Question for parents, parents to be, and parent want to be's.....
 

For those of you who have a child, are getting ready to have a child, or want a child in the future, what would be the last (most dreaded) thing (secret) you would hate to find out about your daughter/son? (with the exception of death)

I don't have any children, but if I did, I would be devastated if I found out my daughter/son was on drugs.

hmmm. i think i would have to agree...things that people consider to be "bad" are nothing compared to a child strung out on drugs or alcohol....

Seriously? There's rehab for druggies. And, I've known plenty of productive professionals who smoke/smoked pot. They are the least of my worries. Hell, even coke-heads get things done. Meth, now that's a screwed up drug for white-trashies.

The worst things I could find out?

1) My child is dying or has died-- period.
2) My child has been abducted, tortured, and sexually abused before being killed in a violent, long, painful death.
3) My child is a murderer/psycho/serial killer...

I think for most parents, our main fears involve forces we have no control over. One of my sorority sisters has a child with a rare, genetic disease. It's terminal and takes the life of the child between ages 8-12. The child goes blind, loses control of their body, and slowly dies. THAT scares me. I just hug Max every time I think about it.

gee, tippie...i hadnt thought of those things...i hate that i could be naive! having seen her graphic, depressing, and realistic list, i change my answer...drugs are now the least of my concern!!

and you are correct. its our job to protect, so what we cant control is scary as hell.

Your sister must be a very strong and courageous woman. I don't know what I would do if I was in her position.

My first thought was terminal illness/death.

I agree with Tippie's list 100%

I agree with this list in addition to being strung out on drugs and/or alcohol(not experimenting with drugs/alcohol but addicted), and bad car accidents/terminal illnesses. My eldest step son is a 17 year old driver and I worry about him constantly getting in a wreck.

Tippie's list is it for me.

I don't like to see my daughter in pain in anyway.

I thought cheerful's tone was more like "what secrets would devastate you?", I might be wrong...

I would hate to find out that my son or daughter is dating someone abusive, or has been sexually assaulted.

That's the feeling I got from the question as well. I took it to mean more like "what kind of secret or shenanigans would scare you most?" To answer that question, I'd say drugs and/or prostitution.

To answer the more serious question raised here, I'd have to say death, terminal illness, abuse of any sort. The absolute worst would be an untimely death, like a car crash. I couldn't imagine any of those things happening to either of my babies. :(

Honestly, I gave this a lot of thought. IF (big if) I ever had children, I don't think that dying/terminal illness would be the worst thing. I mean, yes, tragic and would probably require a lot of grief counseling.

However, the most devastating thing that a child could do would be more like if they were going against every value I would have taught them, like being a Republican, a Scientologist, or committing a crime. Something about those things just makes me... I dunno, it was like when I found out that one of my childhood friends was a Republican, I was so disappointed and heartbroken that she and I would never be friends again.

Wow. Just wow. You won't be friends with someone because of their political affiliation?

That's just pretty damn stupid and self-righteous...

I can usually see someone's point-of-view even if I don't agree with it. But, you have totally amazed me with your post. It's very small minded. Wow. So, where do independent voters fit in your hierarchy of friendship acceptability? Do you only speak to them when they agree with you?

Oops! I goofed.

You guys I am so sorry, this is exactly what I meant. I should have said with the exception of death. I meant secrets. Thanks Dionysus.

I'll go back and edit my post.

Wow kstar. I'm not saying that you're wrong or anything for thinking that way, because this thread is just based on everyones own opinions...but wow. I wasn't expecting a post like this one.

I thought it was a little drastic too, but what might be bad to kstar may not be bad to someone else and vise versa. Some people are just affected by things others aren't.

I wouldn't go quite as far as kstar, but I understand that. I mean, if my daughter grew up to be a Republican or believed W was the greatest, most intelligent president our country ever had...well, I'd wonder what the heck happened but that's hardly the end of the world. Now, if she grew up to be a Satanist, I would probably die a little. If my son became a rapist or a murderer...I'd still love him and he would still be my child but I just don't know how I'd handle it. We want to be the kind of parent who is open and our children can tell us anything, but can you imagine if your child confessed that to you one day?

How old are you kstar? Knowing this might help me understand your position.

I've said it somewhere else but, regardless of values, beliefs, political views, we should embrace the challenge of other people's ideas and debates. It should make one's views stronger or even change if need be. If people dont embrace the challenge of ideas or debate or whatever then perhaps the views of that person arent as strong as they may think.

My husband and I are raising our children with Christian principles and "republican" views. If the children decide neither are for them we will love them no less and treat them no different.

i agree with tippie on this issue.

You can't be friends with a Republican?!

It would be worse to see your child become a Republican than to see your child suffer from a terrible illness or die?! Because, heaven forbid, you should raise a child to think for him- or herself.

I'm speechless, yet somehow not surprised. Count me in with Tippie and ThetaPrincess.

Wow...just wow. Glad to hear you practice intolerance for other viewpoints.

I agree with this one. I wouldnt agree with that lifestyle but I would hope that they wouldnt think they would be unloved or disowned by that. There are much mroe serious issues/situations to worry about than that. :) For example, I'd rather them tell me they were gay instead of telling me they were dying.

Ditto!

I have casual acquaintances, like school/work friends, that don't agree with me, but no, I don't really want to have close friends that don't share my values. Is that really that hard to understand?

It disturbs my mom a LOT that we have such different worldviews (ie, our political and religious views), but I don't think she would classify it as the worst possible thing she could imagine. At least I hope not ... I love my mom :(

You're saying that it wouldn't be utterly devastating for your child to turn their back on every value that you hold dear?

See above. "I have casual acquaintances, like school/work friends, that don't agree with me, but no, I don't really want to have close friends that don't share my values. Is that really that hard to understand?"

I wouldn't expect any one to agree with me on every point, but I think that part of raising a kid would be instilling the values that you hold most dear, such as equal rights for all (how many repubs voted against prop 8?), there is only one G*d (and you have to admit that Scientology started as a bet, and is more of a cult/money scheme than a religion)... It was asked what would be most devastating to you. And grief counseling can do a world of good, but this is something that I don't think I could get over and respect them as a person again.

Again, I ask, "How old are you?"

I want to understand your point of view, but I think (my instinct is) that you have not lived (long) enough to really take a very wide and tolerant view of this issue.

Sorry. I cannot imagine that having a child with a different viewpoint - and I want to take this opportunity to state that Democrats and Republicans can have similar values while having different viewpoints - would be as devastating as some of the other tragedies that fall on families. You are taking an extremely narrow and judgemental stand, imo.

Actually yes it is that hard to understand.

And do you know how many democrats voted "yes" on prop 8? I bet you it's a whole hell of a lot more than you think it is.

Yeah, you have some skewed logic if you think that republicans don't want equal rights for everyone.

I didn't really think about this, but yeah...there's definitely not enough Republicans in California to pass that thing on their own. Hmmmm.....

Yes. I find it really creepy and sad that you choose to live in such an isolated, insular world.

I don't even know what to say about this whole thing except that you seem to judge everyone based on whether they agree with you or not.

I'd hope my kids didn't keep secrets from me in general, at least not the really important life things. I didn't from my mom. I don't with my dad (although that's been a hard row to hoe because I used to confide in my mom, knowing she would tell my dad, but then I wouldn't have to bring up the more icky girl stuff with him. When we lost her my dad and I had to forge our own relationship, and that was a little rough for a while).

I think there is enough Republicans in California, but you can't say all 5 million people that voted "yes" on prop 8 were Republican.

If you go by the logic of CNN & other news stations, the African-American vote pushed "yes on prop 8" over the edge. Of all the African-American I know, only one is republican (and she voted "no"). Many African-American are democrats, which would mean that MANY of the ~500,000 votes (that was the difference between yes & no) were democratic votes.

That's true. However, it's not just the Af-Ams...Latinos, Christians, and married people were in on it, too:

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lano...african-a.html

Oh I totally know it wasn't just Af-Ams, I was just going by the "logic" of CNN & other news stations that had claimed it was the Af-Ams vote.

Hey Kstar --

If you want to respond to me, why not just do it in this thread.

You said in PM that my "ATTACK" on you had nothing to do with the topic of the thread... Bullshit. You responded to the thread and I responded to you. If you think that's an attack, you really need to grow some ova...

CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHY PEOPLE ARE SO EAGER TO CLAIM BEING ATTACKED IN A THREAD WHEN ALL THAT HAPPENED WAS THAT THEY WERE NOT BEING AGREED WITH? Discourse. What ever happened to it?

I pmed you.

I think it's the way people word things. Tippie, nothing against you or anyone on greekchat, but when someone responds to an original post, some people get so angry with that person that the name calling and insults begin just because he/she disagrees with that person. To me, that's when it becomes an attack.

I like greekchat a lot but I just don't understand why two or more people can't disagree without the name calling. It's o.k. to tease, but I think the name calling qualifies as an attack. I also think attacks happen to certain members. It's unfortunate, but members respond to usernames, not the posts.

I'm just answering the question. This is just my opinion.