From the mouths of babes . . .
 

Okay - parents, aunts, uncles, godparents, interested bystanders - share your stories of amusing/funny/insightful statements by kiddos.

Last week at my mother's - my niece was complaining because her friend, who was visiting, had more popcorn than she did. "That's because she's the guest," I said. "You always give guests the best of everything."

Reply from my 7 year old - "That's the problem with guests."

In the airport last week, a 10-ish-year-old girl and a 6-ish-year-old boy waiting for a flight with their dad:
Girl: "But Daddy, why are you dating her? Isn't it going to hurt Mommy's feelings?"
Dad: "Well, when your mother and I got a divorce, we dec-"
Boy: "BUT DAD YOU DON'T EVEN LOOK ALIKE, WHY ARE YOU DATING HER?"

My niece is 4 yrs old. She wanted me to get a Christmas tree for my apartment. She said she had money to help me pay for it, and gave me 7 cents. Of course, 7 cents isn't enough when we get to the register so I pull out my debit card. She says in a loud, anguished voice "GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO USE IT!" The cashier starts cracking up tries to comfort her by saying "She did use it".

My family and I went to see a Christmas Story yesterday and I was in the bathroom during intermission. This lady had her daughter in there, probably about four or five and first it was "But I don't like the black ones!" meaning the toilet seat lol. Then you hear this blood curdling scream and she goes "YOU GAVE ME A WEDGIE!" and then her mom wanted her to wash her hands and the girl goes "I don't have to because I didn't touch anything!" Her mom looked sooo embarrassed lol.

When I was around 3-4, my mom and I were at the airport. Well, I saw a man with one leg, and I asked her how he got like that. My mom said she didn't know, and told me to stop looking at him. The next thing she knows, i'm standing next to the man asking him, "Excuse me sir, how did your leg fall off?" My mom was mortified!! lol

I hope Munchkin03 posts. She's got enough nephew-isms to write a BOOK! ;)

Lol that reminds me of when I was about the same age at one of those home and garden shows and there were Amish people in line behind us. I asked my mom really loudly "Are those real Thanksgiving people?"

When my oldest was little..

Daughter: "Mommy, can I have a drink?"
Me: "Yes, but what is the magic word?" (Magic word is please,by the way)
Daughter cocks her head, thinking: "Dammit?"

My first job ever was working as an assistant in a daycare. One afternoon, we handed out some snacks to the children. One little boy gleefully explained "I've loved grapes ever since I was a little boy!" LOL....he was three years old.

.....Kelly :)

While eating at a restaurant a couple of months ago... the couple at the table next to me had the cutest little girl (21 months they later told us) who dropped her sippie cup of milk and yelled, "Oh shit!" at the top of her lungs. (Most of the other people eating in the restaurant then turned around.) Her parents looked absolutely mortified.

When my brother was little:

Bro: Dad, that man's car is broken (it had a dent or had been crased into)
Dad: It's okay son, he is probably going to get it fixed.
Two seconds later my brother has the window down:
Bro: MISTER MISTER YOUR CAR IS BROKEN!!!

My then two year old nephew had trouble with his "r"s . So when we are at Luby's, and my nephew decides to yell for silverware, it comes out "Fok! Fok!"

Eyebrows were raised.

I was four years old. My father took my mother and me out to a nice restaurant to celebrate Mom's birthday. (I was a pretty well-behaved 4yo, so I got to come along instead of being stuck at home with a babysitter.) Everything went fine, until . . .

My father had let the waiter know that it was my mother's birthday. After dinner, out came the waiter with a slice of cake with a birthday candle, and we sang "Happy Birthday". This obviously attracted the attention of people at nearby tables.

When we finished the song, I piped up in my little 4-year-old voice: "My mommy is __ years old!!"

Everyone within earshot applauded, except my mother, who turned bright red and wanted to sink under the table and disappear. :o

Haha, this thread is great!!

When I was about 4, there were a times that I would tag along with my dad when he was running errands, just us two. Well, once or twice we apparently saw a few nuns as we passed the church we lived by. My dad pointed and said me, "Look, penguins!", thinking his little joke would never be retold. Well next time we were driving with my mom in the car and we saw nuns, I just had to blurt out what I saw!

"Dad!! Look, penguins!!"

My mom was not at all pleased.

I babysit for my neighbor (who is also a Phi Mu) and she has the most adorable little boy. He has these little plastic PlaySkool toy children. Some of the children are black. There is one that has two ponytails and her hair looks like a buch of little bumps to look like curly/nappy hair. So I picked her up and said,

"Look, Jack. She looks just like me!"

At the time, I had corn row braids in my hair, so he takes a look at me and tries to see the back of my head.

Then he says "No Miss ____. Her has two things (ponytails) and you has one. Her has hair like grapes, you has hair like worms."

I died laughing and gave him a bunch of hugs and kisses.

He also told his mother that "Daddy can't tell colors!" Because his father insists the grape Skittles are purple when Jack swears they are brown.

When I was in the 2nd grade, it was halloween and my dad was teasing me about my costume (I was a dice and it was amazing). He was wearing a windbreaker jogging suit, and I said, "Oh yeah? What are you dressed up as? Someone in shape?!"

I always have and always will be a smart ass :)

When I was around 4 or 5, I was figuring out what money was and I couldn't understand why it was important to adults! When I asked my dad why he left for work each day and didn't stay home with me, he told me he would go to make the money....apparently I literally thought my dad was printing money.....:eek:

So my mom and I were driving one day---i was around 3 at the time---and some guy cut her off. My mom, remembering i'm in the car, just honked at the guy. Then from the backseat I tell her, "Mom, if that guy does that again just say MOVE OUT OF THE WAY, ASSHOLE!!"


Another time, when I was around 5 (my mom & step-dad had just gotten married) I went with my step-dad to return movies. When my dad hands the VHS tapes to the lady I promptly tell her, "sorry their late, but my mom was recording them." My dad said he almost shit a brick! lol.

My 3 yr old loves books, and his current favorite story is "Jack in the Beanstalk" only since his name is Jack he calls it "Me and the Beanstalk".

He also calls Princess Fiona in Shrek, Princess "Pea-ona".

While in an elevator with a dark haired older woman (we are all blondes) my adorable small son blurts out "look Mommy, that lady has a mustache!". I immediately clamped my hand over his mouth so no additional comments could come out and stared straight ahead but was mortified the entire elevator ride.

When my nieces were younger (about 7 and 3 1/2), I was taking them somewhere with me in the car. The older one was in the front seat and asked the proverbial, "Kiki, when you get married, are you going to have children"?
Me: "Well, Leeann. I really don't know".

A couple of minutes passed, and all of a sudden this little voice comes from the back seat. "Kiki, when you get married, are you going to have puppies"?
Me: "Well Sarah, there is a better chance of that happening that my having children".

Sarah is now a Junior in high school and plans to become a veternarian.

I had my older niece convinced that there was a "flower" (weed) called Queen Leeann's Lace, named after her.

I had my nieces believing of a lot of things, like the tree in the back yard was a Bubblegum Tree. Every spring, just about the time that they would come to my house, the tree would be in bloom, with pieces of Bazooka on every branch.

LOL this reminds me of a commercial that used to be on ALL the time when I was younger. It was for a law firm and the slogan was "if you have a phone, you have a lawyer." I reasoned that we had 5 phones in my house, therefore we had 5 lawyers.

Haha, this reminds me of the "Four Stomachs Theory" I formulated back when I was three or four years old.

My parents had quite the struggle getting me to eat my veggies. I would say that I was "too full" to eat any more veggies. They would then deny me dessert, on the grounds that if I was too full for veggies, I was too full for ice cream. (Did I mention my parents are sadists?)

Well, I read somewhere that cows have four stomachs. So I reasoned that if cows have four stomachs, why not humans? I tried to convince my parents that I had four stomachs: one for meat, one for potatoes and rice, a really tiny one for veggies, and a huge one for dessert. So I could legitimately be too full for veggies and yet have room for dessert!

Unfortunately, my parents, being doctors, didn't buy it for a second. :(