When I was younger, and had an even sicker sense of humor, our soccer club had the Pablo Domingo award for the most dedicated fan. Pablo Domingo was a lottery agent who shot & killed himself when his team was eliminated from the World Cup. We all preferred to think of it as more gambling problem than a soccer problem.

If the 'mother' gets remarried, wouldn't that automatically make her husband a 'stepfather' regardless of whether the biological father sticks around?

I'm so glad that my stepfather stepped up and took the "father" role that my sperm donor was too chicken-shitted to take. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Of course. There is room for as many INVOLVED and POSITIVE parenting figures in a kids' life as there are people willing to fill the role. A kid cannot have too many loving positive role models in their lives. I would welcome a step-mother into my kids' lives as long as she wasn't a dysfunctional mess. I am secure enough in my role as their mother to be completely fine with my ex remarrying and bringing a woman into their lives. I suspect she and I would become friends too.

I think this is extremely narrow-minded of you. I've known several people who have been fortunate enough to be loved and supported by both their biological parents and their step-parents.

ETA: I totally agree with what Dee said above.

Sticking around, to me, means that you stay with the mother of your children.

My uncle is involved in my cousin's life, but he didn't stick around -- he left her mother. My cousin has a father and a stepfather. But that doesn't change the fact that her father bailed on the family.

Yes, sometimes the mom throws the dad out of the house. Maybe that's what happened to you, or in a family you know. But that's the exception, not the rule. Societally, we've got a problem with fathers walking away. There's a saying that the best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother. I believe that.
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Zoloft Sickness

And sometimes, the father dies. And a caring and supportive (and sensitive...although clearly that's not something you understand) stepfather is able to help care for the children. Your initial post is still narrow-minded.

Frankly, I'm not even sure why you brought this into this thread. You really don't know all of the circumstances surrounding the situation in this case and things are rarely black-and-white. You're making a lot of sweeping generalizations and I'm not sure that doing so is useful, intelligent, or necessary. We do know that a little girl was tragically killed; to start making assumptions about her mother's situation or her biological father just seems out of line to me.

And would you rather somebody stay in a relationship that just isn't working so that they can live up to your idea of sticking around? Being in relationship like that can do more home then good to all parties involved.

Being a good parent to me means doing what is in the best interest of your child. Sometimes that means getting divorced.

And why are you placing all the blame on fathers? What about mothers who "walk out"?

Amen.

There are parents who pride themselves in staying together for 20+ years despite a miserable marriage where therapy didn't work. They claim they were seeing beyond their own needs and wants and doing what's in the best interest of the children.

Then the kids say "wow, you stayed for us? well, we WANTED you to get divorced. we were MISERABLE and that dysfunction has messed up my view of families, marriage, and I need therapy before I can be in a real relationship. Thanks, mom and dad. Thanks."

Exactly. We don't know why this child had a stepdad.

Seeing as how the divorce rate in this country is over 50% I would say it's more than an "exception" regardless of how the divorce comes about.

I would most definitely get a divorce than stay in a horrible marriage.

I love my stepdad, he's the best father anyone could ask for....and its a shame that you would devalue any stepfathers role in a childs life.

There's also a saying that sometimes you have to love someone from a distance. Teach children that you can respect someone and wish them well even when things didn't work out as you had hoped. Children need to learn that life isn't always either/or (as in, EITHER we love each other and stay together OR we hate each other and separate).

Will Smith said it best to his first son in his rendition of "Just the Two of Us." :p

It didn't work out with me and your mom
But yo push come to shove, you was conceived in love

Hi-freakin'-five!


And extra points for breaking out my other other husband. :p

Taking a risk by bumping this, but this week's episode of This American Life has a story about a man who "fakes" mental illness to avoid a prison time, gets in, and then is faced with how to get out... you can stream it here:
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radi...ode/385/Pro-Se

For those of you that listen to This American Life as much as I do, you'll notice this is a re-run. I just thought it was a little on the timely side. :)

good.