Nervous PNAM.
 

I joined a local sorority when I was in college. It had a positive impact, but the sands of time seem to have made everyone drift apart. Should I cross paths with any of these women again, they would be considered a sister always.

Years have passed. I am thirty. I am happily married housewife that spends half the year in Canada and half the year in the United States. However, I still wish for an active sisterhood. I have spent time reading different GLO websites and I keep going back to one that I really wish to be part of.

So, I wrote an email on December 12th and sent it. Problem is, now I am nervous. My letters sometimes come across as 'robotic.' I am in Canada for half the year, and there is -no- Collegiate or Alumnae chapters in this area. I am in the US for only half the year and there is one Alumnae chapter and two Collegiate chapters within one hour of me.

I read the 'NPC Alumnae Intiation - Read This First' post by PenguinTrax. After reading it I made sure to think on:

"Why didn’t you join in college?"
"Why do I want to be an AI (especially if you have no prior ties to an organization)?"
"What can I contribute to an NPC org?"

If the GLO I wrote the email to asked me to write an essay on each question, I could do it with ease.

I have read a lot on these forums and I am thinking my email to the GLO might have sounded two businesslike. I am at the point where I just need to take a deep breath and be patient. *breathes*

Thank you for your reply. I have been telling myself to relax and I find that by writing it out has helped release some energy. Discovering this, I intend to get a notebook tomorrow and write things. I understand it is not a quick process. True friendship and sisterhood does not form instantly. It is different than making an acquaintance.

I have been reading GreekChat and plan to continue reading. I intended to keep the name of the sorority secret, but I appreciate your warning. I have refrained from even mentioning the local sorority because I know how easy it is to use a search engine.

Also Artimes,

I don't know what local you were in, but you might try to find out if they have affiliated with an NPC. If they have and ONLY IF THEY HAVE you could become a candidate for AI into the NPC your local affiliated with.

I already know that just because I want in, does not mean they will want me. It is something I am nervous about. However, I cannot allow that to prevent me from trying. I believe I am a good person who has a lot of offer to any group. And, if I do not know something I am willing to admit it and try to learn.

Do you have a suggestion on how long to wait before contacting again? I was thinking of waiting a month and if no reply comes, to try to think on how to attempt contact again. They must be very busy, and also it is the holidays. I am guessing that it is possible my email might not get noticed until after New Year's.



My local has not joined an NPC. Years ago we looked into different NPC's for that possibility. Due to a small campus, we could not form a large enough group to apply to be a colony/chapter. Also, not all the members were comfortable with the idea and so, it was not explored further.

I wouldn't expect to hear anything until after the New Year, since most people are out of the office until then.

There's no "standard" amount of time, but I will say to use your better judegement and avoid flooding people's inboxes with emails. You don't want to annoy people.

Yeah, it would annoy me if someone filled my inbox with a bunch of messages. I do not want to be like the character in the movies that calls someone, leaves a message on a voice mail and keeps calling because their previous message was cut off. It might be humorous in film, but in reality it would just be a nuisance.

I am going to wait -at least- one month. When I sent the email I sent it to specific.person@GLO.com. I had wondered if I should have sent it to general.website@GLO.com. However with the specific.person, if they were the incorrect person to contact, hopefully they would forward my message along.

I have a better idea. Get your butt on Facebook and try to renew contact with your sisters from your local. Trust me, doing this will be much more rewarding than going through the often lengthy AI process to be part of an alumnae chapter for 6 months out of the year (and depending on the alum chapter, they may only have 1 or 2 meetings during that time).

I also just wanted to mention that many GLOs start gearing up for spring recruitment in January, I would think. You may not hear back from them until after spring recruitment for the collegiate chapters are complete.

I'm not trying to discourage you at all, but I just want to present a few pieces of information. First, as others have said, with holidays and spring recruitment coming up, I'd be prepared to wait over 1 month, especially if you have *no* connection within the organization.

Something you may also want to consider is that many alum chapters have only a handful of meetings/events per year and some (mine, for example) are extremely quiet during the summer. As 33girl pointed out, depending on the time of year you plan on spending in the U.S., the alum chapter may have very limited activities.

I'd also like to point out that there are community, non-collegiate social sororities in case you are looking into other options that may better meet your needs. Additionally, re-connecting with your sisters from your local may be something to look into.

I have already attempted to remain in contact with my local via social websites. I am still hopeful that someday in the future it will be more than just a 'add as virtual friend' and be able to plan events. However, this has not dimmed my interest in seeking out an NPC GLO. Also, I am not putting my life on hold as I hope to join another GLO. I still travel, keep up with my hobbies and enjoy giving back to the community.. with or without sisters by my side.

I appreciate that you have taken time to give me advice and it has reminded me that I could and should continue my efforts to reconnect with my local.

Thank you for replying. After reading your reply I can see how it may take even longer to receive any contact. Thankfully I am not as nervous as when I first posted. I am a calm and hopeful PNAM.


I have already replied to some of the things mentioned in your reply. However, I thank you for the time you took to type up a response. In regard to only being in the US for half the year, I know it may cause complications. One of my dreams is to get settled someplace in the US, but it will take a few years. In the meantime, I think much can be done through correspondence while I am away.


Overall, I understand that an AI is not a guarantee. I understand that even if I am considered.. it will take time. If it is meant to be, it will be. If it is not meant to be, then at least I know I tried.

Why why why why why??? Seriously, this is the thing that has struck me as the oddest since I joined GC. I had no idea there were people who "pursued" sorority membership POST-college years. You're a grown woman with your whole life and whole world open to you, what, exactly, about this is "the piece" that's missing? There are plenty of other social and service options out there for you to join, why this reach-back to something whose time has passed for you? Sorry, I just don't. get. it.

And I hate the term "PNAM". Is that a real thing recognized by the NPC? If not, who made it up and why?

/rant

I'm pretty sure it was born on GC when sorority shopping suddenly became the thing to do.

AFAIK, it's not an NPC thing since AI policies vary from organization to organization.

You're right, it was invented on GC; though, it was coined well prior to the "sorority shopping surge". I recall the term being in use prior to 2003. One of the GC regulars at the time came up with it to be cute; but, because people used "PNM" interchangeably with 18 year old freshmen and 40 year old professionals, it was also meant to help people distinguish between the two.

.....Kelly :)

I have to agree with the others in that this would be an awkward arrangement. The alumnae chapter may not "get" why you're trying to join the sorority when you're admittedly not going to be around to contribute and will be unable to contribute while in Canada (you said there was no chapter there, right?).

If the half of the year you're in the US happens to be the summer, you may not get to participate at all as many alumnae groups break for the summer. In my chapter we basically have one event, a July luncheon, and that's about it.

You may have to wait a while until you get settled back in the US permanently and, even then, this may not be the opportunity for you.

.....Kelly :)

I'm sure that would make your sisters feel great.

SRSLY, this reminds me of the whole Gamma Chi debacle and more than one (like 150) people pointing out that if you were putting as much time into your current GLO as you were into Gamma Chi you'd all be BFFs like in college and have raised $10,000 for your philanthropy.

Sorry for breaking the Bloody Mary/Gamma Chi rule guys.

You can still plan events via facebook or other networking websites with your sisters from your local. You can plan a reunion event at your school's homecoming, or plan for people to gather in a city for a fun weekend somewhere and catch up. Just make sure that it is planned well in advance because people have jobs and kids and time is needed to make arrangements (as in 6 months to a year ahead of time).

Chris, why don't you sponsor the OP for AI into ZTA?

I'm going to insert my two cents here. For some of us who do join post college it's because when we were students there was no way we could have joined. I was a theatre major and spent 40 hours in the theatre weekly. I didn't have time to dedicate to a NPC like it needs to be. So for me, I finnaly have the time to dedicate to a organization that I didn't as a undergrad. Because as a grad student I rarely work on shows because it's all about theory now.

ducks in a row
 

*places popcorn in microwave*

I have so many issues with this post, but I'll refrain from telling you what I really feel.

Oh, and there is no rushing in Alumnae Initiation.

Some of them are. I do have friends who are Alum of sisterhoods but I don't talk to them about my intrest. I think that would be rude and put them on the spot and that's not fair to them.

The life of an alumna is completely different to that of a collegian. I have a hard time believing you didn't have time as an undergraduate and now as a graduate student (who I hope has a life outside of school) you have time. Sorority membership for many was a sacrifice during the undergraduate years, and there are a bevy of women (and men) on this site who made it work time wise. I can think of women and men on my campus who worked and went to school, and since they wanted it bad enough made it work. Some of my sisters took five years for school, and managed their membership, an even in professional and graduate school show up for alumnae appropriate events.

There are plenty of other groups to get involved in, why an NPC sorority after graduation? To be blunt, the fact that you didn't try or make time as a student is a huge red flag to me, and for me, works against you.

If you read threads on here about Alumnae Initiation, you should understand.

I'll be blunt. A lot of GCers are taken aback, and I might even say offended, by PNAMs who "sorority shop". Many of us feel that sorority membership is a privilege, not a right. The general reason for people not liking sorority shopping is that many of us (myself included), feel that an AI should have a personal connection to the sorority that they're seeking membership in. As opposed to looking to see what groups do AI and going from there.

The main membership source for NPC sororities is collegiate recruitment. That's the lifeblood. Many of us feel that AI should be used to honor people who have made a special commitment/relationship to the sorority.

I could probably go on for awhile, but if you read threads on here (look for ones from several years ago when it really got hotly debated) you'll get the idea.

I'll also ditto that becoming an AI is MUCH MUCH MUCH different that being in the group as a collegian. You are not a member of the collegiate chapter. You are not invited to their events (except for alumnae focused events). You do not do the things that the chapter does. At all. Again, your membership will have little to nothing to do with the collegiates.

You're also likely to run into these feelings from people in real life as well, so if you're going to go about this the way that you seem to want to, you should be prepared for that.

An excellent explanation KSUViolet, as usual.

Think of AI as a precious gift given out of love, respect and gratitude. Expecting someone to give you a gift because you deserve it is presumptuous. Asking someone to give you a gift is rude. Doing things solely in hopes of receiving a gift is selfish.

I don't really understand how some people say their course load was SOOOO heavy there's NO way they could have joined. Right, because those of us who were capable of joining just took slacker courses at slacker schools...it's not like we learned time management skills or anything. I understand that there are other legitimate obstacles but course load? Really?

ETA: I should have read ahead. I agree with the other posts, especially VandalSquirrel's points about time management.

I have to chime in here too, just because, I think it is valid to underscore that that there are serious students in collegiate chapters who still find the time to devote to their sororities. My daughters are pre-med as well as some of their sisters. They go to class and study an additional 8-10 hours a day. They also volunteer several times a week which of course takes time. They both have 4.0s taking some unbelievably difficult courses. They attend their chapter socials, etc and just spent 36 hours awake and on their feet at Dance Marathon. It can be done!
/end of rant...and I'm only on my second cup of coffee.

All of this to say, we can't reclaim the past, or recreate/remold our college experiences.

I have only heard of AI twice in "real life" vs on GC. Once was actually in my husband's fraternity. A professor that taught in the major that most of the guys were in took a personal interest in many of them and in the house. After MANY years of his involvement in the men and in the fraternity, they conferred a special status to him so he is now considered an alum. He was probably in his 50's at the time and he did not pursue it! The other time was a well loved and long time NPC housemother that became an alumni initiate.

I know there are only two data points here, but do you see the theme? These two people had contributed to the organizations for years with no intent of this reward. Alumni status was conferred as a high honor and a way to convey heartfelt thanks.

I honestly don't know if my own NPC does AI, but if a grad student or young married gal approached my alumni group about it, I think we would give her a blank stare. Nothing personal, but it. . . just. . . isn't. . . done. . . at least where I come from. And to quote someone from earlier in the thread--it kind of creeps me out.

Unless you met girls from the ALUMNAE chapters, it really doesn't matter how sweet they are. The collegians will not be the ones voting you in.

I'm enclosing the only thing that could make this thread not blow chunks.