NotSoRetro's Deferred Recruitment at a Private School
 

Since the board is alive with so many questions about deferred recruitment, I thought I would give you my "not so retro" deferred recruitment story. I will try to be as honest as possible so I will not likely reveal code names in the end.

I attended a private university in the South. The school is known for having a highly competitive recruitment process, particularly when I went through in the early 2000s. While several things have changed since I went through, the lessons I learned about how to "rush yourself" and make the most of the opportunities deferred recruitment presents seemingly have not.

I went to high school in a desirable suburban area and chose my university based on its academic offerings. However, I was really interested in joining a sorority and only applied to schools that had a thriving Greek population. I am a first generation Greek woman, but for whatever reason, my parents felt like this was a very important opportunity and pushed me to go through recruitment as well.

Although I have pretty average looks and style, in my high school, I was used to being the best and was pretty popular. It didn't come naturally to me at all though -- sadly I was consumed by the idea of being the best and tried really hard to be that way – elected class president, etc. I had pretty low self esteem, although I would never have admitted it, and I think my attitude toward recruitment was pretty similar to a lot of PNMs... in high school, I was a star and because of that, I will be in a star sorority (ugh, I am glad I have grown up since then!).

As soon as I decided where I'd be going to college, I started working on getting letters of rec for recruitment (because I knew that although they weren't "required", they were still a necessity). It was hard work to network and find one for every house, but after a couple of months and some awkward luncheons, I had done it.

At that time there were 8 chapters at my university (I'm using cities for code names because I am not very creative – sorry!):

Chicago
New York
Boston
Las Vegas
Los Angeles
Houston
Miami
Atlanta

I knew the system as a whole was VERY strong here, and I knew that every chapter had a high number of members, solid sisterhood, etc., but that at the same time there was a set tier system. Prior to arriving at school, here's what I knew about some of the individual chapters:

New York – a girl from my high school was a sister here and my best friend's mother wrote my recommendation. I knew they were a really good chapter with a strong GPA and a lot of involvement on campus. However, I would have never considered myself in the same realm as the girl I knew. In my snotty 18 year old mind, I was way cooler than her!

Atlanta – It seems like everyone I knew who was Greek was an Atlanta. Seriously! I had offers for tons of recommendations to Atlanta, but was nervous about seeming over-eager so I only had two sent in. One was from a really influential alumna though, so I always felt like I had a really good shot with this chapter. Also, some of the alums who were helping me with recruitment showed me a lot of their pictures from Atlanta parties, scrapbooks, etc. These alums were doing a great job to rush me, and I was pretty certain that I would be happy as an Atlanta.

Prior to starting school, most of my high school friends went through recruitment at their respective universities. A ton of them went Atlanta which just fueled my ambition to be an Atlanta. They also had perfect rushes – meaning they were never cut by a house. Because I was used to being friends with the "best" and was always trying to be even better than them, I started to develop the expectation that the same thing would happen to me – I would be one of the top rushees on campus and get whatever I wanted!

Yay for a recruitment story. And it sounds like it'll be a good one :)

(rooting for Boston!)

I arrived on campus so excited to be a part of everything… I got involved in a lot of organizations, went out regularly, and tried my best to meet lots of people. But, I had trouble letting my guard down and although I was friendly, I never really put myself out there enough to make strong friendships that first semester, especially with sorority women. Although a lot of sorority women sought me out and rushed me, I was too nervous to seem like I really liked one group more than another because I was terrified that might get me cut or make me seem like I thought I had it in the bag (even though I totally thought I did).


Also, like any private school, there were tremendous displays of wealth at my school. I wasn't from a family that struggled by any means, but while I thought a Coach or Kate Spade handbag was "designer", the girls I was around looked at Coach in the same way I looked at Old Navy – a basic. It was all about Louis Vuitton, Prada and Christian Dior. I loved my NineWest shoes, but many of these girls talked on and on about their Manolos. Determined to fit in and used to being the best, I decided to not let this stop me. This was in the early days of Bluefly.com, so I started to pay attention and figure out ways to budget to get those must have items as soon as possible. My mother, who never went to college and wanted the best for me, could see that I didn't feel like I dressed right, so she quickly stepped up to try and boost my self confidence and took me shopping over Parents' Weekend and when I went home for Thanksgiving.


I met so many sorority girls in different ways. The main way to meet them at my school was through fraternity parties. Sorority girls wore their letters out at night and it gave us all an opportunity to see what each house was like socially. I also met sorority girls through my classes, a Bible study I was in, and some campus organizations. My dorm was a mixed dorm as well, and the girls on my hall were members of various chapters.


I went home for the holidays and went shopping with my mother for perfect rush outfits. I had never had so many new clothes all at once, and I was so excited to show them off at formal recruitment. Also, I received a couple of holiday cards from sorority women and was super excited to see which sorority's letters I would wear!


I came back a night early for our pre-recruitment meeting. I was so excited and can remember making a list with all of my friends on where we thought people would end up. Most people thought I would go Boston or Atlanta. My roommate was probably going New York or Los Angeles. A lot of girls wanted either New York or Atlanta. And a lot were at least vocally really open minded.


So immediately prior to formal recruitment, this was my perspective on each chapter:


Chicago - One of the best chapters on campus for sure. They were blonde, wealthy, from all over the US, and a lot of fun at parties. They had a reputation for having a drug problem, although I think that was mostly unfounded. I didn't think that I would ever, ever want to be one, because although they were a good chapter, I was brunette and not really that wealthy. I wanted to be the best, but I also didn't want to feel like I stuck out like a sore thumb.

New York - Again, this chapter had a reputation for being smarties. My Bible study leader was a New York and she was really sweet, but most of her friends were Atlantas. Some girls down the hall from me were also New Yorks, but they just seemed a little bit too nerdy for me. A lot of the freshman I knew , including my annoying roommate, really wanted to be New York', which discouraged me further. I would have been okay with being a New York, but I certainly wasn't dying to be one.

Boston - Definitely a great house with a great reputation. Bostons were pretty, sweet, and fun. Some were more Conservative, others went out a lot. They had a reputation for being really wealthy, but at this school, who didn't really. Most of my friends thought I would end up as a Boston, and I have to say, I was incredibly flattered everytime someone said that. I had gone to a lot of parties and met a lot of Bostons at them. Many of my girlfriends all wanted Boston too, and we knew that some of the sophomore Boston sisters were really pulling for us.

Las Vegas - I did not like this house at all, but a lot of other girls did. Everyone I met from this house was kind and laid back, but they just didn't seem to fit in with the school or the rest of the Greeks. They partied way too much and had an unflattering reputation. They might have had parties with all of the cool fraternities, but let's just say it wasn't because those boys wanted to marry Las Vegas girls. I knew that this house was too social oriented for me. I liked to go out, but I didn't think I could keep pace with these girls at all. I knew that the girls I had met from there really liked me, because they called me and invited me to dirty rush parties (tsk, tsk!), which made me scared that somehow other sororities would find out and I would be stuck with Las Vegas.

Los Angeles - This was the most competitive chapter on our campus because there is not one thing you could dislike about them. They were sweet Southern girls, really similar to the Bostons, but probably a little less focused on social activities and more focused on campus activities. I loved them and had the benefit of having gone to high school with their President-elect.

Houston - I don't think I ever thought about Houston at all in the first semester. They had a poor reputation on campus, had a poor recruitment the year prior, etc. My neighbor across the hall was a Houston, but she never did anything with Houston, never wore her letters, etc. I don't even think I knew she was in a sorority until November!

Miami - One of my floormates, Lauren, was a Miami, and I LOVED her to death. She was definitely my closest friend in a sorority and I would have loved to have been her sister, except she told me pretty early on that she would be happy for me to go wherever I chose. I read into this and thought she didn't really like her sorority. Later on she told me that she had really wanted to be a Boston and had grown up with a lot of Bostons, but even though she went there on pref night, ended up with Miami. She said being a Miami was fun, but I could tell it wasn't the same as being a Boston, at least not socially and reputation wise. I didn't have a bad opinion of Miami, but I knew it wasn't the best house on campus and I was sort of nervous that I might end up there and I didn't know how proud I would be to wear my letters.

Atlanta - I still loved Atlanta. They were awesome! Everyone I had met in Atlanta was really nice. Jenny, across the hall from me was an Atlanta, and I loved spending time with her. She invited me out to a lot of stuff and made sure I met plenty of her sisters. I also received phone calls from the alums who helped me prepare for recruitment telling me that Atlanta really wanted me. I had heard rumors about girls being RTP-ed, and it was pretty clear to me that the alums definitely considered me RTP material. This chapter of Atlanta was really involved on campus, had beautiful members, a high GPA and also made me feel like I was one of them.

Okay I'm not the only one who doesn't know what RTP means.:)

Rush to Pledge

^^ Ah, I c. I was going to guess Right To Preference :p

As a Houston-area native (and UH graduate), I'm hoping they can turn around from previously poor recruitment and that rep and really make things positive for their chapter!

...but I'm excited to hear the rest of your story regardless of what happens with Houston. :)

I will take a step back from story teller to speak to "RTP"...

RTP was a term I heard a lot about on my campus (particularly as a freshman), but never really saw in action. It means "rush to pledge" and was used to describe when a group of alumnae from a particular sorority would label a girl as the top PNM from their area. I really don't think this is something that happens -- when I later became involved in my own chapter as an officer and now as an alumna in the same region, I never actually saw evidence that alumna tagged women with any kind of special designation over another. But, the perception that it happens is out there, particularly amongst PNMs who go a whole semester hearing all sorts of crazy gossip and rumors about membership selection and recruitment.

OPEN HOUSE

Determined to do our absolute best at Open House, my roommate and I decide to wake up super early so that we can get ready slowly, beat everyone else out on the hall for a hot shower, etc. I remember painstakingly blowing my hair out and putting on make up. I wanted to look the part of the perfect sorority woman! Open House was supposed to be casual, but our school was relatively dressy anyway, so most PNMs worse khakis or skirts. I wore a cute pair of fine wale cordouroys with a grey cashmere turtleneck and Tiffany earrings. Those earrings were a Christmas gift, and they were my pride and joy! It's so sad, but I felt such affirmation when I put them on.

We met our Rho Chi's to get our schedules and actually toured the houses with our Rho Chi groups. I had met my Rho Chi previously in the fall semester and thought for sure she was a Boston. She was from California, adorable and really fun, but down to earth. She was exactly the kind of sister I hoped to have 100+ of in a few days!

First up...

Houston - I was not excited to go to Houston based on fall semester, but we lined up outside and waited. They cheered really loudly and their song was definitely cute. We began to walk in and the sister who grabbed me was adorable. I was shocked -- people generally only said bad things about Houston, but this girl was great. We talked for a few minutes, and then I was bumped and another sister took me on a tour of the house. The house was okay -- it was a little dated, but it was still really nice. They showed us the bedrooms as well, and while it seemed like they had a close bond, I couldn't help but think of my neighbor who I didn't even know was a sister. I wondered how close their sisterhood really was and I was disappointed I had only met two members.

Los Angeles - I was so excited to get to meet some more girls here because I heard about this house so much my first semester. Their chant was intense! I loved it though -- it seemed like they really loved being Los Angeles and that they were ecstatic to recruit new members. I was picked up at the front door by someone I didn't know, but then bumped midway through the tunnel by my friend from high school. It was so awesome to see her especially since she was older and someone I had looked up to. Our conversation was a bit awkward, but she introduced me to so many sisters that I felt like it didn't matter. I definitely wanted to go back here.

Chicago - I had figured that there was no way I would be a Chicago, so I was really relaxed about going into this house. I really thought I'd be cut for being a brunette! They chanted us in and I was picked up by a girl who surprisingly looked exactly look me. She took me upstairs and showed me the house girls' rooms and also talked to me a lot about why she chose her house. The conversation was so much deeper than any other house and I did not want to leave... I had so much fun and found them to be totally relatable.

Boston - I had high hopes for this house, and I don't know if it was because it was right before lunch, but the energy here was so much lower than other houses. I was picked up by an upperclassmen who took me to talk to 4 or 5 of her sisters. There were so many of them that I felt like I wasn't being memorable enough. Just when I started to feel a little doubtful, one complimented me on my earrings (jackpot!) and we started a very surface level conversation about shopping. It didn't develop much further, but I did feel a lot more comfortable and left thinking I had made a positive impression.


Over lunch, we of course talked about our days. People were so shocked I had liked Chicago so much because it just didn't seem like me to them. We were all in agreement that Houston was just not a fit for any of us. After resting up for a little bit, we went back to the convocation and onto our afternoon parties.


New York - The New Yorks had an amazing chant and it was so exciting to go into their house. I was picked up by the girl I knew there from high school. She was so amazingly sweet and introduced me to tons of her sisters. We had a great conversation and laughed a lot! I definitely wanted to come back!

Atlanta - I was ecstatic at finally going into the Atlanta house. My alumna supporters had called to wish me good luck over lunch and I was really hoping this would be where I'd end up. Their chant was very intense, and I got to get a good luck at the entire chapter together for the first time. There were a lot of athletes, and while that's not really my personality, I had always had a lot of friends who were athletic. The other girls tended to be really involved, healthy, normal type girls, which was exciting to me. Their campus reputation was pretty average, but the alums I knew convinced me that it was pretty much the best. A senior I didn't know picked me up and I was bumped by so many other sisters that the party was really just a fun blur. I still wanted to know more and felt like I could really see myself here.

Miami - The Miami house really disappointed me. I didn't like their chant at all. They had split the party up into different rooms so we were able to sit down, which was nice but not very energetic. Their house was gorgeous, but I only met one girl. I asked about meeting my friend Lauren from across the hall, and was told we had to stay where we were. It was just awkward. The girl who rushed me had just gotten back from being abroad and seemed pretty clueless. I felt like I was rushing her.

Las Vegas - Yea! Last Party! I think at this point I was so physically drained, that I was hard to talk to. I don't have much of a memory of this party, other than I still didn't think this would be my home.

Now, this was pre-RFM, so we didn't rank chapters after the end of the day. Instead, we went back to the dorms for a couple of hours and then had to go to Accept/Regret later that night. Your Rho Chi would read you the names of the chapters you were invited back to and should you receive more invitations than you could attend for the next day, you had the opportunity to decline them or decline with interest. If you declined with interest, you could potentially continue to be invited back by the sororities you had declined, depending on their interest level in you and their own rush results.

I walked to our meeting spot and was SOO nervous I could barely breathe. My Rho Chi decided to call our group in an order that put me dead last, and so the nervous anticipation just built and built and built. Finally, she called my name and then read my list to me privately.

Chicago
New York
Boston
Las Vegas
Los Angeles
Houston
Miami
Atlanta

I couldn't believe that I had received all 8 invites back! We could go to a maximum of 6 houses the next day, and without a whole lot of hesitation, because I felt so on top of the world, I decided to regret with interest the following:

Houston
Las Vegas

We went back to the dorms and I saw that many of my friends did not have the same experience. In a bratty way that made me even happier that I had been chosen, but in another way it sort of gave me a bad taste. Some legacies were released early, and that made me irritated at those chapters. Also, a lot of my friends that were able to regret chapters actually decided to regret Boston and Chicago, which shocked me.

After much chatter and strategizing, I went to sleep and had recruitment dreams of my Rho Chi calling to tell me there was a mistake in my list and that I wouldn't be going back anywhere, etc. Happily that didn't really happen, and I woke up the next day and headed off to Philanthropy Day.

Notice how this is a trend in recruitment stories on this site. Everyone is called dead last :p

Good story so far :)

(still rooting for Boston!)

since there's no Cleveland lol, I'm going to root for chicago!

Go Chicago!!!

I'm rooting for Boston too!

Hmmm, since it's closest to me, although I'm pretty sure you won't end up there, I'm cheering for Atlanta! :)

All right, since Houston seems to no longer be an option, and nobody else has laid claim yet, I will sing... "it's up to you, New York... New York!"

Day Two

At that time, day two of recruitment was Philanthropy Day. Each chapter had some sort of craft or activity related to their philanthropy. We were told to wear fun casual, which I interpreted to mean one step up from Open House. I wore a black wool sweater with camel colored side button pants. This was my favorite outfit of all of recruitment week and with my great schedule in hand, I felt like a million bucks.

First house on my list was:

New York - I was picked up by a member who I had a class with first semester. Ordinarily that would have been a good thing, but I found this girl to be really annoying in class. Always asking questions, even when she didn't have a legit question, just to be the professor's favorite. She took me to a table towards the back of the room and sat me facing a wall (which made me nervous that they didn't want me). We do the craft, which I can't remember much about, and then watch a short video. After the video, the sister excused herself and just left me sitting at the table all by my lonesome. I tried to look calm and comfortable, but she didn't come back until they started chanting us out. I was not a happy camper and felt like there was no way I'd be invited back, but I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong here.

Los Angeles - I was picked up again by the girl from my high school, but was really quickly bumped by someone I had a class with first semester. I didn't know this girl very well and she was a bit shy, but I was so excited to be back because of this house's reputation. The craft involved painting and I remember that I was really embarassed by how bad mine turned out -- I'm normally pretty creative, but I guess I was too nervous or something. They had a cute little song instead of a video and I got to meet tons of sisters when we were done with the craft. At the end of the party, they chanted us out with a really fun and exciting song. I left feeling like I definitely wanted to come back and know more.

Atlanta - The chapter came out with a great song and picked us up individually, which made me feel really welcome. We went in and did another non-descript craft, but we had more in depth conversations than any of the previous chapters I had been to that day. My rusher was a girl I had met at some parties first semester. She was extremely engaging and asked me lots of questions about what I was looking for in a sorority. I gave her the usual answers -- a place where I can be myself, have a lot of fun and feel like I am giving back. She introduced me to the chapter's president which I was really honored by and told me that she hoped I would be back to see their skit tomorrow night. I was on cloud nine!

Chicago - I was really surprised I was invited back because I didn't fit their stereotype. Again, I was picked up by another brunette and she took me to do their craft which was very short and more like a party activity than anything else. Once we finished about five seconds later, there was a crazy level of energy and we were bumped from one girl to the next. Again, all their questions seemed genuine and I had an awesome time. I was so surprised that there were so many girls in this chapter like me. I definitely wanted to see their skit.

Boston - I was paired here again with an upperclassman that I didn't know all too well. She took me in to do the craft and we spent most of our time sitting together and chatting. I wasn't really feeling it at all. Everything we talked about seemed to just fall flat and I was so disappointed because this had been one of my faves the entire previous semester.

Miami - I had hoped that yesterday's experience wouldn't be repeated, and that I would enjoy myself here. But, a lot of people had released Miami the night before, and that made me a little hesitant to really enjoy the party. The girls came out of the house in a super cute formation, and walked down the front steps while singing to pick us up. I was picked up by someone I had never met, but she was ADORABLE! She introduced me to everyone she could find and really rushed me hard. I met the president, recruitment chairs, and got to talk to my neighbor who was a Miami. We didn't even go in to do the craft until way after everyone else. While I was trying to craft, we were bombarded by more sisters stopping by to say hi. I was the last rushee out of the house!

At this point, I was feeling very cocky about recruitment. I thought it was such a breeze and I was trying to evaluate what I would do if I got all my invites back from today since we could only go to four events tomorrow. I was pretty certain that New York would be out, but I didn't know what other house I would regret. Maybe Boston because the party wasn't that fun today? Maybe Miami because so many other rushees had released them? What to do?

Accept/regret wasn't scheduled for that night, instead it was the next morning. I could not stop analyzing and trying to make decisions. A lot of my friends who had been cut, had been cut by Boston, which made me feel honored that I got to go back. Conversely, a lot of my friends who seemed to be having good rushes had either already released Miami or were thinking they would release Miami at their next opportunity. I was pretty torn, without even knowing whether I needed to be or not, and was pretty sure that whichever chapters I chose to regret, I would regret with interest, in case I made the wrong decision.

The next morning, I walked to accept/regret and was feeling pretty confident. My name was called and I went over to my Rho Chi, who remember I thought was likely a Boston.

She read my invite list back to me:

Chicago
New York
Boston
Los Angeles
Miami
Atlanta

All six back again! I regretted with interest New York right away and then without much more thought, I regretted with interest Miami. I had had fun, but I really wanted to be in a top chapter and I just couldn't justify releasing a top chapter Boston over Miami. Plus, I loved my Rho Chi and I was pretty certain she was a Boston and I didn't want to release her chapter.

I went back to my room, shared the good news with my mom, and by the time I hung up with her, most of the girls on my hall were back and tons were in tears. Apparently, there had been a lot of cuts and some were pretty harsh. Girls being cut for grades from houses they had best friends from home in. New York released a triple legacy whose mother was involved with her GLO's nationals! Many, many scandalous cuts had gone down and I was happy I wasn't a part of any of them, but heartbroken for my friends.

We went out to lunch together to try and stay positive and then came back to the dorms to get ready for skit night.

Keep it coming! I'm enjoying it. Although since I seem to be good at picking the ones who don't keep making the next bracket... maybe I will refrain from rooting for anyone in particular this round. :D

I'm rooting for Chicago- I love that city!

Ahh! No more Miami!? What is a Miamian to do? I guess I'll root for Atlanta. :p

This is a great thread! keep the story coming!!:)

I don't know but I have that feeling too or that her Rho Chi is from a sorority she totally didn't expect her to be from.

Just wanted to let you know that I won't be able to update anything further until tomorrow afternoon. Sorry for dropping off -- I know that annoys me, but some things have come up at work and with family. Thanks for reading my story and I can't wait to finish sharing it.

aw thanks for the heads up at least!

Thanks for letting us know..I've been tuning in frequently for updates!

Skit Night
Panhellenic had sent us information about proper attire for each day before recruitment. It would have been helpful if this had included pictures, but instead we were left to decipher exactly what a term like "snappy casual" actually meant. Ugh! Skit Night attire was listed as business/church attire. I had heard from older friends that traditionally it had been suggested PNMs wear suits. At 18, I had no idea that there were different kinds of suits -- social suits, cocktail suits, business suits, etc. I just knew I needed a jacket and matching bottoms. I also wasn't thrilled about spending a lot of money on a suit.

My brother took me shopping (he lived in our college town) before winter break, and we found a brown wool business suit on sale at a reasonably nice store. It fit pretty well, but the pants were a little short. It was also definitely a business suit. I had paired it with a gold silk shirt. I can't remember the designer of the shirt, but I know I loved it, because it was some designer that I had heard other girls talk about. Theory, maybe? Anyway, because the pants on the suit were a bit short, I needed flat shoes. And this is where I made the biggest fashion mistake of my life -- I bought round toe camel flats and wore them with my almost too short dark brown business suit pants -- I looked like a clown (in hindsight of course).

So I put on my ensemble and head to get my schedule. I already know where I am going and I am feeling pretty good, but a bit self conscious in my business suit. Most of the other girls in my dorm are wearing similar black suits, or just a business casual outfit, so I don't feel too out of place... yet. When I get to the student center, I realize I totally misinterpreted this suit thing. Girls are wearing Chanel-like social suits, DVF dresses with cute little jackets, bootcut pants with gorgeous heels -- not my frumpy interpretation. There's no time to change though and I decide to just make the best of it.

Onto the first skit...

Atlanta - I am picked up by a girl I have never met before, but have seen around campus. We walk into the house together and I am given a cup of pink punch and led into a room that is draped in white fabric and has white tables all around. We sit down at a table and she tells me about their skit and how it exemplifies their chapter. The skit is supposed to show that any type of girl can thrive as an Atlanta. She asks me what I am involved in on campus, what I want out of a sorority and I tell her that I want to be really involved in my chapter, live in the house and have the sisters I have never had before (my family is all boys). She smiles and leads me into the room where the skit will take place. This room is draped in black and they perform an adorable skit, but it doesn't have all the special effects I was expecting to see -- my campus was definitely a frills campus then. Their entire chapter is in the skit in some way though, and I think that's really cool, I could see myself up on that stage in a year. We're escorted out, and a girl I went to high school with taps me on my shoulder to give me a hug and let me know that she hopes to see me tomorrow -- I hope for the same thing.

Boston - In the line outside of their house, it is completely apparent I have gotten it ALL wrong with my outfit. I am nervous, because this chapter is full of stylish girls and I don't want them to see that maybe I don't have it together in that area yet. We're led into the house while loud music plays. I am picked up by someone I have never met before. She's not in the skit, so she leads me into the skit room and sits to talk with me for a bit. She tells me that their skit requires a lot of talent (PM me if you want details, but I think it might give away the campus and chapter), and she's more of a quiet member anyway. I respect that, but also know I don't want to be a background member of my chapter. Am I paired with her because that's what they'd see me as if I pledged? Their skit is nothing short of amazing, but it's not something I could see myself doing. I don't relate with the songs -- I didn't go to private school or boarding school, like one of their jokes, and I kind of feel like I would just be pretending if I joined here. I'm disappointed, but I still try to put my best face forward and leave feeling like I could potentially be invited back.

Los Angeles - I am so honored to be back at Los Angeles. I had heard a rumor that they had only been cut by 3 pnm's so far this week -- I know everyone wants to be a Los Angeles, and that there's nothing negative to say about them. I am picked up by someone I had a class with first semester, but didn't really know. We go straight into the skit, and are seated on risers. The set is very elaborate and it's clear to me that this will be a great skit. The talent level of the members in the skit was really high -- excellent singing, etc. The chapter looks amazing and it's the kind of chapter that anyone would be lucky to be a part of, but I am not feeling any real attachment. Maybe my disillusionment with Boston is spilling over, but I don't think I'll be coming back to Los Angeles.

Chicago - While I am lined up outside Chicago, I see my roommate who is on her way to Los Angeles. She says that while she was in Chicago, one of her rushers mentioned me to her and said she loved me. I ask my roommate (who I have neutral to negative feelings for) if she's interested in Chicago, and she says yes, but not as much as other chapters. Besides, I think they want you way more than they want me. They talked about you a lot! I am feeling really good when their doors swing open and they run out to pick us up. They are playing and singing a cute song and lead us into an amazing set. It's like a dream sequence sort of set and at the very front of the room is a college dorm room set. I was picked up by a completely new girl and she leads me in and gives me a quick intro on the skit. It is performed by sophomores only and is one of the biggest bonding experiences she's had in the house (she's a junior so she's not in the skit). We watch the skit and it's really funny! Afterwards, their entire sophomore class sits on stage together and one of the main characters talks about what Chicago means to them and what they are looking for in their new class. I am touched! It's really meaningful and I feel a strong connection. After the skit, my rusher sits next to me and then the sweet girl who picked me up on day one joins us too. They talk to me about why I would want to be a Chicago and ask if I feel at home here. As we walk out, I cannot wait to come back to Chicago tomorrow. I know I am at home here!

We have another long, long night before accept/regret the next day. I am pretty sure I am going to get cut by at least Boston. I feel like it's been just too perfect at this point and I am pretty nervous about getting my list, because I really really want to be invited back to Chicago and Atlanta. I can't imagine having to go back to the other two at this point, even though they are strong chapters.

I go back to the dorms for the rest of the night, and I see my friend from across the hall, Lauren (the Miami). I hadn't anticipated that I would feel this way, but I feel ashamed I released her chapter. Sort of like I had slapped her and our friendship in the face. It was still silence so we couldn't talk, but this was weighing very heavily on me.

I decided to go talk to our RA, who was not Greek, because I just need a more impartial view. My mom wasn't really helpful at this point, because she just didn't understand having never gone through and not having been to a normal college. My RA, Jamie, was so understanding, but she told me something Lauren had shared with her that made me feel even worse. Lauren had told Jamie that she really wanted me as her little sis and hoped that I would be able to see that although Miami wasn't the best chapter on campus, it would be a great home for me. Lauren wasn't comfortable rushing me because she really just wanted for me to be happy.

After my conversation with Jamie, I felt badly still, but not quite badly enough to change my thinking. One, I had cut Miami and there was no way I could be one now, and two, I thought I was top house on campus material. I had gone to all of the "best" chapters today and that's where I would end up pledging. I was sad to realize that I wouldn't be able to call Lauren a sister, but generally ecstatic with my recruitment.

Didn't you regret with interest. Maybe, just maybe....

I am truly enjoying this story.
I think you describe a lot of the emotions PNMs experience during recruitment perfectly. I would have totally felt the same way about Lauren and Miami--I think it is a really common feeling many girls have during the process and can relate to.

The next morning, we all just spill out of bed and head to accept/regret. I am so nervous because I really want to go back to Chicago and Atlanta. I am not wanting at all to go back to Boston or Los Angeles and am thinking that if I am not invited back to the two I want, I may only go to one pref party tonight instead of two.

But then again, Boston and Los Angeles are top houses and maybe yesterday was just a bad day. Who knows? I am all over the place, but am also feeling a sense of relief that there is just one more day left.

My PX calls my name and I sit down across the table from her. She's holding my list in her hands. I can kind of make out what it says through the other side... I am so anxious. She clears her throat a bit, and reads her little script, "Congratulations, you have been invited back to...."









Atlanta
and
Miami





My initial reaction was shock plain and simple. Yesterday I had six houses at accept/regret and had regretted with interest two. Now I only have two houses and one of them I had regretted. What was going on? And more importantly, what was I going to do?

I'm confused. Why are you extremely against going back to Los Angeles? I thought you had good parties with them.

Now you can have another look at Miami. Did you take them up on the invitation? I think you did.

I have typed this out twice, and lost it thanks to my lack of computer skills, so here's hoping that this time sticks!

I can't really describe why I did not want to go back to Boston and Los Angeles. I think maybe my feelings were a bit of self-preservation, because I sort of felt that the charade was up at those two skit parties. I wasn't as wealthy, as beautiful, as social, whatever as these girls. If I made myself too good for them, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much if they released me. But, I don't think I ever really expected to be released by anyone. Maybe I did at the beginning of the week, but after coasting through the first two days, I was tremendously overconfident. I thought (mistakenly like many PNMs) that I got to make the decisions -- all of the decisions during recruitment. I didn't realize that although I would have a decision to make everyday, it would only be about those things that I could control.

After my PX read me my shockingly short list, I was stunned, hurt and embarassed all at the same time. I felt exactly the way you do when you fall in public... as much as I was shocked and hurting, I was too embarassed to think about that.

Why was I so embarassed?

I don't think I had necessarily bragged about my invites to my friends at school and at home, but I certainly wasn't humble. I felt like I was such a superstar, and this was a very public affirmation to me that I was no superstar. I couldn't imagine telling my best friend from home (who had a perfect rush at her school) that I went to pref at a house I had previously released.

I also thought going back to the Miami house would be really embarassing and humbling. I knew that if I went to pref there, there was definitely a chance I could get a bid there. What would it be like if my pledge sisters knew I released their house? Would they think I was a snob? Also, why had I been invited back there in the first place? I regretted with interest every other chapter throughout the week, and none of them had invited me back again. Did this mean that they were having a down year? Was my perception of their standing on campus incorrect?

I had so many questions and I knew my Rho Chi wouldn't be much help. She would tell me the normal, maximize your options, all chapters are strong, follow your heart stuff. I wanted to know the answers to these questions, but I didn't really have time. I had to make a decision.

So I decided to accept both invitations, because I knew that would maximize my chances for getting a bid. Although I liked Miami, I didn't really consider that I would accept a bid there, because of the humiliation factor. But, I had loved Atlanta all fall semester, loved the alumnae that I knew, and had a pretty solid rush experience there. I could go to both, pref Atlanta and more likely than not get Atlanta, because my pref card would run through the system more than once. The week wasn't a disaster, just today was.

I have a feeling this story ends with a twist.

So I head back to the dorms and then go with a bunch of friends to the supermarket to pick up some goodies for our lock-in at the student center (we had to wait there until all the sororities turned in their bid lists). While we were there, we ran into two Atlanta sophomores. It was obviously silence, so they just smiled and waived at first. But then one said to me, "Can't wait to see you tonight!" I thought that was a really good sign and it helped me stay positive too.

Back at the dorms, Tara (Lauren's unaffiliated roommate) had offered to help some of us with our hair and make up, which after yesterday's fashion fiasco, was a God-send. While she was curling my hair, she told me that she and Lauren had chatted about me going back to Miami. She was excited for me to give it another shot, and so was Lauren. Miami had done a lot for Lauren -- helped her find a place at our school. Tara also talked about how much fun she had with it all. I was trying to be sweet, so I listened and agreed, but I was still embarassed about going back (even if I did like the girls) and just couldn't see dealing with that embarassment I felt right now all through pledgeship, etc. You know, when you're 18, every momentary feeling seems as if it will never pass away!

I finish up with Tara and start getting dressed for pref. I had a really cool black silk dress with subtle sequins at the neckline. It was essentially two dresses, one layered over the other. The top dress was somewhat sheer and was a-line, with a defined waist. I loved it. I can remember shopping with my mom for my dress... we saw a beautiful winter white dress that I loved even more, but I felt like I couldn't wear it because Boston and Chicago wore white at preference. I had wanted to be a Boston before rush started, and so my mom said, if you pledge there, I will come back and get this for you for next year. I remembered this while getting ready, and it made me sad that I wouldn't need a white dress now. I wasn't entirely just sad that I wouldn't be a Boston or a Chicago, but also sad that this week wasn't really what I expected it to be right now.

Again, the emotions of an 18 year old run rampant!

Pref Night Parties

Miami - I was really nervous standing outside of Miami. I felt like everyone around me knew that I had this pity invite... also, I was nervous how the girls would treat me. Would they be glad I was back or consider me a lost cause and stick me in a corner? Would I be able to talk to Lauren? I hoped so. They came out in pairs, holding candles, singing a low and pretty song about their chapter. They ended up parting at the base of their porch and walked out onto their lawn to form a semi-circle.

Then, the last person out the door was their president (who I had met on Day 2). She opened a white book and began to read a verse about Miami. All of the sister recited the verse with her. When they were finished, the president began to welcome each girl into the house individually. When she called our names, a sister would step up and meet us. The sister that met me was someone I had never met before.

She was really nice and was aware of my situation. As we settled into their gorgeous living room, she told me that they were honored I was back. She asked if I had any lingering questions. I didn't really, but I think I made up a few to keep conversation going. A few minutes later, Lauren came by and the initial girl left. Lauren handed me several letters written by various sisters, including her. Each of the letters was sweet and told me how much I was wanted by Miami, but I still wasn't giving it much of a shot. Lauren told me again that she wanted me to follow my heart and that we would be friends no matter what. But this time she did say, can you imagine how great it would be to be sisters though? I could, but I knew I needed to join a chapter for more than just one person.

Next, they ushered us into a dimly lit room with tons of flowers, real candles, and their symbol. Their ceremony was brief, but touching. We passed candlelight around the room (like at a Christmas eve service) and then were given the opportunity to light an unlit candle that symbolize our place in their sisterhood. They sang some pretty songs and then it was over. Lauren picked me back up, I handed my letters and candle to a girl holding a tray and went outside.

The Miami's sang to us as the party ended. It was a slow beautiful song, and then they continue to sing as they walked back into their house. I had shut off emotion, but I really wanted to cry. I could see myself there, but I didn't want to see myself there. I wanted to see myself somewhere that I perceived to be better.

Atlanta - I went straight to the Atlanta house. While I was there, I realized that I knew more girls waiting outside than I did at Miami. I liked them more, could see myself being great friends with them. I was already feeling like this would definitely be my home. Like at Miami, the sisters came out singing. The sister who picked me up was the same one who I had on skit. She took me into their house through their back door, telling me that they do this on preference so that we can feel at home. Sisters don't need to use the front door or something like that!

I am immediately seated on a white chair, and my rusher sits at my feet. We are facing a large screen and there are twinkle lights and flowers all over the room. The remaining chapter members line the walls of the room, each holding a candle. Their ceremony is really nice. There's less singing than at Miami. It's more of a reflection of a year in the life of an Atlanta. They show us a slideshow of their last pledge class, from bid day through this year's rush. Then they talk about growth, sisterhood and their bond. I am loving it -- goosebumps all the way.

When the ceremony concludes, my rusher guides me into a very dimly lit room with tables. Another sister, a senior she tells me, is there waiting for me. On the table are two glasses of mock champagne, their flower and a copy of their symphony (beautifully illustrated and with my name on it). Why do sorority girls love to see our names on things so much, anyway??? I am in awe.

I have never met the senior member before, but I feel at home with her. She tells me that the reason I am there tonight is because I exemplify their values, their symphony, their motto. She says that her sisters want me (oral bid alert!) and have a place for me there. I tell her I want the same thing. She says you were born to be an Atlanta, you have always been an Atlanta at heart and tomorrow you can officially be one.

All of the things she is saying make me want to cry, because I want more than anything to be an Atlanta. I know that must be the reason why the sorority's alumnae were so helpful to me... they saw that I was an Atlanta too! I should be here. As they walk us out the door, she says to me in a whisper, I will see you tomorrow right? And of course, I say yes. And then she tells me to wait outside, they have one more song.

The chapter then starts to sign a really cute fun song, although quietly, about how much they have waited for us to be sisters. It is so cute, and tells me not only are the Atlanta's serious about their sisterhood, they are light hearted and fun too!


So I head back to the student center and get my pref card. I try to take a few minutes to think because it is a big decision. I know what I want to do, but I am waiting for some kind of sign that tells me I am right, because I feel like I had totally misjudged the Chicago thing, and I don't want to misjudge this too! I never get a sign, so I simply rank them as expected.

1. Atlanta
2. Miami

Remember that we had our little lock in? Well it lasted for forever because one chapter's list crashed and they had to start over again. While we were waiting, we all talked about what we had preffed and formed little groups based on that. I took tons of pictures with the other girls who had preffed Atlanta and we played games and ate pizza together.

I'm on pins and needles! Please update soon!

me too! you're on a roll today, dare I to hope we'll get the finale?? :-) :-)

MORE! i need more! i can't wait to hear the ending! :D