpb:)

Get a dog. :) They make you comfortable and you don't have to talk to them.

If you don't really "like" her then there's little to discuss. It's not about the ying and the yang and completing each other. You two don't even have the basics yet so getting the ying and yang part is a little bit away.

You don't have to "like" someone all the time but if you dislike them more than you like them, that's almost loving someone (or simply enjoying the attention they give you, which sounds of a lonely person or someone who is infactuated with comfort and promises of the unknown) without respecting or being able to stomach them.

I was told that you know to call it quits when the person begins to disgust you more often than not. When you're like "gah...shuttup...why do you even exist" or you can't connect enough to have a conversation.

That's me and my ex right there! LOL! It was over loooong before we formally broke it off.

Yep, you pretty much summed up my relationship with my ex toward the end of it!

preciousjeni and ThetaDancer: I'm SO glad these are your exes. :)

It's normal to not like your partner all the time. It's normal to not like ANYONE all the time who potentially gets on your nerves (kids included).

I think a lot of folks are fascinated with "what ifs" and these romanticized differences that they fail to see when "you're just not that into each other."

post translation
 

She gives great blow jobs.

She has an incredibly low self esteem and doesn't ask much of a guy.

Everyone likes orgasms.

"Opposites attract" is a bunch of bunk. It usually means "opposites" to the outside world, like the liberal dating the conservative or something like that. If you can't have a conversation, and you can say point blank that you don't like her as a person, then I would agree w/ preciousjeni - it's all about the pheromones.

You're using this girl. Show some respect for yourself and kindness to her and dump her, if she doesn't have the self esteem to go herself.

Or if the sex is good, limit the purpose of your relationship.

No reason to kick something to curb when it at least has some redeeming qualities.

If she's asking why he likes her, it's a sign that she's attached emotionally as well as physically and if he keeps her around just for sex, he might really be in trouble later. "Limiting" the relationship is easier said than done.

But don't guys do that all the time anyways? They don't care that the girl is attached, as long as she doesn't start acting crazy.

Acting crazy is debatable. Many people are led to believe they are in relationships (or there is a lack of definition and honesty, omission if you will), which then causes feelings to be hurt, and the result is "acting crazy." I personally wouldn't want to date a guy who wasn't 100% about me, but I'm pretty independent and really enjoy my own company as well as that of my friends.

That's an excellent thread topic in itself.

I am hesitant of men who have "crazy exes," especially more than one. It almost always means that they are crazy themselves and have done something to either lead a woman on or to encourage crazy behavior.

Exactly, I've had some previous relationships with similarities (the guys were alcoholics, didn't meet any of them in bars or even when booze was around) and I don't know why that was, other than I have a caring and loving personality, which led me to stay longer than I should have. I am sure some facet of my personality attracts men with that to me, and they aren't bad people, but they have a huge struggle that I haven't experienced. I left when they decided to not get help for themselves as any conditions or ultimatums would have led to disappointments. If they, and only they, made the choice to get help, I'd stand by their side 100% and reconsider a relationship.

I do have one ex who I fully believe needs therapy (no physical addictions), and when he refused to attend couples counseling sessions I decided the relationship wasn't worth it to me. My theory was what he was so scared of and was the real issue with him would be addressed if he went. He tried to paint me as crazy but it failed, miserably, to the point it made him look guano. He kept flaking out on our sessions, making plans with me and disappearing, and when I said "no more of this, I am done, have a nice life" he created a lot of problems for me.

I think this is the issue. People don't talk anymore...it's like, either be my boyfriend or be gone. Our generation does this whole "vague" relationship bullshit that doesn't help anyone. Folks get attached, feelings get hurt.

I think its the whole: "Lets hang out" mentality. I'll pick you up at 8 and take you to dinner has been replaced with , meet me here. Or, come over.

It leaves even the guys in limbo as to what the heck is going on. We hesitate, lose the lead, and fumble it.

Assuming the guy knows how to lead at all.

Holy toledo, Batman. Where the hell have you been, James?

Earth to Pika. You like her. You just have trouble intellectualizing it. Just because you can't articulate an intangible doesn't make the feeling less valid.

"I love the way I feel when I am with you" is a pretty heady feeling and a hella compliment.

The warm fuzzies have to be the coolest feeling in the universe. I hate when they fade, usually because one or both people start thinking too much.

Good chemistry is usually the start of the best relationships.

The two most important aspects of a relationship are attraction and compatibility. Compatibility is really just getting along in a positive way, not some systematic comparison of resumes.

We are social creatures with intellect so we are constantly searching for some type of mental blueprint that we are "doing it right".

But that can cause a disconnect between what we feel and what we "think" we should feel.

You have tons of things in common. But you may not have exact things. You both may like ice cream but like different flavors etc.

I have a lot of varied interests and different groups of friends. I train ballroom dancing, if she doesn't that's fine. I train in the gym, if she doesn't that's fine also. I read a lot etc . . .

If she isn't into those things its cool because I have diverse and varied friends that are, and I don't require any one person to have mastery in every skill set and interest that I have. But those various friends don't give me the warm fuzzies either. And damn those warm fuzzies feel good.

So stop questioning a good thing. Has all sense of romance been sacrificed to the gods of pseudo practicality and over intellectualization?

Well then I'll tell you a secret. The vast majority of people do it by the numbers. They date the accepted background, the accepted race, the accepted religion, and deliberately stay within the accepted "norms". They will even go so far as to reject people that don't fall within these standards. And guess what, the divorce rate is enormous and most people in steady relationships are either bored or unhappy.

So given that the mainstream point of view doesn't have the best track record, I don't think giving the warm fuzzies a sincere chance is completely unreasonable.

So suspend your disbelief and enjoy the feeling. And if you feel the need talk about Kant or Global politics, call someone that you know cares about it.

Hey gorgeous :).

I have been playing with more real world toys/people rather than my imaginary (so to speak) friends on the internet.

So I have been a lot more passive on greekchat because of time constraints. And also, a lot of us are already talked out on topics ;)

good advice
 

Are you referring to the whole "Friends with benefits" thing? It's something I do not understand about your generation. In my view, the difference between "friend" and "boyfriend" was about sexual involvement. If you are good friends and there is a sexual attraction, then, to me, that's a romantic attraction. Part of me can't help but wonder if, in these "friends with benefits" relationships, one of the partners wants it to be a committed romantic relationship and believes that eventually, the other one will "wake up" and realize that they should be in a relationship. I do think that tends to be the female, but I've met some dependent men who would do anything just to stay part of the person's life too.

And usually when one or the other wakes up and wants to be in a relationship, it's usually not with their FWB.

...Heh!

Still with this girl?

This is so true. It's such a red flag to me when a guy accuses his exes of being "crazy" or "psycho" or "bipolar." It doesn't take long to put two and two together.

I missed this thread the first go-around, so with that said, here's my take. I disagree with almost everyone in this thread, except 33girl. I don't think the OP really likes her, I think he'd just rather have her around than no one at all. All of you who are coming up with excuses are overanalyzing, the way waaaaaaaaay too many women do. Notice that no men in here are making excuses for why he really DOES like her. He even said he dosen't like her! Think about how much you have to be iffy on someone before you'll come to a message board and tell a bunch of strangers that you don't like the woman you're in a relationship with. Look, my boyfriend and I have differences, but I can sure tell you all kinds of things I like about him. I have to have more than a "feeling" to be with someone, especially the conversation part...how long can you go without talking to someone? That would drive me crazy, and I would think it would seriously limit the relationship's potential. Chances are the reason the two of you can't have a conversation is because you're either not comfortable with each other or you don't trust each other.

Amen to the first part. I learned that the hard way during my young and impressionable stage when I dated an older guy that told me his ex's were all crazy. It didn't take more than a couple of months to see why. Some guys enjoy the attention and will cat and mouse a girl who really does like them until they go nuts.

No, she dumped me a few weeks ago. It was weird too. We where going to meet her parents for dinner one night when she texted me that she was having a bad day at work, and if I wanted to stay over her apt that night. I told her yes and that I hope her day turns out better.....and that was it. She never called me again or answered my texts. I texted her with a "let me know your ok" thing and she replied with:

I'm worried this isn't going to work out

me: what is going on with you?

her: don't have time to discuss or argue it. We should go our own ways.

WTF? we are seeing each other for four months and you break up over text? Not even have the decency to tell me to my face or call me?

There was no catalyst either. She went from," I can't wait to see you, stay the night over after dinner" to i never want to talk to you again in a snap. When I went over all the details with what happened to my friends, they all said the same thing. She was seeing someone else, and chose him over you .

What a cow! You're better off without her.

Yeah, you don't need that. You'll find someone less crazy.

WTF? Wow....what a bitch. Why not just use a post-it? Women are crazy. :)

I also agree that she was seeing/met someone new.

If she lives here, let me know who it is. I'll track her down and beat the crap outta her. lol.