need advice..
 

hey all.
so i have been reading this forum for a few days now and decided to join to get some advice from you all.
i am dropping out of my sorority at the end of the semester. last semester, i joined and was really excited about being a member. however, many things happened last semester from a financial standpoint and after this semester, i can no longer afford to stay in this sorority. it is completely draining my bank account and my parents said they won't help me pay for it. i would have to pay for it all. that is a LOT of money and it would be putting every single dime i earn this summer towards the sorority and i just cannot afford to do that. the problem i'm facing is telling my sorority and my big. i absolutely love my big sister and am so scared to tell her i have to drop out when i know she has spent a lot of money on me. i'm thinking of just withdrawing and telling her at the end of the semester. i already have to pay dues for this semester so i figure i might as well enjoy it for one last semester before i drop. i just feel like i am lying to everyone when i know i am going to drop at the end of the semester. do you think i am making the right choice to wait until the end of the semester to tell everyone??

just wanted some input! it has been driving me crazy the last week thinking about it.. thanks

Before I tell you when to talk to your chapter about all of this... have you exhausted all of your resources, and are you absolutely positive that you have to drop?

My chapter has always had girls who have struggled to pay dues. We encourage them to talk with the Treasurer and Advisor and to work out a payment plan.

Another option would be to pay some of your dues over the summer. When you first join, larger lump sums are to be paid up front, but as your time in the sorority progresses, you could spread out the time that you have to pay them. One girl in my sorority had the hardest time saving money and paying all of her dues in September. Instead, she would write a check to the chapter every week for a set amount, between the months of May and August, so that when she arrived back on campus in the fall, she wouldn't owe the sorority anything.

I know that not all chapters operate this way, and some of them might have different policies for paying dues, but before I simply decided to drop, I'd probably discuss my situation with someone and find out what my options are (which I'm guessing you haven't done?) They will probably try to help you out before they simply send you away.

ETA: Some years back (shortly before I joined), a few of the girls in my chapter were really struggling to pay their dues. With the permission of the rest of the chapter, they put on their own separate fundraiser selling candy bars, and they used the money to pay for the portion of their dues that they couldn't pay out of their own pockets. ... so that might be another option..?

Yes, I have considered all the different situations but there is just simply no way I can come up with the money - even over a period of time. I had a bunch of money in my college fund that I was going to use to pay for my sorority but, like I said, there were a bunch of different things that happened from a financial standpoint and that money was allotted to different things that ranked higher than the sorority. So, I definitely know I am going to have to drop out, especially since my parents said they can no longer help me pay for it. I also am going to have deal with possible apartment rent next year and I'll also need to use my money I save in the summer simply to buy food, gas and all that stuff during my sophomore year. Our sorority has a plan for people who can't pay it all at once but its not a matter of not being able to pay on time, it's simply there is absolutely no way I am going to be able to come up with that much money. Going into the sorority, I also had NO idea how much time you had to commit to it until after I initiated. Had I known how expensive it was going to be and how much time you had to commit, I probably would have reconsidered joining in the first place. During recruitment, my sorority outlined the dues as being roughly $450-500/semester but realistically, it is more around $800 a semester. There is just no way I can afford this =[

I'm sorry you've found yourself in this situation.

Your first stop should probably be the chapter's Treasurer and VP Standards or equivalent. If you haven't done this already, they can help you look into scholarship programs to cover dues. I know that my org has national and chapter-level scholarships to cover dues for women who can't afford to pay them. If you've exhausted all those options, then the best bet is just to be upfront with your big. Assure her that you adore her and that you are devastated about this (you sound that way, anyway), but that you have no other choice. If she's worth anything, she's not going to stop being your friend just because you can't afford to stay in your sorority.

Good luck.

I'm so sorry about this! I know these are such hard times right now.

One thing I would ask about...I know that some sororities offer the option to be an inactive member of a semester. Girls who are having a tough time financially, are ill, or overloaded with work can take a semester where they are not paying dues and do not participate in the sorority. It can only be done once, and I would look into this option and see if your particular sorority offers this program.

One thing I would recommend to you is if you can work during the summer a FT job and then in the afternoons get a job working as a Home Health Aide with your local Home Health Aide company. You may also be able to do this during school. As long as you're over 18 and have no felonies you are able to get a job. Look on Craigslist in your school city or in your hometown. Many are looking for HHA's or in-patient caregivers, either to work during the morning or evening. You can quite possibly schedule your school activities around your work schedule. This will help you in being able to pay for your sorority events. Usually you will be able to get a check every 2 weeks. I know that when I was a PHC Supervisor (Primary Home Care) I preferred to hire college students because of the fact that: 1) they needed money, 2) they could work the schedules, and 3) they were willing to show up. Just give it a try before you have to drop out.

Have you doubled checked that the dues are still $800? You mentioned you just joined, and usually the first semester is much more expensive for Initiation and other fees. I'd double check that you have the right amounts. Perhaps the budget changed but that is quite a large increase so it would be smart of any member to be aware of what that amount is paying for.

yea the dues are that much money.. it would be half that but they forget to mention we have housing dues and stuff to send to nationals.. furnishing fees and all that which doesn't make sense.. i think they are just putting a label on sending them a ton of money because i dont see how we have to pay that much money just to maintain the house.. esp when i dont even live in it..
and to reply to zeta13girl, i don't have a job because i have a full courseload so theres no way i could maintain a job and keep getting the good grades i get.. plus my sorority doesnt understand if u have a job - they expect you to work around wat the sorority requires you to do.. it stinks!

Obviously, I can't speak for all sororities, but in a pre-exit interview, you would be offered all sorts of options. Many chapters have a fund for exactly this sort of problem, and many Executive Offices do, too. Please find out about them, before you completely make up your mind. I think you're going to find your chapter and/or alumnae much easier to work with than you imagine.

Also, VandalSquirrel brings up a very good point. When I went through Recruitment, we were advised that our first year's financial obligations would be MUCH higher than upperclassmen. If you're in with upperclassmen, there's a lot of items which the sisters will share, cutting your cost in clothing for various functions, and other economies.

But, if you've already made up your mind, then talk to your Big Sister now. Let her know, and give her a chance to advise you. That's what she's supposed to be there for. Good luck to you.

I agree that it's definitely better to do it now. IF there is ANY way that your sisters can help you work through this situation, they'll have more time to figure it out now than they will at the end of the semester (with formals, finals, graduation plans, etc.). Springing it on them right before you'd be completely done with the sorority will probably make them think that you didn't much care to try to work out the problems you're having (even if you tried everything you could to stay). It just won't look good to drop on the last day that anything can be done about it... even if there's no possible way to fix it.

Also, I don't know what your specific financial situation is, but with the way the economy is right now, I would like to think that chapters would be much more understanding when someone indicates that they might not be able to afford their dues.

Talk with your big. And definitely find out the exact amount of your dues. That shouldn't be something that you have to question and wonder about.

If your chapter does have a house then isn't there some way that your financial difficulties might make it possible for you to live in the house next year, thereby combining many of your expenses? It just might work. I have seen two women be active officers, have excellent grades and work not one but TWO jobs (not everyone can do this). But they loved their chapters so much that it was worth the sacrifice and they got so much out of it.

No matter what you decide to do, it seems like you should be working during the year anyways because no job is going to hold you ALL semester with housing, gas, etc. going on, even if you take sorority out of the equation.

I have a feeling there's probably a communication breakdown between the chapter and how they're explaining the fees. The term Dues may not be all-encompassing. I know for both my undergrad chapter and where I advised, the Dues only included that portion of the house bill that was used for Officer budgets. It didn't include the room/board, parlor fee, or fees sent to Headquarters.

You would actually be surprised at how much money it takes to run a chapter house. It's a lot. But if you're not living in, you should theoretically have a somewhat reduced fee (I can't speak for your chapter, though, only from my personal experience). We called that the "parlor fee" and that gave every member, even those who didn't live in, the "right" to come over to the house at any time, use the common areas (to study, use the house computers or just hang out ) and eat a few meals each week.

Generally, I've found living in an apartment is actually more expensive than living in a chapter house. With the chapter house, your meals, utilities, etc... are all taken care of in the entire bill. Living in an apartment, not only are you responsible for your rent and food, you also have to take care of all the utilities and making sure all the bills are paid on time.

If the other expenses are things like an apartment and food have you looked into moving into the house?

I don't know about sorority houses, but at least in my experience living in the fraternity house is significantly cheaper than living elsewhere. Rent is really low, utility bills are included, meals are included, you don't have to drive out to buy food, if sorority row is on or near campus you don't ever have to drive anywhere really.

I am confused by this statement. If you have to pay housing dues and all that, isn't it often cheaper to live in the house? Not only is your housing paid for, but ALL of your food as well. Trust me, living in an apartment is a lot more expensive than you think. I don't think a lot of people take into account the fact that when theyre in dorms/a house, its one amount.

You don't have to worry about whether the electricity/gas/cable/water/trash/internet/phone bill is going to be outrageous this month. And food prices are insane right now. You will easily spend 200-300 a MONTH on food alone.

Not to mention the TIME that you save by living in a house and not having to worry about making food, paying these bills, etc. It gives you that much more time for a part time job. You said you can't make all that money in the summer to pay dues, but what about working part time during the year too? Even 10 hours a week makes a huge difference.

AND- it is completely possible to have a job, be in a sorority, and get a 4.0. I've seen it done MANY TIMES. I myself work 30 hours a week, maintain a 3.5 for an academic scholarship, and pay for everything except tuition on my own. I am telling you, if you want it bad enough- it's possible.

I REALLY think you need to sit down with your advisers, e-board, whoever, ASAP, and explain to them your situation. MAKE them give you an exact budget- every chapter should have this. (on a side note, do you know if your chapter assesses? sp?) Then sit down and look at rents for your area, along will average bill prices. I'd be willing to bet you find its a better deal to live in the house.

You've gotten a lot of good advice here- so listen to it. There is always a way for you to stay involved and if you simply can't find one- obviously you don't really care as much about the organization as you claim.

Have you thought about living on campus and in the dorms? I don't know if your sorority requires you to live in their house, but have you tried thinking about living on campus and getting the meal plan? This would be able to help you with some of your expenses.
Look into your local newspaper and I'd bet that there are Home Health agencies or someone needing someone to stay with grandma/grandpa/aunt or uncle fester at night and would be willing to pay a decent wage that would help you out.
What options, as far as a job, have you been able to look into? I know that you said that you're carrying a full courseload, but if staying in your sorority is something that you want to do, you should be able to find something that would help in deferring your sorority cost expenses.
I know that you said that your sorority doesn't care if you have a job, but I'd bet, if you asked some of your sorors, you'd find out that yes, some of them do have a job. People understand what things are like right now, they know that yes, Virginia, some folks will have to work to pay for what they need. No you will not be able to attend EVERY function, but by working, you will be able to have the PEACE of mind in knowing that you don't owe anyone and that your fees are paid for. Don't think that folks won't understand, don't assume, people are more diverse in their feelings and in their understanding than what you may be thinking.
Being able to work and maintain a full courseload is hard, yes, but it can be done! I know that when I was in school, I had a full courseload and yes, I had to work. I didn't work off campus, but I was on campus and I had to fulfull those workstudy hours, the RA hours, and I had to maintain my GPA in order to maintain ANY and ALL scholarships that I had for that year! It can be done, but you just have to make up your mind in doing it.
But if you feel that you can't stay in your sorority, talk with your big now. I think that she will be able to help you or show you the way to help more than what you think. I know that you are apprehesive in talking to her, but do now because there may be more options than what you think.

When I was an active we had to pay "housing dues" but we didn't have a house. It was suppose to go to a fund that would eventually buy a house, but it isn't like I (or any of my sisters) would see that money come to fruition.

maybe that is what chicky is talking about?

ugh that would be frustrating...did they ever end up getting a house?

What exactly is included in the $800? Is that just what you paid your first semester? Between dues, a parlor fee, a one-time housing and furnishing fee, badge fee, and other one-time National fees, $800 sounds on par for your first semester total IF your chapter dues are $400-450. If you live in the house, all you will have to pay are your chapter dues, plus anything not included (t-shirts, socials, etc. if your chapter does not have all-inclusive dues).

Or, do you mean that dues plus all the "extras" (t-shirts, socials, etc) totaled $800? Or did your chapter flat out lie about your chapter dues being $400-450?

No and from my understand they won't be getting a house in the near future.

My chapter is currently doing the same thing. We still don't have a house, but a portion of dues goes toward Housing, and a percentage of all fundraisers does, also.

this has all been great advice.. but i really honestly cannot afford it so i dont need advice on how to TRY and afford it. i can't afford it. simple as that. what i was asking advice on is when i should let the chapter know that i will be dropping out...
thanks..

Honestly, I'd be kind of pissed either way. I'd probably get over it faster if they were upfront right away about it than if they played along all semester like they were staying in and then announced they weren't coming back at the end.

And you might even talk to them about dropping out now and seeing if they'll refund a portion of your money so you can start saving again because it's going to be hella expensive living on your own.

I'm kinda thinking that money is just the excuse you're using (maybe even to yourself) and you're really dropping for other reasons. If you really wanted to stay in, you'd figure out a way.

ETA: is it just the sorority your parents won't help pay for? Would they help out with your housing (dorm or apartment) otherwise?

they wont pay for the sorority.. they will help me pay for my housing.. they didnt want me to join the sorority in the first place but now with different financial stuff that has been going on they cant afford to help me out with the sorority anymore..before they were helping out reluctantly because they knew it was something i initially wanted to do

and there are other reasons im dropping out but i dont think it would be smart to share it on a public forum when it concerns my sorority and only my sorority..money is a MAJOR factor but there is a ton of other factors playing into this.. not just money..
i know that is super vague and everyones gonna be like "we cant give u advice if u dont tell us the whole story" blah blah but i cant tell you it because it wouldn't be right to do that.. so sorry..
i think i have gotten what i needed out of this thread though so thanks to everyone who replied!

I figured there was something more to it. If you're leaving because of hurt feelings, go ahead and tell everyone now. If you wait until the semester is over and dissappear, you will not be leaving on good terms with the sisters you still want to remain in contact with. At least with some warning maybe some will understand and you can salvage friendships.

thanks to everyone for the advice!
i'm going to try and discuss it, at least with my big, so i don't drop it on her at the end of the semester! i really like her and dont want to lose that friendship! thanks for the advice!

Sounds like money is just an easy excuse and not facing the real issues. If money were the real issue there are plenty of ways to work with that and figure that out. Since you've dismissed those ideas, it's pretty obvious that the money is just a convenient excuse.

If you dislike the sorority so much that you want to leave, why do you care so much about when you do it and what people think? You're leaving either way. You don't like it, don't want to be in it, so quit and open a spot for another girl who wants to be in your chapter and participate.

EXACTLY. I'd say the overwhelming majority, if not all, of women in my chapter who withdrew their membership "because of money" really did so because they were unhappy/apathetic with their membership. I can't think of anyone that withdrew that was super-involved and dying to save her membership.

I wanted to say this so badly. Glad you did.

Are you only sticking around because you've already paid, and you at least want to get your money's worth? It just seems crazy to me to not want to talk to any of your sisters about this. I would be DEVASTATED if I thought I had to drop, and I would definitely feel comfortable enough to confide in at least one sister about it.

I also wanted to say this. But it would have been a little bitchier coming from me. :)

ASAP.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Maybe your chapter has someone in the wings that would love to be a member. Give them that opportunity. Get out now.

I suggest that you look at all the reasons that you want to leave your sorority. Everyone on here has given you great advice as to how to work out the problems that you are facing (financial) and yet, in your refusal to tell the whole story, you only dismissed what people were saying.
In doing this, it seems that your loyalty to your sorority was only superficial in a lot of means and manners and that's what you're presenting on this board.
I think you need to stop and look at yourself in a real manner and make decisions about yourself and your needs. Don't end up pulling a Madoff!

agreed. it would be nice if you spoke to your big sister and the treasurer and/or president to tell them you are quitting, but honestly, it sounds like your mind is made up, you don't want to try to work things out, so you should resign asap.