New member I need greek advice
 

Ok. I'm in my freshmen year of college. i never thought about joining a fraternity. but one day at a party i talked to some guys and they got me to go to some events. it seemed cool, i just followed along. i decided to pledge and ive been 4-5 weeks in. we are probably going to be initiated soon. the problem is that i don't feel a connection with my pledge class. im the only one that lives far from campus and i dont seem to ever associate with them outside of pledge events. should i just drop now even though im so deep in and wait winter semester to actually rush so i can see other fraternities? (i never rushed to see other fraternities) now i have the thought in the back of my mind that i wont be able to bond with pledge brothers in winter semester because we have less time. ehh. i should i have just rushed fall semester. would be so much easier.

thanks!

Have you bonded with members outside of your pledge class? In my opinion, pledge class bonding is less important following initiation since you are now a "member" and part of the entire chapter. The decision is up to you but you should consider the chances of you receiving a bid elsewhere if you decide to rush again next year (nearly impossible at some schools).

is it nearly impossible because im a sophomore? i plan on rushing winter term.

No, it's nearly impossible (some places) because you quit pledging elsewhere. And I can't imagine a guy going thru rush and saying "I quit because I didn't bond with my pledge brothers" and getting a bid.

4-5 weeks is not that long...I definitely didn't feel super bonded w/ my class after that long, and there were only 5 of us. It's a fallacy that you have to be BFFs with everyone in your pledge class. Have you gotten to know other brothers? Do you have a big brother?

Kids, be a little patient. Friendships are not microwave mac & cheese.

Excellent! May I quote you??:)

of course :p

i never rushed though =\

No one knows what school you're at or the campus climate so no one could really tell you if you'd have a chance at rush in the spring. Generally if you've stayed in for 4-5 weeks and are about to be initiated, it would seem weird to drop at that point. If I was in another chapter and your excuse was "I didn't bond with my pledge brothers" I'd wonder if you put the time and effort to hang out with them.

Something drew you to those guys in the first place. I'd take an active stance in getting to know more actives and your pledge brothers. Trust me, if you aren't bonding with anyone in your fraternity then I'd wager you would have gotten the boot long ago, so the actives think you are a worthwhile asset (unless they are a really crappy fraternity and just need numbers and well we won't go into that).

Also you said in your OP you were in your freshman year of college, in one of your replies you say you are a Sophomore, which is it?

And if you didn't go through rush, why not? If you're a sophomore, it will be harder to get a bid in the spring, though it is possible. Again, I don't know what your school is or greek life climate, so at some places it will be impossible and others it will be plausible. Though with your excuse of not bonding with your pledge brothers I still would have reservations about extending you a bid.

me neither, and I wasn't really close with my pledge class until around graduation time. It's the time between getting initiated and graduating that really brings you together, because you'll have the same memories of what the fraternity used to be like before the new guys got there. You have the entire rest of college to make friends, it's not like these guys won't be there next term/quarter/whatever you have.

But no one will really want to take someone's left overs. They will think that you think you're too good for your fraternity, so then why bother with someone with an attitude that will just quit?

P.S.

If you are in the process of joining a fraternity, you are a pledge. You pledged your loyalty to them. How good is your word?

Like 33Girl said, it is nearly impossible because you broke your pledge to shop around for something better. My campus is pretty non-competitive where upper classmen regularly receive bids but I cannot imagine a chapter extending a bid to someone who had pledged and dropped out of another Greek organization on the same campus. I would either try a little harder to become friends with all members (not just your pledge class) of the organization or drop out of Greek life on your campus altogether.

Like Kansas City, I also come from a campus where Greek life is non-competitive, where upperclassmen receive bids, and where chapters are always looking for more members. I think the sororities would be a little more understanding, but if you're 4 or 5 weeks into pledging a fraternity and you drop, your chances of another fraternity welcoming you with open arms would be slim to none. Especially if it was for a reason such as the one you're giving.

My pledge sisters and I were never BEST friends, and we never really hung out much when we were new members. We became much better friends after the new member period was over. One girl I ended up living with, another one invited me to her very small wedding, another I talked to more than anyone in college (even though she dropped), and another became my "designated Saturday night bar buddy" after we realized we like the same drink.

The new member process is long and stressful. If the only reason you don't want to join is because you're not hanging out with your pledge brothers as much as you'd like to, maybe you need to completely reevaluate your situation.

Do you like the brothers?
Do you like your pledge brothers?
Do you like the fraternity in general?
Do you see yourself being an active, involved member?
Do you understand and uphold the values of the fraternity, and do you feel that the brothers do, also?

If you answered yes to these questions, and the only reason you’re questioning your circumstances is because you won’t simply pick up a phone to call your brothers to hang out, that makes me think that you’re having other problems. Either that, or you’re just blowing your situation out of proportion by thinking that this minor problem is actually something substantial.

My school has I believe 25 fraternities and 15 sororities. Nothing really drew us together. I just met the rush chair and he had convinced me to come to to an event. This was after rush week and I only went to one/two events before they decided to give me a bid so that kind of made me feel like they just wanted more members. They refounded a couple years ago so they are not very large. I'm a freshmen. sorry for the confusion.

I didn't go through rush because I had zero intentions on joining a fraternity. I feel like i only went with it because of curiosity. But now I really like the idea of a fraternity.


Not bonding is not the only reason behind it. I went in without any experiences of other fraternities. On top of it is that I'm taking 17 credits this semester. I have to go home every two weeks as well because my parents do not speak english and I need to take care of affairs at home. All of this takes up a lot of my time and I feel like I won't get the experience I'm looking for because I;ll have less time commitment towards the fraternity. The guys seem cool but I always seem like the odd man out everytime I'm at the house. The fraternity is small and I feel like I'd like a larger fraternity more. This is a large commitment and I don't want to make the wrong decision.

4 to 5 weeks and youre about to get initiated?

This thread doesn't make sense.

In your first post, you say you're a freshman. In your second, it says you are a sophomore. Unless your school changes years every time it changes terms, that'd be strange.

Every campus IS different, and mine is not competitive, but I do know two guys who came in my same year that dropped one fraternity and pledged another a year later (fall rush). It's a small campus, so everyone knew that's what they did, but their fraternity still wanted them. (And it's one of the two "top" on campus that has no trouble getting their numbers every year). I guess it depends on who you know and how you click.

He said

Have you bonded with members outside of your pledge class? In my opinion, pledge class bonding is less important following initiation since you are now a "member" and part of the entire chapter. The decision is up to you but you should consider the chances of you receiving a bid elsewhere if you decide to rush again next year (nearly impossible at some schools).

i asked if he thought it was impossible because i would be a sophomore next year.

Well to clarify, we had guys that did that too. But their dropping the 1st group was usually for a reason other than "I didn't bond."

Originally you said that you don't feel a connection with your pledge class. The reason you gave was because you live far from campus, and you don't associate with them outside of fraternity events...

Later, when asked for more clarification, you said that you have a lot of schoolwork, you need to take care of things at home for your parents and you don't think you have time to make a commitment to the fraternity.

What's the real issue here? I understand these things kind of go hand in hand, which makes me think that you might not have time for the fraternity. If that's the case, I would suggest you talk to a brother and ask him what the real time commitment is after initiation.

But... you also say that you like fraternities and like the idea of them now. On the other hand, you said that it felt as if you were given a bid simply because the fraternity is small and they needed more members. On the other hand, you say you like the brothers and your pledge class. On the other hand, you say the chapter is too small. (ahh! I have too many hands!)

You don't like the fact that the fraternity is small. Is that because you don't want to have to help a chapter build? Because you don't want the added responsibility because of your already hectic schedule? Or because you simply like being one among many?

The main problem I see is the fact that you didn't know much about fraternities, you shrugged your shoulders and thought, "I'll pledge and figure it out," and now you're in too deep and don't know what to do.

I'm just confused as to why you'd want to leave your chapter and pledge another one if you already have numerous time constraints.

because ill be taking 13 credits next semester and possibly living closer to campus.

So.. what's your concern? That you don't get along with your pledge brothers? Or that you don't get to spend time enough with them?

Or something else altogether?

These two just said they made a mistake...even worse. But then like I said, we aren't very competitive here...

That it is too small. Now that he has opened his eyes to fraternities he sees the difference in size and popularity. :D Oh and he already has is eye on what he doess want to pledge.

From what I've read it sounds like your brothers have been nothing but nice to you. Now you want to drop and attempt to pledge a different fraternity just because of the size? Very shady.

If I was one of your brothers and this was your excuse I'd be the first one to tell my friends in other fraternities to stay away from you. Dropping them shows that you have little loyalty and other chapters on campus (especially the larger ones) won't want to have a disloyal person in their ranks.

So your only two reasons are a lack of bonding (which doesn't seem like a good reason in your case since it seems like you aren't even trying to bond with them) and a lack of time (which you said yourself won't be a problem next semester). Not a good reason for dropping. My advice is to stay and make a better attempt at bonding, but if you aren't going to sincerely try, save your brothers the hassle and just drop so you don't turn into that member who never shows up to events and only goes to chapter.

Don't sweat about bonding with your class. There's 30 girls in my class, so getting close to all of them is nearly impossible. You'll get there! Pledging is tough, but as my big says, it's meant to be. You can make it. I promise.

Seems like you made the wrong decision.

Well... I know this. I just like trapping people by asking questions :p

IMHO, I think he covered up the fact that he simply wants to pledge a "better" fraternity with the fact that he's too busy to bond. But that reason pretty much went out the window when all he said to my extremely long post was that he won't have a lot to do next semester.

But please, kyang08, if there's something else, please enlighten us.

I'd stick with it bro.