ROOMMATE CONFLICT - Help!
 

x

Tell her now. Do you live in campus housing? Do you have a no-guests without permission policy?

- if she is dealing with boys that could be grounds for pedophilia

- ever thought about taping her?

- what about joining in?

- instead of telling us this, confront her NOW.

So why did you ask us?


People don't forget shyte like that...are you scared of her? Is she bigger than you or sumn?

sheesh

Did you ask to be in a limited visitation/no overnight visitors dorm and got stuck where you are now?

If you don't ever want any male overnight guests in your room - for your roommate OR you - then talk to the housing poobah and see if you can switch to a limited visitation dorm next semester. There's probably someone in the limited vis dorm who's miserable and would take your place in a minute.

It sounds like she's being inconsiderate, but if you are in a dorm where overnight guests ARE allowed, for you to tell your roommate you are refusing to follow dorm policy is inconsiderate as well.

If you go to one of those hippie colleges where everything is 24 hour visitation, again, talk to the housing poobah and see if you can be matched with a more like-minded roommate.

Talk to her before you leave and again when you get back. Your right to be comfortable overrides her need to get some.

You pay for part of that room. She needs to get a hotel if she wants to street walk, seriously. That is nasty and you aren't into voyeurism.

Seriously, his pee-pee is not worth it if he can't find his own place to bone...

I never knew anything but 24 hour visitations dorms still existed.

Had that not been the case at my school I don't know where I would've spent many drunken nights. :(

^^^I'm thinking the same thing. I didn't know there was an option of living anywhere that people who don't live there can't be! Welcome to Miami, I guess!

I never knew GT was "hippie college" ... I'm so proud :)

If they're not being as inconsiderate as having sex in the room while you're sleeping (people do that - it happened to me), maybe you can set up a schedule. Like he can stay 2 or 3 days a week, and they have to tell you ahead of time so that you can make other arrangements. Maybe not sleeping at someone else's house but you can make plans to study in a friend's room or something so you don't feel so crowded.

You mean be in sexile? :p

It will. Bottom line: you can't have a friend that you live with in such close quarters and NOT have it affect your friendship. I roomed with a close friend our sophomore year and it did change our friendship. We're not as close anymore.

She's violating your space. She's taking advantage of your friendship. She's breaking an agreement the two of you made. And she will continue to do so until you put your foot down.

Did you tell her BEFORE you signed up and made the decision to become roommates (which I'm assuming was last spring) that you didn't want overnight visitors? "The beginning of the year" sounds to me like she walked in the first day in September and you flipped the script. If a person I was friends with did that to me, not only would I be pretty pissed, but I'd probably say forget you and do exactly what your roommate is doing.

You can't just assume someone is going to think and behave the same way you do, even if you were friends with them before.

That doesn't sound to me like "an agreement the two of [them] made." It sounds like something one person said and expected the other to follow with no compromise or discussion.

That would be it. When I was a freshman, my roommate brought a guy home (at 4am no less), woke me up, I fell back asleep, and they started having sex. I woke up, got up, left the room, and ended up sleeping on the floor in the hallway after pounding on a friend's locked door (she's a ridiculously heavy sleeper).

The next day, it was the fight heard throughout the dorm.

lol lol

I was going to say tell her now, but I guess I'm a little late.

I know at UK roommates in the dorm have to agree to things like when dishes get done, overnight guests, and study times and sign a paper. If you did this and agreed at the beginning to not have overnight guests, then this is against what youagreed upon and you should talk to your RA.

If you are just afraid of talking to her about it you could still talk to your RA. 6 out of 8 nights in a row is a lot for a dorm room to hold 3 people if everyone isnt comfortable.

Why are you so worried about tearing the friendship when it's obvious that your roommate isn't as concerned? If she were concerned, she might have already come to you and said, "We've got to talk about this no visitors thing."

Regardless, your friendship will experience tension over this, but you have to confront this (and then wish her a Merry Chrismahanukwanzaakuh or whatever she celebrates). I hope you've done it by now.

Apparently, UNF is not as open minded as FIU.....I know several people who got in big trouble with campus housing because they had guests over with out going through proper procedures....of course those people never said anything to their roomies and the roomies got pissed and reported them....otherwise it was usually alright...

sherryanne, I would talk with her and if that doesn't work then speak to your RA. You pay for part of the room and if you don't feel comfortable with the boy around then say something!

Very true. This is what comes with rooming with friends. If you don't know what the other expects from day 1, there's going to be a problem.

We had roommate contracts. At the beginning of the year, you'd fill one out with your roommate, establishing "rules" ahead of time so there's no confusion (similar to what CuriousWildcat has said here). "No boys in the room overnight" would be something you'd want to write down at that time (if both of you agreed). Do you have something like this? Or was it just a verbal agreement? If it's the latter, there's nothing more you can do but talk to her about it.

If you don't have it written down, and she continues to bring her bf over, there's little you can do about it... except request to move somewhere else.

In the meantime, be glad they're not having sex in the room. I'd go to walk into my room at 2am on a Tuesday, and my roommate and her bf would be going at it. And a few times, they did it while I was in the room.

Welcome to having college roommates.

You/your parents are paying for a double not a triple. If the roommate doesn't respect this, you should talk to the Housing Office chain of command starting with your RA.

Yes. We had a roommate contract. I was fully aware that she had a boyfriend and he would possibly stay over a night every now and then. However, our housing department does not allow a resident to bring a guest over for more than two consecutive nights, and she broke this rule.

I talked to her on the day before we left. Hopefully, my problem is solved for the rest of the year.

My chapter has a no men in the rooms policy but that is just what we tell our parents and alums. My roommate and best friend in the chapter started having her BF stay overnite on Friday and Saturday starting last semester. It is just accepted that its OK to do this and if you object you are a bible thumper, a prude, against love or jealous. So I have find somewhere else to sleep which is a real bummer. At least she lets me know when he is going to stay over and unlike some of my sisters its the same guy.

Classy, as much for you to post it as for them to do it.

If this is really happening, you should probably be aware that you are violating house rules and your and/or your roommate probably could end up having to find a place to sleep on a more permanent basis.

This policy probably isn't just something that current members get to agree to.

So... you knew and agreed to the fact that she would bring her boyfriend over every so often? If this is the case, it's fine for her to do so. 6 nights in a row, however, is breaking the rules of the university, as you stated. So you do have a right to do something about it.

But the outcome might not be what you want it to be. You've talked to her once about it, and hopefully everything will work out. If not, though, you run the risk of a) dealing with her bf practically living with you b) giving her an "I'm going to tell on you" ultimatum, or c) moving out.