No bids, should I bother trying anymore?
 

I just went through rush week, and didn't get a single bid. I went to the recruitment things for four different fraternities.

The Greek Life Office person said that lots of people rush during that week, and that it's entirely possible that I just sliped through the cracks. I found that hard to believe, and I think it's just lies to make me feel better, but I figured I'd ask you, who are actually familiar and less likely to attempt to spare my feelings.

I just have no idea what I did to piss all these people off. I chatted with the actives, and had decent conversations with most of the actives. I dont get it, I did everything they say to do, I still ended up with nothing for all my trouble.

Did you really feel a connection? Even so, there are other hurdles, such as being in line with the org's values.

Also, you can't just stick to the superficial topics. Just mentioning the weather, classes, etc. won't get you anywhere. You have to dig deeper in order to do that: feelings, motivation, and values.

Or, you may have simply gotten unlucky and chose the four wrong organizations. I mean, I can easily pick four organizations on my campus that I'd never fit into but still contained many cool people that I can talk to and respect as friends, but not as brothers.

Just checked your other posts and I note you went through rush and are entering college at 22 years of age.

In and of itself, there is nothing awry with this- but the hard fact is that not being the traditional "fresh out of high school going to college at 18" student very often has a significant impact on a young man or woman's chances when rushing. It is a very common question/concern on this forum.

There are practical reasons for this in and of itself- and they do not necessarily reflect on the individual who is rushing. How much of an issue age is depends on the school, but there are key reasons that make this process difficult which can come up at any campus.

At 22 years of age you would be a pledge older than most- if not all- of the most senior active members of the chapter. This reality can have an enormous psychological effect on the guys rushing you. It may not be fair or appropriate to your specific situation, but it exists. Not knowing anything else about you other than what you have posted- this is the clear obstacle you faced. And frankly I think you should take this into account before blaming yourself or the process.

As to the question of what to do next, some suggestions.

1. Rush is over and you will have to wait for the spring or next fall to rush again if you want to do that. So relax, and take your time. 22 or not, you are a freshman in college and you have taken a huge step most people will never take to further your education and life prospects. Focus now on school, meeting people and living this new life. See where it takes you. As you meet guys in fraternities in your classes, see what you think of them. In terms of the numbers game, one loses many chances not rushing and pledging as a freshman. But that game is over- now you get to be someone who gets a closer look at what college and fraternity at your college has to offer before you make a decision to rush. Make the most of that opportunity that is before you.

2. Take a few days to relax and think about rush. What did you do beforehand to prepare? How much did you really want it etc? Just think about this some, and then come back and post here what you are thinking. Being a freshman you have had a lot on your mind- and I really think taking a few days to ponder will help.

Hope this helps and good luck to you.

Are there only four fraternities on campus? Are they the 'top-tier' or most competitive groups? What's your campus climate for greek orgs? There are a ton of variables that could be in play. Even if we knew everything you did, we still probably can't tell you why you weren't given a bid. Not getting a bid doesn't necessarily mean you 'pissed' someone off. They might of thought you were awkward or didn't fit in. Again, too many variables.

At 22, you had the odds against you. Some groups might not have wanted a 22 year-old pledge ("He'll creep out freshmen girls at mixers," "He's not going to fit in with his pledge class," "He'll think he's above everyone because he's older," etc...). Other groups might not have thought you were a good fit ("I don't really know much about the guy," "He didn't really stand out").

Like the person above said, did you have substantial conversations? Did conversations flow? Did you talk about things you want to get involved in? I'm not sure about your campus/rush, but were you getting updates/e-mails/calls from rush chairs after getting on their lists? Not getting contact from the rush chair is a sign you aren't wanted.

You very well could have slipped through the cracks, but if it's not at a competitive school, that's very doubtful. There might be an opportunity for COB, but I don't know your campus.

Yeah, you should just give up. You went to four fraternities and no bids? Are there more than four fraternities at your school? Honestly, people talk about how hard it is to get bids but in reality its not that hard. If you know people, if you are the kind of guy they are looking for, or if you're a legacy then most of the time that will get you a bid. You either must of pissed them all off in some way you don't know, or you weren't the type of guy they were looking for. Probably the latter, but why not do rush again next semester and rush other fraternities. I had a 21 year old pledge brother, and it was absolutely no problem. He ended up being our pcp. Who knows, only the fraternities that didn't give you the bids know why they didn't give you one.

What?

It should be pretty obvious what I meant. I doubt Wallace is going to rush again since he's asking other people if he should give up. Myself, I would rush again if I hadn't recieved a bid. I wanted to go greek. I don't know how bad this kid wants it but it doesn't seem that he wants it too bad, because if he did, he wouldn't be asking for advice whether or not to rush again.

I thought you were being sarcastic.

No.

Nope! My school has plenty of older guys in fraternities. They're not creepy at all. :)

University of Phi_Delta?

Yes.

Sometimes.

There's really just so much to work with here, not least of which is "regularly" and "old people" in the same sentence.