In this thread, we make up lies about what McCain or Obama has done to harm us
 

The rules:

1) Make up some vicious lie or fanciful story about the harm that Barack Obama/John McCain has done to you, your families, your pets, your communities, etc.

2) You MUST alternate between Obama and McCain -- if I post a horrible Obama story, you must post a horrible McCain story. And so on, and so forth.

3) You don't have to bash the opposing candidate -- it will be funnerer to bash your own.


*****

Barack Obama destroyed all the phonics books in my elementary school, and now a whole generation of students can't read!!!!

McCain told my 5-year old God daughter that there's no Santa Clause.

Obama let his shopping cart slam into my car.

John McCain paid my way through college, but he molested me. :(

(Joke borrowed from Chris Rock)

Obama barbeques babies.

You know all those cracks about McCain being the old crabby neighbor that yells "Hey you kids, get off my lawn!"? Well, it's true. I saw him do it. TWICE.

I had an affair with McCain when I was a page, and we have a love child. I'm not only going after him for child support, I'm going after one of his houses.

I met Obama at a rally and he made a pass at me. I think he said something about a possible intern position!

McCain falsely reported me to the DC Public Library for failure to pay fines!

McCain told me that I was adopted.

Obama got rid of the gifted programs at all the schools.

McCain stole my Cosmo out of my mailbox.

Obama is a GC sockpuppet

McCain eats Gooey Buns and wants to declare it a national delicacy.

Obama fed my dog a box of baker's chocolate.

John McCain got me addicted to meth.

Obama shit in my cheerios.

Under Obama, the c-word will no longer be the ugliest word in the English language.

McCain will forbid people from drinking alcohol on Sundays.

Obama wants to make buying whores a tax-exempt purchase.

John McCain believes man-on-pumpkin sex is a right and should be guarenteed by the constitution

(I do love America the book.)

Since now we're apparently doing both candidates...


Obama jacked all the pumpkins off people's porches and smashed them in the street.

McCain is the mysterious force that causes socks in my dryer to disappear...one at a time.


:)

Obama wants to close Denny Hastert's (Republican, the former Speaker of the House) famous chicken farm and restaurant, White Fence Farm, in Joliet, Illinois.

McCain is a very close friend of Rod Blagojevich (Democrat), governor of Illinois - McCain and Rod's dad were drinking buddies. Now McCain & Rod down a few together every time McCain is in Chicago or Springfield.

Obama is willing to get a dog for his daughters, but only if he hires a Korean cook.


McCain thinks that Depends & Viagra should be tax exempt.

(barbino - friends of mine live around the corner from RB. Everytime I go there, he & his security guards are on the street - they tease me that he has a crush on me!)

Ralph Nader burned down my house.

McCain stole Christmas plus all my Who-Hash.

John McCain has been e-mailing me naked pictures of himself.:(

McCain licked my face. ew.

Ralph Nader decided he would be the ideal actor to play Hamlet and has been rehearsing his monologues in my library all day long.

John McCain opened up a flea market near my condo and has caused the traffic to be insane 24/7.

Barack Obama got rid of all the Sweet Tomatoes and decided to have them be Asian Fusion cafes instead.

Obama stuffed my mailbox full of toilet paper and lit it on fire.

At a recent rally, McCain pretended he was going to kiss my baby. Instead, he burst the ballons she was holding. After which he giggled till he dang near choked. What a meanie!!!!

Obama kicked my dog when we were out on a walk the other day.

Sarah Palin was fishing for barracudas at the small strip of beach in my county.

Joe Biden was performing "Who are you" on karaoke at the local Hard Rock Hotel.

Obama stole my Pink Floyd's LP collection

McCain told me to eat the mushroom.

I saw Sarah Palin spend $150,000 at the same Goodwill store my aunt has gone to for years.


I was Michelle Obama's plastic surgeon

John McCain knocked up my sister and then pushed her down a flight of stairs.

McCain TPd my car.

Barack Obama stole my lunch money and gave it to someone else! He redistributed my wealth! :mad: