Religious Differences in Relationships
 

Just curious if any of you have ever had a SO of a different religion and how did that work out?

My boyfriend is Catholic and my family doesn't really follow any religion. I think it's nice that he grew up in the church and has a pretty strong faith, but I just don't understand it.

I know a lot of people have very strong feelings about interfaith marriage. We're not really at that point in our relationship yet, but I worry that the religion issue will become a real problem as we get more serious.

Thoughts?

I'm a Catholic, my wife's an atheist.

It's no big deal unless you make it one.

I've dated two Jews. The only difficulty I could see might have been concerning the raising of children. I think if you can get that straight, the rest is doable.

I dated a Jew off and on for 8 years. He was Reformed, so it was never an issue. I have dated a Muslim and learned to eat (and love) chicken and turkey sausage. The main issue we had between us was that he wanted a large family and I didn't want kids (I was 41 at the time), which ultimately broke us up.

I also dated a guy who was an ex-member of the Bruderhof (similar to the Hutterites). Now that was was a doozy.

To some people, interfaith marriage is no big deal. Other people have huge problems with it - in some Orthodox Jewish communities, a person who marries a non-Jew is treated as dead and mourned by his/her family.

I briefly dated a Conservadox Jew when I was in college. I was a lapsed Catholic at the time. One day, pretty much out of the blue, he DEMANDED that I convert to Judaism or he would dump me. I told him where he could stick his attitude, and we immediately broke up. (The irony is that I did later convert to Judaism, but for my own reasons, and through the Reform movement.)

Interfaith marriage can work out well if (a) neither of you has a problem with the other not following the same faith, (b) you've agreed on what religion (if any) to raise your children in (if you want any), and (c) your families accept your choice of interfaith marriage OR you're willing to put up with their comments / complaints / threats to boycott your wedding / etc.

I'm a reform Jew, and my long term boyfriend is a non-denominational protestant christian.

I don't think it is a big deal provided that each respects the other's faith (or lack thereof.)

I didn't think I'd have anything to offer for this thread but now that I think about it, I did have a Catholic boyfriend. It wasn't an issue, but faith wasn't important to me back then. Now that faith touches so many aspects of my life, there's no way that conflict could be minor. So I think whoever (I think it was Kevin) said that it won't be an issue if you don't make it one was correct. I've constantly said that there'd be too much conflict to even really consider dating someone of a different faith(sect), but just reading this thread, I realize that I did once and it didn't matter (because it wasn't a big deal for me at the time).

I do remember him saying that he wouldn't marry anyone who wasn't Catholic, so we both knew we'd never be together forever--not only was that a dealbreaker for him, but I couldn't believe he only said that to me after I was already his girlfriend. He wasn't the smartest cookie. :rolleyes:

Wow... I've dated Jewish men, Catholic men, and hey, I'll admit it, Buddhists!!! I would have dated Hindi and almost got with a Muslim... But I think I am married to an agnostic? IDK?

The men I usually would fight with are these hardcore Missionary Baptist--Holy Roller men because their views were just not based in any kind of formal theology. I am NOT talking about the "Reverends"--I am talking about those fools who are so pious then get homegirl pregnant and not pay for their children... Kinna like Rrah's song "Trapped in the Closet"... Now those fools, I did not date. Something about forked tongues and speaking...

I think the important thing is that you have the same amount of religiosity as the other person. A person who is super religious is going to drive an atheist crazy and vice versa. That, and a healthy amount of respect for the other religion and the person practicing it.

My husband's non-practicing Catholic and I'm agnostic and it's a non-issue for us. My ILs are practicing and we were afraid they would us to get married in the church but fortunately they let us get married the way we want and to keep the peace we did do the Corinthians reading during the ceremony. We've already agreed that the future kids wouldn't be baptized and we would not force any beliefs on them. I think where differences come into play is when you're deciding what type of wedding ceremony to have and how to raise kids. If you can agree on that, things will be fine.

This is the same response I was about to give. I agree.

I've dated only Protestant guys, but I know if I were to date someone with a different take on religion such as Catholic, Jewish, etc. it may only affect me when I want to raise my children. I'd love to raise my children Baptist, but I personally just want to make sure they know the important things about being a morally good person. I could only see the difference in religion playing a huge part in your relationship if it differs so much that you are conflicted with how to raise children, or that maybe your/his family doesn't not agree with your/his religious choice.

I'm Catholic and my husband is Mormon. It's not a big deal. We discussed this in length before we got married regarding our future kids and how we'd raise them.

I think it will be a huge deal if you don't deal with any issues or conflict you might have prior to settling down if you see your relationship heading that way.

I'm Baptist and I've dated an atheist. He was very passionate about being an atheist as I was about Jesus so it didn't work out. LOL

Like others have said, I don't think I could date much less marry someone that wasn't Christian since it is a big part of my life. And even with that, we would need to have the same views on Christianity as well because I could not be with someone that was like....oh let's say ummm.... Jim Duggar.

I've thought about this and I could date a man with a different religion, but depending on the religion, or even denomination marriage may not work. I know I could not be in a long term relationship with a man who practiced a religion that did not have women as equals (for example able to be a Pastor/Rabbi/ etc.). If I have children with him there would be a huge problem letting them practice a religion where women are seen or treated as lesser.

I've had less problems dating Reform Jews and Catholics than Protestants (which I am one). Go figure.

I think that's where the rub comes. Between two adults, it's doable. When children come into the mix, things can change.

Example: one couple with whom we are friends -- she is a Catholic (though not hyper-religious), he is athiest. When children came, she wanted them baptized; he refused to come to the service. I know it has led to some friction and sadness because they are finding they have different ideas of how they want the kids raised. It's hasn't been easy, at least for her (based on her conversations with my wife).

Depending on how religious/non-religious (or anti-religious) you both are, I think that to make it work it requires, before the "I dos," (1) complete honesty between the two of you as to what you want and expect and what matters to you, and (2) honest discussions about how to raise the children (assuming you want children). In other words, what BetteDavisEyes said.

You have to have some good stories there! :D

Common ground is clearly the important thing here . . . and, as it turns out, most people are too stupid or self-centered (more precisely, "not self-aware enough") to find anything resembling common ground in a relationship, so it's probably better people just date people they meet at church.

Sure, most of them are startlingly unattractive, but most of us will be unattractive within a decade or two anyway, and you're in it for the long haul, right?

Just when the post started to tip the snarky limit, you end with this...which fits the last guy I met at church. :rolleyes:

Hey, I met my startlingly attractive wife at church. Of course, she met me there, too, so at least one of us proves your point. :D

You're just evil. :p

Unitam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant. :p

Well played, good sir, although in classic Charles Barkley fashion, I still maintain that I'm right in general: if you're worried about religious differences, meet people at church. If you're worried about cultural differences, meet people at the cultural center (or bar, for me). If you're worried about alien attacks or when the next issue of a particular manga will arrive, meet people on the internet. If you're worried that your bathroom is too clean, meet me.

It could all be so easy.

I am Jewish, and have been in a relationship with a Catholic man for the last six years. There are bumps as religion is a very meaningful part of many people's lives, and it is important to respect the other person's religion as a piece of the person you love.

The truth of the matter, is that many things in the life cycle process for religions have parallels in other religions. It is a good idea to research the other person's religion, but an even better one to ask your partner about their experiences and expectations since everyone experiences their religion differently.

What we ended up doing was breaking down each life cycle event: Naming ceremony, Baptism, confirmation, bar/bat mitzvah... and every holiday that was important to us, and determining what we thought was important about it, and how we'd want to have it work in "our" family. We were able to learn a lot more about the other person through this process, and come up with ideas for our own family traditions.

Of course, this is most important when it comes to children. I realized that I could love my partner, and celebrate his holidays beside him without any emotional conflict, but when it came to teaching it to my children I really wanted clarification for what it would mean and actually look like.

Best of luck!

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me!

I'm a lapsed Catholic has been seeing the same Jewish man for the past three and a half years. We haven't had a lot of problems regarding religion or ethnicity. In fact, I've had more issues with evangelical Christians (I've never dated one, but several people I know, including some relatives are)! The only issue we'll have if we have kids is the fact that I would love to send any daughters I have to my high school alma mater. The school has Anglican roots and regular chapel services. That might upset his mother (though not his dad).