Your input please?
 

At my daughter's school, some sororities held informal get togethers with PNM's prior to the beginning of recruitment. My daughter went to 2 of the get togethers for one of the sororities, and each time, one of the actives gave her a ride to and from. Recruitment began and she was invited back on Day 2 to this sorority and another one. On Day 3, which was Preference Day, she had no invitations. The president of the chapter she had socialized with, phoned her during the time of the first Preference party and said "The reason you were cut was because only a couple of the girls had the chance to get to know you, but we would still like to get to know you, so we'll be having informal recruitment next week and we'd love for you to come". Let me make clear that my daughter understood that no one had promised her anything, and that also one would never know the reason she was cut. I would just like to know what any of you think of the way this all happenned.

I think your daughter is lucky that the president called and indicated they want her to keep coming out, and that they actually gave her a reason she was cut. She should continue to go to events as long as she is interested and make an effort to meet as many people as possible.

It's interesting that the President called her DURING preference round. Typically during formal recruitment sorority members are supposed to have minimal contact with PNMs outside of official recruitment events. Maybe since your daughter had already been cut she didn't fall under that rule?

Your daughter should take the President's advice and continue socializing with that chapter, and any chapters that are participating in informal recruitment. There's certainly no harm in getting to know as many sorority women as possible. It won't guarantee a bid, but unless your daughter is getting cut for another reason that we don't know about (not meshing well with members of a chapter, for one), then it can't hurt her chances.

I agree with what others have said. I doubt that they are just stringing her along. The president obviously thought she fell through the cracks and should continue giving it a try. Chapters don't usually have nonmembers hanging around for no reason. I bet they'll either give her a bid or cut her loose completely soon. If they keep inviting her around without an answer, she should think hard about whether the stress is worth it to her.

Co-sign all of the above. She has nothing to lose by going, and, if nothing else, she'll meet some great people along the way.

I also sincerely doubt the president would be stringing her along. You normally don't call people you don't want another look at and invite them to events.

Tell her to find out about other COB opportunities as well!

I don't believe she is being strung along at this point. Fell through the cracks? I doubt it. For whatever reason, she simply wasn't invited back. Receiving a phone call, DURING preference round did not make her feel better. She's wondering why she wasn't good enough to be invited back, but is acceptable enough to be considered when they realized they were not going to make quota? Furthermore, how did they know she wasn't invited to anyone else for Preference? I thought the sororites simply received a list of who was coming to which party.

Noone here knows the answers that you are seeking.

If she wants to be a part of this house, then it's best not to get in a snit. Encourage her to continue. It sounds to me like she's in a pretty darn good position.

Every national sorority has their own ways of doing membership recruitment, issuing invitations, etc. that can't be discussed in the open. However, I would guess that most (if not all) of them have a policy that a "critical mass" of members need to meet the PNM before an invitation to preference can be issued. So it could be that simply not enough women met her, but the women that did meet her (including the president) really did like her and they just need more women to meet her before they can move forward with her.

It is also possible that there is something they aren't completely sure of re: your daughter and they need more time to get to know her.

To have the president of the chapter personally call during recruitment is highly unusual. (It also seems somewhat inappropriate to me unless it is because she has been officially dropped from rush with no invites.) I'm wondering if it was an official presidential call or a call from Suzy sorority member who liked her and also happened to be president. It also seems to me that the recruitment chair would have been the one to call, not the president.

Interesting. Keep us posted and I hope it works out for your daughter! :-)

Chapters only have so many spaces, and some only invite to Pref those they are "safe" bets. This happens particularly in the south (i.e. Bama, Auburn, Texas), where PNMs went to the same high school as actives or somehow knew them prior to recruitment. Chapters want to give a chance to someone they don't already know, but there are so many great PNMs out there that sometime actives aren't willing to use one of those precious openings on someone they don't know.

Have your D approach COB with an open mind. Maybe the chapter didn't know thtey would not reach quota

Right.

As far as I know, no national sorority requires any active member to a.) contact a PNM after they have been cut, b.) inform them of why they were cut, and/or c.) invite them to future events. Therefore, if the President of a chapter does all of these things, I wouldn’t take it as anything less than a good sign. Granted, it’s not going to guarantee your daughter a bid. But it shows that at least the person is considerate, and has thought of your daughter first for COB opportunities. But remember, since the President basically said, “Not enough sisters feel as if they know you yet,” it might mean that they’ll eventually get to know your daughter and it still won’t work out.

Asking questions about what has happened, and why, isn’t going to get her anywhere. All she can do is go to any events she is invited to, and see if that leads to a bid.

Hope she finds what she’s looking for! :)

Girls do fall through the cracks when it is time to vote on pref round invitations (or any invitations for that matter) Just like in the real world, voting takes place and the outcome is not the expected one - that could have happened to your daughter. It could have happened for a variety of reasons. Sometimes strange turns of event take place during the long, stressful, emotional, late nights of recruitment. More than likely, those who knew her in the house were probably not able to convince the entire chapter. And, although I disagree with Benzgirl's assessment that in some chapters "only a safe bet" gets invited to pref, often the chapter will not extend a pref invite if a pnm is not well known among the membership. (by well known, I mean they don't easily recognize her name, etc.)

I have real questions about the phone call from the president because that sure seems like a major rush infraction to me. It almost sounds like they realized they totally messed up not inviting her and wanted to make sure they get a chance at her during COB before she starts considering another house.

Truthfully, there is often no rhyme or reason to what takes place during recruitment, and this could be one of those situations. It happened, and now she can do what's in her best interest and continue moving forward with this group.

Best of luck!

perhaps your daughter and another girl have similar names and the chapter thought they were inviting your daughter and realized their mistake when the other girl showed up to the party. that could explain why the president phoned your daughter during the party.

during one formal recruitment the chapter i advise rushed three girls named katelyn smith, caitlin smith and caitlyn smith(names changed to protect the innocent). that same year we also had a kelly, kelli and a callie and a kristEn, a kristIn and a christin. unfortunately, more members of this chapter than not, concentrate on the first name and might remember the first initial of the last name-which was not helpful with the katelyn trio!

as someone else said, there might have been a restriction on how many girls the chapter was able to invite back. for instance, they could invite back 60 girls and she was 61 in their membership selection process.

no matter, it sounds like they are interested in her. i hope that she will give them a chance. please let us know what happens.

Most of the time, I would scratch my head at the thought of a chapter cutting a PNM, not making quota, and then asking her to come back. If this is a "popular" chapter, it is possible this chapter is forced by Panhellenic to make a lot of cuts per the release figure method and the PNMs they wanted the most (that they invited to preference) matched elsewhere. I've seen it happen at my campus. Also, with "popular" chapters, they no doubt have to cut PNMs that they do genuinely like because of the number given to them by Panhellenic.

What is weird is that:
1. They called her during preference round (how did they know she had no invitations?).
2. They called her during preference round (how did they know they would not make quota?).
3. They called her and gave her a reason for her release.

Your daughter should attend any events they invite her to if she likes this chapter. She should focus on her opportunities rather than the reasons (and their validity) this may have happened, because there's really no way to know.

I agree that all of that is weird, but I've seen a lot of collegians do whatever they thought was right instead of checking the rules first to see what really is correct in a situation. I wonder if their school gives out a list of women who have been dropped from recruitment? It could also be that they called Panhel when they noticed her name wasn't on the list. They may not have wanted to actually cut her. We actually had the opposite situation once. On my campus, the panhel delegates would keep track of who was invited back to each round and hand deliver the list each night. Our panhel rep went to the bathroom during MS and didn't hear us cut a girl the night before pref. The next day, she was on our list and all hell broke loose. She came to our party and ended up pledging our chapter. Weird, huh?! It all worked out in the end, but my point is that stranger things have happened in recruitment!

ICS does have a screen with the list of girls who have been released from recruitment. That could have been the case with this pnm. (which would explain how they could have known she had no pref invites.)

and.... why they wanted her to know they were still interested in her. They probably know that even if they get quota, they still have openings to meet Total. I would take this as a good sign. They are being very proactive. Good for them.

If they called her during the pref party, this is what I would guess too.

If she was released from recruitment the chapter would have likely known that before the Pref parties started.

oh that happened to us this year. A lot of girls with the same names or names we just could not remember. so there were some girls that we loved that weren't invited back. it was pretty sad

Nick names make it even worse. Since my school is about half Asian it was common for students to not go by their given names. So you develop a rush crush on Jenny Nguyen not knowing that not only are there 6 Jenny Nguyens but also 4 more girls who go by Jenny but aren't named Jenny. So when you get asked about Hanh Nguyen you have no clue who that could be. :confused:

Actually, they might not have even thought to look at the screen with the list of girls who were completely released until after they saw their party list (which usually goes out a couple of hours before parties start).

Could it be possible too that the chapter invited the number they were allowed but then many of those women ended up at other preference parties? Maybe they realized they would not fill quota and are upset with the number of women who chose to return for pref so they are actively seeking out the other PNMs they liked but may have released in favor for women who ranked other chapters higher or dropped out before pref when they saw their schedule.

We were always given the list of released PNMs along with our party lists.

I see. That is very different from what I have seen. It really is interesting how the procedures (even something as simple as that) can vary from campus to campus!

Hmmm.. I wish the OP would update us.

We had that same problem too. When I was a rho chi, one of my PNMs was accidentally released from XYZ. She registered for recruitment as "Xiao-Min Chan" because that was her legal name, but she went by "Jenny Chan". There was another woman whose legal name actually was Jenny Chan; she was registered for recruitment but never turned up. So XYZ released the wrong Jenny - Xiao-Min. The problem was caught in time, and Xiao-Min pledged XYZ. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent.)

update?
 

Thank-you for all of your comments. My daughter received a phone call on bid day, and was told that the sorority in question would like to offer her a bid. She told the girl who called that she would think about it. After thinking about it, she phoned her back and told her "No, thank-you". When my daughter called me after that, she sounded better and less stressed than she had for awhile. She sounded calm. One hour later, she called me back, crying, wondering if she made the right decision. I told her it was her decision and to do whatever she really wanted. She called the girl again and told her she reconsidered and would like to participate in Bid Day activities. I was happy for her and couldn't wait to hear about the fun. When I spoke to her later, there was no enthusiasm, and she was again questioning whether she'd done the right thing. We spent hours on the phone yesterday evening. Now, her question is, Is the bid binding? She has signed nothing. Remember, she didn't attend Preference, so no Pref card to sign. Nor did she sign a COB agreement. She was simply handed her bid card, by the sorority, at Bid Day activities. She is again questioning whether she's done the right thing. This is all her decision, and her Dad and I have made that clear. Hours and hours on the phone are stressful, though.

That's called snap bidding.

I'm not sure if snap bids sign a card or not, but something tells me they do.

She should talk to her greek advisor ASAP.

Sometimes when we had new members that accepted bids but weren't comfortable pledging right away or were in the middle of a very difficult semester (my school was huge on health sciences and those majors are tooooough), we'd let them wait until the next semester to pledge and to get to know the chapter by coming to COB events. I don't know if this chapter would allow her to do that, since she'll count toward total whether she pledges now or next semester anyway, but it might be an option. I think we were the only chapter that allowed that on my campus but I might be wrong.

No, her attendance at bid day and consideration of a snap bid are not binding. In this case, she is only bound if/when she signs something.

I would like to add that some of the way she feels is exactly the way many, many girls feel after the whirl and craziness of formal recruitment - even girls who have what might be called a "perfect" recruitment and get their first choice. (there are threads on GC about this very thing). So, I would advise her to (if she is allowed the time. I am not familiar with snap bidding rules) to not make any rash decisions. Take some time to get acquainted with the girls. Rest up from recruitment,etc. Sometimes it just takes a little time to settle in, regardless of the circumstances.

But if she chooses to wait and go through later, it is important that she not burn her bridges.

Agreed.

And while she's trying to make the decision, tell her to do some research. If she hasn't already, have her visit the local and national websites for the sorority she has been invited to. If she knows any girls who are in sororities, either active or alumnae, tell her to talk to them. She can ask them about sororities in general, and about what she's feeling.

And if she does take the approach of going through in a later semester, I think it would be a very good idea that she extend the same courtesy to the President that she did to your daughter. She should talk to her about her decision and explain that it is nothing against the chapter. She can say that she doesn't know enough about it yet, that she has a busy semester, that, similar to how the sisters felt, she'd like to get to know them better before she jumps right in to being a new member. Whatever her reason might be, have her explain it to them so that she'll still have a chance to become part of the group later on if she so chooses. She can say something as simple as, "Thank you so much, you don't know how much I appreciate it, but... (reason for not joining). But I'd still love to get to know all of you." It would definitely go a long way.