My daughter did not get an invitation from one of the chapters that she really liked, but still has lots of great chapters left. She seemed to move on from the disappointment pretty quickly (thankfully, no tears.) Among others, she still has her legacy group and a group that she likes, but that she could not find a rec for. I don't know what any of it means and I can't wait for tomorrow to be over! She seems to be holding up pretty well, but the stress is killing me!

glad to hear that your daughters are doing alright, pam and auburnmom09. i hope you both are holding up alright, too!

AuburnMom09 - This is such an emotional time for all involved. Your daughter sounds like she has a very mature head on her shoulders, you should be very proud of her. However, it may be that those girls that feel they are getting treated in a less welcoming manner at certain sororities may just have a really poor recruiter/rusher/whatever they are called now. Certainly some girls are going to get 'rushed' harder than others, remember that there are sororities that want your daughter just as badly as she may want them. I hope she bases her decision on her own experiences and not the experience of others. There are things about rush that are difficult and may seem harsh, but no one has ever claimed that it is a fair process. For whatever reason (grades, personality, looks, all of the above), these particular sororities really want your daughter. There are probably hundreds of girls that they want but they can only have so many. Your daughter needs to enjoy her journey, tune out the tent talk, and make her judgments based on her experience, thoughts, and feelings. I doubt that there is an entire sorority full of Mean Girls, just some really, really tired and exhausted and overwhelmed girls.

I'm glad to hear that the girls are doing ok! Can't wait for more updates, and I wish them both the best of luck with the rest of their recruitment :)

There's a difference - and no matter how emotional the time, no matter if you're 18, you can usually sense it - between someone who is awkward and/or so fried they can't connect, and someone who is summarily dismissive of you. I am guessing the latter is the type of thing auburnmom09's sweet daughter (for she is indeed sweet in thinking about others, not just herself) heard about.

I wouldn't feel qualified to judge this unless I knew the people in question. While I think a lot of people can tell the difference, a certain number of teenagers make too much out of perceived slights. Since there's an element of friend of a friend here, I'd reserve judgment.

I also think it's kind of unlikely that a "top chapter" is keeping around too many girls going into, what? third round, that the chapter isn't authentically pretty interested in. My impression is that the vast majority of sorority women at Auburn have pretty good manners, and even if they don't all the time, they aren't going to blow people off DURING RECRUITMENT.

The clueless rusher scenario just seems a lot more plausible to me, but as I said before, I have no idea what really happened.

Now PNMS being jerks, I can totally believe. You see some crazy competitive and selfish behavior out of some girls, even if it's driven by insecurity and rush rumors. When these girls get bids, they often learn how to do better in at least pretending to treat others well.

When I rushed, I remember having 5 or 6 girls rush me at once at the chapter at which I was a legacy. To me, this was so bizarre, since at the other houses, it was more one on one. I totally panicked--how did these girls know so much about me? Why were they talking to me? WHAT IS GOING ON??? I knew nothing about rush, and when our group left, everyone came up to me and said they noticed that I had a ton of girls around me. Another PNM in my group then said, "Well, they're the most popular girls on campus. You won't get in." !!! :eek::eek: (I didn't get a bid there. But this gal got cut from every house after that round.)

My point is that rush is totally confusing and people say stupid things and you really have no clue what really goes on--and karma catches up to people. I think these girls genuinely were trying to get to know me, and I'm sure it was the same with your daughter.

Rude PNM to another PNM whom she'd only met briefly the day before: :"You only had 7 invites out of 12? I guess we won't be seeing YOU on Bid Day!"

I am happy to report that the mother of the shocked PNM contacted me to say that the rude one didn't like her invitations today and dropped out of recruitment. Good. I was about to go make sure that she wasn't going to wear an arrow.

I guess no one will be seeing the rude one on bid day. Hee hee.

Good indeed!! I am relieved to know that someone making that kind of comment won't be wearing ANY of our letters. Whew!!

If a PNM cuts a group, legacy or otherwise, the others know about it. Not in a formal notified way (like we did when I was in school), but they know.

Letting other chapters know when a legacy wasn't returning to her legacy chapter might be a good idea.

I think letting the girls list only the chapters they were interested in would probably result in many more girls being released early in the process. Going back to more chapters causes a lot of girls to reconsider chapters that they likely would have dropped after first round had they had the choice and not known that their top chapters were going to cut them.

But I'll admit that I've never consider having to attend parties a big hardship. Enjoy talking to the girls. Why is that such a bad thing? Nobody is going to make you accept a bid you don't want.

ETA: AuburnMom09, were you greek or is the legacy chapter a sister or grandmother? EATA: nevermind, I re-read and I see that you refer to your own rush experience. I was a little surprised because some of what you suggests seems kind of counter to having direct recruitment experience, for example, wanting open parties rather than a full invite list, wanting to let girls reduce the number of chapters they return to, etc. These things seem likely to me to have a negative effect on many PNMs and at least 1/2 of the chapters. Do you mind saying what college you attended? Is it similar to Auburn?

Dear auburnmom09,

My daughter rushed at Auburn last fall & i can sympathize with you on what a difficult week you're both having. My daughter was a legacy also, but pledged a different house so encourage her that things usually work out for the best even though it might not seem to at the time and also go to all pref. parties she is invited to. It is so difficult sometimes to tell much about a sorority during rush and she shouldn't limit her opportunities for membership. Good luck to you both. :)

Well said. And I'm sorry I'm coming off kind of confrontational. I hope things work out well.

I'm just kind of perplexed but some of what AuburnMom09 seems to advocate because I don't think it would work out very well for most people or most groups.

(Not the legacy stuff so much.)

mom, i agree with you that legacies sometimes appear to be penalized for being a legacy these days. in the past few years, i have known too many legacies that appeared to have been dropped by other chapters for fear that the legacy would pledge her legacy group, only to be dropped in the same round by the legacy group on even worse, strung along until the day before prefs. by the legacy chapter, and then not invited to prefs.

fingers crossed that your daughter(and pam's too) receive the invitations to prefs. that they are hoping for.