pledges dropping at the end
 

my chapter (which i'd rather not name, but we're a GLO with chapters at many schools around the country) is having a problem. pledging is almost over (though our pledges don't know that) and at least two of them are dead-set on dropping out. these kids have worked hard, and we would rather see them come together with their pledge brothers and enjoy and be proud of their pledging experience. anyone else ever have this problem? what's a good way to show them that they should stay without ruining the mystique of pledging (ie that they are getting initiated so soon)? anyone else ever have to convince a pledge to stay?

Get their big brother and your president to talk to them and tell them what a mistake that would be and all that they get out of the fraternity. And then have some sort of fun event (even just a pledge party, or a pregame for all the pledges before they go out) so that hopefully they remember they have fun with their pledge brothers.

If they are set on dropping, do you really want to keep them around to become an inactive part of your chapter? I would only convince them to stay if you are certain that they will contribute in a positive way.

why are your pledges intent on dropping out?

you need to convey that dropping is completely fine, but in doing so they're losing the opportunity to join a great family, the support of the brotherhood is something that can help them through college and in life. well thats what we use since we are a smaller, very tight-knit chapter and the family aspect is very evident in our brotherhood.

if they're not ready for that kind of commitment, tell em to kick rocks. they'll make shitty bros in the long run if they're not completely into it.

its hard for us to figuring out why they want to drop. i think its more that they want pledging on "their terms", if that makes sense, and of course that defeats the purpose. thanks so much for your ideas, and if anyone else has some feel free to leave em here, ill be checking

All the more reason to follow CrackerBarrel's advice and have their big brothers and the president talk to them. I echo the rest of his advice as well.

I'm with the majority here - you need to ask yourself WHY you want to keep pledges who are intent on dropping. In fact, if they are that intent, why are you keeping them around this long? A problem pledge only becomes a problem brother or sister.

Maybe this is just where I'm from, but at my alma mater it was always known when initiation was. I believe that for sororities, we have to tell the pledges when initiation is - keeping it a secret is considered hazing.

Not that I'm accusing the OP's chapter or anyone who does it that way of hazing. I've just never heard of it being done that way anymore. Is this a local thing? Is an NPHC thing? Are there NICs who do it? Is it an NPC thing and I'm just ignorant?

Thanks in advance for the enlightenment...

As far as mine goes, we also are required to let them know as soon as they know or at their first meeting.

I also echo the sentiment that a problem pledge becomes a problem brother or sister. Occasionally, people will defy that, but the pledge period (as it's supposed to be) is a pretty darn good predictor of the kind of membership the NM will contribute.

Besides, if they're ONLY going to go through with the process after they hear "Wait, guys! You only have like two more days left", it's a poor reflection on their dedication.

Let 'em go and focus on the the rest of your pledge class.

In my experience, it is not uncommon among fraternities, though I couldn't say how common it is either.

It was standard in my chapter that the schedule given to probationary members gave one date for initiation, but the brothers knew that initiation was actually a week or so earlier. There would be a different event noted on the calendar with instructions as to dress code. When the PMs got there, they learned that they were about to be initiated. Many of our chapters (non-NIC) still do this, and I've known of NIC chapters that do as well.

All of the guys that I know who are in fraternities, both NIC and local, did not know when their initiation was.

As for my sorority, we're also required to tell the new members when they're being initiated.

Which is absolutely fucking ridiculous.

Maybe to your group, but not to KappaKitty's. All groups have their own rules. Personally, I think it's ridiculous to not let the pledges know when initiation will be held. We had several guides serving in the National Guard and many guys who worked. They needed to know when events were going to occur.

from what I understand after talking to friends of mine in fraternities was that the pledges did NOT know when initiation was, but they were told what days they had to meet, so that they could get work off & such. So it wasn't just blindsiding them, they knew what days pledge activities or whatnot would happen, just not what the activities were.

We give 'em a general idea that it would be good to clear their calendars on certain dates.

It seems to me like it would be pretty hard for one of our chapters to withhold the Initiation date. The new members need to know when their final payment is due and when they have to have their white dresses. Additionally, their families are invited to the banquet following Initiation. There are usually nightly sisterhood activities and ceremonies the week of Initiation as well. It would be next to impossible to hide it.

All that aside, isn't this a high burnout time of the semester for all college students? They are working to get money for the holidays, all the papers are due and finals are looming. I remember it being a very stressful time. I can easily see someone who is feeling kind of overwhelmed by it all along with the pressures of pledging feeling like "I can't do it all anymore.. something has to give" and choosing the fraternity, especially if it feels like there is no end in sight AND if they are first semester freshman who might also be missing home, missing friends from home, etc. That first term was a huge adjustment in so many ways.. being away from home, the increased difficulty of course work, etc. I remember feeling totally overwhelmed every December and all I really wanted to do at that point was be home making Christmas cookies, shopping and decorating. In fact, one year, my two roommates and I were fed up at 1 am, went to Meijer's and bought garland, lights and cheap ornaments. We taped the garland into a Christmas tree shape on our apartment wall and decorated it. It was a great stress reliever and one of my best Alpha Gam memories too!

I agree that the big brother and President need to have a heart to heart with them and find out if that's the case. Also make sure that they're having some fun to blow off the stress!

Our pledges have no idea when initiation is. As the end of the semester comes up you realize that it has to be before too long and start making sure your calendar stays pretty clear.

No, in my opinion, it's pretty ridiculous to consider it hazing. Under the circumstances you described, it might be inconsiderate or even likely to result in people missing initiation. That =/= hazing, I don't think.

Exactly. Like I said earlier, the calendar we would have given our probationary members would have had something scheduled for the day and time of initiation, along with instructions on how to dress. It just wouldn't have said "initiation"; it would have said some other event. "Initiation" would have appeared a week or two later on the calendar (meaning everything on the calendar after the real initiation date/time was a decoy).

I can't believe no one has asked this, but...

Why do they want to drop?

If you don't know the answer to that, that is your first number one problem.

Edit: Ooops! It has been asked. Either way..not answered!

:confused:

I am not 100% certain that my organization considers concealing the date of initiation to be hazing. I also don't necessarily agree that it is hazing. I was just throwing it out there that lying to pledges about how long their pledge period is, making them afraid of things to come, and making initiation a moving target (especially if they don't even know when it "supposedly" is) could be considered hazing - psychological hazing, but hazing nonetheless.

My own little tangent aside, I am inclined to agree with the group here. To the OP, why do these pledges want to drop? You should be talking to them. If, after doing so, you learn that they might be less than dedicated to the organization as actives, I'd let them go.

everything is considered hazing. aside from just letting them in.

wow, thanks for all the advice guys, no idea this board was so active (its my first time posting).

we did sit down and have a talk with them, two executive officers and the pledge educator and found out that academics was the most pressing thing making them want to drop. we adjusted schedules of all our events and what not to accommodate, and several brothers who are majoring in the same subjects sat down with them and helped them study/work, and it seems like everything will be fine. i think the fact that the end of pledging this year for us comes a lot closer to finals than any of us would have liked. we started late because our house was being renovated, and a lot of things got pushed back or cut. again, thanks so much for all the suggestions!

What a nice outcome!! I sure hope it all works out well for the chapter in question and those new members. It is really nice to see a newbie come here, ask a thoughtful question, get such good advice and then do it!

That's how it worked with us, Brother MysticCat. Our schedule would give a date about 2 weeks or so after the actual night. Surprised the hell out of me when I went through Ritual.

In my Pledge/Probationary Class, we had one Pledge/Probationary Brother have to depledge due to the "fit hitting the shan" in his personal life. He had worked his butt off upt o that point, so we had no qualms about extending him another bid the next semester.

Yeah, that is how it worked at my campus.

just out of curiosity, how did that work? did he repeat all of the pledging process, even what he had done before? seems like it might be hard to convince someone to do that

I guess I'm a different type. If you want to drop, drop. I would not be in the business of trying to convince someone that they wanted my organization. I would also have an issue with someone either not asking for help or support from either the bigs OR their pledge class brothers/sisters - that kind of seems to fly in the face of the brother/sisterhood the orgs promote. But I'm old, and it's a new day. I'm glad it worked out.

LET THEM DROP!!!:D

I have made numerous lines, some have dropped on their crossing night. Why would you even have to discuss whether or not to try to make them stay? If their line bros cant convince them to stay, then why would you?
If they cant handle being on line, then how can they possibly handle doing anything being a member?:rolleyes: Pledging on a line is to prepare you for whats in store inside the organization so if you cant handle the line.............:eek:


OK, I just read where it was their grades. When I was on line, we had set library hours where we had to study and do our work. I had a 3.75 GPA when I was on line. Apparently, they are doing too much sleeping instead of studying. Sleeping was a luxury on line.

Did I miss something? I didn't think he was talking about that type of process.

You didn't miss anything; LadyTical did.

LadyTical, seeing as how the fraternity in question is Zeta Psi, I don't know that I'd say they were "on line." The OP was talking about a pledge process that is different from what you are used to and familiar with. The advice given him earlier in this thread and the action taken by his chapter were appropriate for the pledge process in his fraternity.

He did. The rules of the Probationary Process (We can't call them pledges anymore) still have to be met and he couldn't use anything that he may have had from the first time.

The best thing about it was it made him more of a leader for his new Class and really helped make them strong.

well, HOWEVER their process is done, if you are going through a process and don't want to finish then don't. PERIOD. I've never heard of anyone begging a pledge to stay, if they don't want to do the work, let them drop.

Right, but obviously if they want to drop there has to be a reason, and wouldn't it behoove that chapter to get to the bottom of the reason, especially if it's more than one pledge who wanted to drop? At that point, maybe the chapter is doing something wrong. I wouldn't call it begging to ask what the problem is and then try to fix that problem. That's what BROTHERHOOD is about.

Sometimes dropping has nothing to do with whether or not they want to do the work.

Perhaps that's because other orgs are irrelevant to you. Maybe you should keep your opinions to yourself when your opinions are irrelevant.

I think it was their grades he said was the reason they wanted to drop but the chapter should implement study hours and a tutor to help with their work. I thought it was just that they didnt want to do anything. Members who dont want to work SHOULD drop, but if its grades and they really dont want to stop the process then they should be helped out. I think I was misunderstood when I said to let them drop, I thought it was because they didnt want to do the work. Grades come first because if their grades drop too much they wont even be in school to finish the process.

RIF.

What is your point?