Disappointed mom
 

My daughter went through rush this fall. I didn't expect her to go through, and since she's a bit on the shy side I really didn't encourage it knowing how stressful and heartbreaking it can be. Background - we live in a very competitive region of the country and live in a small town, and she knew only a few girl going to this college who are in sororities. Although she's very cute, she's never been obsessed about style and makeup; probably because she is the only daughter in a family of several boys. I tried to do what I could to help her have a successful rush based on my past experinece - nice clothes and accessories, mani/pedi, conversational coaching, makeup, etc. but I knew it would be very tough. To say she was cut heavily would be an understatment. By round two she only got invited back to two parties (I won't say how many different sororities there are at her campus other than it's in the double digits). These two were the bottom of the barrel reputation wise. At this point I tried to get her to drop out, maybe make some friends during the semester and try for spring rush or again next fall. Yes, it would have limited her choices, but she could at least have had a chance for some others. She refused to drop out. Pref night she was down to one party and received a bid to the smallest house on campus. She accepted and is in her pledge period.

She seems ok with it, but I'm going to come right out and say it even though I may get a lot of angry comments. I'm embarassed for her. I really don't even want to tell my friends what she pledged because I can tell they are shocked. It is common knowledge in our state, among those knowledgeable of Greek life at this university, that this house is the absolute bottom. They rarely make quota and constantly have to COR as well as spring rush. I have seen their social calendar and it is really lacking. They have few activites, and they basically don't have any mixers. Greek life is big at her campus, and most sorority calendars are packed with many social activities.

I guess this is so upsetting because I know exactly how much fun being in a sorority can be. I was in a sorority(not this school) that was considered very solid. Every rush we got many of the girls we wanted, we had mixers with great fraternities, my fellow sisters were the campus movers and shakers. I was so proud to wear my letters. To this day it still means something in our state to say I'm an "XYZ". I'm afraid she'll eventually figure this all out and realize she made a huge mistake. I want to encourage her to drop out before initiation and a commitment is made. Time is running out. I would like some advice from any moms who have been in my shoes - feel free to PM me, as I understand this is a sensitive topic.

I would recommend deleting your post. Your daughter has more backbone than you.

Wow

OMG your daughter is happy! Leave her be!

QFP

Wow, talk about a case of the fwap fwaps.

If your daughter's all that and she loves where she's at, she could very well be where she's meant to be, and I think it's absolutely horrible of you to want her to drop out before Initiation. Maybe this house needs more people like your daughter.

Quit being so g-ddamn selfish, get over it, and accept that your daughter's found her home and that you can't do anything about it.

If you think your friends will be horrified, maybe you need new friends. Your D should be pround of herself and embarrassed by your behaviour.

This is honestly the most shallow post I've ever read.

I'm glad your daughter is happy.

Amen.

After reading this, all I can think is: Can we say "self-absorbed, status-hungry helimom", boys and girls? I knew you could!

Get a life lady. It's YOUR DAUGHTER'S choice, not yours. If she's happy in her sorority, then be a supportive mom, get over yourself and STFU.

And thanks to everyone for the QFPs...

Agreed to all of the above posts... except for the OP's. You are right, a "commitment is made". And you can bet that she has made the right one! Just be happy for her! You are totally shallow!

I feel sorry for your daughter too...because she has you for a mother.

I love that your view of a good sorority is their social calendar.

Perhaps your (admittedly, to you) shy daughter enjoys the sisterhood she's found? Or perhaps she enjoys the philanthropy? Or maybe, just maybe, she likes the people she's met and isn't as image conscious or concerned about what other people think as you are?

It's not your choice. It's not your school. It's not your sorority. It's not your life. It's your daughter's, and she seems to be doing quite well at it despite your involvement.

And if, one day, she decides that she DID make a mistake - it's HER mistake, not yours. Never will be yours. Ever. She's a big girl and can make a decision about being initiated or not without your help.

So instead of being embarrassed by her (and don't think you aren't - being embarrassed by her choices is showing embarrassment over who she is choosing to be as a person), let her live her own life and get whatever she wants to get out of her sorority experience.

Don't try and regain your college years through her; she is not you.

So basically you are saying you are embarrassed of your daughter? I would be so disappointed to call you my mother. Your daughter is HAPPY. She is living HER life not YOURS. Get over it.

what the hell?

You know, if I were her, I'd be embarrassed by YOU. You should leave her alone. She found a group that she likes and enjoys. It is HER college experience. HER life. HER decision.

I think it's pretty *@#(*@# of you to want to encourage her to drop out just so that YOU are not embarrassed by the group she joined anymore.

p.s Thanks for all the QFPs

*mouth hanging open*
This is just amazing to me for so many reasons. Maybe because being in a sorority here means nothing in the rest of the state like it does in other reasons, but I mean, my heart hurts.
I would like to applaud Jen's comment!


Also to the OP, I know that when a daughter does something, the reputation can affect the mother, but she is happy. If it really is that hard for you to come to terms with than maybe you need to find why there is a problem.

you stated that your daughter is shy...why try to push her into a situation that does not match her personality? She now has the opportunity to blossom with the support of her sisters. She will not have as much competition to run for executive board positions or to represent her sorority in homecoming events and such. Small is VERY GOOD for many people. If she was in a larger sorority she may never step forward and take those first steps towards leadership. In a large chapter she could easily become the girl that no one really knows because they are so shy.

The OP's post is disgusting. She should be ashamed of herself.

OP's post is about the saddest thing I have read in a really long time. Daughter seems proud of her sorority. Mama should be, too.

She is happy. She is enjoying herself. She has a life! You should be supportive of her.

Most important, you need to get a friggin life!


Your unpanhellenic attitude is a freaking disgrace! :mad:

"You could fail. You shouldn't try at all."

"You're not perfect. You should quit."

Nope. You're embarrassed for you. Your daughter's not good enough for you. You should be ashamed of yourself, not of your daughter. You want to alienate her? Just keep doing what you're doing.

She could really be a great asset to her chapter and really enjoy the people she's met; it's very sad that a mother would want to take that away for the sake of social status.

Is this mom for real?

Have you considered that your daughter may have found a group where she is accepted and wanted? Where she has found friends she will have for a lifetime? That she wasn't just settling because she chose to continue to their pref and accept their bid? That maybe the other sororities (which would make you proud) may have treated her shabbily?

I take it your daughter must take after her father more than her mother.

To the OP,

You can't help how you feel. You might consider that everyone is different and chooses differently. For whatever the reason, your daughter has chosen to see this through. I think it is true that sometimes moms get so wrapped up in the choices our children make, we can't separate what is their choice and what is ours to choose. I do think she will sense that you are uncomfortable with her decision and that will hurt her. I have several children and have tried to live the 'whatever they are is good enough, and hope they are able to apply it to me, and everyone in their lives. And, the truth is, it's not about you. If you just love her and help her with the choices she makes, it might help you both. Good luck.

Thank God your daughter found a place where she's happy and that's supportive of her. Because you're certainly not. You're a sick woman. So happy that your daughter is away from you now and with people who can teach her what it's really like to have people who care about her and her happiness, not just what social ladder she'll help them climb.

Doubt it.

Sock puppet checklist:
1) Create account with authentic looking name... check.
2) Start a thread wherein sock puppet acts like a caricature of a stereotype... check.
3) Watch the fallout and enjoy!... check.

Yeah, I can't get all invested in this to reply because it's probably fake.

Exactly - I think someone did it to get a rise out of people, and it looks like it worked.

I assume Disappointed Mom lives in the South and unless you do you will never understand how she feels. The social pressure down there for your daughter to join a top chapter is huge and the total bummer for her to join a low tier chapter let alone God forbid be a GDI. When I was in HS one of my friends older sister had a rush disaster and everyone treated it like it was the end of the world. Like I said, if you are not from the South you will never understand.

I think that's going a bit too far. Every part of the country has some setting where social pressure is intense. Even if it's not in the Greek Life context, people in other parts of the country could at least equate that situation to something particular to their region.

Ok, I'll bite, although I have my doubts that this is real.
OP, you wanted to hear from other moms, well here goes...
As a mom I think it is my job to raise happy, secure, self-confident individuals. It seems that you did your job. Now it is time to back off. Your daughter sounds like she is happy, she is secure where she is and she had the self-confidence to continue through rush when you had no confidence in her. It seems that you did your job well. As for the rest of your post, shut up and let her be her!!

Ditto. If she was real, she would be back here defending herself.

I feel the same way. Seems more trollish than real to me.

I doubt anyone who could recognized everything mentioned by that post would ever post it. It's too transparently all about the mom.

Maybe. But you wouldn't post it here and admit it.

Your Greek letters down here are like the difference in driving a Mercedes or a old rusted out jalopy. For 99% of the posters on this thread they may as well be in Happy Rainbow Pony Land if they think it's not like this. Yes, unfortuately a stigma is placed on the "Mom" who, Bless her heart, couldn't even see to it that her D got into the right group. Women have stopped attending Junior League and charity functions after an unsuccessful rush for their daughters. I've only been here 2 years but I've overhead enough at social functions to realize there is Greek and there is "Southern Greeks".

But you all know there are mom's exactly like this here, even if this is a sockpuppet post.

Sort of what I was thinking.