"I love you but I am not IN LOVE with you."
 

If you dated someone for a few months or years and you told them that you loved them and that was the response...what would you do?

Slap em.

A few months:
I'd appreciate him being honest and tell him so. I'd make sure that he understood me and I'd be okay with it because just because my feelings are so strong and I am able to express them easily doesn't mean that his are or that he can express those feelings or that he even knows that he has them. If the relationship is still cool then there's no problem for me and as long as he can deal with knowing how I feel without being all weird then there's no problem at all.

A few years:
I'd cry, be hurt and upset, explain my feelings, end the relationship, get together with my girls to talk/vent, use explicit language in expressing my anger, party, deal with my feelings, get over him and move on with my life.

ETA: Senusret I......LOL.

That's a lot nicer than my response, which would be to go Texas Chainsaw Massacre on him (and any men in the general vicinity).

you stoopid.

Break up because it is not going to the next level.

I was going to say curse them out (because that is some bull$%&#!!) , but I like this one better.:D

You lost me on that one. :confused:

Oh, I thought something like:

You: I'm in love with you
Her: I love you, but Im not in love with you
You: You're in lust not love



but you meant:
Her: Im in love with you
You: You're not in love you're in lust because its only been a few months.

I get it now. Not sure if I agree, but I get it.

That's stupid and arrogant. You can't tell someone else how they feel, just tell them how you feel.

Not mad @ you, IASK, just mad at stupid ass statements like that.

In the words of Bono....

"And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on"

Thanks for not being mad at me. Im too lurvley for people to be mad at. lol.

I agree with you, that statement is stupid and arrogant in the worst way. If some man told me that I'd go off. I do understand being skeptical of whether someone is being real after only a few months, but I would not degrade someone's feelings by telling them "You're not in love you're in lust". Thats why I had to clarify PB's comment.

After a few months dating me I will know how you are under stress/pressure, how you treat your family members, what your values are, what your priorties are (if you even have any) and how you are with money as well as many other things. These things can all be found out on dates and in conversations. I agree that getting to know a person takes time and a lot of it, but you don't have to completely know a person to be in love with them. You'd know that you're not in lust if you choose to abstain from sex, are able to discern feelings that are emotional and seperate them from those that are physical and no man looks that good. Not even Boris or Lance or Reggie.

LMAO @ the end statement!:D


okay, I see what you mean. I guess I didn't look at it the same way you did. You're right about the sex part. If there is no sex involved, I would have to agree with you here. A lot of people think they know a person after a few years let alone months, and they don't. I'll have to admit I'm one of those guys who used to fall in love quick (or so I thought). I think it was lust though. When I found out my ex was crazy, I fell out of love/lust with her pretty quick, that's why I keep the friendship thing going for a while before I take it further.:)

You were probably just "fallin' in like". lol. Cuz if it was love you'd have been on Google (or Google maps) looking up therapists/clinics in your area to get her help. If it was extremely strong lust or real love...you'd even pay for said help.

The freindship thing is cool, but at some point she'll expect you to tell her how you feel about her and saying "I'm your friend" wont cut it. There's big differences between friendship, like, love, and lust. If people knew them then we wouldn't have soap operas.

We still haven't touched the arrogant and stupid part (which I think would make the discussion really interesting), but I'll leave that alone.

The question really becomes, what is the difference between "loving" someone and being "in love" with someone? Loving is a very deep caring. In love is that very deep caring WITH lust. We love our parents, our children, our friends. We are only in love with that person who we have romantic feelings for and the basis of those romantic feelings is sexual attraction.

Or do you mean that she is in love with the 'stick'....yeah....that's it....heh!

I don't put a time on my feelings especially when it comes to my feelings for someone else.

lol @ Daemon's post.

I love when Dee talks about lust. :)

This is basically what happened w/ my ex and me. We still loved each other but we weren't feeling that "OMG I really want to jump your bones" thing anymore. Maybe I'm overly romantic, but I think even if you've been w/ someone for 50 years, you should still feel that SOMETIMES.

If the relationship is new and they're already saying it...yes, be Bono and walk on.

How'd you get to be so smart? :)

It always amazes me what incredible nuggets of wisdom you have.

She's a veritable guru.

Yet, I've never had a successful relationship. It's just all those years of working in psych, listening to folks, analyzing people, etc.

No, I really did love her, but I stopped liking her. We were together for a long time. She was just possessive nuts. She was already on medication. lol I didn't find out about it until I caught her poppin' pills.:eek::( Plus that whole relationship was built on lies. She told me that if she told me the truth about her past, I wouldn't have been with her, and she was right, I wouldn't have. It's a long drawn out story. That was almost 6 years ago. If I told you everything I did for her you would know that I really loved her. I'm glad we're not together anymore though.

When I said friendship I meant that I wouldn't fall in love with someone that I wouldn't be friends with. For example, I may be physically attracted to one kind of woman, but find that I'm better friends with another type and actually have more of a relationship with the friend than the one I'm physically attracted to. My biggest problem I used to run into, is I wouldn't get involved romantically with average looking women with great personalities. I would go for the gorgeous ones who were the total opposite of me. The chemistry wasn't there. I always wanted both. Fine with a great personality. Someone I have chemistry with who I'm physically attracted to. I wouldn't choose a woman as a friend that I wouldn't have anything in common with. I used to jump right in and skip the friendship part. I didn't do that with the young lady I'm seeing now. We were friends for a long time, before I wanted more from her. So friendship is important. I also think it's important to like the person before you can love them.

As far as the arrogant and stupid thing is concerned....uhh yeah that was pretty arrogant. But I didn't realize it until it was reversed on me. After that post and your response to it, I called my girl up and asked her what she would do if I made a comment like that to her after she told me how she felt about me. At 1st I thought her response would have been the opposite of yours, but she pretty much said the same thing you did. She said she would be very offended. I aksed her why and she reversed the question on me, and I was offended.:eek::( So yeah, you were right and I was wrong. The arrogant part I didn't see, because I wasn't thinking about arrogance even though that's the way it sounded, but I was just thinking about not really knowing the person. That's all. But yeah, that hit home, and I thank you for that.:)

You're welcomes.

From what I've seen "stick" is a mighty powerful thing. lol. Hell, it must be if it will make a woman drive in a diaper so she doesn't have to make any stops on her way to get the stick. lol. The problems "IT" causes never cease to amaze me.

RIGHT??? LOL

I don't get the stick joke.:confused:

Lol. What male body appendage rhymes with stick? It also rhymes with Venus.

It also rhymes with schlock!

And if you're lucky it is and rhymes with long! :)

That's right...I went there.

:eek:

I get it now. Silly me.:o

I told my ex I "loved him but wasn't in love with him" the first time he said he was in love with me. However, we were 17 and had been together for 6 weeks. What did the joker expect?? I think he only said it to get something truth be told.

However, I have fallen in love in less the x amount of months, so I do know it can happen. Years though? Nah. In the immortal words of the Blue Notes, "If you don't know me by noooow..." :D

you said 'joker'....heh

I was laughing at Daemon's post about the stick comment, but I was thinking he meant something else...not THAT.:o

I know. He's rubbing off on me. :o

I blame the shimmy.