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need some advice asap!
So there is this guy (we will call him Chris) I have known since 7th grade, I am now a sophomore in college. We have always been friends and nothing more, until this past October when we went to this party with some friends and after that night things went from friends to more than friends. We have so many things in common and things will be made official (boyfriend-girlfriend not marriage) sometime closer to Christmas (I heard from one of his friends)
Recently, the past two weeks we have been talking sexual things. He knows I am a virgin (thats right the only 19, almost 20 year old virgin left on the planet). I plan[ned] to wait until marriage but I don't thing that's going to happen. Last night I gave in to my feelings and said it is very possible that it will happen soon. I won't say what else we spoke about http://greekchat.com/gcforums/images...es/biggrin.gif My question is, how do I know if this is the right thing to do? He is a lot different that other guys I have messed with and i hae never felt this way about anybody else. I am simply tired of waiting to get some, i have passes up I don't know how many guys, but this one feels right. Any advice? P.S- I promise you he is a good guy. I wouldn't give up my virginity to some random loser. |
Not to sound crass, but from the tone of your post, you've already made up your mind and you're just looking for folks to tell you it's okay. It's no big deal. I think our culture tends to make sex a bigger deal than it actually is -- with all this 'abstinence only' crap (which apparently, you've been exposed to and are now reacting like 99% of people that message has been wasted on). But really... the opinions of folks on an internet message board who you don't even know should probably have zero bearing on your decision.
Just be careful about things so y'all don't end up being parents before you're ready. |
Think about what's going on between you before you go anywhere near this. Is he pestering you to have sex? Are you willing to do it because you want him to stop bothering you? If this is true then he's probably not the guy.
Ask yourself if you're going to be ashamed down the road that this is the guy you're going to lose your virginity to. If the answer to any of these questions is yes, think long and hard before diving in. If the answer is no, used a condom. You can get pregnant or catch an STD your first time. |
no he hasn't pestered me at all to have sex. i brought up the subject. he says he is fine with whatever decision i make.
i honestly doubt i will regret it because i feel differently about him than the other guys i have been involved with |
I hope it's all you expect it to be.
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This is just my opinion, but I would expect someone to be my boyfriend (at the least) before we have sex (not afterward or "sometime closer to Christmas)." That sounds a little shady to me, and I wouldn't go for it. But you probably are so I hope it's everything you're building it up to be. My mom once said "Guys don't buy the cow when they can get the milk for free." (or something like that) |
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And you aren't the only 19/20 year old waiting for marriage. There is at least one other... |
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I just looked at all your old posts on GC. I know stuff can change in a few months but are you sure this is what you want?
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I know everything that goes along with having sex (possible pregnancy, STD's, AIDS, STI's) I'm not dumb.
It is not shady. It's not that sex is the only thing we talk about. It wasnt until recently that we started talking about it. We talk about school, family, friends, future, our relationsip... |
He's got you right where he wants you.
He'll probably do you a few times before Christmas and hope to pick up someone better at a New Year's party. That's what I'd do anyway..... |
The first post in this thread, from Kevin, is the best by far - be intelligent, and you'll be OK. Life is not a Rubik's Cube.
Also I like how you need the advice "asap" - like, is he on his way for condoms? |
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i bet you would do something like that. i dont know who you are at all but from your posts i can picture who you are |
If you have to ask other people then your not ready. End of story.
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A lot goes along with sex that they don't teach in sex ed. It can build a false sense of intimacy (especially for women) and breaking up is that much harder. Also, once you've lost your virginity, it's difficult to wait until your true partner comes along, so you may lower your standards because a guy is "there" and into you. Are you prepared to deal with unexpected consequences like an STD or pregnancy? Has he been tested for an STD? (Men can be carriers without symptoms, so his word isn't enough.) Is it worth it for a guy you like, but doesn't seem committed to you in any form? I know you are curious, but I hope you will make a fully informed decision before you decide to go through with it. |
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Seriously though - Kevin gave a great answer, and honestly, these types of decisions are ones you have to make for yourself. |
Think carefully about the reasons you wanted to wait. Consider whether you're ready to throw them away for someone who you'll probably end up having a deeply painful breakup with in a matter of months, if the relationship becomes "official" at all. Personally, I think virginity is too precious a thing to make decisions about based on giddy feelings. As for waiting, it isn't something that happens, it is something you choose, plan for, and carry out purposefully. It sounds like you are testing your limits with him, so you are preparing yourself for sex. Anyhow I'm sure you catch my drift.
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You've known him since 7th grade? He was just a kid then.:rolleyes: Why the rush? IMO, "Time" is your best friend. Yeah, he seems cool now, and he just may be cool, but all relationships are cool in the beginning. Tons of jokers can thrill you and delight your heart in the first few weeks or months of a relationship. But only time will tell if his love, respect, and commitment to you are genuine. Do yourself a favor and be patient, and put the sex on hold. IMO, you can't rush a relationship if you want it to work. To me, by its very nature, it requires time to grow by you two spending intimate, quality time together. You don't have to have sex to be intimate. Even though you think you know him well because of the time you've spent with him, things can still surface later on in the relationship that are cause for concern. Think about it, this joker could hit it, quit it, and bounce while your standing there with your panties around your ankles. So, just spend time getting to know this joker, (as a young man) and don't make the same mistake as many young ladies your age do when their "boyfriends" begin to show signs of serious character flaws. Based on your post, since you two have started a relationship, keep it monogomous without using your panties as ankle warmers. If you begin to learn things about him that would keep him from being the kind of husband you deserve someday, bail out now, before you get too serious with this joker. Good luck to you.:) |
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Since you have said that you wanted to wait until marriage in the past (is that correct?), think about how you would feel on your wedding night if you did go ahead and sleep with this guy. Will you regret it 5 years from now? Just something to think about... |
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[quote=Fleur de Lis;1756031]
A lot goes along with sex that they don't teach in sex ed. It can build a false sense of intimacy (especially for women) and breaking up is that much harder. Also, once you've lost your virginity, it's difficult to wait until your true partner comes along, so you may lower your standards because a guy is "there" and into you. Are you prepared to deal with unexpected consequences like an STD or pregnancy? Has he been tested for an STD? (Men can be carriers without symptoms, so his word isn't enough.) Is it worth it for a guy you like, but doesn't seem committed to you in any form? I know you are curious, but I hope you will make a fully informed decision before you decide to go through with it.[/quote Agreed! |
Study: Teenage 'virginity pledges' are ineffective
Youths who promise abstinence are also less likely to use protection Teenagers who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are just as likely to have premarital sex as those who do not promise abstinence and are significantly less likely to use condoms and other forms of birth control when they do, according to a study released today. The new analysis of data from a large federal survey found that more than half of youths became sexually active before marriage regardless of whether they had taken a "virginity pledge," but that the percentage who took precautions against pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases was 10 points lower for pledgers than for non-pledgers. "Taking a pledge doesn't seem to make any difference at all in any sexual behavior," said Janet E. Rosenbaum of the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, whose report appears in the January issue of the journal Pediatrics. "But it does seem to make a difference in condom use and other forms of birth control that is quite striking." http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28415602/ |
Originally Posted by WVU alpha phi http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/im...s/viewpost.gif
What do you mean you heard things will be made official through his friends? Why is he waiting to make things "official" with you? I think you need to actually date the guy for awhile before you decide to lose your virginity. Knowing someone as a friend is totally different than as a boyfriend. amen to that the reason why you feel like he is a good man because you gave hime some, your mind ahve to made up before you give hime some i think you ask this question to late p.s you are not the only virgin im 21 and still got it thanks |
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